painBody wrote:Why is wallowing a bad thing ? / Can you learn from your pain and still wallow in it at the same time ?
For me, wallowing in suffering is an escape from what's really going on, a refusal to see and deal with the big picture.
Surrendering to pain is, for me, very different than wallowing in it. How bout for you?
EDIT: Everything I wrote below the dashed line is a bit off-topic. So, let me address the main point first.
I disagree that wallowing is an escape. Simply allowing yourself to feel the pain is not an escape, according to me. In other words, if the pain is so severe that it incapacitates you (emotionally/psychologically), I don't see that as wallowing ... for the same reason that sitting in a wheelchair after being paralyzed is not wallowing ... it is a natural consequence/function of some event + your level of adaptability (physical, emotional, or otherwise). If the pain is too much and you just can't cope, that doesn't mean you're wallowing.
Wallowing, like "insecurity" (one of my faves) is just a bullshit label/judgment imposed upon the sincere who are honest about what is going on, by those who don't have the guts to admit the same. And, sometimes both of those exist within the same person. We are too damn hard on ourselves and on each other !
I think that one of the worst afflictions/pandemics the human race has had to endure, and this is particularly true in recent/modern times, is our assumption that because we are technologically advanced "modern" superhumans, we must have the ability to "fix" whatever goes wrong in our lives. No !
We sent men to the moon, we blew up a city with the press of a button, but that doesn't mean we can do it all, and the problem is that we think we do. Ovarian cancer ? No problem, let's come up with a drug for that. People wanna find sex partners on airplanes ? No problem, let's write an app for that. We're superhuman, right ? Know-it-all's ?
Sometimes, the shit is just too much to bear ! Why can't we just fucking admit it ?!!! And, that is not going to change no matter how many drugs or machines or apps we invent, or which galaxy we're able to send people to. And, thank God for that ! Because, if that changes, this species will have become unofficially extinct.
For me, it is all a big cocktail - wallowing, learning, surrendering, etc - states that are not distinguishable from one another for the simple reason I mentioned earlier. (That is to say, I know it is that way for everyone - we cannot just wallow or just learn or just surrender. We are constantly stuck somewhere between those 3 states. But, most fail to see it.)
In any field where one works with machines, machine behavior becomes clearly distinguishable from human behavior in that, while machines can only work with discrete states, humans are entirely different - we can only work with continuums/spectrums. Ironically, I learned a lot about human behavior while working with machines. It is just not possible for us to be only wallowing one day, then only learning from pain the next
We might express it that way for clarity to the target audience, but the way we express/describe it (i.e. in terms of discrete states) is not the way we actually experience it.
Now, for the sake of "practical purposes" (as ET puts it), we need to communicate in terms of discrete states. On a poll, you can only put down that you are either a Republican or Democrat, Hindu, Muslim, whatever. It is far harder to express your true identity/opinion, because it lies on a continuum; it's not a discrete data point. Of course, we need to express ourselves this way; otherwise, chaos would quickly ensue. But, let's not mistake the description of an experience for the experience itself.
Of course, this means I'm also saying that, if anyone thinks that, once Eckhart (or anyone else) reached his state of "enlightenment", he has never, for a second, lost his presence and regressed into unconsciousness, they're quite gullible, in my opinion. I've met quite a few people who seem to believe that spiritual teachers are like computer servers - dwelling eternally in presence, producing a rhythmic hum like that of the AC current that powers machines
No, that doesn't fool me. And, I don't have to be a psychologist to know why. I just pay attention to what happens and make up my own mind about it.
Put another way, in a sense, we are almost always "ambivalent".
Sorry for the tangential distraction, but, getting back on point, why is it bad to wallow in unhappiness, when it is perfectly acceptable to wallow in joy or happiness or "presence" or any other state ? (This was the subject of another recent thread of mine) If a person is wallowing in pain, obviously that must necessarily be a valid part of the human experience (because the person wallowing is human). So, how can it be invalid ? Why is wallowing in pain invalidated ? Why are the unhappy shunned ? Why is a perfectly normal part of the human experience treated like a malicious virus ?
Because the majority like to pretend that they never experience that part of the human experience. So, the few that are sincere and admit that they do, are automatically hurled outside the social perimeter.
Whenever someone tells me, "You're feeling sorry for yourself.", I instinctively respond with, "So fucking what ? If I don't, who will ? You ?"