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Leaf in the wind

PostPosted: Sun Sep 17, 2017 3:25 am
by meetjoeblack
I have had the good fortune of having met what I like to refer to as "gurus," mentors, something of a spiritual role model. God only knows where I would have been without these people. In every case, they are always much older, are not from around here, and have lived quite a INTERESTING LIFE. When I have asked them a question, I am not given an answer but rather, another question. In a recent conversation, something was brought to my attention. More about this later.

Through a variety of experiences, I have come to realize, one important thing. I am a man on a quest or journey of some sort in this life. I am in search of something. Something I cannot buy or make for myself. Sort of like the story, "The alchemist." I am heavily interested in classic and modern philosophy. "Know thy self." I am working on self knowledge, exploring my consciousness, and approaching this life with child-like curiosity. This part is very humbling.

I shared this perspective with this person I deem as a guru. I am in search of something, I have a purpose of some sort, and I don't know what it is. What I do know, there does seem to be forces in the universe that are challenges and obstacles. I spoke of the experiences I have had with death, with loved ones, family, and friends. I attempt to process this information and these experiences in some productive manner. Attempt to seek out meaning from it all and then, meaning from my own struggles, and my search in this life. I have always wanted to have a family, a wife, and children but, I know I am not ready for any of that until I transcend. I am becoming more aware of ego consciousness and disassociating from it. I am becoming more aware and recognizing that, my being and ego consciousness are not one and the same. I can read this through ecky but, it is meaningless without the life experiences. For me, it has taken the tools of psychedelics, prayer, meditation, and other teachers to help me along the way. Even still, I feel very much so lost.

This person I keep referring to as guru told me "there is a contract written." I've heard this all before in a different way in bible school as a kid. Something much in the life of fate and or destiny. Despite some of my best efforts, I feel stuck, and even stagnant at times. There is much of the things in this life we have absolutely no control over. I then asked as if it were as though we are all a 'leaf in the wind.' I was told to do my best and how I do so is up to me. I was then told something vague but, what my father had said to me when I was nine. It was a reminder. Apparently, guru knows past life regression, and is able to make connections.

What guru said to me was, "if your father was here, he would want you to remember ______________!" And I just felt chills go down my spine. For starters, how did he know the story? He never met my father. It shifted my phase to what my father wanted me to remember. More importantly, it was a way of life, a perspective, and a lens to view the world through. I am feeling much better since then with this new insight. I am just still dwelling on the thought of being a leaf in the wind. I am going to meditate and to disassociate it from this thought as, it feels very much so real. I am just marching forward with this new insight.

Re: Leaf in the wind

PostPosted: Mon Sep 18, 2017 5:46 am
by turiya
This person I keep referring to as guru told me "there is a contract written." I've heard this all before in a different way in bible school as a kid. Something much in the life of fate and or destiny. Despite some of my best efforts, I feel stuck, and even stagnant at times. There is much of the things in this life we have absolutely no control over. I then asked as if it were as though we are all a 'leaf in the wind.'


I honestly feel that this video may be of some help to you... (please let me know if it is or isn't?):

https://youtu.be/wMyFN0NXpAc

(Even though it's part 2 of a series of 5, I believe it can stand alone as a very powerful teaching.... But if you're intrigued, feel free to watch the whole series! :wink: )

Re: Leaf in the wind

PostPosted: Sun Sep 24, 2017 6:36 pm
by meetjoeblack
turiya wrote:
This person I keep referring to as guru told me "there is a contract written." I've heard this all before in a different way in bible school as a kid. Something much in the life of fate and or destiny. Despite some of my best efforts, I feel stuck, and even stagnant at times. There is much of the things in this life we have absolutely no control over. I then asked as if it were as though we are all a 'leaf in the wind.'


I honestly feel that this video may be of some help to you... (please let me know if it is or isn't?):

https://youtu.be/wMyFN0NXpAc

(Even though it's part 2 of a series of 5, I believe it can stand alone as a very powerful teaching.... But if you're intrigued, feel free to watch the whole series! :wink: )


Thanks. I will do that. Should I start from #1 though?

What I mean is, I have watched friends or random people make a decision to go to school, graduate, and progress there life. Despite some of my best efforts, I have found it to not be the way for me. Like, there are forces at work, despite my resolve to persevere, I am perpetually plagued by forces in the universe beyond my control. In terms of morbid deaths, family disasters, and financial turmoil, I am doing everything in my power to transcend this state of being. My ego feels it should not be this hard and yet, it is. For as long as I can imagine, I foreseen or wished that there would be something to counter-balance and offset the tragedy I experienced but, it has not been the way.Like, height, looks, aesthetics, genetic lottery, social status, resources, family name, money, intelligence, etc are a crap shoot and roll of the dice. I have attempted to rationalize and problem-solve for myself to make sense of everything before coming to the realization that, it is never going to be easy. And then, the aftermath of what the hell do I do with that insight?

After a recent experience with DMT, I literally blast off to another place of consciousness, and then some. I would do the experience no justice in attempting to articulate what I experienced. No breakthrough but, something definitely profound. My worries, fears, anxieties, and rational to conceptualize everything is futile in the grand scheme of things. It really doesn't matter. Time had no meaning. If that phrase, "leaf in the wind" ever had any significance, a hit or two of DMT definitely showed that there is a all encompassing, all powerful source, something greater then us all, and yet, something we are in unity with.

I am on a journey. I am searching for something of intrinsic value. Something I cannot buy. I am working on self knowledge, reason, and exploring my consciousness. I want to tap into that experience and then some to transcend this life and the lives around me. I think by being try-hard, it has almost had the opposite effect for me in the past. Past/present/future all meant nothing when I blasted off. It had no significance. I am enjoying this journey and no longer resisting it (for the moment). Disassociating from my ego and not taking my mind too seriously. And yet, directing my mind to work for me not against me.

Thanks for the time.

Re: Leaf in the wind

PostPosted: Mon Oct 02, 2017 8:28 am
by turiya
Thanks. I will do that. Should I start from #1 though?


Only if you want to. :wink:
I don't think it's necessary, though.

After a recent experience with DMT, I literally blast off to another place of consciousness, and then some. I would do the experience no justice in attempting to articulate what I experienced. No breakthrough but, something definitely profound. My worries, fears, anxieties, and rational to conceptualize everything is futile in the grand scheme of things. It really doesn't matter. Time had no meaning. If that phrase, "leaf in the wind" ever had any significance, a hit or two of DMT definitely showed that there is a all encompassing, all powerful source, something greater then us all, and yet, something we are in unity with.


Very interesting! Thanks for sharing your experience.

I am on a journey. I am searching for something of intrinsic value. Something I cannot buy. I am working on self knowledge, reason, and exploring my consciousness. I want to tap into that experience and then some to transcend this life and the lives around me.


Cool. Good luck on your journey! :)

I'm reminded suddenly of a quote: “What we are looking for is what is looking.”― Francis of Assisi

Re: Leaf in the wind

PostPosted: Fri Oct 13, 2017 7:20 am
by meetjoeblack
turiya wrote:
Cool. Good luck on your journey! :)

I'm reminded suddenly of a quote: “What we are looking for is what is looking.”― Francis of Assisi


Thanks for the response.

There is a childhood cartoon I watched growing up. A character was going through vigorous training to be the strongest. Despite his best efforts it would never happen or for very short duration as the writers or creators disliked this specific character. It is like going through life playing checkers. You might jump one or two or you might get jumped but, the players are playing chess. This theme of "leaf in the wind" stands out in this particular character as well as my own endeavors.

A buddy recently bought Jordan Peterson's Self Authoring suite. it came with a second login so, it was gifted to me. As I went through the past authoring suite, it kicked up quite a bit of my demons, unresolved feelings, emotions, and darkness. I felt hopelessness. Like, all was lost both psychologically and physically. All the loss I experienced, the death, the matters much of which were left unresolved, and some of these things I did not full come to grips with. When I brought it to the surface, when it became aware, it was like a asteroid just hit my world. I simply just took my thoughts too seriously.

After my dmt trip, I saw a new world, life went lucid-dream-like, and then, tunnel vision before I saw darkness. I saw darkness before I saw the light again. All this just seemed a million miles away from my consciousness. Nothing else mattered. All this petty shit I would dwell on did not matter.

Meaning i think is what we all strive for. In the grand scheme of everything, alpha and omega; nothing matters. There are things I still hold value, see worthiness in like love, family, being, presence, etc. I would say the majority of everything I paid mind to most of my life has been useless. I know the experience is fleeting and it will pass me by sooner or later. I am reminded that I am on a journey in this life for purpose and meaning. I think the only worthwhile pursuit is living a life worth remembering. I understand though why nihilism is so polarizing. It was darkness that came before the light.

Re: Leaf in the wind

PostPosted: Fri Oct 20, 2017 3:20 am
by meetjoeblack
I want a thank you again for that awesome video. I think i need to listen to it a few more times to fully grasp the wisdom from it, to extrapolate the essence, and substance of it all.

When I wrote this, I felt like the guy who asked the question, was in a pretty chaotic place, and you could say, i plunged into the underworld of my own personal hell. Much of it real yet, a lot of it mind made having take my thoughts far too seriously. Since than, I have bounced back and indulged in my first DMT experience which was one of the most profound life experiences ever.

I am reminded again that its all about, "thy will be done." The Gita emphasis on non attachment to the fruits of your labor. Similarly, my DMT trip brought me back to that source of presence and stillness. Coming back felt like being born again. Resurrected. Since meditating more, the picture is becoming fuller like putting a puzzle together. I am going on putting my best foot forward and leaving the rest to god, Krishna consciousness, the architect of the universe, etc. whatever set all in motion. Finally, I surrender.