Indulging in self destructive habits

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Indulging in self destructive habits

Postby spikyface » Tue Feb 19, 2013 12:33 am

We come home, it's been long day, I'm wound up and in pain

It provides relief not only from the physical pain, but also the tension accumulated over the day from not living up to expectations

Tasks that were set during the day and should have been easy but turned out to be rather difficult for unexpected reasons

Sometimes these reasons can be very difficult to articulate to a boss who himself is underappreciated, overwhelmed and not willing to listen

Meditation worked for a while but the habit became too difficult to maintain and that's when escapism became a very convenient outlet

I was more effective at work than I've ever been, was happy, coped well but my it chipped away at my health over the long term

The situation is reversible but there's still the gap left which the habit neatly filled

It's easy to try to fill it with more work but that chips away at my health more heavily than the destructive habit

Anyway, I'm tired, time to sleep, felt like sharing so thanks for reading

There are probably others out there who feel the same, feel free to share and dispel the illusion of division a little bit
Do not take anyone as an authority on what you are. Ultimately all the answers lie within
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Re: Indulging in self destructive habits

Postby Taylor-C » Tue Feb 26, 2013 11:20 am

Trying to live up to another's expectations IS an extremely destructive habit. If you're sincere, and genuine in your efforts, what more is there to do :)?

You're enough, right now, as you are.

I drank almost everyday for awhile, even at work - where I drove a car. Smoked weed everyday awhile after I got over my drinking habit, also at work. Looked for happiness in another, believing it would be the key, the key to eternal bliss, love, joy and all round fluffy happy land.

Turns out they were all learning experiences, and when the time came, I moved on. If you don't enjoy it, don't do it. There is no rush :) You are not alone.
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Re: Indulging in self destructive habits

Postby spikyface » Wed Feb 27, 2013 10:51 pm

Thanks, that made a lot of sense

I think I've been in this job too long (more than 2 years now, which is a personal record), it feels like it's time to move on

If you ever decide to write some poetry about fluffy happy land, let me know, it sounds magical :)
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Re: Indulging in self destructive habits

Postby rideforever » Thu Feb 28, 2013 9:31 pm

I used to feel like that ... but now I think that basically life in the 'world' is a mess ... our whole society is a mess, and there's no fixing it. 'Work' is mostly horrid.

But you can fix yourself, you can progress yourself ... change the focus of your life onto -your life- rather than the job / relationships (the outside world).

No matter how hard you work ... you are still going to die. And the boss is still an ******.

So, trying to "make it work" ... is just not going to work. In 100 years 7Bn people will be dead - no-one gets out alive.

Seeing this a radical change in approach is possible, to look within at what is really possible. There are many places / organisations where you can move to (ashrams, buddhist centres etc...) and work on your life.

To stay 'in the world' and work is very difficult and most don't get far, mostly people who got far checked out of the world for a while one way or another, for some time or another.
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Re: Indulging in self destructive habits

Postby magicbutterfly » Thu Feb 28, 2013 10:21 pm

You could also turn your passion into your life's mission and profession or a business. :D
"As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease." Ekhart Tolle, The Power of Now
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Re: Indulging in self destructive habits

Postby SandyJoy » Thu Feb 28, 2013 11:36 pm

Everything I learned, I learned right here and now, right in the middle of life. I learned from the good and the bad, from the mistakes and right actions. I learned while working, raising kids, being married, paying taxes, washing dishes, traveling and playing, I learned while being with others, while being in love, while being in loss.

There were no retreats, no ashrams, no commune and no running away.

This is It, you are doing It, right now, this is the Experience of God's Awareness and there is no other Awareness going on Here. You can discover your mistake right now. If you are aware, and I assume you are because you are reading this, then you are What You Are Searching For. You are searching for Your Self and Your Self is This Awareness that is reading the words, right here and right now. Your Self and Life are One Presence of Being, One Experience called Life Experiencing Its Self.

If you were learning to snowboard, you would not learn the real and marvelous ways of snowboarding while at the beach on the sand--you would take yourself to the snowy mountains and get your board and head down the hill. It would be a challenge at first, but with falls and bumps and tumbles, you would get up and you would keep going back to the snow covered slopes.

Life is where we learn how to Live. Life is Here and It is The Place, It is the most marvelous and wonderful experience we can have, so put yourself out there into Life and learn Who You Really Are and How to Live It. You can only learn through and by way of your self alone. No matter how good the instructor, you still have to do it and feel it when it happens. You know when you 'get something'--It is an inside job, it is confirmed by you inside of you.

No matter what the situation, or where you work, or who work with, or how much you make or don't make, there is perfection, tranquility, harmony and happiness wherever you are and wherever you go. Why? Because Awareness is Peace and Is Harmony and Life Its Self is The Immutable Perfect Light which is always right where you are, being All That You Are and All That Is. So, where you go, and whatever you are doing or not doing, you cannot escape the Light of Truth.

Presence is not more in one place than another. You do not have to seek out quiet places, you do not have to go the mountains of Tibet or silent retreats to find the "peace that passeth understanding." It can be found anywhere at any time.

Awareness is not your slave, awareness is not inside your head-- You, Who You Are, is Life ItSelf seeing and knowing Its Self by way of Its Unbound and Illimitable Awareness which is being This Awareness right Here, the same awareness that is writing this is the same awareness reading it. That's why the avatars say "not two, only one".

Consciousness is the living Identity I am and It is Everywhere at once and Everywhere I am---Wherever I go, there I am.

Now, here is one more little thing to realize. When you Live This Light truthfully as Your Self then everything about the world you live in, the world you see 'out there' will reflect your 'new found' perceptions and your Heart's inner tranquillity and understanding. Your work situation will reflect your 'new' attitude. You will see Beauty and Love and Kindness where before you saw the 'world a mess' and others so 'rude and mean' ---and even if 'they remain the same' you will know not be upset or worried about it. You will what is of real value to you and what is not. You will not let go the True Value for the valueless appearances. Now, you will look up and out and you will see you are indeed already on holy ground by the very fact that you are, that you exist.

My sanctuary shall be in the midst of them forevermore;
Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, to there! for,
behold, the kingdom of God is within you.
You are not finished, until you play in that meadow and live there. You can, you know. But only you can take yourself there.
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Re: Indulging in self destructive habits

Postby SandyJoy » Fri Mar 01, 2013 3:25 am

Just thought this says it so beautifully:


Of Principle and Law

There is an all-pervading Principle that rules, regulates and provides for the entire tangible universe. The various laws of physics, mathematics, music, chemistry, etc. are this Principle. These laws are so interwoven and bound to one another as to present unassailable proof of the existence of an omnipresent, single Principle being ALL.
The "That" which is being this single Principle is "God," the Absolute, the Ineffable, the That beyond a name and greater than the individual laws.
What is the one common denominator for all the known "laws"? It is AWARENESS, the means by which every law is known. The laws, and all that could ever possibly be known about them, are included within awareness. Awareness is "greater than" laws. Awareness is an aspect of the Ineffable That which is beyond all names and labels, the That Which Is, called Mind or God.

THE ALL-INCLUSIVENESS OF AWARENESS
Every sight we have ever seen has been seen within and as AWARENESS, Mind's action of Self-perception. Every sound we have ever heard has been heard within and as AWARENESS, the very consciousness that presently reads these words. Every "feeling" that has ever been felt has been another aspect of AWARENESS, Mind's Self-awareness in action.
"Identity" is awareness. Identity is not the ego who thinks life (awareness) is his personal possession and/or the gift of God. To believe we are the custodian of awareness has us identifying as a potty piece of poppycock "of few days and full of trouble." Furthermore, it has us worshiping a bestowing god that doesn't even exist. Mind, you see, doesn't bestow its Self-awareness on "another." Mind IS its OWN awareness. Mind and its action are not two, but one.

————————


Nor is Awareness separate from the images within it, any more than the television screen is separate from the cowboys and commercials there.
Therefore, we can see that our identification as awareness ITSELF is not a withdrawal from the world, from people or from the adventure of living. It is a withdrawal from our own valued opinions, notions and prejudices of them. To the contrary, this work appears as a revitalized interest in everything that appears as conscious identity (Awareness)—and that is everything! As we live childlike-awareness-being-effortlessly-aware, we find our daily experience expanding into undreamed of new action—plus the strength and means necessary for that action.

From "A Guide To Awareness and Tranquillity" By William Samuel

http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Awareness-T ... gy_b_img_b
You are not finished, until you play in that meadow and live there. You can, you know. But only you can take yourself there.
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Re: Indulging in self destructive habits

Postby heidi » Fri Mar 01, 2013 4:46 pm

Hi Ajay - I just wrote this big long thing and lost it. So rather than re-writing the whole thing, I'll just say, in a nutshell - Worrying about it is far more damaging than actually doing it. Feeling guilty or beating yourself up hurts more than helps. Through inquiry I have learned that you can slow everything down just by looking at the picture or words attached to the bodily sensation that creates the prompt to avoid or imbibe. You can just sit with it for a moment without thought (no need for big meditation practice) and see that it passes just like any other thought or sensation. Compulsion, to me is like a thought/sensation package where we've learned to try to mask the sensation, when it's easier to just recognize it and allow it.
As far as I know, resisting doesn't work; allowing does.
That said, I am a habitual drinker who loves my Bombay gin at the end of a busy day. It is a pleasant way to "flip the switch." Six o'clock rolls around, my students leave, I make myself a drink, enjoy quality time with my husband, and prepare dinner. If anyone has a problem with it, it's their problem, not mine. I am a responsible adult and take full responsibility for whatever I do or don't do. I won't be a slave to it, though. :-)
Here's a link to Scott Kiloby's compulsion inquiry intro. I think the key to stopping any habitual behavior you feel is self destructive (you are a slave to), is to just recognize the thoughts (words, pictures) and how some are attached to physical sensation, and sit with the sensation - and know that nothing stays, everything passes. HTH http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsPuNJEfDJw
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Re: Indulging in self destructive habits

Postby treasuretheday » Fri Mar 01, 2013 4:57 pm

SandyJoy wrote:Everything I learned, I learned right here and now, right in the middle of life. I learned from the good and the bad, from the mistakes and right actions. I learned while working, raising kids, being married, paying taxes, washing dishes, traveling and playing, I learned while being with others, while being in love, while being in loss.
There were no retreats, no ashrams, no commune and no running away.


Beautifully said, SandyJoy! But therefore, you couldn't write a best-selling book called "Eat, Pray, Love" which in turn would become a movie starring Julia Roberts. You missed out big time! :lol:

Spikyface, I was quite moved by your post. You write about your experiences in a way that conveys depth--a deep awareness of self & other. You obviously have keen intuition & a sensitivity for nuance. Many would not notice for example, or really consider at least, the fears & concerns of their boss. To many, "the boss" is a faceless entity without an inner life. Your empathy (especially in the midst of your own suffering) is noteworthy.

You can also indulge in constructive habits! I sense you have the soul of an artist. Have you thought about taking a creative writing course? If writing does not interest you, how about painting or sculpture, photography or drawing? The universe needs your talents, gifts & sensitive spirit. (Spiky has a lot to offer, I can tell.) I bet you'd be awesome working with kids, or at a shelter. You are a deep sea diver of the soul & you have returned to the surface with much to share.
Life itself is the proper binge.
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Re: Indulging in self destructive habits

Postby SandyJoy » Fri Mar 01, 2013 5:30 pm

:lol: Yes, that's true Treasure. No ashrams for me so no best sellers :shock:

And you have a point, yes, of course someone can also learn in an ashram or even when you try to escape through destructive habits--- Wherever you go, there you are. You cannot escape Awareness and you cannot run from Now--It goes where ever you go 8) It's one-in-the-same Self you are.
You are not finished, until you play in that meadow and live there. You can, you know. But only you can take yourself there.
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Re: Indulging in self destructive habits

Postby heidi » Fri Mar 01, 2013 7:33 pm

I recently read this article - although it's about mental "illness" the bottom line is the same - to fully feel whatever arises is to be fully human.
http://beyondmeds.com/2009/01/25/how-i- ... reakdowns/
To paraphrase this writer: [fill in the blank] is simply another human experience, and by god, I am going to experience it!
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Re: Indulging in self destructive habits

Postby SandyJoy » Fri Mar 01, 2013 7:56 pm

heidi wrote:To paraphrase this writer: [fill in the blank] is simply another human experience, and by god, I am going to experience it!


Yes, that seems like the 'better way'. Running away seems to just cause more fear and confusion. Going towards the 'evil bad thing' we realize it is nothing, it is powerless, it has no legs, it falls when we look at it in the eyes--- and very often it turns out to be something we embrace and love---It turns out to be the very thing that led you back to the Truth and the Light and the Way.

When we love what we are and what is, the things we thought 'bad' melts, vanishes in our love.

Oh the old fairytale were parables about the Truth: Beauty and Beast for one. Also, the Wizard of Oz. Well, most of the classics if you look with your heart. Stories are great a way to write about the things of Life and Truth that cannot be explained by the intellectual route. I think they told fairytale to speak the Truth without getting thrown in prison by the Holy Inquisitioners. Which is probably why I tend to shun the "inquiry' method of neo-nonduality buffs. The Royal Inquisitioners.

Love is the answer, always, I have never seen where this has not been true. Embrace it all, don't throw out any part of yourself. Or as one wise man said: 57) Jesus said: The kingdom of the Father is like a man who had [good] seed. His enemy came by night and sowed weeds among the good seed. The man did not allow them to pull up the weeds. He said to them: Lest you go and pull up the weeds, (and) pull up the wheat with it. For on the day of the harvest the weeds will be manifest; they will be pulled up and burned.

It's just that when you find your self, the stuff you 'are not' falls away without having to uproot it. You just take your self into Love and Light and the darkness vanishes without doing anything to it. You don't know which is wheat and which is weed, what is bad and what is good, you have to wait for the harvest to find out what blooms in this soil of Love and what does not.

All the 'stuff' will fix itself when you find the Child within you-- and the Grace will provide the way to Live It.
You are not finished, until you play in that meadow and live there. You can, you know. But only you can take yourself there.
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Re: Indulging in self destructive habits

Postby karmarider » Sat Mar 02, 2013 11:40 pm

SandyJoy wrote:Love is the answer, always, I have never seen where this has not been true.
...
It's just that when you find your self, the stuff you 'are not' falls away without having to uproot it.


That sums it up nicely.

It's hard to say what experience, practice, technique or bit of knowledge is important to someone at any particular point. It seems to be cycles of knowing-experience and experience-knowing which leads increasingly to the rememberance of who you are.
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Re: Indulging in self destructive habits

Postby spikyface » Sun Mar 03, 2013 3:58 pm

I'm quite overwhelmed by the support and insight provided by everyone

It's a humbling experience to find so much natural light in these far flung corners of t'internet

Some very helpful reminders

Love is the answer, always, I have never seen where this has not been true. Embrace it all, don't throw out any part of yourself. Or as one wise man said: 57) Jesus said: The kingdom of the Father is like a man who had [good] seed. His enemy came by night and sowed weeds among the good seed. The man did not allow them to pull up the weeds. He said to them: Lest you go and pull up the weeds, (and) pull up the wheat with it. For on the day of the harvest the weeds will be manifest; they will be pulled up and burned.

It's just that when you find your self, the stuff you 'are not' falls away without having to uproot it. You just take your self into Love and Light and the darkness vanishes without doing anything to it. You don't know which is wheat and which is weed, what is bad and what is good, you have to wait for the harvest to find out what blooms in this soil of Love and what does not


Words to live by, I will remember them

Spikyface, I was quite moved by your post. You write about your experiences in a way that conveys depth--a deep awareness of self & other. You obviously have keen intuition & a sensitivity for nuance. Many would not notice for example, or really consider at least, the fears & concerns of their boss. To many, "the boss" is a faceless entity without an inner life. Your empathy (especially in the midst of your own suffering) is noteworthy.

You can also indulge in constructive habits! I sense you have the soul of an artist. Have you thought about taking a creative writing course? If writing does not interest you, how about painting or sculpture, photography or drawing? The universe needs your talents, gifts & sensitive spirit. (Spiky has a lot to offer, I can tell.) I bet you'd be awesome working with kids, or at a shelter. You are a deep sea diver of the soul & you have returned to the surface with much to share.


You're too kind, and you've got the creative writing (something I plan to do one day), kids (am good with kids and teaching) and shelter right (volunteered with a charity that helps the homeless and others), but I never have the energy or time for those things unless I'm not working

Here's a link to Scott Kiloby's compulsion inquiry intro. I think the key to stopping any habitual behavior you feel is self destructive (you are a slave to), is to just recognize the thoughts (words, pictures) and how some are attached to physical sensation, and sit with the sensation - and know that nothing stays, everything passes. HTH http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsPuNJEfDJw


Heidi, good to hear from you! Watching that video helped me realise something, rather than staying in a situation and escaping from it mentally on a daily basis, I need to just leave the situation. Take a couple of months off

This whole job was only meant as a temporary thing while straightening out some family stuff, but that was sorted more than a year ago and I've been at a loss for what to do next. So I kinda just kept sleepwalking through the days and nights waiting to get that promotion that never materialised (not that I even care about it any more, it's been so long since I had any passion for anything)

In a lot of ways, I can relate to the way rideforever sees the world, I think it's just what happens when you get ground underfoot by the ambitions of people who've convinced themselves it's more important to be in charge than be right
Better to be the one who places blame than takes responsibility
It's an impossible deadline but don't stick your head up and say THAT, that's not how you play the game
Work your team into the ground and pray that someone else breaks stride and collapses first
That's how you get the big bucks

Such nonsense
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