things that PREVENT me from ENLIGHTENMENT

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.
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tikey
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things that PREVENT me from ENLIGHTENMENT

Post by tikey » Sat May 31, 2008 1:57 am

hey folks. I decided to start this topic on my own, you do not have to post anything here, I just thought that it will be interesting fo you to read
that stuff. Let's begin.

I am on a path for a few months. Or... maybe longer, but I didn't even know I am on a path. I've never thought about it like path, or task or a goal.
But recntly I tasted it. I tasted enlightenment. Enlightenment is a place where all of a sudden everythin falls into place. You gain clear vison
and no doubt of anything. Just you, and a clear space around you. This state reminded me of most actual, most fine, most OK state. When
I felt it I felt that I gained few years. Ifelt fully developed, fullu sure what I have to do. Fully conscous. You can admire me for that, but that would
just be jelaus so better don't do that. It's just me. Here it is only I battling with myself. You can watch that. That's an open show. No entry tickets.
So what stops ME from enlightenment? It is IDENTIFICATIONS.

I know that, because I saw them crumble, and than I felt in paranoia, because after ten minutes I felt them back again. Really nasty feeling.
Crepy. Like you found a gold ring and you lost it.

But nevermind. That's just the boring stuff. But what is interesting? Facts.

Facts are :

1.smoking is keeping me from enlightenment.
and all other identifications.

I know that. I have been clearing my path since january. I made radical changes, cleaned the room, put the furniture in a different way, put my desk, bed
and PC in a different way. I just knew that it is the ok way. And then I changed everthing else. Studies for example. Relationships. Put the rubbish out
of my car. And one day I took the shampoo, washed myself totally, took tha razor and make my face look clean, put my hairs in a shape. And I said.
that's it, I am ready. And I quit smoking.

After two days my attitude towards myself shifted a bit. I felt totally internally clean. I felt inner readines for change. Everything was ready, as it was
planned.And then I wrote a post here. I didn't know why. The writing happened automatically. And then I went to my room. And a clear realisation
came. Very clear. That was satori. And then all of the identifications broke, like an avalance, all of them : with the desk with a PC on it, with my wardrobe
and so on, etc. with everything. Even with studies and self look. The situation was clear. Finally it happened. I finished the job. I completed myself.

But then... little crackling began...... After this few minutes of some important realisation and this RELIEF feeling, which was really amazing somthing
crept in. And that was a cigarette. I lighted it and looked. Oh shit, I wasted it all. And from that one cigarette, as my state wasnt yet FULLY strong,
all the identifications came back, suddenly like wah, wah, wah, one after another. And after that I had this dreadfull paranoia, that I messed it again.
Or maybe I just wasnt ready? Not ready for radical change. You can smile to my childish assumptions that one cigarette can be the reason of such
a paranoia, but let's look at it from a wider angle. I've preparing for this for a very long time. Everyday, one step after another, one step after another.
Every action I took was something new. I've been following my internal feeling and exacly knew what has to be done to push the situation a little further.
And the cigarettes were just the last step. You can say that I slipped on it like on a banana skin. And that's exacly right.

Now, after that I feel a little bored. I feel again in my old grooves and habitual patterns of laziness and yes, surrender as always. I thinks that I will just
continue my work. I still know what has to be done . Or maybe I just know how to cope with that that I do not know. I know that exactly in that state
realisations come and that they will never leave me alone. I allow it. I allow everything to be. I embrace it. I "listen" to stilness all the time, I try
to look at the identifications and see them, but that's just like looking at the tent that is a "moro" colour and is in the bushes. You can't really see it
untill soldiers come out of it and say "surprise". Or start to shoot you. But nevermind. I'll just wait. Now it is the move of opponent, of the ego. And it
moves. I smoked today more than ever. I feel badly depressed, and ok I know that this is as it is, this is a normal circle, I 've been in those circles
many many times. Many. Only peace, only surrender can lead me to that place again. Meditation, realisation, action.
That's how it is.

Peace

Tikey
Im just a cloudless sky :)

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Sighclone
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Re: things that PREVENT me from ENLIGHTENMENT

Post by Sighclone » Sat May 31, 2008 7:41 am

Only peace, only surrender can lead me to that place again. Meditation, realisation, action.
That's how it is.
Good advice...take it.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

Vpopov81
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Re: things that PREVENT me from ENLIGHTENMENT

Post by Vpopov81 » Thu Jun 05, 2008 8:08 pm

no attatchments, no addictions, no identifications, no reactive patterns.

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tikey
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2007 11:40 pm
Location: Warsaw, Poland, Middle East Europe

Re: things that PREVENT me from ENLIGHTENMENT

Post by tikey » Sun Jun 08, 2008 4:26 pm

Vpopov81 wrote:no attatchments, no addictions, no identifications, no reactive patterns.
yeah exactly - that's the essence of my post. it prooves that it could have been shorter. ;]
Im just a cloudless sky :)

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