Loose energy underneath the painbody

[minaret]

There feels some energy on the loose within me, it was masked by the painbody, which, since I starting to read Tolle has been dissolving.

Fear, anxiety, fatigue, hunger, quivering, complaining, overworking; they all come and go. They rise and fall like a wave that threatens to drown me when my back is turned, creating chaos, & turmoil. I see them in flashes, then they are gone. I blame others, work, life. But its my ego shape shifting, rattling my bones to use this form called me. It hides behind watching TV, a nip of alcohol, food treats, busyness, time on computers, organising others, genealogy, worrying about the future, teaching.

I can be funny, vibrant, and the next day, I’m shy, embarrassed. I can be high on something I’m doing, the next day I’m fatigued beyond description. I eat lightly, yet sometimes I cant satisfy my hunger, a deep bottomless hunger. I can enjoy complete at-one-ness feelings on my yoga mat, out in nature; another time I am quivering on my bed in the foetal position & cant stop trembling. I can eloquently explain the meaning of the universe from a windfall lemon one day, the next I want to weep with the pain & suffering in the world.

I feel that there is this deep, beautiful, serene, peacefulness that is within my grasp. Right there for the asking. So close I can touch it. I open the portals ET has so succinctly & beautifully explained, I use all the techniques years of practicing yoga has brought me, I read words of wisdom from the awakened masters. I know there is a deep meaningful vein of knowledge that I seem unable to crack open.

I am in the prison of my mind, that labels, enlightenment as ‘madness’. It labels awakening as ‘loneliness’. It slams the door so fast & furious on glimmers of truth, that it leaves me breathless & my heart thundering in my chest.

Help!

[Gabriel]

Hi minaret,

It's amazing that when i readed you, i just seen your story just like mine.

When u say "I feel that there is this deep, beautiful, serene, peacefulness that is within my grasp. Right there for the asking. So close I can touch it. I open the portals ET has so succinctly & beautifully explained" That make me smile and a nice little wave of peace took me. Thanks.

I think we are in the same situation. Prison of duality. I think the unconscious and the identification with pain is the source of suffering (just like ET said). I think we need to intensify the degree of presence. Identification with mental give energy to it. Observing mental give more presence.

I observe that, when I am fully present, alive (thank "God) all this story of me dissapear. It's like a dream that is finish. It's the psychological time who is painfull.

The harder work is to feel our emotion and everything appears in us because, when it happen, all the world seem to crash, dont have sense at all, and the present moment seen to disapear.

Well, i hope it will help you. Sometime when i read sharing of others, it help me.

Gabriel

[Sighclone]

minaret -

Check out the section in PON named 'Dissolving Ordinary Unconsciousness' - about page 63 in the hard cover English edition.
Quoting:

Anything unconscious dissolves when you shine the light of consciousness on it.

Some acceptance may be needed also. The habit of staying in the Now will end the trauma over time. Bring your Awareness right into the feeling...stay on it...it will lose its authority.

Namaste, Andy

[minaret]

I observe that, when I am fully present, alive (thank "God) all this story of me dissapear. It's like a dream that is finish. It's the psychological time who is painfull.

... thankyou for a little wave of peace there as well Gabriel, well said.

I seem to have had a week of unstable energy, but assisted by this lovely community of spiritual travellers, and some meditation and PON, I'm back on track. Thank you Andy for reminding me of the chapter on Dissolving Ordinary Unconsciousness'. My energy was so low I couldnt even think straight for a while, couldnt think what i needed to do at all. I see what is happening more clearly now. I'd got in an ego state of 'hey everyone I dont have painbody any more'. I didnt realise there is an emotional pain body waiting in the wings to take me over.

'I am the now', I keep saying in my head, when I get off track... 'there is only this moment'

[Sighclone]

Good work, minaret. I like Byron Katie's stuff, too - in the book "Loving What Is." There is a useful technique that even Jed McKenna would like in there. She is recommended by Eckhart. Her website is thework.com.

Namaste, Andy