Disillusionment through unemployment

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

Disillusionment through unemployment

Postby painBody » Thu Nov 17, 2016 12:52 am

For about eight years, I had what most would consider a very well paying job, and a skill set that is in hot demand worldwide.

Being the idealist and non-conformist that I always have been, over those eight years, I realized the absolute futility of going to work, coming home, and engaging in what ultimately amounted to nothing more than "getting ready for the next day of work". Work had always been stressful for me, but over the last year of employment or so, the misery quickly snowballed to a point where each day became a hell in the office. I quit my job in April 2015. This occurred long before I had even heard of Eckhart Tolle.

(BTW, there are reasons why I have not been able to return to employment ... I don't want to get into those reasons)

Fast forward a few months, and while walking around a Barnes and Noble, I found "The Power of Now", a "best seller". Being highly skeptical of both public opinion and of spirituality, I scoffed dismissively. Despite that, I picked it up and read the first few pages, upon which I quickly realized that my life, as I knew it, had changed ! I had finally, after two decades of misery and melancholy far beyond the limits of imagination, begun to paint a true picture of the answer to the all important question - "Why ?" It didn't take much time before I had finished "The Power of Now" and downloaded and listened to pretty much every single audiobook released by Tolle.

As time went on, and as Tolle so eloquently describes it, I experienced a stripping of everything that I am not. The job was gone, my title of "Senior Software Engineer" was gone, the fancy car was repossessed, the few "friends" I had only because I could afford to eat out were gone, I could no longer afford my gym membership, and now, I can no longer afford rent for my apartment, and am counting pennies and slices of value white bread. I'm not saying this to solicit your sympathy. Everything I am not, disappeared ! I was left with my true essence.

At a time when I was crying tears of blood and screaming at the heavens, asking "Why ?" and convinced that I would never know, I was pointed to the teachings of this incredibly wise man, and found my answers. If that isn't divine intervention, what is ?
painBody
 
Posts: 384
Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2016 10:25 pm
Location: Not on this forum

Re: Disillusionment through unemployment

Postby dijmart » Thu Nov 17, 2016 5:43 am

Self realization doesn't typically happen that fast, except for a small few id say, usually people flicker on/off for quite a while, years even, if the knowledge is hard and fast for you then, you must have been ready to hear the message.

My question would be, do you "see" from the perspective of awareness? Another words, have you had a "shift" in your perspective, from ego to awareness? So, it's not you (the person) looking "at" awareness, as an object of your (the persons) perspective, but you (awareness) looking at the apparent "person" with all its thoughts, feeling, emotions, body appearing in/to you (awareness).

You certainly did get stripped of your former identity, as a successful, important "person". We all get what we essentially either need or deserve, so that was the way for you. However, it doesn't have to be that way for the regular householder, you can do your duties in the world and also awaken to your true Self. For many the anxiety of losing their job, car, etc would cause so much anxiety, it would be very hard to have a peaceful enough mind to do Self inquiry. However, if it worked for you then bravo! As all those things you lost can all be replaced one day, but Self knowledge/Self realization...is priceless!
Take what you like and leave the rest.
User avatar
dijmart
 
Posts: 2079
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Re: Disillusionment through unemployment

Postby Webwanderer » Thu Nov 17, 2016 5:15 pm

painBody wrote:If that isn't divine intervention, what is ?

I would suggest that the whole of life is a result of Divine intervention. The fundamental rules of life are Divinely created and we are all subject to them however they play out. We are not simply pawns of little value in the greater scheme of things. We are co-creators and the reason for love in the universe. More often than not the difference between a bad job and a good one is the perspective we bring to the work and our engagement with it.

There is little difference between our being a garbage collector or the president of a country as it relates to our own individualized contributions to the evolution of consciousness - personal and macro. Each of us applies our own unique meanings to our life conditions and thereby our life experiences. The quality of our life experience is directly related to the meanings (beliefs) we apply to the conditions at hand. ("The Kindom of Heaven is At Hand")

WW
User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 6307
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: Disillusionment through unemployment

Postby painBody » Thu Nov 17, 2016 10:54 pm

dijmart wrote:Self realization doesn't typically happen that fast, except for a small few id say, usually people flicker on/off for quite a while, years even, if the knowledge is hard and fast for you then, you must have been ready to hear the message.

My question would be, do you "see" from the perspective of awareness? Another words, have you had a "shift" in your perspective, from ego to awareness? So, it's not you (the person) looking "at" awareness, as an object of your (the persons) perspective, but you (awareness) looking at the apparent "person" with all its thoughts, feeling, emotions, body appearing in/to you (awareness).

You certainly did get stripped of your former identity, as a successful, important "person". We all get what we essentially either need or deserve, so that was the way for you. However, it doesn't have to be that way for the regular householder, you can do your duties in the world and also awaken to your true Self. For many the anxiety of losing their job, car, etc would cause so much anxiety, it would be very hard to have a peaceful enough mind to do Self inquiry. However, if it worked for you then bravo! As all those things you lost can all be replaced one day, but Self knowledge/Self realization...is priceless!


Thanks for the response, dijmart !

You're right that the ego, for me, flickers on and off. What I was ready to hear when I picked up the book was the reason why I had suffered all those years previously. It was not a dramatic shift in my state of consciousness, only a shift in perspective of the mind. It was like an Aha moment. I stopped seeing myself as a failure in life, because I'm not. I did not achieve the one thing I have always wanted (a successful relationship with an amazing woman), but I'm not a failure.

Of course, people can awaken while they still have their usual life roles to play. But, I think that my awakening had to come just this way. I was too blind, too narrowly focused on what I was doing, to really see another perspective to the whole thing.
painBody
 
Posts: 384
Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2016 10:25 pm
Location: Not on this forum

Re: Disillusionment through unemployment

Postby painBody » Thu Nov 17, 2016 11:02 pm

Webwanderer wrote:More often than not the difference between a bad job and a good one is the perspective we bring to the work and our engagement with it.
WW


Thanks WW, and I agree.

You bring up a good point about perspective with regard to the job. Would you be surprised if I told you that I actually loved my previous job (the work itself) ? It was how I was treated by people on the job, that made things miserable for me there ... unconsciousness. Most importantly, I didn't know why I was doing the same old 9-5 routine, other than to pay my bills and repeat the process indefinitely ... which, to me, is utterly meaningless.

There is one thing, and only one thing, that would ever provide meaning or context to such a routine. And you cannot convince me otherwise :) It is a meaningful relationship ... someone to come home to at 5 pm. If I had such a relationship, the job would take on a very significant meaning - a means to sustain my relationship with that special person. I would put up with just about anything, and smile through all of it, if it meant that I could forget about it at 5 pm when I open the door and there's that someone who'd ask me how my day went and care about my answer.

Hope this makes some sense. I'm almost certain that you will disagree, but like I said, you cannot convince me otherwise :D
painBody
 
Posts: 384
Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2016 10:25 pm
Location: Not on this forum

Re: Disillusionment through unemployment

Postby dijmart » Thu Nov 17, 2016 11:51 pm

Hi PB,


You're right that the ego, for me, flickers on and off.


This can be called the fire fly stage, it's very common, you know that you're awareness, but the Self-knowledge isn't "firm" and readily available. So, this knowledge or knowing flickers on and off. Basically, the mind isn't convinced and ignorance is hard wired, so it takes time.


What I was ready to hear when I picked up the book was the reason why I had suffered all those years previously.


Why do you think that is? What was the reason?....

It was like an Aha moment.


Yes, I call those epiphanies! When you have them try to keeps the thoughts going as to what they mean, if you can... Don't try to get the "experience" itself back, you'll just be chasing your own tail, but try to keep the logic going that caused the epiphany, to get clarity and understanding. It seems like you have done this?
Take what you like and leave the rest.
User avatar
dijmart
 
Posts: 2079
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Re: Disillusionment through unemployment

Postby painBody » Fri Nov 18, 2016 12:20 am

dijmart wrote:This can be called the fire fly stage, it's very common, you know that you're awareness, but the Self-knowledge isn't "firm" and readily available. So, this knowledge or knowing flickers on and off. Basically, the mind isn't convinced and ignorance is hard wired, so it takes time.


That's insightful ! Thanks.

dijmart wrote:Why do you think that is? What was the reason?....


It's hard to put into words, but I'll try. I had been exposed to the all-pervasive unconsciousness of the world and of the people I had encountered in my life. And, all that time, I had been made to feel like I was a misfit or loser. I'm going to use BPD terminology here; bear with me ... All my life, I was subjected to "invalidation" ... constantly being told not to be myself, by others who conformed and "fitted in". And, I had been fighting all those people and all those environments, desperately seeking "approval" and "popularity" ... which is the trademark of the ego, right ?

I have always been a non-conformist, so it is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT for me to actually find approval or people who agree with me, anywhere I go (even on this forum). So, I had been fighting this battle that just cannot be won. And, I always lost.

When I read The Power of Now, I realized that I had been fighting a totally unnecessary war. It no longer seemed important to continue fighting the futile war. I was not a loser, I was just a victim of the needs of my ego. Hope this makes some sense.

dijmart wrote:Yes, I call those epiphanies! When you have them try to keeps the thoughts going as to what they mean, if you can... Don't try to get the "experience" itself back, you'll just be chasing your own tail, but try to keep the logic going that caused the epiphany, to get clarity and understanding. It seems like you have done this?


Yes, I think what you're referring to is my search for truth and clarity. I don't try to get that same experience back. I just try to keep an open mind and search for answers.
painBody
 
Posts: 384
Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2016 10:25 pm
Location: Not on this forum

Re: Disillusionment through unemployment

Postby dijmart » Fri Nov 18, 2016 4:07 am

painBody wrote:
dijmart wrote:This can be called the fire fly stage, it's very common, you know that you're awareness, but the Self-knowledge isn't "firm" and readily available. So, this knowledge or knowing flickers on and off. Basically, the mind isn't convinced and ignorance is hard wired, so it takes time.


That's insightful ! Thanks.


Your welcome

It's hard to put into words, but I'll try. I had been exposed to the all-pervasive unconsciousness of the world and of the people I had encountered in my life. And, all that time, I had been made to feel like I was a misfit or loser. I'm going to use BPD terminology here; bear with me ... All my life, I was subjected to "invalidation" ... constantly being told not to be myself, by others who conformed and "fitted in". And, I had been fighting all those people and all those environments, desperately seeking "approval" and "popularity" ... which is the trademark of the ego, right ?


Yeah, the ego wants to feel secure, usually, it would like to fit in, but if that doesn't work out, it identifies with the loner, misfit persona. As long as it feels "real" it's happy, in a sense. So, if it makes you (awareness) identify as a loner, misfit, it's done it's job, either way.

I me to actually find approval or people who agree with me, anywhere I go (even on this forum). So, I had been fighting this battle that just cannot be won. And, I always lost.

When I read The Power of Now, I realized that I had been fighting a totally unnecessary war. It no longer seemed important to continue fighting the futile war. I was not a loser, I was just a victim of the needs of my ego. Hope this makes some sense.


Yes, it makes perfect sense my friend, stop fighting, absolutely! People will always have beliefs and opinions, but most are completely unconscious, remember that! But, you are awakening!

Yes, I think what you're referring to is my search for truth and clarity. I don't try to get that same experience back. I just try to keep an open mind and search for answers.


Yes....I guess what I'm saying is with every epiphany I had there was a precipitating thought/event that sparked it. Once the epiphany ended, I kept following the same train of thought that precipitated it, to a conclusion. Some don't do that and get attached to the epiphany feeling itself.

You're doing very well, keep it up!
Take what you like and leave the rest.
User avatar
dijmart
 
Posts: 2079
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Re: Disillusionment through unemployment

Postby dijmart » Fri Nov 18, 2016 4:14 am

Btw, keep posting, keep asking questions, some don't and it's quite a shame. You learn and grow that way! Each day I see 20+ people on here lurking, but they don't post!
Take what you like and leave the rest.
User avatar
dijmart
 
Posts: 2079
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Re: Disillusionment through unemployment

Postby painBody » Sat Nov 19, 2016 12:26 am

dijmart wrote:Btw, keep posting, keep asking questions, some don't and it's quite a shame. You learn and grow that way! Each day I see 20+ people on here lurking, but they don't post!


Thanks for the feedback ! I will def. keep posting. I already have a topic in mind.
painBody
 
Posts: 384
Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2016 10:25 pm
Location: Not on this forum

Re: Disillusionment through unemployment

Postby dijmart » Sat Nov 19, 2016 2:23 am

painBody wrote:
dijmart wrote:Btw, keep posting, keep asking questions, some don't and it's quite a shame. You learn and grow that way! Each day I see 20+ people on here lurking, but they don't post!


Thanks for the feedback ! I will def. keep posting. I already have a topic in mind.


Your welcome! :) Yes, when youre ready post your next thread!
Take what you like and leave the rest.
User avatar
dijmart
 
Posts: 2079
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Re: Disillusionment through unemployment

Postby painBody » Sat Nov 19, 2016 3:58 am

dijmart wrote:Your welcome! :) Yes, when youre ready post your next thread!


I posted here: viewtopic.php?f=35&t=13747

Would love to get your thoughts on the subject !
painBody
 
Posts: 384
Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2016 10:25 pm
Location: Not on this forum

Re: Disillusionment through unemployment

Postby painBody » Thu Jan 26, 2017 4:20 am

dijmart wrote:
You certainly did get stripped of your former identity, as a successful, important "person". We all get what we essentially either need or deserve, so that was the way for you. However, it doesn't have to be that way for the regular householder, you can do your duties in the world and also awaken to your true Self. For many the anxiety of losing their job, car, etc would cause so much anxiety, it would be very hard to have a peaceful enough mind to do Self inquiry. However, if it worked for you then bravo! As all those things you lost can all be replaced one day, but Self knowledge/Self realization...is priceless!


Dij, I re-read your post and had something to say.

Yes, not everyone may need to go through unemployment and being broke, in order to awaken. Most people would become insanely anxious and depressed. Honestly, losing my job brought me nothing but huge relief at not having to put on a mask anymore and having to deal with unconscious people. Not having a home brings me relief at not having any more bills to pay. Not having money brings me relief at not having to make decisions on what to spend/save on.

Another thing I've gained from all this is a whole new perspective on everything I lost. I know what having a job means, now. I know what having a car means, now. I know what having an apartment means, now. I know what being able to drive to a 24 hour pharmacy in the middle of the night, with an unbearable cough, and buy whatever medicine is required means, now.

These last few days, I've been struggling with a horrible cold, not having any money to buy cough syrup or anything else, so ... I really get it.

I will say this ... I wish I had heard of Eckhart Tolle before losing my job. I have had that thought :lol:
painBody
 
Posts: 384
Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2016 10:25 pm
Location: Not on this forum

Re: Disillusionment through unemployment

Postby dijmart » Thu Jan 26, 2017 5:24 am

Sorry about your cold, if needed, you could go to the free clinic if it turns into an infection. You may be able to get free meds from them, but I'm not certain.

Am I sensing some regret with your decisions or is it the cold talking? I'm honestly asking, because I can't tell.

Right now, I'm struggling myself with this MS flare up that hasn't let up for the past 8 days, if anything it's gotten worse (pain wise). I can barely walk on my right foot. I've taken some time off work already and have gone back for a few days and will be taking some more pto time.

This is why I haven't really posted lately, because my mind is also a bit foggy. But, I didn't want you to think I wasn't responding, so figured I would say...I'm just not feeling well right now.

Hope you feel better soon.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
User avatar
dijmart
 
Posts: 2079
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Re: Disillusionment through unemployment

Postby painBody » Thu Jan 26, 2017 7:10 am

dijmart wrote:Sorry about your cold, if needed, you could go to the free clinic if it turns into an infection. You may be able to get free meds from them, but I'm not certain.

Am I sensing some regret with your decisions or is it the cold talking? I'm honestly asking, because I can't tell.

Right now, I'm struggling myself with this MS flare up that hasn't let up for the past 8 days, if anything it's gotten worse (pain wise). I can barely walk on my right foot. I've taken some time off work already and have gone back for a few days and will be taking some more pto time.

This is why I haven't really posted lately, because my mind is also a bit foggy. But, I didn't want you to think I wasn't responding, so figured I would say...I'm just not feeling well right now.

Hope you feel better soon.


Thanks for the advice ! Hopefully, my cold is not that serious.

About regret, that is actually a great question ... and yes, I did, for a slight second feel a sense of regret, but that's really a product of unconsciousness. Great catch by you ! I wouldn't change a single thing I did in my past, but sometimes, I play the (unconscious) "What if" game ... not necessarily out of regret or anger but more like "It would have been interesting if I had ..." Know what I mean ? When I'm back in the Now, it's all good :)

Sorry to hear about your MS dragging on like that ! I briefly refreshed my knowledge of MS. That sounds scary ! Glad you have your family to support you during episodes. Well, at least, you can catch up on your recorded shows or whatever is your thing :)

I've also been meaning to tell you that I finally looked up what Vedanta is ... I honestly had no clue. I followed the link in your signature, and watched chunks of Part1 of the Westerwald retreat with James Swartz. It was kind of interesting, although I think the major obstacle to me learning more about it has been (and still is) the fact that it is considered a "science", meaning that it has its own jargon and definitions and concepts ("Jiva" is one Sanskrit word I heard). Now, I grew up in a country where we memorized entire black and white textbooks with no pictures, so I have no problem absorbing information. But, spirituality to me, is, by definition, free of rigid concepts. That's what appeals to me about ET ... very little jargon.

Maybe I'm overanalyzing it and prematurely ?
painBody
 
Posts: 384
Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2016 10:25 pm
Location: Not on this forum

Next

Return to Personal Experiences

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests