I did the wrong thing.

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

I did the wrong thing.

Postby bgx » Tue Jun 23, 2015 11:31 pm

Im writing from lower state of presence, i know its bad. But its fresh in my head.

I created a wonderful surrouinding, im only awakened for 2+weeks first time in my life i saw hate relationships transform into dream like love relationships. I was happy seeing my closest i live (mother gradma dad amd rest of my family) express such joy of life for the first time in their lifes (im 26). I saw my 94 yo grandma being joyful and so full of energy it even took me by suprise. I created those opportunities, i deeply knew those are just surface emergences of not opressed egos. I never talked about awakening and ego driven society i always tried to stay as present as possible.

Just to note i first ever in my life accepted repressed hate to my family just prior to fully aware awakening and for the first time i found something i could never allowed to happen in 20+ years of my egotic life, which was full of pain.

Today i made a grave mistake, i was taken aback by the incredible joyful scene happening around grandmas name's day, every circumstance seemed to reinforce that dream scene. And after some time i spoke to mother about ego etc i didnt pay attention to my presence state i was already 1 foot into my old life. And that scene would be a dream come true for my old life. From my lower state of presence i tried to explain using half measures etc saw emerging pain body didnt recognize it tried becoming long story short it was downs downs downs from there. Was thinking in a way of "i killed "my happy mother"" etc tried to get myself into deeper state of conciousness asap in isolation to maybe quickly patch it but couldnt.

Im not sure i was present of lower states i tried to think to myself maybe it will give a glimpse to my mother but the burden of loss was becoming to much already, now they are both asleep and i feel like weak person getting gods power to toy with closest people to me. I could never accept leaving form state even if i managed to get into higher present states in isolation (slight feeling of one-ness with nature, feeling like coming into womb of nature etc). I know i won't abandon the journey but im not sure if that memory of giving deeply suffered closest people who hated each other love in their own right and twisting a dagger to destroy it seems worse than for it to never happen.
bgx
 
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Re: I did the wrong thing.

Postby bgx » Wed Jun 24, 2015 10:24 am

No matter, world didnt end. Just be more present, even that despair i felt at that time is in the end a hard lesson or as Eckart would call a "great spiritual teacher".
bgx
 
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Re: I did the wrong thing.

Postby tod » Wed Jun 24, 2015 11:06 pm

Hi Bgx. Welcome to the forum.

From what I can make out of what you have related, It sounds like you were in 'your natural state' and were 'creating joy', ie beautiful and loving thoughts and feelings, and you and your family were experiencing these. And then you 'dropped' those thoughts and 'created' (thought) 'not such wonderful' thoughts, and you and those around you experienced this. Is this the case?

IF so, you need to really watch what you are thinking. And I think you know this. Start afresh now, as if nothing nasty has happened (and it hasn't; it has only apparently happened).
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Re: I did the wrong thing.

Postby CaiHong » Thu Jun 25, 2015 12:05 am

hi Bjx,
So what you are saying you were experiencing a loving and joyful state and this flowed over to your family. But you feel you made the mistake of trying to put into words what you were feeling and the philosophy of that state. is this right?

if so doesn't lose heart

CaiHong
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