My sister and the link with my painbody

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.
aanwezigheid
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My sister and the link with my painbody

Post by aanwezigheid » Thu Feb 22, 2007 4:29 pm

I used to have a lot of rows with my sister. She is someone who says the things quite straight but I often feel hurt. I talked with her about this already twice in the past but I just have the feeling that it just doesn't work out with her while other people go along with her. It is a very big grievance that my pain body has with her. It is just difficult to observe. There are a lot emotions and (REALLY ABSURD) thougths which are coming my way. Anyone some suggestions?
Last edited by aanwezigheid on Sun Jul 01, 2007 10:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

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heidi
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Post by heidi » Thu Feb 22, 2007 5:24 pm

Hi aanwezigheid - Those painbody activators in our lives are there for a reason; they force us to grow beyond, transcend as they say, the painbody.
The good news is that now that we are conscious of this, by some miracle, we learn to accept these PBA's (pain body activators) as they are, thank them for the opportunities for growth and consciousness they've provided, and suddenly their power is gone. And when they do their painbody thing, we can smile and love them unconditionally. :D 8)
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Post by phil » Thu Feb 22, 2007 6:25 pm

Hi aanwezigheid,

Hmm. Well, you can be with her, and not with her, both, if that helps.

Sometimes it might help to move a relationship to a different format.

Sometimes people who meet online are anxious to get together in person to enhance the relationship.

It could work the other way too.

If getting together with someone face to face pushes everybody's buttons, we could try the phone, or maybe better yet, email.

This doesn't have to be a step backward. Email is hardly perfect, but it has some big advantages.

Only person can talk at a time, so there's a little more opportunity for listening. It's easier to ignore things that irritate us about the other person, so we're less likely to do the things that irritate them in return, and get the pain body loop going.

Email allows us to really be a part of someone's daily life, in ways that are usually hard to duplicate in person, even if we live in the same town. Sometimes it's easier to find the right words for difficult topics, if we have the time to consider them carefully.

And so on...

If the other party is attached to a process of manipulating your emotions with the force of their personality, they may decline an email relationship, because it offers fewer opportunities for control.

Best of luck.

aanwezigheid
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Post by aanwezigheid » Thu Feb 22, 2007 6:57 pm

Hey Heidi and Phil,

Both thanks for the advice!

Phil, I cannot choose to have an E-mailrelationship with my sister. She comes a lot at home to visit us and we go to her so avoiding her won't work.

Heidi, you're right... In every way. I'm propably disappointed that my pain body still itches when I'm with my sister and I want it to heal quicker than possible.

My will for healing is blocking my growth. So I guess I have to look at this urgue. It is not funny but I won't die I guess :) .

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Post by phil » Fri Feb 23, 2007 12:04 am

aanwezigheid wrote:Phil, I cannot choose to have an E-mail relationship with my sister. She comes a lot at home to visit us and we go to her so avoiding her won't work.
Hey again. I of course have no idea what you should do.

I only mean to remind you, you can choose do anything you want.

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Post by din » Fri Feb 23, 2007 7:18 am

phil wrote:
aanwezigheid wrote:Phil, I cannot choose to have an E-mail relationship with my sister. She comes a lot at home to visit us and we go to her so avoiding her won't work.
Hey again. I of course have no idea what you should do.

I only mean to remind you, you can choose do anything you want.
Yes.

He could even fully surrender to the situation and accept it.
:)

aanwezigheid
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Post by aanwezigheid » Fri Feb 23, 2007 11:20 am

din wrote:
phil wrote:
aanwezigheid wrote:Phil, I cannot choose to have an E-mail relationship with my sister. She comes a lot at home to visit us and we go to her so avoiding her won't work.
Hey again. I of course have no idea what you should do.

I only mean to remind you, you can choose do anything you want.
Yes.

He could even fully surrender to the situation and accept it.

Yes, that is the point I guess :D . Thanks for the help guys,you're all great people :).

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Post by aquarius123esoteric » Fri Mar 02, 2007 6:12 pm

Please, allow me to shed some light on the reason why family relationships can be so very traumatic and stressful.

KARMA WITHIN FAMILIES

Family situations are particularly difficult and the saying: ‘You cannot choose your family, but you can choose your friends.’ is only true as far as it goes. A wise guide from the world of spirit tells us that there is more Karma in families than in any other aspect of life; this undoubtedly is true! People living together in such close proximity, even if they are lucky enough to call a big enough place their own, is bound to put enormous strain on everybody’s inner resources. Invasions of each other’s psychic space are constantly taking place within all families. Rubbing off and grating on each other’s nerves are inevitable in the long run, even in the most loving relationships they are bound to take their toll. Sooner or later this starts to show; statistics of divorce figures and people living on their own these days, prove the point. Once we have been released from the limitations of our physical existence and are back in the world of spirit, its strains no longer exist and therefore cannot be worked on. That is why it is of great importance to work on resolving our troublesome relationships, in the here and now.

The conflicts and tensions that arise from them lead to much soul growth, which is the intention behind this particular challenge. Yet, without finding out what is at stake here, nobody has much of a chance to resolve anything. For as long as both parties remain blissfully unaware of what is expected from them, they are likely to repeat their behaviour patterns from previous lifetimes. Thus, they never resolve anything and endlessly continue to create ever more difficult Karmic situations between them. Unless at least one participant wakes up, both souls will remain trapped on the great wheel of fortune, chained to it by the unceasing and relentless chains of Karma, which both unwittingly are continuing to create. This is the kind of yoke we have all carried with us from lifetime to lifetime. And the only way of setting each other free is through becoming aware of why we are here and by waking up to our true nature. Releasing each other is bound to be done more successfully and rapidly when both partners in thorny relationships come alive to their true nature and reality. If they are willing to work on this task together, this lifetime for them becomes an opportunity for transforming their connection into one of friendship and mutual respect.

Extract from ‘The Random Jottings of a Stargazer’ Part Two, now in preparation

© Aquarius 2007

With Love and Light,
Aquarius
Last edited by aquarius123esoteric on Thu Mar 08, 2007 8:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by eseward » Fri Mar 02, 2007 7:59 pm

Do you copyright everything you say? Interesting.

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Post by aquarius123esoteric » Fri Mar 02, 2007 8:25 pm

I do so when it is from some of my existing writings. Love - Aquarius

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Post by Webwanderer » Fri Mar 02, 2007 10:12 pm

aanwezigheid, you might try being more proactive. So long as the preponderance of experience with your sister is such that it activates painbody activity, attempts to avoid, or to be nice, will likely be of limited success in creating a better relationship with her.

Look to find, or create, common ground experiences with her and build on them. It may be but rememberances of a past good time or laugh you shared at first, but seek out common interests and begin to make them the point of conversation and relationship. You must begin to see each other in a different light if you are to transform negative attitudes that trigger painbody outbreaks.

In my own experience, I left home at age 18 for a tour in the military and never returned, other than for short visits, to live near her. 25 years later one of my brothers died and I went back to deal with the usual things surrounding the death of a family member. To my surprise, my mother still saw and treated me like I was an 18 year old adolesent. My opinions carried no weight what so ever. It was quite troubling.

Five years after that, she moved closer to me and my surviving brother as we were the last of her family. Still however, she treated me as if I were still that 18 year old, while my brother got treated with the respect of a trusted confidant. (This second brother had not left as I had, but lived close by until he moved near me shortly before my mother.)

It took some time and patience, going on a variety of adventures together and having long conversations about old and new; but through a concerted effort to establish a new relationship, she began to see me differently. It soon blossomed into a genuinely loving relationship that previously had not existed in our lives. She has since passed away, but I am always greatful that we were able to have a few quality years of honesty and love.

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Post by aanwezigheid » Sat Mar 03, 2007 12:16 pm

Thank you for your responds you guys.

They are really very meaningfull too me :). Like I said: this is a great forum with a lot caring people on it.

About my sister: yesterday she was here and I managed to be fully aware of what stories and thoughts my mind started to create. The result was that I had a good time with her.

It is remarkable that I succeeded in doing so after a good presentation before the class the day before yesterday. My pain body tends to become very active when I have to presentate but I watched the thoughts and emotions with no judgement. Result = I was very calm when I stood in front of the class :).

It was like my awareness got a boost because I also succeeded in staying "fully" present when I met my sister the day after.

Thanks again for the responds!

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Post by Ives » Sat Mar 03, 2007 1:04 pm

Thanks for sharing this, aanwezigheid.

It’s good to read about a personal and specific problem being resolved (or at least improved) through greater presence.

I had a similar situation with my ex-wife. For quite a while after our separation, every time I met her my pain body was triggered big time. It still is activated when I see her, but these days I can manage to “ride it out”.

Got to admit it’s getting better.

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Post by aquarius123esoteric » Sat Mar 03, 2007 5:18 pm

Thank you for sharing this experience here with us, dear friend.

Don't you find it helpful - as I do - to gain a different perspective of any given situation? That in itself helps us to step back and rise that little bit above it; each time one practises this rising above, it becomes easier. As with everything in life, practice makes perfect. No Master has as yet just fallen from the sky - or rather descended from the world of spirit directly into this life. There are no exceptions to this! It helps me to know that we are all children in the great school of life - here to learn and to grow, as well as sharing our learning with each other. Love - Aquarius

aanwezigheid
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Post by aanwezigheid » Sat Mar 03, 2007 6:11 pm

You're all welcome :). Well aquarius123esoteric, sometimes it is helpful to take a different perspective of the situation. The past is the past and my sister loves me etcetera.... But then my mind jumps in and starts to tell weird stories and weird thoughts. I'm afraid that it is only more mind stuff when I try to take another look at it. It is a fact that struggling and fighting against it just didn't work for me in the past. Sometimes I have difficulties with the danger of duality. Suppose that I say: my sister loves me and the things she says are not ment to hurt me... When she says something that really triggers my pain body I will be back from where I came from... I talked with her in the past about my difficult relationship with her but it only helped for one moment and then there was the pain body back. Observing for me is therefore the only solution :). But thanks anyway :wink:

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