Hard times

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

Hard times

Postby Airwave » Fri Jun 21, 2013 3:19 pm

Hello ! I`m a 17 years boy and firstly i want to thank you for creating this community.I hope you`ll understand my english :D

I was a person very happy, energetic, glad to be alive, high grades. It all started a few months ago when I felt a strange feeling of emptyness inside me and i started to analize it(find its cause) and find solution.I knew about Echkart and i started to read The power of now. It didnt came to me as such a big revelation(just short periods of time when i was really happy) but i continued to read as i knew that so many people find it so useful(and also because was the bestseller no1 :) ). But somehow i felt more "stupid", more unsure and distracted from the present. I started to lose my passion for life, hobbies, things and everything seemed boring. I knew that something was wrong and i read more and more- books, watch videos and other things related- but unaware, i became more and more trapped in my mind. All i`ve been reading, practising, doing was actually my mind and i didnt realised that. My mind may be also writing this :mrgreen: .

So, day by day, i was watching myself fall apart: my friends, my social circle, my habbits that i used to enjoy doing. How ? I thought i was wrong, i was like "wtf, i`m not funny anymore, i have to be present and read Echkart ".So this become an drog, every time i got home i`d go and watch some videos, find solutions, analise what should happen.I tried to "watch the thoughts" a lot of time, but i didnt feel really a big difference, the only difference that made me feel better was the thought "you are not your mind".My mind was actually watching herself. Breathing, the new things that i practised worked just for short periods of time, after all becoming worse.With every day, i felt a "pressure" in my head like i was blocked somehow. This pressure was increasing every day as i was learning more and more about presence. Slowly, my good emotions, reactions, words disappeared and instead was nothing.Now I got in this point where i dont feel joy, i cant communicate authentic with others and i am so lost, distracted, "unpresent", i am unsure about many things. And i`m tring to fix this by spirituality.But i can`t.

All my trings to practise this were actually what brought me here.I act weird when talking or doing things- and if i would accept that it wont happen any improvement, i`m still acting weird :) .And this is because all i read and did was actually just material, new concepts for my mind. Let`s say i`m angry : i would remember "this is ego, mind, i must accept it" but that`s a thought.At first, it had an impact on me - i became still- but just for a some seconds, so it wasnt something for real.Like mind is fighting against itself, realising its own madness but cant do anything.If i try to let go of thoughts or give up spirituality, i become really mean and not funny.I try to accept all but i find no reason to do things as i dont feel real joy, even the trees seem dead.It`s like i`m trapped in my mind and play its own game of escaping from itself.The single time i enjoy spending is when i`m asleep- and when i`m up i feel a thought coming, then "be present" , then another thoughts.

As i was writing these, i felt a little bit free but my last three days were like nightmares.Tomorrow i`ll go travelling and i want to enjoy the trip. I want any advice or something that can help me. Thank you.
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Re: Hard times

Postby Onceler » Fri Jun 21, 2013 3:35 pm

Not your fault, mate. Youre not doing anything wrong. This happens to a lot of people. My advice is to give it a break. Forget spiritual stuff for awhile and just enjoy your trip! Turn your attention to life and outward things. If you must look inward, get a brief (no more than a second) sense of yourself, "what it feels like to be me". Don't think or analyze it. As a 17 year old you have an innate capacity for energy, curiosity, and enthusiasm. Embrace it. You can always come back to Tolle when you're older. Do you think Tolle wrote his book for you to feel miserable?
Be present, be pleasant.
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Re: Hard times

Postby Airwave » Mon Jun 24, 2013 5:31 pm

Thank you for answer ! I've tried this and was helpful.. but only for 2 days.After that, i forgot to enjoy life and started again with thoughts like "enjoy it", "be happy" and later i lost it all.I cant keep something straight for a long time because of this shitty mind state in which i fall into and literaly destroys me.it may sound stupid, but how can i truely embrace my energy? Because now i cant :| .. Its strange but i neither present neither i'm thinking. I'm in a middle state in which i'm absent,sick and bored. Almost anytime. I dont think that tolle had bad intentions, but while reading i made myself worse.. Do you have to be older to reach this ? I'm waiting for another answers too, thanks.
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Re: Hard times

Postby smiileyjen101 » Tue Jun 25, 2013 12:25 am

Have you ever seen the Monty Python movie "Life of Brian"?

It's a comedy, but it shows the folly and comedy of zealousness.

Something tells me you've found 'reward' in being a 'good' student, getting good marks and recognition and so you have a sense of wanting to be able to do this 'right'.

The funny thing about being present and aware is that it is its own reward, it can't be captured, held, or presented. You can't do it right or wrong, good or bad, so any stories you have about it are of your own imagination and possibly zealousness to make it something it isn't.

Watch the movie if you can, and have a good laugh with it!
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
http://www.balancinginfluences.com
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Re: Hard times

Postby Sighclone » Sun Jun 30, 2013 6:16 am

Air -

Welcome to the forum. Eckhart said that the ego is very powerful in our lives until about age 30. To approach Unity Consciousness before that is challenging, mainly because all your friends are still bound up in ego, in ambition to achieve power and wealth and sex. It is normal that you would find yourself distanced from that entire pattern, and feel lonely. Remember: for 17 years, you have been programmed, conditioned to have certain expectations, and to accept the momentary egoic victories as sufficient and valuable. Now you are discovering that perhaps those cultural standards are not all that important. That is a good thing, of course, but do not expect the rest of society to reinforce your discovery.

Nature will still offer stillness and comfort. Seek that. Also, recognize that society is still where you will find work, and be able to live. And it will value egos for years to come. You will need to accept that social condition, and can do that, recognizing the falsity of it at the same time. To a certain extent, you will need to meet some cultural expectations, so seek the process of awakening on your own time. There will remain some dissonance for a while, then that will dissipate.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: Hard times

Postby Airwave » Sun Jul 07, 2013 12:56 am

Thank you! Now i'm trying to start my old life again and forgot about tolle.What is the most annoying is that I have problems in focusing and keeping myself present and i can't fix that.I just want to be the same before it all has started. I hope time will bring me back to normal ..
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Re: Hard times

Postby Onceler » Sun Jul 07, 2013 6:19 pm

Airwave wrote:Thank you! Now i'm trying to start my old life again and forgot about tolle.What is the most annoying is that I have problems in focusing and keeping myself present and i can't fix that.I just want to be the same before it all has started. I hope time will bring me back to normal ..


Exercise and diet help my attention and emotional state. You're young! Use your body. Walk, run, swim, work. It's good for the brain, emotionally and attentionally. I have found a plant based diet to be powerful in this regard as well.
Good luck immersing yourself in life!
Be present, be pleasant.
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Re: Hard times

Postby davidm » Sun Jan 19, 2014 4:32 am

Sighclone wrote:Air -

Welcome to the forum. Eckhart said that the ego is very powerful in our lives until about age 30. To approach Unity Consciousness before that is challenging, mainly because all your friends are still bound up in ego, in ambition to achieve power and wealth and sex. It is normal that you would find yourself distanced from that entire pattern, and feel lonely. Remember: for 17 years, you have been programmed, conditioned to have certain expectations, and to accept the momentary egoic victories as sufficient and valuable. Now you are discovering that perhaps those cultural standards are not all that important. That is a good thing, of course, but do not expect the rest of society to reinforce your discovery.

Nature will still offer stillness and comfort. Seek that. Also, recognize that society is still where you will find work, and be able to live. And it will value egos for years to come. You will need to accept that social condition, and can do that, recognizing the falsity of it at the same time. To a certain extent, you will need to meet some cultural expectations, so seek the process of awakening on your own time. There will remain some dissonance for a while, then that will dissipate.

Andy


This is exactly what i was looking for!! :) I am 17 as well and everything you just said hits it right on the money.
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Re: Hard times

Postby Sighclone » Mon Jan 20, 2014 5:29 am

Happy that helped. I learned recently that the organism's capacity to sustain a large transformational shift like awakening requires a certain level of brain development to be able to sustain the movement of prana-shakti. I'm not an authority on this stuff, but Igor Kufayev is, and I have met him. His website is here: http://www.igorkufayev-vamadeva.com/
You might get a better understanding of the need for more brain development before full abiding awakening can occur if you contact him. You may mention that he spoke to a small group one evening at the Science and Nonduality Conference about this...but he will know about the topic anyway. Igor is an advanced teacher with command of certain rather esoteric perspectives. But contact him only if you care to investigate it -- it is not necessary. You are young -- there is much joy in the world of duality, also. The only problem is that it is fleeting. But there is much love at that level also, and fun. You can swat away big arrogant egos like flies...just don't get hooked. Awakening will happen without forcing. In fact, forcing will keep it away....

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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