My obsessive/addictive personality is ruining me

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Re: My obsessive/addictive personality is ruining me

Postby EnterZenFromThere » Mon May 19, 2014 11:25 am

Clouded wrote:Do you have any tips on how to not let feelings of discouragement consume you?


I'm not sure who you mean by 'you' so thought I'd jump in anyway. By the sounds of things you're getting down because you feel you need a career but you don't think your attitude or past achievements will allow you to get one. If I were you I'd look carefully at why I want a 'well-paying job I enjoy doing'. What do you want from life? If you c9ould boil it down to one or two sentences - what would you really, really want from life?
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Re: My obsessive/addictive personality is ruining me

Postby the key master » Mon May 19, 2014 4:43 pm

Clouded wrote:Do you have any tips on how to not let feelings of discouragement consume you? I tend to give up too easily and now that I feel that I'm at the bottom of the career pyramid, I am very unmotivated to work my way up. When I was at uni and consistently received bad grades, my choice would be to cry, cuss, panic and throw temper tantrums and that depleted me of the energy I needed to study to improve my grades. I no longer have the motivation to succeed and surpass my capabilities, I feel like I screwed-up my future even though that's not necessarily true. After what I have experienced in the past years, I don't think I will ever try to be the best I can be, I will always slack from now on. I learned to accept failure, but I have also become accustomed with failure; it's less stressful to expect failing than to fear failing because you are used to succeeding. Of course, I cannot just stand there and be given a well-paying job which I will enjoy doing, I need to get off my butt to search for it and work for it because it requires a degree.


Fuck the past. You didn't learn to accept failure, you were programmed into a loop that was degrading already. Thanks a lot God. Asshole. And now you're letting the programming of a degrading loop dictate what you do and don't need. Jesus Christ with all this whining we might as well send you over to Dr. Phil or Oprah so you can sob to someone who can exploit you.

Get used to it America's been trying to rape me for years. Democracy my ass. It's Marshal Law in the US and everybody that matters knows it, while the content to be constipated march around in degrading loops programming themselves and each other into cascading degradation. Things could not possibly get this screwed on their own. The World Bank. It's the World War bank. How bout every corporation puts up 5 grand and we audit those bastards? This is planned retardation, which can, and seemingly will be reversed.

Look-it's not your fault. The power grid is killing the Earth. There's this thing called the ionosphere which hangs out above Earth and it is a plenom of human energy. The resonance loops from the nukes we set off is kicking back and while most can't notice it now, they will real god damn soon if we don't make some changes to the power grid. The rich reap all the benefit while all the muck rains down on those in despair and makes crazy people with 'mental disorders' that need to be brushed under the rug and hidden from the 'sane people'. What a joke.

Perhaps the reason I'm so reflective is because my body holds a lot of zinc. I really don't know. But I do know this world will not survive without Base 60. That dyslexic idiot Einstein had it all backwards. Base 60 is universal, it works on everything from computer programming to heat pumps to condensers to building structures. People are starting to question why the Twin Towers fell, they're just coming up with wrong answers. Wait til we go to the patent office and say well yea, but all your math is wrong. Those idiots with NASA are still using pi for Christ's sake.

If we take a circle that's 360 degrees. Times it by ten and we have 3,600 degrees. Our measurements are 10x stronger. If we take a 5 foot tape measure and roll it into a circle that's 60 inches. Every inch equals 60 degrees. If we then take that 60 inch circle, unroll it into a line, we have a 60 inch line. Square that line and we have a 3,600 in^2 square, which can be split into two even right triangles both holding a hypotenuse of 1.41. Take 1/60 of that square and you have a 60in^2 square, a tiny little box. We're turning circles into square into triangles,which can only be done in base 60 because there's no common denominators to do that in base 10. You can't triangulate pyramidacally in base 10. This is not rocket science (ok maybe it is), but it also works in dream navigation. The dream can only grow at a rate of 1.41 and anything programmed to grow at that rate will do just that. We can't patent math, but we can retard the growth rate of nightmares.

I know life sucks sometimes. I walked this planet alone for 4 fuckin years with what I thought was the best dream, and no one agreed with me. It got to the point where no one would even talk to me. Then an angel connected me to Maybe Is and the rest is history. I really don't know how we got here, and I really don't care. I do care about how future unfolds. I would gladly die just to save one angel, and I would kill the world to save that very same one. I'm lucky that I've been able to benefit from the weight of the path that my friend Randy started. He started this back in 1994 and since we started working together things have picked up exponentially. As it turns out the best dream was actually here 6 years ago I just didn't agree :lol:

The thing is it has to be released in the right way. Maybe the Science and Non duality Conference, I gotta talk to Andy (SIGHCLONE) to see if he has any connections over there. Put my friend Randy out front. Bet my life he flips the Theory of Relativity on its face (i've seen him do it). It has to be extended out cubically. If we take 1/60 the speed of light, ah the hell with it. I'm done talking today. Perhaps I'll come back tomorrow tomorrow to pump you up a bit or give you a pep talk.
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Re: My obsessive/addictive personality is ruining me

Postby EnterZenFromThere » Mon May 19, 2014 5:16 pm

*hugs key master*
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Re: My obsessive/addictive personality is ruining me

Postby Clouded » Tue May 20, 2014 2:47 am

@ EnterZenFromThere: anyone can answer, I should have added ''guys'' after the ''you''. I just don't want my life to be boring, and by boring I mean repetitive and uninteresting. I also want to feel secure and feel a sense of fulfilment in what I do.

@ the key master: how can I metaphorically insert another program into my consciousness? Did I write my own programming based on my own experience without being aware of it or was it God? Believe me, some days I wish I had someone else's mind.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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Re: My obsessive/addictive personality is ruining me

Postby EnterZenFromThere » Tue May 20, 2014 1:18 pm

Clouded wrote:I just don't want my life to be boring, and by boring I mean repetitive and uninteresting. I also want to feel secure and feel a sense of fulfilment in what I do.


If I were you I'd solve this in one of two ways:

1) Ask yourself "what would I find interesting and not repetitive?" Is this an achievable goal? How would I achieve it? I've found that setting myself little goals that move toward a larger goal much more manageable. For example, let's say you've always loved animals and would love to work with them as you would find this interesting and not repetitive. Some jobs in this field may not be achievable (or much more difficult) while others are more easily achievable. Becoming a vet working with elephants might not be achievable, while working for an animal charity might be (just examples). With the goal of working for an animal charity in mind you could then contact a local animal charity about the possibility of working with them. Maybe they offer you a work experience or a job outright. At the least they can point you in the right direction. If you can do this while also letting go of any strenuous need that you MUST achieve in this way then the whole process can be amazingly fun and fulfilling.

2) A famous teacher said that people in the West are unhappy because they want what they don't have. All they need to do is change this around, stop wanting what they don't have, and want what they have! I'm sure you know people who seem very successful but don't seem to be any happier for it. They achieve something and then still feel unhappy. What they achieved did not fill the hole in them that they thought it would. After the initial high of the achievement they quickly get down and search for another thing to achieve in the hopes that it will fill the hole, or at least distract them from this feeling that something is missing in their life. I know someone who is a successful trader in the city of London earning a huge amount of money and living a life-style that many people are jealous of. But he is also on antidepressants for his panic attacks and depression. His achievements have not made him happy.

In my experience, people are happy when they appreciate what they have. That doesn't mean they don't move forward in their careers and achieve, but that whatever position they find themselves in they are happy. They see the good in what others would only see as bad. They embrace what others would avoid. If I were you I'd look closely at my life as it is now - not how I want it to be in the future. I'd try to be open to the possibility that things are actually much better than I want to think they are. I'd embrace the little moments in my life and remember the wonder that filled me as a child in exploring this incredible world!

Clouded wrote: I also want to feel secure and feel a sense of fulfilment in what I do.


I only found fulfillment when I started to look at my life and appreciate everything that happens. Everything has changed since then. Happiness is literally right Here right Now. We can choose it if we want to. You can choose it too if you want it.

I hope this helps you find happiness, in whatever form that takes,

Jack
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Re: My obsessive/addictive personality is ruining me

Postby Clouded » Wed May 21, 2014 4:39 am

1) Ask yourself "what would I find interesting and not repetitive?"


I don't think I can hold on to a stable job; I think that after a while, I will have thoughts about changing my job, I think I will lose passion quickly. I always have phases where I am really into something and look forward to it and then after a while, what once was exciting to me has become dull. Case in point: videogames and believe me, the drive to want to play a brand new videogame is one the highest drives that I have ever experienced. There are lots of games that I used to be addicted to that now gather dust in my room.

After the initial high of the achievement they quickly get down and search for another thing to achieve in the hopes that it will fill the hole, or at least distract them from this feeling that something is missing in their life.


That is very true! Funny thing is that I give more importance to my failures than to my achievements. If I achieve something, I am satisfied in the moment and maybe the whole day; if I fail at something, my disappointment/sadness can linger on for months. I think my reactions have do to with how my parents conditioned me in my younger years, I think a part of their way of thinking stuck with me.

I hope this helps you find happiness, in whatever form that takes,

Thanks Jack, I wish the same to you! I don't know if happiness in the now is possible for me; peace, certainly, if I shut down the mind chatter but not happiness. I can't just stare at a wall and have the time of my life.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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Re: My obsessive/addictive personality is ruining me

Postby EnterZenFromThere » Wed May 21, 2014 11:05 am

Clouded wrote:I don't think I can hold on to a stable job; I think that after a while, I will have thoughts about changing my job, I think I will lose passion quickly.


Why do you think that?

Clouded wrote:I think my reactions have do to with how my parents conditioned me in my younger years, I think a part of their way of thinking stuck with me.


That may be true to some extent. But our memories of the past can be quite misleading. If we feel unhappy when we remember the past, we are much more likely to remember unhappy events or warp the memory to make it feel unhappy (or so it seems from my own experiences and from scientific evidence I vaguely remember). I work in mental health and we have a saying about depression - "depression loves itself". It can be very tempting to look to the past as a way of justifying how we feel now. But letting go of the past and embracing the present is a far surer route to happiness than letting the mind and ego run wild on how we may or may not have got the situation now that we label as 'bad'. In the beginning this can seem difficult, but the only thing holding you back is your own willingness to love who you are right here and now.

Clouded wrote:I wish the same to you!


Thank you Clouded! I really appreciate that! Appreciation is the key! It is the light that lifts us above the clouds to a vantage point where we can see with greater clarity the beauty of this existence!

You will only be unhappy if you choose to be. Choose happiness!

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Re: My obsessive/addictive personality is ruining me

Postby Clouded » Wed May 21, 2014 11:26 pm

Why do you think that?

Past experiences :roll: I always have contradicting thoughts and ideas, one moment I like something, another, I can't stand it. I just can't stick to just one opinion. It's also one of the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder, I guess this is what made me seek the help of spirituality, to put an end to my dilemmas.

Sense of self
People with BPD tend to have trouble seeing a clear picture of their identity. In particular, they tend to have a hard time knowing what they value and enjoy. They are often unsure about their long-term goals for relationships and jobs. This difficulty with knowing who they are and what they value can cause people with BPD to experience feeling "empty" and "lost". Sometimes people with BPD report that they simply feel “non-existent.” Others even report that they are almost like a chameleon in terms of identity; they change who they are depending on their circumstances and what they think others want from them. BPD report that in addition to behavior, their thoughts and feelings change to match the current situation. Identity problems in BPD are sometimes called “identity diffusion.”; this refers to difficulties determining who you are in relation to other people. It's a time when a person's identity remains unresolved, yet there is no identity crisis. Some people with BPD may describe this as having difficulties understanding where you “end” and the other person “begins.”


Yeah, my mind seems to be fertile ground for negative thoughts. You know, there are days when I'm relaxed and at peace, and out of nowhere, I remember something embarrassing that I did in the past. I'd be like; why brain?? And I mentally say to myself ''delete, delete, delete'' rather than being ok with it.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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Re: My obsessive/addictive personality is ruining me

Postby the key master » Thu May 22, 2014 1:40 am

EnterZenFromThere wrote:*hugs key master*


Hugs are good.
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Re: My obsessive/addictive personality is ruining me

Postby the key master » Thu May 22, 2014 1:53 am

Clouded wrote:@ the key master: how can I metaphorically insert another program into my consciousness? Did I write my own programming based on my own experience without being aware of it or was it God? Believe me, some days I wish I had someone else's mind.


Hey Clouded great question. I'm a little ramped up today (it's when I tend to lash out) but will reply in the morning I think you'll find it interesting. I mostly only write in the morning these days. Hope all is well.

--j
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Re: My obsessive/addictive personality is ruining me

Postby Clouded » Thu May 22, 2014 2:10 am

Alright key master...I hope everything is okay on your side, take care of yourself.
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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Re: My obsessive/addictive personality is ruining me

Postby EnterZenFromThere » Thu May 22, 2014 3:47 pm

Clouded wrote:Sense of self
People with BPD tend to have trouble seeing a clear picture of their identity. In particular, they tend to have a hard time knowing what they value and enjoy. They are often unsure about their long-term goals for relationships and jobs. This difficulty with knowing who they are and what they value can cause people with BPD to experience feeling "empty" and "lost". Sometimes people with BPD report that they simply feel “non-existent.” Others even report that they are almost like a chameleon in terms of identity; they change who they are depending on their circumstances and what they think others want from them. BPD report that in addition to behavior, their thoughts and feelings change to match the current situation. Identity problems in BPD are sometimes called “identity diffusion.”; this refers to difficulties determining who you are in relation to other people. It's a time when a person's identity remains unresolved, yet there is no identity crisis. Some people with BPD may describe this as having difficulties understanding where you “end” and the other person “begins.”

Yeah, my mind seems to be fertile ground for negative thoughts. You know, there are days when I'm relaxed and at peace, and out of nowhere, I remember something embarrassing that I did in the past. I'd be like; why brain?? And I mentally say to myself ''delete, delete, delete'' rather than being ok with it.


If I were you I'd be careful of giving too much attention to medical diagnoses. They can become a self fulfilling prophecy. Instead of trying to 'delete, delete, delete' you could try just letting that thought be. When an unpleasant thought comes into my mind, I smile at it. After a while, it smiles back. Over time there are less unhappy thoughts and more joyful ones - and then life embraces those thoughts, and becomes a joy!

I'm looking forward to key master's take on things.

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Re: My obsessive/addictive personality is ruining me

Postby the key master » Thu May 22, 2014 3:52 pm

Clouded wrote:Alright key master...I hope everything is okay on your side, take care of yourself.


Thanks Clouded. Got into a custody battle over a dog. There's 2 things you don't mess with in this life, another man's fries, and his dog.

@ the key master: how can I metaphorically insert another program into my consciousness?


Look at it this way. You have a thinking mind and an observing mind. You can't think and observe at the same time, which boiled down to bare bones means there isn't even anyone there thinking. Maybe you want to insert another program into your consciousness. That statement is fluid and in motion because it rolls out. Maybe's always roll out. So Maybe Is is a function you can use to upgrade your programming.

I like to balance dreams and nightmares, but give just enough of the dream to perpetuate motion at a rate of 1.41. Too much of the nightmare and you scare the shit out of people. Too much of the dream and people run away from you. You put heaven on Earth and people want nothing to do with it, because people are so damn stupid.

Your mind thinks in terms of 0's and 1's, like a computer. Right now, the collective programming operates through a Base 10 degrading cascade, and by using maybe is you can program yourself out of the degradation, so the despair crap falls on other people that aren't operating under the upgrade package. If you take an upside down 'v' and place it in a circle, the vision of most folks can only see within the contours of that 'v', while if you maybe your way out of that you can actually view the entire circle from 6 different angles one way and 6 different another way (the circle cascades out if you want to get out to 200). I've solved problems that don't even fuckin exist yet.

Disruption therapy is how you can use energy to hit barriers in certain loops and kick energy up to a different (desired) frequency. We've dabbled with it a bit in this thread. I'm really not that smart, I've just been doing this a long time.

Did I write my own programming based on my own experience without being aware of it or was it God? Believe me, some days I wish I had someone else's mind.


Welp, it depends on what you mean by God. The human sequence has morphed into a runaway computer program. I go out in the fuckin streets, and I don't even want to know what's going on around me. Parallel planers are everywhere, and maybe is drives em crazy because they can't see what the hell you're doing. It is the base 60 expression of human programming and transcends the degradation of the base 10 loops where people are locked into contentedness while the collective nightmare catches up to them while they often add to that degradation without knowing it. You'll hear the funniest spiritual delusions from this loop. 'There is no world', 'I am the eternal Self'----->hey asshole, there's a meteor about to hit Earth in 5 minutes, any final requests? 'Oh our world's gonna end, is that what this means?' Yea that's what it means, but don't worry, we'll save you. Just sit there with a stupid look on your face and we'll handle the rest.

Of course numbers matter, as does the weight of the path in the turnaround of degradation. Ultimately, nobody is in control of the turnaround, but this doesn't mean you can't do things to move into the turnaround cascade, maybe. We're starting with a Life Co-Op geared to add value to life. It's that simple. Under that umbrella we're going to have SON the society of Natives and under that umbrella all the other value adding movements we can think of, the JRG, SONA, etc., and these will be simultaneously umbrella'd by corporate funding tied into all sorts of shit. This stuff is geared to roll out world wide. We are racially and ethnically diverse. Basically, we're a society started by and for natives, and everyone can be a native. Screw the government. We're merit driven, do not work for money, but for life, and on the corporate side of it it's just about proving we can make money while adding value.

You want to work 1 day a month for the corporation, sign your ass up we'll put it together. As the brightest lights come out we delegate accordingly. Merit driven means the more you do and the better you do it the more control you get, because that's the program. It's choicelessly inviolable. We're gonna be like the Harlem Globetrotters, we'll get the kids out front, teach em things the so called geniuses of society seem to know, and show that we can teach kids to be smarter than these dumbass adults. That parallel planing dyslexic moron Einstein managed to program every scientist into retardation while simultaneously supplying them with an air of arrogant douchebagness. I'm surprised anyone got any air out of that balloon.

In answer to your question, as an individual, you can write your own programming, expose yourself to programming which adds value to your dream and move away from programming which detracts. You can program other people to do whatever the hell you want. But as light beings we never overthrow the will of anyone else. If someone wants to come into a new loop, let em connect their own damn dots. Put the dream out there like bait and if people wanna jump for it, great. Peeps just want a piece of the dream, and there's plenty to go around. After all, we're in it right now :shock: .
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Re: My obsessive/addictive personality is ruining me

Postby EnterZenFromThere » Thu May 22, 2014 5:22 pm

Your posts I've read in this thread are interesting Key Master. Though I must admit I am barely following you. You seem to have a 'thesis' or something here. Do you have a link to where you have described this from the beginning before? Or would you mind explaining it to me one step at a time, either on here or in pm if it goes too far off track from the OP?

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Re: My obsessive/addictive personality is ruining me

Postby the key master » Thu May 22, 2014 6:27 pm

EnterZenFromThere wrote:Your posts I've read in this thread are interesting Key Master. Though I must admit I am barely following you. You seem to have a 'thesis' or something here. Do you have a link to where you have described this from the beginning before? Or would you mind explaining it to me one step at a time, either on here or in pm if it goes too far off track from the OP?

Jack


Hi Jack. The math is really the math of everything, but really isn't about anything more than waking up. By speaking in maybe perhaps and seemingly you enter into a more fluid form of communication. Maybe is is fundamentally non-assaultive, after all, who can you really assault but yourself? There's nuances within the maybe perhaps seemingly loop openers which give you higher dynamic potential. Maybe we can work together. Perhaps you have some good ideas that can increase the weight of the path. Seemingly, it's all one page anyway.

Whenever anyone makes a statement to me I always try to allow it to roll out. When I see an 'is', I open it into "is there maybe something I could do for you". And this keeps energy in motion and prevents reverberations in the emotional body. All the patterns of life are right there in the body thing.

Through using this form of expression the potential to make shifts in the dream opens exponentially. With two energies together you have two maybes and it triangulates and pyramids from there, maybe. Then when you get that third energy it just gets stupid. Creating whatever you can imagine type stuff.

In terms of SON one thing on our agenda is to get Donald Trump to cut his hair by November 8. Anyone who signs up gets the opportunity to contribute 50 cents to the bet. On Nov. 8 we'll tally it all up and if Donald cuts his hair we'll give it to the best idea from a list of ideas we come up with. Put the kids out front we can't go wrong. I mean really, how can you add value to life if you aren't helping kids?

At the end of the day I guess we are talking about mind control, but it's really just realizing that the best dream always wins, and the best dream is the one shared. In between those two rules there's a sequence of dynamics which collapses them into now, and that sequence appears to be connected by time. While we can say time is illusory, our minds still run on sequence logic, and certain programming allows that logic to infiltrate distant loops.

By infiltrate I mean seeing the light from creation reflecting off future potential. Different loops carry different resonances and densities. It's not seeing into the future as much as it's patterned programming casting out and reflecting back to an observing consciousness. The power grid ramping the Earth coupled with zinc/copper and all other shit in our bodies makes us reflective. Wait til we shut the power off. Battery technology, galaxy-wide GPS, the Moon, maybe is.
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