Please help me, i'm going nut...

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Please help me, i'm going nut...

Postby imago dei » Sat Jan 04, 2014 7:57 pm

In 2012 i moved to an amazing city of Germany, 50.000 inhabitants, a beautiful view where time seems to have stopped.
My ex-boyfriend was from here, we moved together but then i went to live alone with our daughter. It's all right and i'm glad about all my decisions.
The "problem" is (it's not a problem but i want to improve this aspect of my life), this town is so damn empty of young people (i'm 28 and i still feel really young!).
Well, this is my "social" situation, that for me is important, since i'm a friendly person:
- most of "people i feel similar to me" are my ex bf's friends, so i stay away from them, it's not the case;
- most my collegues are 50-60 years old, sorry i can't spend all my weekends with such older than me persons, it's boring;
- some young people i know are obsessed by discos and techno music, sorry it's the opposite of me :(((
- i generally tend to prefer female friends;
- the only woman i really had fun with revealed to be fake as hell, isolated me from this group of "friends" i really liked (damn, they were perfect for me, so light and funny), in the last period i should always call her to go out and she "yes, maybe, i'll let you know"....sorry, i still have self-respect and won't let a mentally teenager humiliate me; dunno if i'm proud, but i don't like going down on my knees and say "plz go out with me". So i didn't call her anymore. And she neither.
- german guys are very shy and reserved in general, not one single time anyone invited me for a drink or a coffee, and they make me feel very uncomfortable. Plus, i feel uncomfortable to call the woman's friends, since anyone ever invited me anymore, i have no intention to be tacky with anyone.
I need company though, i can't deny it.
Know thyself.
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Re: Please help me, i'm going nut...

Postby imago dei » Sat Jan 04, 2014 8:01 pm

Unfortunately i have to avoid my ex-bf's friends coz he always tells bad stories about me, hates me and is obsessed by me, and i really don't want to have anything to do with him and them all.
Know thyself.
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Re: Please help me, i'm going nut...

Postby rideforever » Wed Jan 15, 2014 7:36 am

No answers ???
My cousins are German, they met a lot of their wives/husbands doing gymastics or dancing ... some regular group. How's your dancing ?
I was proud, and I demanded the finest teacher
.. .. and when he appeared
.. .. .. .. I was so small
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Re: Please help me, i'm going nut...

Postby imago dei » Wed Jan 15, 2014 10:31 pm

rideforever wrote:No answers ???
My cousins are German, they met a lot of their wives/husbands doing gymastics or dancing ... some regular group. How's your dancing ?

I don't have much time, i'm very very busy in this moment.
Plus, i have a terrible rapport with the guys here, they make me feel soooooo uncomfortable...they're so damn shy you can't even imagine!! So i ended up with totally avoiding them...whatever i do, they seem not to react....I'm not seeking for anything, i mean only friendships, it's not that i tell them i want to marry them.
Recently, only once i told to a collegue of mine "i find you pretty", and he became so cold and paralized that i think he really got angst. I must be scary :D
Know thyself.
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Re: Please help me, i'm going nut...

Postby rachMiel » Wed Jan 15, 2014 10:46 pm

Perhaps you need to simplify, let go of the drama of your personal story, be grounded in everyday reality, relax.

It's a big loss, to drop the thrill of the drama. Expensive, costs a lot in terms of conventional worldly pleasures. But the price might be worth it if it brings peace and satisfying relationships.

Something to put into your bag of possibilities, gell?
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ...
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Re: Please help me, i'm going nut...

Postby imago dei » Thu Jan 16, 2014 11:05 am

rachMiel wrote:Perhaps you need to simplify, let go of the drama of your personal story, be grounded in everyday reality, relax.

It's a big loss, to drop the thrill of the drama. Expensive, costs a lot in terms of conventional worldly pleasures. But the price might be worth it if it brings peace and satisfying relationships.

Something to put into your bag of possibilities, gell?

Don't you think it's a natural fact to need human contacts and a social life?!
I'm not depressed or anything, but my hearts says i need and miss it so much....i'm quite lonely.
Know thyself.
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Re: Please help me, i'm going nut...

Postby treasuretheday » Thu Jan 16, 2014 3:25 pm

Hi Imago! The suggestions I offered on your "Something Very Strange Happened" thread could also apply here, but don't know if any of that was helpful to you. I spoke in fairly general terms. Maybe a couple of more specific thoughts would help.

Yes, as you so astutely observe, it is natural to want social interaction! Just look at your little girl...doesn't she like to play, to be with other children, to explore the world and get to know the people around her? So do you! You need those things too. These are very healthy, life-affirming impulses.

Don't know how old your daughter is, 3 or 4? A neat thing is...children create social opportunities for their parents! The possibilities are endless! Everything is new & exciting to your daughter so there are countless options out there---things to introduce her to, and by doing so, guess what? You meet other parents!

Have you looked into play "dates" where you might have coffee with other moms while your children play together? Some days your group may go to a park, have a picnic, go to a movie, or visit a museum. Maybe there are music activities your group could attend. I know you worked in the tourism business, so you know where all the fun, interesting things to do are in your town. Bet you could suggest some great ideas to your group! Anyway, this is a great way to meet people, enjoy adult interaction, & broaden your daughter's horizons!

There may also be classes that include the parent--"Mommy & me" classes, where the moms interact with the children as they do exercises, music or art projects. My year-old nephew is in one where he is learning sign language with his mom! Really, there is a LOT out there for children that promotes their development and the children don't show up alone---their parents bring them-- Potential friends for you!

Also, where I live, there is an organization called Parents Without Partners. It is exactly as it sounds. Parents who don't have partners attend meetings and enjoy activities together. This offers support and companionship, and often leads to deep friendships and even dating and marriage. I know two people who live right on my street who are involved romantically with people they met at these meetings. One is a divorced woman dating a man she is head over heels about, the other is a man whose wife died three years ago. He and a woman he met at the group meetings will be getting married this summer.

Even if romance does not blossom, there is much to enjoy about having a supportive community where you can share with others, Imago. Maybe you could start such a group if one is not already available!

I am sure you will think up lots of other ideas. This is just to 'get the ball rolling,' to help you brainstorm. You can do it, Imago! Enjoy what your town has to offer, and enjoy it with that little girl of yours. You will make friends, have fun, and learn and grow too!
Life itself is the proper binge.
-Julia Child
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Re: Please help me, i'm going nut...

Postby rachMiel » Thu Jan 16, 2014 3:48 pm

imago dei wrote:
rachMiel wrote:Perhaps you need to simplify, let go of the drama of your personal story, be grounded in everyday reality, relax.

It's a big loss, to drop the thrill of the drama. Expensive, costs a lot in terms of conventional worldly pleasures. But the price might be worth it if it brings peace and satisfying relationships.

Something to put into your bag of possibilities, gell?

Don't you think it's a natural fact to need human contacts and a social life?!
I'm not depressed or anything, but my hearts says i need and miss it so much....i'm quite lonely.

If you ground yourself through being present -- and if you are anxious calm yourself through meditation -- you are in a stronger position to make lasting friends, I think.

You could even combine them by joining a local spiritual community.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ...
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Re: Please help me, i'm going nut...

Postby imago dei » Fri Jan 17, 2014 3:12 pm

treasuretheday wrote:Hi Imago! The suggestions I offered on your "Something Very Strange Happened" thread could also apply here, but don't know if any of that was helpful to you. I spoke in fairly general terms. Maybe a couple of more specific thoughts would help.

Yes, as you so astutely observe, it is natural to want social interaction! Just look at your little girl...doesn't she like to play, to be with other children, to explore the world and get to know the people around her? So do you! You need those things too. These are very healthy, life-affirming impulses.

Don't know how old your daughter is, 3 or 4? A neat thing is...children create social opportunities for their parents! The possibilities are endless! Everything is new & exciting to your daughter so there are countless options out there---things to introduce her to, and by doing so, guess what? You meet other parents!

Have you looked into play "dates" where you might have coffee with other moms while your children play together? Some days your group may go to a park, have a picnic, go to a movie, or visit a museum. Maybe there are music activities your group could attend. I know you worked in the tourism business, so you know where all the fun, interesting things to do are in your town. Bet you could suggest some great ideas to your group! Anyway, this is a great way to meet people, enjoy adult interaction, & broaden your daughter's horizons!

There may also be classes that include the parent--"Mommy & me" classes, where the moms interact with the children as they do exercises, music or art projects. My year-old nephew is in one where he is learning sign language with his mom! Really, there is a LOT out there for children that promotes their development and the children don't show up alone---their parents bring them-- Potential friends for you!

Also, where I live, there is an organization called Parents Without Partners. It is exactly as it sounds. Parents who don't have partners attend meetings and enjoy activities together. This offers support and companionship, and often leads to deep friendships and even dating and marriage. I know two people who live right on my street who are involved romantically with people they met at these meetings. One is a divorced woman dating a man she is head over heels about, the other is a man whose wife died three years ago. He and a woman he met at the group meetings will be getting married this summer.

Even if romance does not blossom, there is much to enjoy about having a supportive community where you can share with others, Imago. Maybe you could start such a group if one is not already available!

I am sure you will think up lots of other ideas. This is just to 'get the ball rolling,' to help you brainstorm. You can do it, Imago! Enjoy what your town has to offer, and enjoy it with that little girl of yours. You will make friends, have fun, and learn and grow too!

The "problem" (is not a problem at all), is that i'm quite an "alternative" type...i mean, i enjoy being with moms & kids, families, i even go to the evangelical mass sometimes (and i'm not evangelical at all), i have "mature" friends from 30 to 50 but i find it pretty boring at the end, i'm still in my 20's an need to go really partying a couple of times (at least) a month. I love concerts, 80's parties, laughing and flirting :((((( And i don't have anything of it...
The only people who go partying in this city are my ex boyfriend's friends, and a certain woman who behaves really ambiguous to me, playing the friend at times, then isolating me...she's not sincere, that's for sure.
It's like i need to be crazy and do crazy things, i miss it so much....
Know thyself.
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Re: Please help me, i'm going nut...

Postby imago dei » Fri Jan 17, 2014 3:14 pm

rachMiel wrote:
imago dei wrote:
rachMiel wrote:Perhaps you need to simplify, let go of the drama of your personal story, be grounded in everyday reality, relax.

It's a big loss, to drop the thrill of the drama. Expensive, costs a lot in terms of conventional worldly pleasures. But the price might be worth it if it brings peace and satisfying relationships.

Something to put into your bag of possibilities, gell?

Don't you think it's a natural fact to need human contacts and a social life?!
I'm not depressed or anything, but my hearts says i need and miss it so much....i'm quite lonely.

If you ground yourself through being present -- and if you are anxious calm yourself through meditation -- you are in a stronger position to make lasting friends, I think.

You could even combine them by joining a local spiritual community.

I think i'm very present, and not anxious.....it's just that i feel like "a bomb who needs to explode", i'm so full of energy, i'd like to "conquer" the world, to live, to laugh, to move....and i'm all the day busy with burocracy, jobs, cleaning up the house, sitting on the sofa and wondering. This life is too calm, i need much more. I'm such an energic person....
Know thyself.
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