Self Validation and Self Deprecation

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Self Validation and Self Deprecation

Postby Mariposa » Tue Feb 03, 2015 9:25 am

Lately I am becoming more and more aware of the mind's judgement.

Since I have no job and I'm very very lazy (these are facts, mostly the first one), the voice is always judging, putting me down, making feel worthless, a waste of space, a parasite, etc, etc. I have no goals, I have no motivation, no desire driving me towards action, so I don't do anything productive, I don't feel like doing anything other than walking my dogs and being on the internet. Of course the mind uses all of this against me, to define me. As a part of the same judgement process, every time I actually DO something, the mind makes such a big deal of it. Craving for validation, I go tell my husband of all the housework I've done so he can pat me in the back and make me feel like I deserve a Nobel Prize, I am actually not useless.

Today I cleaned the apartment, cooked dinner and towards the end of the day I noticed the ego's momentum to praise me for being such a good girl. But if I am going to be fair and neutral, I should pay as little attention to the ego's attempts to destroy me as to the ones to build me up. Sure, it feels nice to be proud of myself and feel good, but is it real? No, it's part of the same delusion. Or maybe it's the ego saying "Don't be so proud of yourself, you didn't do anything out of the ordinary, you only did what you're supposed to do every week." Either way, it's a story going on in the mind, it's not the present moment which is the only true source of joy. Right? Or that's what I hear :lol:
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Re: Self Validation and Self Deprecation

Postby coriolis » Tue Feb 03, 2015 2:28 pm

There is nothing that is not the present moment except for thoughts and the imaginary possessor or container of them that would like to coerce or cajole the present moment into manifesting as it imagines it "should".
And even that appears within the present moment but has a long habit of imagining itself to be separate and a blindness to the absolute absurdity of that ever really being the case.

The song, "I Ain't Nobody's Problem But my Own" is very true in practice.
We create every "problem" we seem to have with our own judgments and opinions of how "things" "should" or "should not" be.

What to do about it?

Stop putting the cart before the horse.
Don't be led through life by the dualistic human mind, intellect, judgment maker, peace taker.
Instead be led by the central still-point, God, the wise heart, still small voice, Buddha within that was meant to be in the lead from the beginning.
And IT may call upon the human intellect to solve a practical problem from time to time as needed.
But when the task is done the tool is put down and inner peace and joy allowed to flow in and out unimpeded by a tool that wants nothing more than to wield it's wielder.

The ability is innate within us all but does not constantly demand to be greased like the squeaking wheeled intellect does -- so we fail to see it.

Rediscover that.
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Re: Self Validation and Self Deprecation

Postby Webwanderer » Tue Feb 03, 2015 3:26 pm

Mariposa wrote:But if I am going to be fair and neutral, I should pay as little attention to the ego's attempts to destroy me as to the ones to build me up. Sure, it feels nice to be proud of myself and feel good, but is it real? No, it's part of the same delusion. Or maybe it's the ego saying "Don't be so proud of yourself, you didn't do anything out of the ordinary, you only did what you're supposed to do every week." Either way, it's a story going on in the mind, it's not the present moment which is the only true source of joy. Right? Or that's what I hear

There's nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself and your accomplishments, no matter how small. It's true we don't need another's validation and is mostly counter productive, but enjoying the fruits of your labor is a good thing. Being dismissive of your contributions is just more ego as you've noted. And rather than seeing housework and cooking as what you're 'supposed' to do, see it in its more valuable cousin in something you want to do. You want a clean house, so you made it that way. Enjoy it. Bask in it. Just don't waste energy in looking for validation from another for something you already know in your heart is valid.

Life is about experience. Cleaning the house and cooking dinner can be an enjoyable experience if you see it in a way that is enjoyable - as a form of creation. The thing is, as you learn to enjoy these simple accomplishments, you set the stage to explore other possibilities in doing enjoyable things. The more you follow this path the better life experience becomes. The less we condemn ourselves and belittle ourselves, the freer we are to make the most of our life conditions. Make it a point to enjoy life. Live in a sense of appreciation as much as you can. Condemn yourself as little as you can. It's only as true as you believe it to be. Believe in things that make life more fun. Move the needle of life experience away from negativity and toward love of being. It's just a choice.

WW
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Re: Self Validation and Self Deprecation

Postby Mariposa » Tue Feb 03, 2015 8:30 pm

Thank you so much WW :)
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Re: Self Validation and Self Deprecation

Postby smiileyjen101 » Tue Feb 03, 2015 10:24 pm

I think of it like this Mariposa, if we always eat from the richest and most exciting of menus, at some point we are going to crave a toasted sandwich. We can be as happy cleaning the loo as in doing things others might think is 'exciting'.

I really like how ET describes awakened doing in ANE - basically it's not 'what' we do that matters, but 'how' we do. And it's so personal in essence, and immediate in energy that it matters not what thought thinks before or after the doing, only while actually doing.

To go about our doing in awareness, in states of acceptance, enjoyment or enthusiasm is totally, totally a personal experience.

If I tell folks how much fun I have in simple tasks, or what joy was had in the smallest of doings, or think about the degrees of acceptance employed in various stages of other things that as a whole appear intensely complicated... aint nobody's business really, and furthermore it's not really about 'me', so it becomes less personal and more interacting with 'what is' at whatever level of engagement with it. But the experience is intensely personal, intensely experienced in the degree of attention.

Every step of an 'achievement' is the moment that matters, not just the end result. If the most 'newsworthy' part of my day is being attentive to a bird or a flower or another human being or the clouds in the sky or in selecting and mixing of ingredients for a cake, or words for a story, or seeking an answer to a query --- it is what it is only in the moments of it.

If we think the content of our work defines us we are totally missing the elements in the process that we bring to it, that is our awareness, our capacity & our willingness. That never leaves us, never is not present and so we bring our self to whatever 'doing' we are experiencing.

So then self validation & self deprecation are felt at the same level of intensity - that can be in judgement, in criticism or in praise, all more lightly held in acceptance, enjoyment or enthusiasm as it appears in the moment.
Each moment anew, some in awareness, some not.
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
http://www.balancinginfluences.com
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Re: Self Validation and Self Deprecation

Postby CaiHong » Wed Feb 04, 2015 12:42 am

Mariposa,

Thanks for posting, it led to some great insightful answers. Years ago I used to reward myself with a beer after cleaning each room, housework was a chore, something needed to be done and for others to recognize how hard I had worked. Things have changed I actually enjoy housework and this happened so gradually that I only really became aware of this several months ago. I still have this background hum telling me I should be doing something even when I am doing something, but I should be doing something of significance. When this kind of thinking takes over it really drains my energy and I need to pull myself back to a the small task at hand and my breath.

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Re: Self Validation and Self Deprecation

Postby Mariposa » Sat May 09, 2015 7:51 am

CaiHong, glad it helped :)
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