Kundalini Rollercoaster Ride

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

Kundalini Rollercoaster Ride

Postby Indifferent » Thu Sep 11, 2014 3:20 pm

Dear all,

I am not sure if I am right here, but I will give it a try. I have been on a path to more awareness (with little success really) for 7 years or so. Many self help books, Eckhart Tolle, Buddhist books, Yoga, awareness therapy all had their place and changes took place gradually, but not in a "big" way. These past few weeks a lot has happened. Without being aware :? of what I was getting myself into I practiced yoga, breathing and meditation intensely, stayed at an Ashram, did a chakra healing course incl. having my own chakras cleared, I also got close to an Acharya with intense energy. I work in a healing profession and also intensified my work. At first it was all wonderful. I had meditations where I melted into my beautiful surroundings feeling love and compassion for everyone and everything. I felt peaceful and happy. Then things changed. I woke up at night with strong energy surges, twitches, head pressure, I began swaying during meditation, basically I found myself going in and out of meditation all day with insights all the time. The heat in my body was very intense. Then came 48 hours of crying for no reason. It felt as if my ego split away. It felt like at a funeral or maybe like there had been an inner suicide. For a moment I wondered if I was going mentally ill, then began reading about Kundalini energy and it all began making sense. I began realizing that unintentionally I had been going too deep too fast.

I had (and still have) new insights every day, discarding old beliefs quicker than they come to my mind. I went through doubting absolutely everything (mostly myself and all my beliefs, but also spiritual teachers). In the end I concluded that my truth is inside me and cannot be found anywhere else. At the same time I started being much more aware or should I say I felt much more? But not just more aware of my thoughts or what is happening when having conversations etc. I am aware of so much. Aware of the plant next to me, the Tshirt I am wearing and how it feels on my skin, the smell in a room and so and so on,.... it became very overwhelming and I got scared thinking: how can I still be part of this society and look after my child in this state! I still need to go about my daily business like shopping for food, cooking, cleaning, working etc without being distracted by the wonders around me (like a LEAF!). I HAVE TO plan ahead like the next guitar lesson for my child, our move in 4 months, the marketing for my business etc. I cannot be "lost" in the moment all the time. So I guess I am resisting, because I am not sure what the outcome of all this will be.

I also noticed changes in my daughter. When I touched here, it was like the energy was going right through her. I am beginning to understand that this higher vibration (?) I am in is not only a blessing but also a powerful tool one needs to be careful with. :?

It brings me to where I am now. I can't say I feel happy. The opposite is the case really. I feel like nothing matters. I have no desires left. Things that gave me joy (like hobbies, travelling) don't really matter anymore. Things that did not give me joy also don't matter anymore. It feels like an "emotional flatline" now. I don't even get excited about finding a relationship. A couple of times I thought: ok, this is what depressed people feel like. Occassionally light shines through in a rather un-exciting way (e.g. when I feel the wind outside :oops: Is this just a phase? Is awakening an up and down process and particularly hard in the beginning? At night I have past traumas coming up, my scars are itchy, at times it feels like my whole brain and nervous system are re-wiring. Is this what awakening is about? And when do the seas calm again?

I can't say that I am currently living in the NOW at all. In fact I have trouble focusing on simple things like having a conversation with my child, or cooking and remaining in the present, because I am just trying to make sense of what is happening and how I can integrate this new state of being into the responsibilities of everyday life. I realize that there is no going back. I have stopped all spiritual practices a few days ago and cannot say that it changed anything. I am still in limbo with extreme energy surges and not really knowing if this observing new self of mine can actually be grounded enough to do what has to be done, like earn a living, household chores etc etc. I see many spiritual people who live in ashrams (and I can see how in this state of mind that seems easiest).

Has anyone been through this and is still living life with all the responsibilities we all have? Is it possible with this increased awareness of everything to still focus on "what has to be done" in this society?

PS: I apologize for any mistakes. English is not my mother tongue.
Indifferent
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2014 1:15 pm

Re: Kundalini Rollercoaster Ride

Postby rachMiel » Thu Sep 11, 2014 5:16 pm

Sounds like you need grounding.

In TCM: more yin, less yang. In Ayurveda: more kapha, less vata/pitta.

To ground, head for the middle: not too high, not too low, not too hot, not too cool. All across the board: diet, daily activities, dealings with other people, etc.

Become the "still point of the turning world."
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ...
User avatar
rachMiel
 
Posts: 2454
Joined: Wed Feb 10, 2010 4:46 pm
Location: Pittsford

Re: Kundalini Rollercoaster Ride

Postby Phil2 » Thu Sep 11, 2014 5:25 pm

Indifferent wrote: I don't even get excited about finding a relationship.


This is probably the best news I read in your post ... you must be on the right track :lol:

As Eckhart said: why find a relationship when we are already complete as we are ?

But about the 'overflows' of energy you are experiencing I can say nothing ... maybe you should not 'dramatize' this, observe attentively what happens and not resist to those movements of energy ... when Eckhart Tolle awakened he also experienced strange effects and he heard an inner voice saying "Don't resist" ...

I also remember another spiritual teacher (don't remember who) who had similar awakening and was very anxious of how he could continue to work and plan in such a crazy state ... then he went to work, he was manager of a big team, and he observed that no one around was even noticing anything strange in his behaviour, so in fact he could continue to work, without making efforts and all things seemed to come right by themselves, in fact much easier than in the past ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
Phil2
 
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 3:24 pm

Re: Kundalini Rollercoaster Ride

Postby kiki » Thu Sep 11, 2014 6:36 pm

Yeah, it sounds like your kundalini is awakened. All of those symptoms you mentioned are classic kriyas associated with that. Adyashanti says that it's best not to fight against any symptoms because that only intensifies them. Be patient and allow them to be there since that is what is presently arising. When the kundalini hits a blockage symptoms will arise, so to resist them will only delay relief of them. Allow them to be there and in time they will do the necessary work in rewiring your system and then they'll eventually disappear.

He also said that it's probably wise to stay away from energy work and meditation for a while, and even recommends doing some sort of grounding work. What you are facing now is how to integrate what's happening into your life, so do some internet research on ways to do that. Look for grounding suggestions. Have you contacted the Acharya that you met or the ashram you were at? Maybe they'll have some suggestions for you. Good luck.

By the way, welcome to our community,
kiki
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
---
Your donation will help keep us online.
User avatar
kiki
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 4370
Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2004 8:55 pm
Location: Wherever "here" happens to be

Re: Kundalini Rollercoaster Ride

Postby Onceler » Fri Sep 12, 2014 1:47 am

Adya also mentions walking barefoot directly on the earth for these situations.
Be present, be pleasant.
User avatar
Onceler
 
Posts: 2203
Joined: Sun Nov 11, 2007 1:35 am
Location: My house

Re: Kundalini Rollercoaster Ride

Postby dijmart » Fri Sep 12, 2014 2:23 am

Phil2 wrote:
Indifferent wrote: I don't even get excited about finding a relationship.


This is probably the best news I read in your post ... you must be on the right track :lol:

As Eckhart said: why find a relationship when we are already complete as we are ?


You say this stuff a lot Phil. I'm just wondering do you have any relationships yourself? ...And you do know Eckhart has a partner Kim Eng?
Take what you like and leave the rest.
User avatar
dijmart
 
Posts: 2079
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Re: Kundalini Rollercoaster Ride

Postby Phil2 » Fri Sep 12, 2014 9:01 am

dijmart wrote:You say this stuff a lot Phil. I'm just wondering do you have any relationships yourself? ...And you do know Eckhart has a partner Kim Eng?


What kind of 'relationships' are you referring to Di ? Do you mean 'sexual' relationships or what ?

??
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
Phil2
 
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 3:24 pm

Re: Kundalini Rollercoaster Ride

Postby dijmart » Fri Sep 12, 2014 8:12 pm

Phil2 wrote:
dijmart wrote:You say this stuff a lot Phil. I'm just wondering do you have any relationships yourself? ...And you do know Eckhart has a partner Kim Eng?


What kind of 'relationships' are you referring to Di ? Do you mean 'sexual' relationships or what ?

??


No, not necessarily, it just seems that you reference being alone a lot, as not only beneficial, but spiritual. I actually really enjoy my alone time, but am not a loner per se by nature. I just wondered if you have relationships with people on a regular basis or do you seclude yourself from relationships?
Take what you like and leave the rest.
User avatar
dijmart
 
Posts: 2079
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Re: Kundalini Rollercoaster Ride

Postby Phil2 » Sat Sep 13, 2014 11:02 am

dijmart wrote:
Phil2 wrote:
dijmart wrote:You say this stuff a lot Phil. I'm just wondering do you have any relationships yourself? ...And you do know Eckhart has a partner Kim Eng?


What kind of 'relationships' are you referring to Di ? Do you mean 'sexual' relationships or what ?

??


No, not necessarily, it just seems that you reference being alone a lot, as not only beneficial, but spiritual. I actually really enjoy my alone time, but am not a loner per se by nature. I just wondered if you have relationships with people on a regular basis or do you seclude yourself from relationships?


No, no Di ... I don't fly away from other people ... just I am not looking for relationships to complete me ... in other words I have no problem to be alone ... but I have no problem to be with other people either ...

What I mean is this: as long as you 'neeeed' others, you are in trouble (and I refer here to 'psychological' need, not to the functional need of the grocer, the mason, the plumber or the farmer) ... one must be able to stay alone and face aloneness, then relationships will not be based on a personal selfish 'neeeeed', begging others attention or recognition or even love and affection in order to reassure our petty self ... but on a 'shared presence' which projects no expectations or judgements whatsoever ...
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
Phil2
 
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 3:24 pm

Re: Kundalini Rollercoaster Ride

Postby Enlightened2B » Sat Sep 13, 2014 6:16 pm

Phil2 wrote:
No, no Di ... I don't fly away from other people ... just I am not looking for relationships to complete me ... in other words I have no problem to be alone ... but I have no problem to be with other people either ...

What I mean is this: as long as you 'neeeed' others, you are in trouble (and I refer here to 'psychological' need, not to the functional need of the grocer, the mason, the plumber or the farmer) ... one must be able to stay alone and face aloneness, then relationships will not be based on a personal selfish 'neeeeed', begging others attention or recognition or even love and affection in order to reassure our petty self ... but on a 'shared presence' which projects no expectations or judgements whatsoever ...


Here's my take Phil. I agree with your premise here about needing. The way I've come to see monogamous relationships is basically, just another thing for us to experience. We can choose to take part in them, or choose not to. As Jen says, they just lead to different paths/experiences.

However, what you indicate of the projection of 'no expectations or judgements', well that's part of 'what learning what it's like' to BE....human means. While, our nature might not be human, we are inhabiting human bodies and experiencing what it is like to actually BE....human. Part of BEING-human is experiencing judgement and expectations and all of the other experiences of a limited perspective and the emotions that come along.

I kind of really scoffed at monogamy for a bit because I didn't understand how it can work. But, I see it as kind of a cool experience now and a big challenge. It gives us a chance to expand upon that perspective into unconditional Being.....which is all there really is and all we really are. Then again, you don't necessarily need a monogamous relationship of course, to do this. But, if it's here for us to experience, why not? Just another thing to 'say yes to' in life. And if it fails, oh well. 8)
Enlightened2B
 
Posts: 1897
Joined: Wed May 15, 2013 10:51 pm
Location: New York

Re: Kundalini Rollercoaster Ride

Postby dijmart » Sat Sep 13, 2014 7:01 pm

Phil2 wrote:No, no Di ... I don't fly away from other people ... just I am not looking for relationships to complete me ... in other words I have no problem to be alone ... but I have no problem to be with other people either ...

What I mean is this: as long as you 'neeeed' others, you are in trouble (and I refer here to 'psychological' need, not to the functional need of the grocer, the mason, the plumber or the farmer) ... one must be able to stay alone and face aloneness, then relationships will not be based on a personal selfish 'neeeeed', begging others attention or recognition or even love and affection in order to reassure our petty self ... but on a 'shared presence' which projects no expectations or judgements whatsoever ...


I didn't mean the grocer, mason or plumber really, as they are not a true relationship, but a "paid for service" person while in those roles. For example, as a nurse I may care for someone's wound and they may feel close to me & I with them, but I'm there doing a job within my role. Another words, we aren't going to be calling each other later to have lunch sometime. There is no relationship building that takes place outside of the role.

So, I meant family, friends or romantic relationships. Do you have any? and if so, how do you personally manage this- "...a 'shared presence' which projects no expectations or judgments whatsoever ".
Take what you like and leave the rest.
User avatar
dijmart
 
Posts: 2079
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Re: Kundalini Rollercoaster Ride

Postby Phil2 » Sun Sep 14, 2014 10:58 am

dijmart wrote:
So, I meant family, friends or romantic relationships. Do you have any? and if so, how do you personally manage this- "...a 'shared presence' which projects no expectations or judgments whatsoever ".


You see Di the problem comes when you think that you "have" such 'relationships' ...

I did appreciate recently Smileyjen quoting Khalil Gibran:

A woman who held a babe against her bosom said: "Speak to us of children".
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you, but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
Phil2
 
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 3:24 pm

Re: Kundalini Rollercoaster Ride

Postby Phil2 » Sun Sep 14, 2014 11:04 am

Enlightened2B wrote: Part of BEING-human is experiencing judgement and expectations and all of the other experiences of a limited perspective and the emotions that come along.



Yes and experiencing the suffering that goes with it too ... until you are 'tired' of all this ... and drop all those illusions once for all ...

:)
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
Phil2
 
Posts: 1379
Joined: Sat Dec 07, 2013 3:24 pm

Re: Kundalini Rollercoaster Ride

Postby EnterZenFromThere » Sun Sep 14, 2014 6:10 pm

Phil2 wrote:
Enlightened2B wrote: Part of BEING-human is experiencing judgement and expectations and all of the other experiences of a limited perspective and the emotions that come along.



Yes and experiencing the suffering that goes with it too ... until you are 'tired' of all this ... and drop all those illusions once for all ...

:)


What happens then?
User avatar
EnterZenFromThere
 
Posts: 854
Joined: Wed Dec 25, 2013 3:35 pm

Re: Kundalini Rollercoaster Ride

Postby Enlightened2B » Sun Sep 14, 2014 6:13 pm

Phil2 wrote:
Enlightened2B wrote: Part of BEING-human is experiencing judgement and expectations and all of the other experiences of a limited perspective and the emotions that come along.



Yes and experiencing the suffering that goes with it too ... until you are 'tired' of all this ... and drop all those illusions once for all ...

:)


Hmm...Judgement and expectations are most certainly a product of a limited perspective, but then again all of us are experiencing through limited human perspective which means judgment and expectations still arise on occasion. For me, it's not necessarily a matter of doing away with, but a matter of seeing it as it arises. Having an argument with another and stepping out of your own perspective to widen it and incorporate the other persons. Judgment ceases to exist at that point. But, that's very different than saying that 'judgement is gone once and for all'

Perhaps you have no judgments or expectations anymore about anything. I wonder how living like that is for you Mr. Phil. 8)
Enlightened2B
 
Posts: 1897
Joined: Wed May 15, 2013 10:51 pm
Location: New York

Next

Return to Personal Experiences

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest