conflict w/husband over weekend ignited painbody!

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jasmine
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conflict w/husband over weekend ignited painbody!

Post by jasmine » Mon Apr 21, 2008 2:38 pm

I don't even know how to describe the craziness that can erupt between my husband & I! We haven't been this bad in a while, but it is troubling that here we go again, & while we are both engaging in all this spiritual reading & practice! I feel like a failure.
My heart feels so broken right now, as all the trouble started because I said something admittedly rude & obnoxious to my husband from my ego & it all just spiraled. Apologizing & explaining where I was coming from for hours to my husband just doesn't help. He gets his mind made up that I am evil & lets it rip! He even said, "You hurt me, so I'm going to hurt you..." and then he did...through mind games, nasty remarks, yelling, shutting me out. Thing is, Yes, I hurt him, but the words rolled of my tongue before I could put them back in! Only the most enlightened never find a foot in the mouth! Hurting someone by accident is one thing, hurting someone you claim to love on purpose is another. I cried so much last night that my eyelids are still red, swollen & puffy. I feel so rotten inside & out.

meaname
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Re: conflict w/husband over weekend ignited painbody!

Post by meaname » Mon Apr 21, 2008 6:01 pm

Emptiness is the ground all words rise from...

You are welcomed jasmine...
Last edited by meaname on Tue May 20, 2008 1:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

jasmine
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Re: conflict w/husband over weekend ignited painbody!

Post by jasmine » Mon Apr 21, 2008 7:38 pm

Thanks, meaname, for the kind, thoughtful, wise response. Am feeling calmer as some time has transpired. Your feedback helps!

Peace,

Jasmine

innerhike
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Re: conflict w/husband over weekend ignited painbody!

Post by innerhike » Thu Apr 24, 2008 3:32 am

Jasmine,

You are very courageous to post this and to ask for encouragement and support.

As you know the passage of time heals.

It is not time that heals but that our resistance to healing dissipates over time.

The less resistance we have, the faster we heal.

The less we pick the wound, the faster it heals.

Forgiveness is the key teaching of "A Course in Miracles".

Forgiving yourself and your husband is all you can do in a situation like this.

We should actually be grateful for such situations for they show us where darkness and EGO still exist, and how we are still not stabilized in the NOW.

If we are truly internal spiritual warriors who wish to reclaim all parts of us that are mired in darkness or NOT NOWness, then we welcome such things even though they are ugly.

I find that the more I time I spend in meditation (any method that allows one's being to come to stillness over time), not reading/discussion, the more I am in the NOW, the less I react in unpredictable ways, and the more synchronicity or harmony there is in my life.

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Re: conflict w/husband over weekend ignited painbody!

Post by barbarasher » Thu Apr 24, 2008 8:08 pm

I find from personal experience that ACCEPTANCE of the husband as he is is the key when the hurt ego/inner child/pain body awakens. Try to imagine the trigger of this awakening (whether they be his words or actons) flow through you like a cloud. Imagine it doing so while breathing deeply.

Then mentally concentrate and count your blessings or the good things he did or is, it keeps the mind busy and redirects your inner energies.

It hard and takes practice, but is worth it. I am still on the journey.

jasmine
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Re: conflict w/husband over weekend ignited painbody!

Post by jasmine » Mon Apr 28, 2008 3:03 pm

Thanks, innerhike & barbarasher! You both have great insight & I'm encouraged by what you shared. Yes, it is easy to feel spiritual when everything is going smoothly, but the "rubber hits the road" when trouble surfaces. Then, we discover, how deeply do the still waters run afterall?
Things are fine between us now, the storm passed, I think we both regret things we said & feel embarrased, but you move on, as as you both point out, & hopefully learn & grow from the experience. Thanks again for the wisdom & encouragement.

Jasmine

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Re: conflict w/husband over weekend ignited painbody!

Post by heidi » Mon Apr 28, 2008 5:35 pm

There are people who come into your life to show you your painbody. Carolyn Myss calls these "sacred contracts." As you become more conscious of who/what pushes the buttons, you are literally transcending old painbody energy. The more you see it for what it is, the quicker it disappears! The fact that you were aware that you allowed your ego to hurt him is another great step toward awakening. So, despite the unpleasantness, what happened was a very good thing. Not only because it allows you to witness your ego in action, but also because it happened, and what was was, and what is is.

My hubby's in a bad mood because it's raining and holding up a very important moment in the schedule of beginning a big job. How fitting that I get to quote Byron Katie: "You can't argue with a raindrop." In other words, what is is what is, and that is perfect because it is what it is and cannot be otherwise. :)

I recall Eckhart talking about how ducks differ from humans. They have a spat, and then shake it off, and swim on.
Swimming on. :)
Heidi
http://www.heidimayo.com
wonderment on the third wave

James
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Re: conflict w/husband over weekend ignited painbody!

Post by James » Mon Apr 28, 2008 5:51 pm

Hi Jasmine, you said:
Only the most enlightened never find a foot in the mouth!
I think that is a myth, believing it sounds like perfectionism. Eckhart says the more he talks, the more likely he is to make mistakes. The perfection is within the imperfection.

I agree with Heidi also, instead of viewing conflicts as problems we can see them as opportunities. As you awaken stuff will rise to the surface to be healed. See if you can look at your relationship from a different vantage point.

Go easy on yourself, we don't need to make truth into another problem, ;>)

James
"Awareness is already present, already here, already now; before you try to be more.... In that recognition there's no effort, there's just acknowledgment"..."Awareness is not something you can understand, it's something you are."

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Re: conflict w/husband over weekend ignited painbody!

Post by andy » Sun May 04, 2008 7:00 pm

Hi,

What has helped me is to embrace and experience the pain, try and feel it as it is. It is difficult at first but be mindful. You will notice the thoughts come and go and so do the emotions. They just come and go - watch them and be patient, compassionate and forgiving with yourself.

Don't see this as a bad thing - it just simply is!

Here is a poem by Rumi, a mystic, that I think you will find comforting.

Rumi - Guest House

This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

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Sighclone
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Re: conflict w/husband over weekend ignited painbody!

Post by Sighclone » Sun May 04, 2008 7:19 pm

Welcome, andy!

And thanks for your Rumi poem! Please review the "Forum Rules and Guidlines" and enjoy your time here!

Namaste,

Another Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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Onceler
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Re: conflict w/husband over weekend ignited painbody!

Post by Onceler » Sun May 04, 2008 8:48 pm

jasmine wrote:... but it is troubling that here we go again, & while we are both engaging in all this spiritual reading & practice! I feel like a failure.
I find myself in this predicament sometimes (a lot) when I am "trying to be spiritual". Either the process of examination and presence dredges up more emotions/pain, or the "trying" causes trouble...or some other combination. You had a fight with your husband, so what? Sounds like life to me. Who says that shouldn't happen? Stay present even when your beating yourself up.

Things will change and then you have to be careful you don't attribute your new found deepening in your relationship to "you" or your "spirituality".
Be present, be pleasant.

weichen
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Re: conflict w/husband over weekend ignited painbody!

Post by weichen » Mon May 05, 2008 9:29 pm

Stillness (inside and out) is the best gift one person can give to another person.

Only a master like Tolle can utter something so simple yet so profound.

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