I feel the most peaceful when I stop thinking about myself

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I feel the most peaceful when I stop thinking about myself

Postby Clouded » Sun Jan 19, 2014 12:56 am

There are random times when no matter how hard I try, my mind is not interested in my imaginary problems or anything that concerns myself and I feel crystal clear and light. I recognize it when it happens and I want to stay this way forever but eventually the thoughts about myself come back. I don't have to consciously block my thoughts, it happens for no reason.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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Re: I feel the most peaceful when I stop thinking about myse

Postby Sighclone » Sun Jan 19, 2014 1:03 am

That sounds perfectly typical for someone on the "path-no path." It can become a sadhana for you. Do you have a technique in stillness to achieve that? A kind of unforced meditation? You mention that it is random now. It can be achieved regularly through meditation. It can also become the "new normal."

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: I feel the most peaceful when I stop thinking about myse

Postby Clouded » Sun Jan 19, 2014 9:11 am

Nope no technique that I am aware of, in fact it occurs when I dwell in a negative state of mind for a good amount of time. It happens anytime, anywhere, whether it be outside as I am leaving my house or right before I go to bed, I don't ask for it to happen, I don't prepare for it but I'm sure glad when it happens. My mind suddenly goes "you know what, I give up, I don't care what's happening or what's going to happen to you, I don't care about you anymore, you are no longer important to me." and I stop thinking about how pathetic my life is because I'm not my center of the world anymore. It's like at that moment, I decide that I don't matter anymore and I instantly feel that my tension headache and brain fog is released. I did not record how long this lasts, but I know that it must not last very long because after a while, I find myself thinking and believing negative thoughts again before I'm even aware that I put myself in this unwanted but familiar situation by paying attention to my mental images/internal dialogues and forgetting to be in the Now. I don't even recognize when my first negative thought occurs following these random moments of peace, not to mention what my first negative thought was about that led to more unconscious negative thinking which gave momentum to my feelings of worthlessness and inferiority to others. It's as if one moment, I'm conscious that I'm feeling peaceful ever since I stopped caring about Clouded's story (and how good Clouded's story is compared to Clouded's version of other people's stories using Clouded's point of view), and the next, I'm conscious that I allowed myself to spend way too much time on giving myself hate speech and feeling like crap, the rest in between is a blur. It's like when you are having multiple different dreams, you have no idea how you got from dream 1 to dream 2, you just know what the dreams are about and just go along with it and don't question it. If only I can learn to be aware of and automatically dis-identify with the negative repetitive thoughts that enter my mind when I am feeling peaceful so I can maintain this peaceful state of mind for a longer period of time. It takes a lot of practice to remind yourself to be aware 24/7 (or at least when you are not sleeping).

When I feel like utter crap and am on the verge of crying, I know that there's a way out, but I have difficulty doing it on my own so I like to go back to youtube videos and listen to my favorite gurus' wisdom about whatever imaginary problem I'm experiencing. I don't instantly feel better when I do that, it takes about 2-3 videos until I notice that my negative feelings are starting to diminish.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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Re: I feel the most peaceful when I stop thinking about myse

Postby Sighclone » Mon Jan 20, 2014 5:44 am

Clouded -

Why have you labeled yourself "clouded?" (Well, from reading this post and others, I know, but do you recognize the ego-supporting impact of that label?) Egos consist of many things, including self-image supporting thought habits. If you have a consistent habit of negative self-talk, it will continue unless and until it doesn't. Your technique of releasing seems to work for you. It may be necessary to kind of write it down an practice it so you can apply it more spontaneously and promptly as soon as the dark energy arises. Repeated early exposure of the negative thoughts to pure awareness will dilute their impact and frequency.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: I feel the most peaceful when I stop thinking about myse

Postby tod » Mon Jan 20, 2014 11:32 pm

Hi Clouded. I think you are doing wonderfully.

Clouded wrote:There are random times when no matter how hard I try, my mind is not interested in my imaginary problems or anything that concerns myself and I feel crystal clear and light. I recognize it when it happens and I want to stay this way forever but eventually the thoughts about myself come back. I don't have to consciously block my thoughts, it happens for no reason.


This is good news. A different take on this:
You in fact are that clarity and light (words cannot capture it), and when you go back into thought (currently more or less unconsciously), that thought automatically, or by default, defines you and your world.

My mind suddenly goes "you know what, I give up, I don't care what's happening or what's going to happen to you, I don't care about you anymore, you are no longer important to me." and I stop thinking about how pathetic my life is because I'm not my center of the world anymore.


Yes, you stop going into thought and thus defining yourself.

...after a while, I find myself thinking and believing negative thoughts again…


Yes, thinking you are located in some situation.

If only I can learn to be aware of and automatically dis-identify with the negative repetitive thoughts that enter my mind when I am feeling peaceful so I can maintain this peaceful state of mind for a longer period of time. It takes a lot of practice to remind yourself to be aware 24/7 (or at least when you are not sleeping).


But you are aware that you are not really defined or identified by thought, so what is the concern? It cannot be a real concern can it.

There is really no need to remind yourself. You undoubtedly know 'what' you really are.
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Re: I feel the most peaceful when I stop thinking about myse

Postby peas » Tue Jan 21, 2014 12:47 am

Clouded, I don't know why exactly, but your posts feel wonderful to me of late. Just wanted to send you positive presence vibes. Rather not like me, but there you go. Consider yourself vibed :o
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Re: I feel the most peaceful when I stop thinking about myse

Postby Clouded » Wed Jan 22, 2014 1:12 am

Yes I do recognize my ego, I usually write my egoic thoughts between parantheses or I refer to them in the third person because they belong to Clouded, or the name I was given by my parents, and not I. I'm not used to think of myself as other than Clouded (as nobody in a way). When I become unaware, I fall back into the pattern of identifying with Clouded, it's just so familiar to me and Clouded's character bio sucks. I find it funny that people are encouraged by psychologists to construct a stable identity for themselves because apparently you become lost and confused without labels and yet I'm told to let go of everything that I think I am. Of course, they mention that it's healthier to have a positive self image rather than a negative one (but an identity is an identity). However, I prefer have no image at all because I don't want to struggle to keep believing it if situations tell me otherwise.

Peas, it's great to know that these words have a good impact on you and inspires you to feel better. *receives positive presence vibes and sends some back to you* :P
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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