Life through impulses of want

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

Life through impulses of want

Postby 51sth » Mon Sep 22, 2014 6:28 pm

Last weekend I noticed something tremendous to be aware of in myself :). It is this urge to explane myself. I tend to be witty and clever to keep people focused in my ideas so my ego can feed from their love. Love that doesn't exist in them, but only in me. I have needed validation so badly for my thoughts that I've learned to "read" people and tell them what they want in a way that is somewhat "universal" so anyone can relate to what I am telling. The urge to connect through words has also been the only source for "true love" for me and now I can see how nonsense that was. I still love you guys even when you don't get it, because it is just me who is not getting ;D. I usually did get people exited about my ideas or I shocked them, just to feel left alone afterwards, left alone because of myself. Because I left me alone. I can see this now because the wanting was in me. It revealed that I am not honest to myself, that I seek love outside of myself and I am not giving it to myself. So I did give myself love and I had a blasting day ;). Went to a Amiga show, movies and drank myself drunk in a bar ;D. I was only going to drink 2 beers, but I thought that I was having so good time ("only" by myself) that I took couple of more ;D. In fact people did get interested in me and started to talk to me. I mostly only lissened and found it facinating what others were saying, so they stayed for several hours.

Can't wait next weekend to be myself, so I am being myself right now ;D. Next weekend I am going to see the europas biggest spider show here in Finland :). Can't wait what I create in me then. Nah, just kidding, I can ;). BTW, I cried here earlier in ET forum that I can't be patient. The key for me was self-love. It is the patience itself.
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Re: Life through impulses of want

Postby rachMiel » Mon Sep 22, 2014 7:05 pm

I had a similar personal revelation some time back, that I tended (strongly!) to move from safety/pleasure to safety/pleasure to safety/pleasure ... like jumping from stone to stone in a stream rather than getting my feet wet! ;-)

All in all, it's not such a bad way to live, can be quite exciting and engaging and ... pleasurable. The problem is: It doesn't so much meet life as much as seek to change it. And being on an endless quest to change life "to one's advantage" eventually grows wearisome ... and kind of sad.
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Re: Life through impulses of want

Postby 51sth » Tue Sep 23, 2014 2:00 pm

rachMiel wrote:I had a similar personal revelation some time back, that I tended (strongly!) to move from safety/pleasure to safety/pleasure to safety/pleasure ... like jumping from stone to stone in a stream rather than getting my feet wet! ;-)

All in all, it's not such a bad way to live, can be quite exciting and engaging and ... pleasurable. The problem is: It doesn't so much meet life as much as seek to change it. And being on an endless quest to change life "to one's advantage" eventually grows wearisome ... and kind of sad.


Thanks :). Communication with people seems impossible even when we are agreeing if I do it because of my suffering, but when I am true to myself it seems to be the nature of myself, and the communication seems true even when disagreeing.
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Re: Life through impulses of want

Postby rachMiel » Tue Sep 23, 2014 5:49 pm

51sth wrote:Communication with people seems impossible even when we are agreeing if I do it because of my suffering, but when I am true to myself it seems to be the nature of myself, and the communication seems true even when disagreeing.

What do you mean by "true to myself?"
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Re: Life through impulses of want

Postby 51sth » Thu Sep 25, 2014 8:23 pm

rachMiel wrote:
51sth wrote:Communication with people seems impossible even when we are agreeing if I do it because of my suffering, but when I am true to myself it seems to be the nature of myself, and the communication seems true even when disagreeing.

What do you mean by "true to myself?"


It means to me to be without contradictory (or with one without a contradictory). Without right or wrong and judgement or nonjudgement. It means to me that I can never know for sure what is right or what is wrong. Then I am true to myself. Thank you for enlightening me :).
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Re: Life through impulses of want

Postby rachMiel » Thu Sep 25, 2014 8:48 pm

Much clearer, thanks. :-)

"True to oneself" = without contradiction, judgement, resistance. Works for me!
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