My Experience of consciousness

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

My Experience of consciousness

Postby Panda Knight 8 » Sat May 10, 2014 11:36 pm

So this is my own story of how i became slightly conscious and more spiritual and maybe others can give me tips or advice.

Basically when i was 9 is when i started having memory's. And in my middle school and high school i was always picked on and treated badly by bullies.
Yes i would cry and would be angry and wish them pain, but i never did anything about it.

When i was 19 i went to college. I was a little scared to go to college, and i am scared to drive. I went to college to study computer programming, and i was doing alright. But then my mom was diagnosed with skin cancer, and she died. I felt sad and cried a lot. But her death changed me. I realized something precious in my mind was gone. And that cracked by mind open a bit. I learned that everybody is "destined" to die, so why should i be mean to them. from 19-22 i become schizophrenic and dropped out of college. The reason i was diagnosed with schizophrenia is because i would see "something" inside all objects. Like tables, rocks, furniture, plants, animals, and people, and metals, solids, liquids, gases, the sky, the stars. Everything would "animate" when i rest my vision on it, focus intently on it. I also had and still have weird dreams of angels, and demons, evil spirits, and buddhas, and other strange religious things.

I was 19 and a few months after my mom died, that one of my family members showed me the book, Power Of Now. I read it, and believed what i read, but i didn't understand what i was reading. From 20-23 years old i went on a zealous crusade to get people to believe what i read, and i was "ignorant" and very analytic.

As i have been getting older, i am still analytic, but i feel slightly different. For starters, i can tell my perception apart from my thoughts. I can "define" my "perception" as thought, but i would just be having a conversation with my self, and that is madness. So i tend to keep silent and just listen to my thoughts, but don't believe they are "mine" or "mine own thoughts or my own speech".

Also i have been feeling my inner body. I can feel tingling in my hands and feet, and sometimes in my head. I notice i have to pull attention and perception, away from my eyesight into my hands, to feel my inner body. It's a hard process because it's so tense and also i don't have a strong enough will power to stay in my body for more then a few seconds.

Some important "odd" things i experiences are 2 things.

1. I remember being in my front yard going inside the house, but at the door, i felt like something "slid out of my head" and i saw i was thinking but also seeing. I geuss i become free from thought.

2. The 2nd experience was happening to me for a few months while i was 20 years old. My thoughts would verbally "attack me". They would talk shit and tell me i suck and i never do anything right. I don't exactly know how i "befriended" my thoughts, befriended my mind. I suppose it was my pain body, but what i did was cried and cried and prayed to god to make it stop, and then after i cried i become very alert, after all the crying the pain away stopped, my mind became my friend. I stayed aware and focused on the pain.


So yea that's my experiences. It's like a fairy tale, completely, crazy. I don't really know much about science, or math, or English, or anything else taught in college.

I only know how to sharply look at my inner psyche and observe what is going on. I guess it's a gift but i don't care really. Life just helped me out.

Anyways thank you for taking the time to read this, i hope everybody finds their path, i am still learning, so yea, hope to make some friends on these boards.
Panda Knight 8
 
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Re: My Experience of consciousness

Postby alex » Sun May 11, 2014 1:03 pm

Hiya Panda,
Nice to 'meet' you. :) It can be a lonely road, the mystics path huh? Sometimes it's the loneliness inherent in a life full of suffering that drives us to seek the truth, and sometimes it's just lonely because, well, not many people are on this path and would know what we are talking about.
I liked the part of your story where you talked about befriending your mind. Becoming our own very best friend and having total self acceptance is so important. I don't think anyone can progress very far down the spiritual seekers path without getting that one down pat first.
It is great that life has given you these experiences so you've honed the gift of being able to be aware of your own psyche. Blessed are you!
Anyway, keep sharing!
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Re: My Experience of consciousness

Postby EnterZenFromThere » Fri May 23, 2014 3:28 pm

Hi Panda,

Lovely to hear from you. I find it fascinating to hear about others people's path. So unique. What you describe about going into your inner body resonates with my own experience. My attention seems drawn into it and I feel it open - it's amazing! I hope you explorations keep bringing you wonderful gifts and your light shines bright!

Jack
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Re: My Experience of consciousness

Postby disengaged » Fri Aug 01, 2014 12:28 pm

Hi Thanks for sharing your experience. It's always interesting read.

I also had lots of exciting experience, like out-of-body, seeing weird things with third eye etc. One time I wanted to see my father and I ended up seeing someone completely different, someone with different skin color but somehow with same occupation as my father, who was a teacher before he retired. As interesting as these experience sound, none of these really took me to the point of 'stableness'. The unconscious part was too strong and would pull me back into human realm whenever a challenging event occurs. The thing that really helped was actually quite boring. Daily life, sitting meditation, going to Goenka's 10 day course was really helpful. I found no conflict in Goenka's teaching and ET's teaching, although on the surface it's so different. Actually once you see it, there is really no much can shake you any more, you know how to apply things intuitively. The Zen method is also the same. I actually stopped using inner body exercise for a while and used Byron Katie's inquiry. Then one day I happen to reread a few passages on PON and say to myself, hey this is exactly the same, disidentify with your thoughts. lol.

Anyway I don't know now why the words come out, I guess it's a response to someone with close enough frequency,but I will leave figuring that out to the mind:-).
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Re: My Experience of consciousness

Postby EnterZenFromThere » Fri Aug 01, 2014 2:13 pm

disengaged wrote:Anyway I don't know now why the words come out, I guess it's a response to someone with close enough frequency,but I will leave figuring that out to the mind:-).


I laughed out loud when I read this, as I'd been musing while reading how similar your description is to recent events in my life. I've had some developing mystical-type stuff going on (speaking with guides, feel the energy of otehrs, seeing energy) and it's all amazing and I love it, but what I've come to see recently is that sense of identity is the key. I woke up one morning recently feeling the Present as I Am and since then my identity has been rapidly shifting away from the body/mind and to the Present Moment. As the Present I allow and love my body/mind and see all aspects of my I Amness as valid (including the all so misunderstood, and sometimes naughty ego :twisted: ). The mystical-type stuff continues to develop and it's really fun to experience it. I'm looking forward to seeing where this all goes.

Where do you feel your sense of identity lies?

Love,

Jack
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