Monday Morning Weekend report

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

Monday Morning Weekend report

Postby Skye » Mon Mar 10, 2014 9:48 pm

Saturday was amazing. I felt very satisfied with life. Very warm and buzzy feeling all day. I was able to turn aside my oldest boy's negativity and whining, and he had a great time at the park with me and his little brother. I even got along great with my wife.

Sunday sucked hard. I fought my own negativity all day. It was horrible. I just wanted to be alone. I was very aware of there being no rational reason for feeling so negative. I even told the kids that I felt that way, but I was trying very hard to have fun and be nice.

The lowest part of the day was when I was so frustrated with my 3 year old for taking my tools and parts and moving the bike around that I was working on. I wanted to fix the brakes and every little thing just made me feel like I was going to lose my mind.

That evening, my wife bought me a few minutes of alone time by playing the Don't let the balloon hit the floor game with my youngest. About 10 minutes playing my guitar, then I was back in action. I played the balloon game then. Then I grilled hamburgers and hotdogs for everyone. Things quickly fell into silly mode after dinner. I had a great time showing the 3 yr old how to make fart noises with a straw and armpit. It's the simple things. Total turn around.

I told my wife, that my working theory was that since I hadn't watched any violent television in 3 weeks, that my pain body was trying to stir up problems. Maybe just growing pains?

At any rate, it is Monday and I am back at work at my new job. This is the beginning of my 4th week. Last week was dedicated to training and now I am preparing to take a certification test. My heart just isn't in it. I watched https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFGAvPud80A . And I re-read the chapter on inner and outer purpose in A New Earth. These resources help. But I still feel a little lost and that the corporate world is a wasteland and spending time there is useless. I don't really want to be there, but I need to feed and shelter my family.

I know that I need to focus on presence and be patient. If this is not the place for such musings, I will try to find a better place.

thank you
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Re: Monday Morning Weekend report

Postby peas » Tue Mar 11, 2014 1:52 am

It can be helpful to write down some questions that arise while all this stuff happens, or afterwards. What this does is encourages the observer, rather than the victim. Since childhood we've all been trained as victims. It's well past due to drop the victimhood.

What else is there?

There's the detached observer. The one who watches. The one who feels the questions arise.

Here's some questions that arose for me as I read your post:

Do I still have a mental image of life, rather than knowing that I am life?
Does every buzz have an equal and opposite 'down' that will come eventually?
What is the buzz then? Is it fake? Is it part of the story of 'me'?
What do I get out of playing with my kids?
Is there any awareness while playing with my kids?

The practice of asking questions as I observe happiness and pain has been a crucial one for me. It might be useful for you too. Try it. Nothing to lose.
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Re: Monday Morning Weekend report

Postby Skye » Tue Mar 11, 2014 11:04 pm

Thank you for the response, peas.
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Re: Monday Morning Weekend report

Postby far_eastofwest » Wed Mar 12, 2014 3:39 am

A suggestion may be for you to have a bit of a daily planner going for the weekend.
Ie.
Daddy only time for say 2 one hour blocks where your wife does sole parenting
and Mummy only time where you do it on your own for equal time
And the rest is shared

So both of you get a couple hours to do your own thing without interuption, kids may sook a bit at first but if you put it up on a white board as Family Planner and the kids can see what is going to happen (ie, after daddy has his one hour guitar playing, then he takes kids to park while mum does her thing).
Kids can help decorate Family Planner too.

Get the kids some star charts too so they can contribute to putting things in the bin etc for 'clean up game'
There is nothing harder to find than a black cat in a dark room
Especially when there is no cat....
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Re: Monday Morning Weekend report

Postby KathleenBrugger » Wed Mar 12, 2014 8:42 pm

Hi Skye, welcome to the forum. One thing that helps me is to remember that instant enlightenment is very rare. For most us, there is a long period of time after we first learn of spirituality where we struggle with implementing the lessons in our lives. So one of the first things to take from that is: don't beat yourself up for feeling negative. Our conditioning runs very deep. There's no telling why you felt negative on Sunday. A possible reason that popped into my mind was: "I don't deserve to be happy." After a wonderful Saturday, your ego had to "punish" you for the hope that maybe you could be happy all the time. But it really doesn't matter why it was, what works best for me is just recognizing when I'm feeling negative, or blue, or angry. Then not identifying with it. Not "I'm angry," but "I feel angry." That way you're taking that step back that peas talked about; you're witnessing. Sounds like instead you were fighting your negativity, saying it shouldn't be this way, and all that did was reinforce it and even make it worse. Your quiet time with your guitar allowed you to stop all the struggle to be positive, and the negativity eased on its own.

As to your job, I know corporate life mostly sucks. But I also know that almost every job can be transmuted into an opportunity to serve if your attitude is right. Even if that's just serving the needs of your family. I once worked at a menial job while supporting someone who was writing a book i really believed in. I didn't see that job as a burden, because I felt like I was a part of writing the book, by releasing the author from the need to earn money. There are other ways you can serve, even in a soulless job. Maybe you can be of service to your fellow employees, providing an empathetic ear that helps them deal with their problems. Or maybe there's something else... Have you ever heard of the book Flow? The author talks about flow as "the mental state in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity." What amazed me in his book was his description of a man who worked an assembly-line job in a factory. All of his co-workers hated their jobs, but this one guy loved it, because he had found a way to experience flow. He knew how all the machinery worked and had come up with improvements in the way his job was done. He was engaged and turned a horrible job into a fulfilling one.
We are ALL Innocent by Reason of Insanity
http://kathleenbrugger.blogspot.com/
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