Relationship changes once you stop supporting stories

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.
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blueviceroy
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Re: Relationship changes once you stop supporting stories

Post by blueviceroy » Wed Nov 07, 2007 4:20 am

Standing amidst the chaos around me I feel like a calm center where disputes evaporate and calm reason holds sway LOL!

Something like that , perhaps I'm a little proactive in finding solutions for all the personality conflicts I see . It is easy to understand peoples needs and meet them in a way that validates the higher self in others . After all I'm just helping me when I'm helping others .

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tikey
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Re: Relationship changes once you stop supporting stories

Post by tikey » Sun Nov 18, 2007 1:45 pm

dubhasa wrote:
I don't know any solution for this. And I don't even know if this is a problem. It is what it is.
Haha I know the answear to this question. Instead of "not bringing darkness into what they say"(not confirming they story) you CAN go one step further
and bring the LIGHT into them - I mean - enlighten them a bit. It can work, but propably deeply unconscious people will still remain "nonreactive"
to your enlightened words :) that's not our problem. It's their problem. But if you could enlighten them so much that they would be amazed of your
words maybe they would become more conscious themselves. So WE could start enlightening people :) I know it's sometimes strange, it looks
sometimes like you are talking with some "dummy" and not the true human... but that's the way there is.

I had once that situation when a friend of mine borrowed a photocamera , and while using it some part of it broke, not from her
fault - just "tiredness of material" was the cause.So she was so scared that it was "her fault"" that she didn't tell her friend about an accident, but kept
this fact in secret. She went to the service with it and there the of course they said "the repair will cost that much and take a few weeks" .
And she was totally miserable because of that fact, although she DID her best! She gave the photocamera to the service by herself - what a noble action!
But she took all that situation so personally that she didn't see that she shouldn't be afraid of telling her friend about breaking the camera, and she
shouldn't feel "guilt" that she gave the photocamera to the service.She took all the fact's against her and felt really bad, although the truth about that
situation wasn't against her at all. So you can say she was living in illusion of a miserable self who is the cause of all the problems and even her attempt
to solve them(giving photocamera to service) is in her eyes just the source of other problems(having to pay for the rapair and wait until it is repaired)
which are also HER fault. So she thought she was guilty of all of that. I tried to convince her that it wasn't her fault, that she did great job giving the
camera to th service and she shouldn't worry at all, but she just couldn't see what I am talking about... And if she could... all her problems would just vanish...

And after all - if she lives like that all the time I understand now why she have became very cynical and "stingy for others" person with who it's hard to be in normal, warm, "not problmatic" friendship....

PS. sorry for some bad english
Im just a cloudless sky :)

thoughtz
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Re: Relationship changes once you stop supporting stories

Post by thoughtz » Fri Feb 01, 2008 11:27 pm

I have been a hermit for most of my life. I can be social when necessary but am most at peace when alone. I had thought perhaps this was due to being a single child, but can see others here who feel the same as I do and we all can't be only children. I find social events to be phoney and shallow, but entertaining to watch as I listen and observe how critical my ego can be at these events. Everything has it's use once one awakens to the fun world of watching oneself... it's like directing the Truman Show and being Truman at the same time...
Thoughtz

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entelechy
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Re: Relationship changes once you stop supporting stories

Post by entelechy » Sat Feb 02, 2008 9:58 am

dubhasa wrote:Others have big issues dealing with this change in you. You appear very much unconcerned and distant when contrary is true. Now in fact you are closer than ever because you have eliminated huge layer in between.
I remember when I was in Uni, some friends started labelling me as a "robot", because I didn't entertain, encourage, or affirm any form of negativity. When things happened that gave them reason to react negatively, I always pointed out other ways of looking at things, whereas they were quick to make conclusions about what things mean and they get all worked up about them. I felt that nobody understood me. But I was still young back then, and having "friends" were more important to me at that time. So I changed for them, so I wouldn't have to feel so excluded.

Now I am glad that I don't have a strong need for peer acceptance anymore. I am more ready to let go of friends who behave in "toxic" ways, without holding anything against them and continuing to love them as they are.

It is amusing how some people would even actively bring you down with them, and get upset when you don't humour them. I remember once, I was with my ex bf. We went out to eat dinner without booking a restaurant in a foreign city. It was so busy we ended up walking from one restaurant to another, asking if they have a spare table. He was getting really stressed out but I was happily hopping along the cobbled streets, enjoying the tour of the city. You know what he did? He got angry at me for feeling happy, instead of joining him in his miserable state! I found it funny so I laughed, and he got even more upset :P

Soon after that I broke up with him :lol:
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entelechy
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Re: At work this is great. But in an intimate relationship....

Post by entelechy » Sat Feb 02, 2008 10:16 am

Suzanne wrote:Anyone else find themselves in this sort of predicament with an intimate partner?
I have a friend whom I quite admire for being Unconditionally loving. She taught me a lot.

She used to date a man who had lots of issues he needed to work on - his finances, his child, his career, etc. He also had issues around relationships, and commitment. Although they were sexually intimate, he kept his emotional defenses, he put up "walls" around him so she wouldn't be able to get close. He treated her in ways that made me question why she continued to put up with that sort of relationship. But she remained loving to him, doing things for the sake of doing them without demanding anything or expecting anything back from him. She just accepted him as he was, no conditions, no ifs, no buts, just pure unconditional love.

It took him a while, but eventually he became aware of his fears and how he was allowing these fears to limit his life. Now he is a changed man, almost completely the opposite of what he was like before. It was amazing. Love can truly heal, and transform. :D
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Larryfroot
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Re: Relationship changes once you stop supporting stories

Post by Larryfroot » Sat Feb 02, 2008 10:27 am

I have worked a lot with homeless people, and in the distant past spent nine years homeless myself. Which is something of an aside. What I found working with the homeless is the value in cutting through all the appearances and roles - believe you me, being homeless is as much an identity as being CEO of a multinational is. If somehow, I could at some point or other allow the highest and the best in me to touch the highest and the best in them, then that was such a source of strength and confidence for them. And for me come to that...I learnt loads from some of my vendors (I was the manager of the Big Issue in Exeter). But for me that is key to a relationship that is going places, that the highest and the best within one finds itself in the highest and best in another. A pebble in a garden of Zen.
Many a mickle muches a markle.

tomtom
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Re: Relationship changes once you stop supporting stories

Post by tomtom » Sat Feb 02, 2008 4:59 pm

Webwanderer wrote: I don't know about you, but it has made somewhat of a hermit out of me.... Spreading my version of awakening consciousness in an active way only sends egos scurrying for more familiar company.
Absolutely, 'pearls before swine', is the phrase that comes to mind, and I love swine none the less.

thoughtz
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Re: Relationship changes once you stop supporting stories

Post by thoughtz » Sat Feb 02, 2008 6:56 pm

As most folks are convinced that they ARE their stories, when you stop supporting their stories, you stop supporting who they think they are and then their true self can emerge. If you have stopped identifying with your own stories, your true self will emerge as well. Now if we are all one, and all light and love, then all high spiritual relationships will be truthful and rewarding. No longer a battle of egos. Yes?
Thoughtz

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Re: Relationship changes once you stop supporting stories

Post by eyogateacher » Sun Mar 09, 2008 2:37 am

Code: Select all

I've always looked at these kinds of things differently than others, and[b] I always wondered why I didn't make sense to others.[/b] I'm not saying I wasn't caught in ego-I most definitely was-[b]I just looked at people and things from a longer view, and how they fit into a world view.[/b]
I can resonate with this very much .

black and white
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Re: Relationship changes once you stop supporting stories

Post by black and white » Thu Mar 27, 2008 11:20 pm

Fear is the main thing that I have noticed that makes up all those stories. Since I have noticed that we take every action out of fear or being concious about it. Then I detected that in other people too. so these days I am concious about my fear and am able to interact with people w/o judgement which comes out of fear. People around me I think sense that. So these days I feel connected to any kind of personality in a natural way. They are comfortable to be around me too. Even though they have their stories to tell, they either feel comfortable to express it through their feelings or something happens to them and somehow cuts the story short and talk about whats going on at the moment. It is amazing. :!:

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Re: Relationship changes once you stop supporting stories

Post by lakeswimr » Fri Mar 28, 2008 2:47 am

I didn't read all the replies yet--just responding to the original post. I am finding that my way of interacting with others is changed so dramatically now. I realize I used to be the one creating drama but didn't realize it. I created my own suffering, not the events and people and situations I used to think caused it. It is surprising to see this. I knew that I caused my suffering in the past but it wasn't until I started a new job that I could see it so clearly. It is very nice to also not be in competition with others and not defending my "self" to others. (sigh) :) I'm so glad I learned a different way to be. :)

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Re: Relationship changes once you stop supporting stories

Post by lakeswimr » Fri Mar 28, 2008 2:54 am

There is a younger woman who I now work with and she reminds me so much of the way I used to interact with others. I felt moved to say something to her about this just today. I told her that I used to do things the way she does and that I learned some things the hard way. I told her that she is already great just the way she is and that she doesn't have to do anything or be successful or good at *anything* to be great. I said that there isn't anything she can do or achieve that would make her better than she is and vice versa. I also said that no matter how much she achieves it will never be enough and she will always have to keep looking outside for satisfaction but if she starts to look inside everything is there. She stopped and smiled and thanked me and said, "wow! I think you are right and if you are that would really totally change everything about how I approach life!" :)

kristen
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Re: Relationship changes once you stop supporting stories

Post by kristen » Tue Apr 01, 2008 12:13 am

I am currently experiencing this as well. It helped me to recall Eckhart's words about "being the Presence." I do not want to avoid people or end relationships because they are still "unconscious." Many friends/family/co-workers want to complain to me and get angry if I remain silent and do not affirm their complaints. Time will tell what will happen. It is my hope that by remaining Present and not withdrawing from these relationships I will help others in their spiritual awakening by example. It is too soon for me to tell at this point as my awakening is a new process. But I do believe that Eckhart does address this topic in his books.

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Re: Relationship changes once you stop supporting stories

Post by kiki » Tue Apr 01, 2008 5:06 am

kristen wrote:It is my hope that by remaining Present and not withdrawing from these relationships I will help others in their spiritual awakening by example.
Yes, that is the best way to help others. Welcome to the board, kristen.

kiki
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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