Rejection was too painful, then i just wanted fun and sex

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Rejection was too painful, then i just wanted fun and sex

Postby imago dei » Sat Jul 27, 2013 4:47 pm

Since i was so terrorized that a guy could tell me "no, i don't want you as girlfriend, you're not enough", then for a decade of my life i acted like someone who -since the beginning- was just looking for fun and sex, and doesn't care about anything else.
Like after 2 hours conversation i took the initiative to have "something more", and when possible i communicated that "i don't care about you, i just want to have fun". I had too low self esteem, i was sure that i was too unworthy to be "taken".
Of course it was a defense, a rejection was too painful for me, i would have died if someone told me "i don't want you". Then you can imagine the disastrous results of my sentimental life (i had 0).
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Re: Rejection was too painful, then i just wanted fun and se

Postby imago dei » Sat Jul 27, 2013 4:49 pm

Plz give me your opinion, now i'm a new person and aware, but at that time (from about 15 to 25), i was so fragile and sad, the only way not to suffer was seeking for "sexual attention".
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Re: Rejection was too painful, then i just wanted fun and se

Postby magicbutterfly » Sat Jul 27, 2013 5:57 pm

The best relationship advice I can offer you is this: do nothing. I am serious. As a woman you do not have to pursue men to be in a relationship. Of course, live your life, do what you are passionate about, take care of your body (massage, hugs from family and friends, nice clothes), get a good haircut, go out with friends, join clubs. But as far as a relationship is concerned, you do not have to do anything. Men will become fascinated with you because you don't pursue them and the right man will find you and take the risk to get to know you.
I know it is not easy because you will be lonely while other women are dating and sometimes men will approach easier women or wait to be approached. But you only want one man not many and you don't want your heart broken and you don't want to be rejected. So be patient and honour yourself.
Be happy and have fun, and be open and friendly when men do make the first move. Try it, you have nothing to lose. You can test my advice this way: Don't be the first one to say Hello. Smile at the world and then wait for the other person to say Hello first. Observe yourself and how this makes you feel. Hugs and good luck! :D
"As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease." Ekhart Tolle, The Power of Now
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Re: Rejection was too painful, then i just wanted fun and se

Postby imago dei » Sat Jul 27, 2013 6:04 pm

magicbutterfly wrote:The best relationship advice I can offer you is this: do nothing. I am serious. As a woman you do not have to pursue men to be in a relationship. Of course, live your life, do what you are passionate about, take care of your body (massage, hugs from family and friends, nice clothes), get a good haircut, go out with friends, join clubs. But as far as a relationship is concerned, you do not have to do anything. Men will become fascinated with you because you don't pursue them and the right man will find you and take the risk to get to know you.
I know it is not easy because you will be lonely while other women are dating and sometimes men will approach easier women or wait to be approached. But you only want one man not many and you don't want your heart broken and you don't want to be rejected. So be patient and honour yourself.
Be happy and have fun, and be open and friendly when men do make the first move. Try it, you have nothing to lose. You can test my advice this way: Don't be the first one to say Hello. Smile at the world and then wait for the other person to say Hello first. Observe yourself and how this makes you feel. Hugs and good luck! :D

At the moment i'm honestly not pursuing any goal, with men i mean. I'm not really interested in relationship, i find a "single" life much more funny and full of interests...
But anyway my point is: is it that bad in men's eyes to act like that?? I was so young and inexpert at that time.....Do they find it that bad if a woman want to have sex soon and shows no feeling nor interests??
Just wondering. I'm much more mature now in all senses, and far away from those destructive mechanisms (i've suffered enough in my life), now i'm an aware person, and it's what really counts for me....I mean, if one day i'll find the right person it will be nice, but i feel complete with myself already, i'm not seeking for someone to save me...
Know thyself.
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Re: Rejection was too painful, then i just wanted fun and se

Postby merlin41 » Sat Jul 27, 2013 7:13 pm

imago dei wrote:At the moment i'm honestly not pursuing any goal, with men i mean. I'm not really interested in relationship, i find a "single" life much more funny and full of interests...
But anyway my point is: is it that bad in men's eyes to act like that?? I was so young and inexpert at that time.....Do they find it that bad if a woman want to have sex soon and shows no feeling nor interests??
Just wondering. I'm much more mature now in all senses, and far away from those destructive mechanisms (i've suffered enough in my life), now i'm an aware person, and it's what really counts for me....I mean, if one day i'll find the right person it will be nice, but i feel complete with myself already, i'm not seeking for someone to save me...


As a man I don't feel you were bad in any way, I presume you acted from your need of love/attention, and saw sex as a way to achieve that. you were young and the men you were involved with presumably enjoyed the sex? You could possibly have met a man during that period of your life that would have somehow got through your defences, and maybe enabled you to feel more and open up, but that didn't happen I presume?

As you say you have developed into an aware person living in the now, and enjoying being single at the moment, what happened in the past happened because it needed to as part of your healing journey, imho you have nothing whatsoever to regret.
“I would like my life to be a statement of love and compassion--and where it isn't, that's where my work lies.”
― Ram Dass
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Re: Rejection was too painful, then i just wanted fun and se

Postby imago dei » Sat Jul 27, 2013 10:26 pm

merlin41 wrote:
imago dei wrote:At the moment i'm honestly not pursuing any goal, with men i mean. I'm not really interested in relationship, i find a "single" life much more funny and full of interests...
But anyway my point is: is it that bad in men's eyes to act like that?? I was so young and inexpert at that time.....Do they find it that bad if a woman want to have sex soon and shows no feeling nor interests??
Just wondering. I'm much more mature now in all senses, and far away from those destructive mechanisms (i've suffered enough in my life), now i'm an aware person, and it's what really counts for me....I mean, if one day i'll find the right person it will be nice, but i feel complete with myself already, i'm not seeking for someone to save me...


As a man I don't feel you were bad in any way, I presume you acted from your need of love/attention, and saw sex as a way to achieve that. you were young and the men you were involved with presumably enjoyed the sex? You could possibly have met a man during that period of your life that would have somehow got through your defences, and maybe enabled you to feel more and open up, but that didn't happen I presume?

As you say you have developed into an aware person living in the now, and enjoying being single at the moment, what happened in the past happened because it needed to as part of your healing journey, imho you have nothing whatsoever to regret.

It was a bit complicated, i presume that i had a really shitty attitude anyway, like telling guys "i'm here only to have sex with you, i don't care about you at all" and i was pretty rude too, i felt good at rejecting someone, it was like hurting someone with the same knife it hurted me. I was very young anyway, like 18-20. And the result was: i was used and badly thrown away like a hunky, so again REJECTED (that feeling was so familiar to me).
Then at about 21-23 i improved my behaviour a little bit, trying not to be that vulgar and rude, so some men "gently" had sex with me, having a sort of respect and relative kindness, but nothing, no love, no affection towards me. They told me i was colder than an iceberg, never showing them any interests nor passion....the worst lover you can ever find!!
Now i honestly enjoy sex without any expectation, really i'm not looking for relationships, it's not my goal at the moment, i'm focused on other important things....i don't care about guys, they know that, but now at least it's my true Self who decides how to act, and not some pervert mechanisms of the past. But maybe it's my limit, i don't have much dialogue with the guys with whom i have fun nowadays (not many, just one in the last weeks).
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Re: Rejection was too painful, then i just wanted fun and se

Postby treasuretheday » Sun Jul 28, 2013 4:00 am

I really don't know what to say, Imago Dei. But I feel an overwhelming impulse to send you a hug, so I am! Even from thousands of miles away, I know you can receive it! (Wish you could be here, sitting with me at my kitchen table. Then I could hug you in person and give you a big slice of apple pie, fresh out of the oven...with ice cream on top!).

I have an idea. Make today a great day for feeling how much you are loved at every moment!

Imagine you are in your favorite place. Now imagine all the love of everyone who has ever believed in you--teachers, family, friends, co-workers, your friends here. Now see the love of God shining toward you; it is always shining toward you. Now, open yourself and receive it, feel it. Feel how much you are loved.

Sending my love and warm wishes, Imago!
Life itself is the proper binge.
-Julia Child
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Re: Rejection was too painful, then i just wanted fun and se

Postby imago dei » Mon Jul 29, 2013 8:00 pm

treasuretheday wrote:I really don't know what to say, Imago Dei. But I feel an overwhelming impulse to send you a hug, so I am! Even from thousands of miles away, I know you can receive it! (Wish you could be here, sitting with me at my kitchen table. Then I could hug you in person and give you a big slice of apple pie, fresh out of the oven...with ice cream on top!).

I have an idea. Make today a great day for feeling how much you are loved at every moment!

Imagine you are in your favorite place. Now imagine all the love of everyone who has ever believed in you--teachers, family, friends, co-workers, your friends here. Now see the love of God shining toward you; it is always shining toward you. Now, open yourself and receive it, feel it. Feel how much you are loved.

Sending my love and warm wishes, Imago!

Tnx sweety, i enjoy your warm hugs and feel you close to me....i wish you were my relative or friend in real life!! I can feel all your love, and i send all mine back to you too :******
Know thyself.
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