Finding it hard going

[Nutkins2]

hi there all,

I am finding living by the power of now hard going. i have kept at it for a few months now and i feel that i am getting worse than before. Maybe it's because my ego is fighting back. I don't know! I have been diagnosed with an obsessive personality which interferes greatly with my life, relationships, situations, etc. It always has done, i am never satisfied with what is, never. When i've got something in my life, i want the opposite, it leads to a very unpeaceful feeling inside. I always seem to go one step forward and three steps back!!!!
Funnily enough, i have an aunt who is exactly the same, maybe it's genetic!!!!!
But the only comfort i get is that everything is happening because it's meant to happen for a purpose.

I also have a problem with Eckhart and other teachers saying that we don't need anything outside of ourselves. If i were to just sit here doing nothing, i would eventually go mad. I should know, i have tried it, just before i had a breakdown.
And also the part about special relationships! what about marriage and children, surely if we all lived alone, there wouldn't be any human race to talk of. What's wrong with wanting to feel special? maybe it's me who has it wrong! I don't know anything anymore!!!!!!

sorry for the rant.
Godbless
Nutkins2

[James]

Dear
I have empathy for you. However, because of the complex nature of your situation and ongoing difficulties; unless someone else here has something vital to share with you, I sense that the advice on this internet forum is not going to meet your current needs. A number of members here have suggested that you seek counseling or a qualified health care provider in your area. I think the next step is up to you. Be kind to yourself.

James

[Sighclone]

Nutkins2 -

There is no harm in setting aside enlightenment for a while. Seek expert counsel in more traditional modalities. You can pick up on this stuff later. No reason to grind away at something that is adding anxiety to an already fragile personality. We will be here, or somewhere...there is authentic love in many places.

Namaste, Andy

[mikel]

Hi Nutkins,

There is a therapy known as non-dual therapy which you could investigate.
It is a therapy which is practiced from the awakened perspective.

Conventional therapies can be helpful and for a time very beneficial
in getting our life in order and back on track, but often they focus only on the surface.

I suggest looking into non dual therapy if there is something within you currently resonating with Tolles teachings.

Truth resonates. Let that which resonates within you be your guide.

[Onceler]

I never got the message as strongly as you seem to have that Tolle wants us to be solitary and on our own. I think it is important to use other resources in our lives; to use friends, family or whomever to help us and to give us much needed reflection back about who we are. I know I use my support systems all the time.

I agree with the others when they say seek counsel with a therapist and be good to yourself. Also lean on the support systems you have. Finding a small group that is spiritual in nature may be helpful to get other perspectives and to recieve support.

[James]

Yes finding a support system would be helpful, a relative a friend, a counselor, therapist or doctor. As far as everything happening for a reason, I don't see life that way. Things happen, it is how we respond or relate to what happens that makes the difference. Some of your issues could be conditioned, some could be in your DNA as part of the collective pain body, who knows? In either case it is ultimately not your fault.

You needn't feel ashamed to see a doctor and resume medication, if that seems best to you, it does not make you less spiritual. Doctor's are children of God too. You can approach it in a sacred manner. Find one that is compassionate and open minded, a doctor who will help you choose a medication that has the least amount of side effects, and perhaps could reduce the dosage gradually over time, as you begin to feel better. I would seriously consider the alternative treatments too. Relaxation techniques, yoga, massage therapy, exercise, acupuncture, nutrition. Learn to get in touch with the natural rhythms of the body. You can address this on all levels, it is all spiritual. All of creation arises from the same source.

Best wishes
James

[Nutkins2]

Thanks all of you,

The problem is i was ready to see a therapist and because i had read the PON, i felt that i didn't need it!!!!!! How stupid was that.
Well thanks for all your support, i know that you cannot put on my problems right and thanks for your honesty about that.

Godbless
Nutkins2

[James]

Go easy on yourself. I don't see what you did as a mistake but rather a learning experience.

James

[Craig]

Oh, and Nutkins, I guarantee that everyone here has either had a "stupid" belief or done something that in retrospect seems silly based upon a particular spiritual teaching they read or heard. You're not alone.

[James]

That's for sure Craig. It brings to mind the line from a Billy Joel song, "you're suppose to make mistakes."

Nutkins, here is a good affirmation that has helped me, maybe you will find it helpful too; if you like you could write it down and carry it around with you. You may find it brings more openness and acceptance to life. Gently say to yourself throughout the day as needed:

"I see everything that happens to me as an opportunity for growth and learning"

And remember dear, we are all equals in God's eyes.

James

[Sighclone]

Ah Craig - reminding us to be modest. Let me formally certify here that I have spent days, months, years, decades in significant or modest delusion about many things spiritual and personal. And yea even yet today I stumble forward fully capable of error!

Namaste, Andy

[Chariot]

I can relate to what you're going through because I'm experiencing similar issues. My mind has a habit of creating fear based scenarios. I feel this fear in my solar plexus as a knot or tightening sensation. Sometimes I'm aware of the thought that caused the feeling and other times I just feel fear itself. I've found it helpful to acknowledge that just because a thought is created by my conditioned mind, doesn't mean the thought is true. This makes it easier to watch the thought without getting pulled in by emotion. When emotion does take over, I allow it to be and put my attention directly on it without words in my mind. I've noticed that when I'm able to do this, the feeling dissolves on its own.

As for Eckhart saying that we don't need anything outside of ourselves. I think he's simply pointing to the truth that peace is within us and not something to be found in things outside of us. We've all had the experience of becoming attached to something thinking our life would be horrible if I lost this or that. Then one day we lose it, freak out, and suffer. Eventually, we accept the lose and find our balance again. Then we realize that we're actually okay without the thing we thought was so important. This is because that material thing never actually held the key to finding our peace. Realizing inner peace is not denying material things or relationships, it's okay to enjoy these things. It's when our minds tell us our well being and sense of peace is dependent on these things that fear based attachment sets in and we forget where true peace comes from. Remembering where the source of true peace comes from is awakening, and awakening is a process not an event.

[kiki]

Thank you for a great initial post, Chariot, and welcome to the board. I sense your contributions and insights here will aid many people.

kiki

[Chariot]

Your Welcome Kiki. This forum is a great resource for everyone. If I had it all figured out, I wouldn't be here...

[2p0p]

I will have a guess here, could it be that when you say/infer that you are concerned about a pressure to conform to the idea of '' we don't need anything outside of ourselves'' that you are feeling that you are betraying God and Jesus and your family?, if so,you can put that fear to flight by knowing that every relationship will be enhanced, as the false self flees in the face of your flowering spirit, as the man made and mind made constructs crumble in the rays of your resurrection ( so to speak) you will understand that your present pain had a purpose. Jesus said something like unless an ear of wheat die it cannot bring forth new life.

We come to the end of ourselves, all our efforts, come to nothing, we are then ready to rest,ready to just be , nothing can hurt us any more.

p.s...don't go cold turkey with SRI type drugs,give yourself a least 3 months or more.