Breaking the structures

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

Breaking the structures

Postby Azad » Sun Mar 30, 2014 12:57 am

...
Hi every body
Im new and im writing because i dont have any one in these period of time to share these heavy experiences...

Im just repeating everyday this phrase of tolle:"breaking the structures"...

For many years i tought i m searching the truth travelling many times to india
Meeting my spritual master starting to know many new things about the higher world
Fell in love of that realm and continue flying in that space reading,meditating,chanting and travelling...

Time passed and challenges started in the material world for me
Now it was the time to show how those experiences were became deepened in my heart...

Challenges started in my relationship with my husband
Something was wrong all the time
I didnt like to go deep and see whats that!i just was continuing
I passed maybe 4years hard my husband had his own personal problems
He is a person who doesnt like to talk about the problems
Only continuing and even not speak deeply about them
I was not like him i wanted to speak and know whats the main problem
But when he didnt like i stopped and just continue...
Still i was continuing my theoritical activity in sprituality!
Untill 3weeks ago very accidentally without any action from me
The god,univerese or life showed me that for one year he was with another
Woman...
Actually we mariied mostly because of his love to me(always in my life i didnt let myself to choose anything ...the reasons are very deep) and alwAys i was very sure about his love...
When i found that i became mad going to the border of death,my body and mind was full oc fear actually i hadnt experiened fear in this heavy shape until that even my body was shaking i was in bed all the time first days and put two blanket on my body and even on my head...
I was requesting him all the day to embrace me...i was feeling something a big thing had missed in my body around my stomac and feel pain.really strange and frightening emotions...
It seemed in first days that i forgot everything i learned in sprituality before
Completely i lost myself...terrible days
My husband also had become very afriad to miss me and our child
So he was crying and impressing how he is ashamed and it was only a bad experience and i should forgive him and....
Afer two three days i found that how i was dependant to my previous vision and structure of life because externally i started to forgive him actually never i could forgive him from my heart
I was just doing this because i couldnt accept the new situation i couldnt surrender to the situation and then act out of surrendering...
Seeing this in myself was very painful for me.how i was weak and didnt like to accept any change i preferred not knowing the reality and just living and clinging to the old situations and patterns until dead...

But that painful situAtion didnt continue long now after three weeks im finding my true self
Im seeing that i can not forgive im seeing that old structure that i was living on that now is broken maybe and certainly not only my husband but myself also had main role for breaking that structure...
Anyhow i accepted the situation alghough my mind in every second still likes to neglect the present moment,the reality and stik to the false previous life but ...
Now the action after acceptance should start
im trying to satisfy my husband that we should live sepearate for long time maybe atleast 6 months in that petiod i like to review my reasons thAt i wAs living with him even the reasons we marry!
And the most importAnt thing i want to live in whole
Without mind that is worry
Its like a revolution for me i will leave home my sweet home i will leave my country in two or three weeks very fast and move to a very far place...the universe arranged this for me exactly in the right time!i feel that missing him we lived 15 years and never i could imagine that one day i can decide like this...
For me a very dependant person this decision never would come but in this situation i only surrendered to the life flow....
For the first time in my life i dont have any idea about future
Idont know what will happen
Just moving with the flow in uncertinity...i have to embrace uncertinity no other choice...
Im listening to eckhart tolle voice and he speaks about breakung the structures about crisis and challenges and now i can understand deeply more than theory i m living with that
Its such a great mercy although the most painful experience...
Azad
 
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