Goodbye ... or something like it

[painBody]

I was dreading having to write this post, and the time has finally come. I have been on this site for about exactly one year ! I have enjoyed discussions with intelligent and compassionate people here. Some posts by people here touched me to the point of tears. I'm glad I found this forum.

A few of you know that I had been walking on a knife's edge for a long time - my living arrangement. Something had to give ... I finally had to step off the knife this morning, and move on to the next and potentially terminal phase of my physical existence. I am now, for the first time, officially homeless. If I'm scared, it's only because vagrancy is considered a crime. Bad decisions + bad fortune = crime.

Thanks only to the grace of God, and the kindness of two strangers, I have been able to make arrangements to hop on my favorite choo-choo tomorrow morning and travel far away from this place where I have dwelt for the past sixteen years. There is too much history here ... too much pain, and my heart just hasn't been here for a long time. I have always loved trains, and I have many sweet memories on this particular train route. I'm actually really looking forward to this trip - might be the last such adventure.

I'm going to a city I have visited and come to love over the past few years and have constantly dreamed of making my home ... if not through employment, then through vagrancy If I'm going to be homeless, I might as well be in a place I love. That place is Portland, Oregon, U.S.A. At around 7.30 am on Wednesday, I will pass over a line, thinking, if not saying, "Thank you, goodbye, and good riddance, California."

The future is uncertain to say the least. My days of further communication on this site are numbered. My days in form are possibly numbered. I'm ok with it, to be honest. I've been on this path for a very long time. The only difference now is that the path is crystal clear, with no ambiguity.

I wish you all the very best with everything - form or formless, and thank you for reading and responding to my posts and for touching me. If you'd like to exchange a few words, you can reply here or PM me. Not sure how much longer I will have access.

Godspeed,
Kartik

[steve Davidson]

Hey PainBody,

Thanks for sharing and letting us know what is going on with you. You are a courageous soul and i wish you the very best on your latest adventure. I know you are following your heart and are fearless. May you find what you are looking for and may life open up to you even more in Portland, Oregon. May you be safe and happy and find peace. You truly are a great soul and inspiration and we all have benefitted from reading your posts, your sharings. If possible, stay in touch with the forum and share what you have discovered. Be well our friend.

[painBody]

Hey PainBody,

Thanks for sharing and letting us know what is going on with you. You are a courageous soul and i wish you the very best on your latest adventure. I know you are following your heart and are fearless. May you find what you are looking for and may life open up to you even more in Portland, Oregon. May you be safe and happy and find peace. You truly are a great soul and inspiration and we all have benefitted from reading your posts, your sharings. If possible, stay in touch with the forum and share what you have discovered. Be well our friend.

Thanks so much, Steve ! It was great talking to you here, and I admire your frankness.

Wish you the same. May everything work out for you too.

[dijmart]

I'd like to echo Steve's post, but also say, I'm glad you're leaving California. Hopefully things will somehow turn around for you in Portland. I'm not going to say good bye. I'll just say, until I hear from you again my friend. Take Care.

Since we no longer get email notification for PM's and I don't know how much I'll be posting in the future. My email is Dijmart@yahoo.com

Xoxo

Ps, some practical advice. Find out where there is a homeless shelter near where you will be, local soup kitchens and food pantries (both free), clothing banks are typically free also if you can find one and find local library. Many libraries will allow homeless people to take shelter there in daytime hours.

[painBody]

I'd like to echo Steve's post, but also say, I'm glad you're leaving California. Hopefully things will somehow turn around for you in Portland. I'm not going to say good bye. I'll just say, until I hear from you again my friend. Take Care.

Since we no longer get email notification for PM's and I don't know how much I'll be posting in the future. My email is Dijmart@yahoo.com

Xoxo

Ps, some practical advice. Find out where there is a homeless shelter near where you will be, local soup kitchens and food pantries (both free), clothing banks are typically free also if you can find one and find local library. Many libraries will allow homeless people to take shelter there in daytime hours.

Hey D, it's so nice to hear from you ... always, but especially right now (you have no idea how nice it is). Yes, I'm SO glad I'm leaving this place. I really need a new environment right now.

Thanks for sharing your email. I will try to stay in touch, if possible. Thankfully, at least, I have my computer with me.

And, thanks for the advice. That is going to prove valuable, for sure I will definitely be hanging out at libraries, reading books and on the computer, for as long as I can manage.

Lots of love,
K

[runstrails]

Hi Kartik,

I’m sorry to read your post. I also don’t know what to say that might help. You’ve been a wonderful member of this forum and I hope you are able to check back as often as possible (libraries tend to have free internet) and give us updates on your situation. You have many well-wishers here (myself included) who will be thinking of you.

On your train ride tomorrow, perhaps you can contemplate the notion of svadharma. Svadharma means the dharma (code by which we live our lives) of an individual person. While the over-riding svadharma of all of us seekers is to achieve self-realization, we also have to live up to our svadharma in everyday life (form). Most of us don’t stop to think about svadharma because we are so caught up in our comfortable lives. But given that you have already sacrificed so many material comforts, what better time to think about your svadharma?.

You have suffered deeply as is obvious. I hope your svadharma will include taking care of yourself as you have so much to contribute. All you need to do is to believe in yourself . Again, you remind me so much of Arjuna. And like Arjuna you have to ‘fight’ the good fight in this world when your cause is a noble one. And there is no more noble cause than getting to self-realization and then taking your rightful place in this world.

I don’t know Portland at all. But it appears they have a Vedanta Society. Perhaps you could find some nourishment for the spirit and the body there. I wish you all the best. Stay in touch and much love, rt

[painBody]

Hi Kartik,

I’m sorry to read your post. I also don’t know what to say that might help. You’ve been a wonderful member of this forum and I hope you are able to check back as often as possible (libraries tend to have free internet) and give us updates on your situation. You have many well-wishers here (myself included) who will be thinking of you.

On your train ride tomorrow, perhaps you can contemplate the notion of svadharma. Svadharma means the dharma (code by which we live our lives) of an individual person. While the over-riding svadharma of all of us seekers is to achieve self-realization, we also have to live up to our svadharma in everyday life (form). Most of us don’t stop to think about svadharma because we are so caught up in our comfortable lives. But given that you have already sacrificed so many material comforts, what better time to think about your svadharma?.

You have suffered deeply as is obvious. I hope your svadharma will include taking care of yourself as you have so much to contribute. All you need to do is to believe in yourself . Again, you remind me so much of Arjuna. And like Arjuna you have to ‘fight’ the good fight in this world when your cause is a noble one. And there is no more noble cause than getting to self-realization and then taking your rightful place in this world.

I don’t know Portland at all. But it appears they have a Vedanta Society. Perhaps you could find some nourishment for the spirit and the body there. I wish you all the best. Stay in touch and much love, rt

Thanks rt

Yes, you are very right about the code by which we live. That is about the only thing I did right in my life, and yes, it is more important than ever, now. Great idea about contemplating on the train ride - put a smile on my face and made me feel real good inside ! I will definitely try to stay in touch with you guys here. You guys are my only support network now.

If you ever find yourself looking for a vacation destination, I can wholeheartedly recommend Portland. It is the food capital of the US (yup, not just beer) by a mile. There is always something to do there. Grab a coffee at Starbucks, head to the largest bookstore in the world (Powell's), pick up a used book, head to Forest Park and get some quiet reading time. Then, when the evening rolls around, the restaurants, bars, and live music will keep you going till 3 am. Wake up ... repeat And all without needing a car ! It is a dream.

Take care of yourself. Hope to stay in touch with you.
K

[Mystic]

Good luck and success on your new adventure painBody.

[rachMiel]

painBody, given your programming skills (= employability) and intelligence (= ability to find decent food/lodging/friends/$) I see your decision to become homeless in Portland as just that: a decision, rather than a necessity (a situation for which there are no alternatives). Perhaps the notion of being homeless is attractive to you, as Mystic put it: an (extreme) adventure? It is, after all, what Tolle was doing when he had his illumination, right?

If you go through with it, please do keep in contact with us here in this little forum. (Public libraries have free Internet service.) It would be good to know how you're doing, to get briefings from you on the front. You write well and clearly enjoy it ... maybe keep an online journal either here or on a public blogging site? I would be fascinated to read an account of conscious intentional living on the street.

[Webwanderer]

Good luck to you painbody. Don't miss this opportunity to see how deeply held beliefs effect life circumstances. Enlightenment is available everywhere. And by all means, check in once in a while.

WW

[painBody]

Good luck and success on your new adventure painBody.

Thanks, Mystic. And, I wish you the same

[painBody]

painBody, given your programming skills (= employability) and intelligence (= ability to find decent food/lodging/friends/$) I see your decision to become homeless in Portland as just that: a decision, rather than a necessity (a situation for which there are no alternatives). Perhaps the notion of being homeless is attractive to you, as Mystic put it: an (extreme) adventure? It is, after all, what Tolle was doing when he had his illumination, right?

If you go through with it, please do keep in contact with us here in this little forum. (Public libraries have free Internet service.) It would be good to know how you're doing, to get briefings from you on the front. You write well and clearly enjoy it ... maybe keep an online journal either here or on a public blogging site? I would be fascinated to read an account of conscious intentional living on the street.

Thanks for the kind words, rachMiel. It's been great talking DSP and Deutsch with you

You might be right. Maybe this is what I always intended to do, without knowing it. I don't know. I'm just going to trust myself (Arnold Schwarzenegger's first rule of success).

Will def. drop a line here if/when I have access. Give the ducks an extra serving for me.

[painBody]

Good luck to you painbody. Don't miss this opportunity to see how deeply held beliefs effect life circumstances. Enlightenment is available everywhere. And by all means, check in once in a while.

WW

Thanks, WW. It's been great reading your words of wisdom. I still think the best/truest thing you ever said was in the thread about Tolle charging too much - you talked about flights to Jerusalem ... best post ever

Yes, this is definitely an opening ... a portal ... an opportunity ... into what ? That remains to be seen, but it feels right.

Take care of yourself. Will check in when possible.

[kiki]

Good luck, painBody.

[Onceler]

May all things work out as they are supposed to, brother!