Pain, Being Down, No Reason

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

Pain, Being Down, No Reason

Postby barbarasher » Sat Mar 11, 2006 6:34 pm

Hello All!

I haven’t written for so long, because I felt good or on an even keel. I had lessened the noise in my head and didn’t feel a need to communicate.

I still listen all the time to Elkhart’s DVDs. I have about 15 sets of different ones from him and some from the Dali Lama. They help enormously.

I don’t know why I am in such internal pain these last two weeks. My life is as good as it ever was.

I could blame it on:
My business is very stressful
My parents are always sick,
My husband is away for two weeks
I am on antibiotics this last week
I started seeing a therapist and opened up some stuff.
I don’t speak to by best friend of many years so much, since our main connection was me complaining about life and I don’t want to anymore.

BUT. I somehow think it’s just me, or the pain body or whatever. I do not think that any external circumstances will make a difference except temporarily before I go back to this set point and find something to be upset about.

I know that ET’s material and this forum have helped me raise this “set point”. All you like-minded people are so helpful.

But…

Help!
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Thankful for moods and situations that call for Presence

Postby Sandy » Sat Mar 11, 2006 7:35 pm

barbarasher wrote: I do not think that any external circumstances will make a difference except temporarily before I go back to this set point and find something to be upset about.


Hello Barbara, Currently I am in some very overwhelming circumstances with no way out on the horizon. At least by now I know that if I did succeed in getting rid of all my medical problems, financial concerns, 10-12 hour workdays at tasks that are hard for me, and my husband miraculously recovered from his worsening schizophrenia and early retirement from it -- that the resulting happiness of relief from all that would pass away just like everything else in our world of change. Like you say, there would be other things to become upset about.

Lately I have been open to seeing all this crushing stress as the means to having (whether I always want to or not) to be present rather than wishing things would just change and give me some (damn!) peace. Hmm, and what starts happening, the circumstances do not actually change all that much, but the experience of them is changing. More really being there with the kids I nanny and seeing the bonds of love growing like crazy from it, so that they chase me to the door and even out it for more hugs and sweet words. Plus instead of wishing that my husband would stop saying all those wacko upsetting things about the conspiratorial neighbors, just listening and commenting more calmly has led to a improved mood around our home.

We can talk better about the specific things that can be done for both of us to get a handle on realistic plans for changing what can be changed but accepting the rest for now with less stress. He brought out an early anniversary present last night where I can listen to classical music on the super headphones he got me for Christmas while being able to tap into lectures on the composers and other stuff. So, I still tell him right away that the voices he hears are not really our neighbors, but the way in which I listen and then comment as a response rather than a reaction makes a big difference! We become even more considerate of one another instead of more alienated over this crisis.

As always, as we are learning from Eckhart, being Present is not only the answer but is all there is. Sandy
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Postby erict » Sat Mar 11, 2006 7:55 pm

Hi Barbara,

I haven't really written anything in a long time as well. But you have special significance for me. My first impulse is to try to say something that would make you feel better. But I don't know what that could be. What I do want to say is that these external "causes" aren't the real source of how you feel. Everything in my own experience and my observations of other people points to the same conclusion: true change is inner change. Problems will always exist. There will always be something wrong. If you want to radically change your experience of life, you must change your self.

I don't really know what to say beyond this. Peace continues to elude me, and though I feel like the reason has to do with my job, familiy, financial situation and so on, deeper inside I know that the way I feel has little to do with these things.
"Be sincere; don't ask questions out of mere interest. Ask dangerous questions—the ones whose answers could change your life."
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Postby kiki » Sat Mar 11, 2006 8:40 pm

barbara wrote:BUT. I somehow think it’s just me, or the pain body or whatever.


Just watch it all, no need to find an answer in the mind. That which watches has no problem - You are That which watches.
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Postby Clare » Sat Mar 11, 2006 9:35 pm

My heart going out to both of you, dear Barbara and Sandy. You are both such precious souls. Blessings be upon you.

Love,
Clare
"The day is full of birds.
Sounds like they're saying words."

Kate Bush - "Aerial"
:)
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Postby dancer » Sat Mar 11, 2006 9:42 pm

I don’t know why I am in such internal pain these last two weeks. My life is as good as it ever was.


Maybe it's a gift.
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Postby heidi » Sat Mar 11, 2006 11:26 pm

When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change. I agree with Dancer. It's a gift, and the gift is in the lesson.

I was just wondering about you Barbara, and in you pop.
Here's to you knowing all the love and light and abundance and peace that's right here right now in this very moment. You, too Sandy, and you too Eric :). XO
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Postby Clare » Sun Mar 12, 2006 1:18 am

The first reaction is to avoid pain. We'll take drugs, numb ourselves any way we can, distance ourselves through spiritual practice, seek out any help we can to take us away from pain. But for pain to transform, we have to feel it with love and acceptance.

Pain is the rejected child of our consciousness. It sits on the outside throwing things at us to make us notice as we valiantly try to keep it out. All it wants is to be loved. Pain gets all kinds of reactions from us, but rarely love.

Now, with physical pain, I find this hard to do. With emotional pain, I have more success. But I do know that I don't feel presence as detachment, nor do I feel it is only ever feeling happy and well. I see it as feeling everything authentically, and this gives an authentic response to the now.
"The day is full of birds.
Sounds like they're saying words."

Kate Bush - "Aerial"
:)
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Postby barbarasher » Sun Mar 12, 2006 4:45 am

Thank you so much Sandy, ErictT, Kiki, Heidi, Clare, Dancer,

It is so nice to see that you are all still here. I expect that it is a very strong identification with ET’s message that draws us.

There will always be something wrong. If you want to radically change your experience of life, you must change your self.


Thanks EricT. I so know it in my mind. But, it’s only partially internalized into my emotional self. I feel that this is part of an awakening, so that at least I am not busy complaining about things, fixing things or planning to fix things like I was very much so in the past. As ET says, “The new thing is that you will never get THERE, you can only be THERE”.

So as you say Kiki, I will watch it. And try to at least stop feeling bad about feel bad.

EricT, if you find any peace, please tell me about it.

Clare, you are so right about the fact that the first reaction is to try to avoid it, and that it sits there like a child “nudging” and just wants to be loved. That is what the therapist says. She asked me to name it. I call him/her (its both) Doomsday.

Clare, can you tell me more about your success with emotional pain and how you do it?
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Postby Clare » Sun Mar 12, 2006 11:18 pm

Well, It's a nice synchronicity that you ask me, Barbara, as I just worked through this process with a client today, so it's reminded me. It is a process - seven step, but I really feel it's something that should be worked through with a professional who knows how to guide you. My concern is that DIY pain process at this level may end up getting overwhelming or stuck for the person doing it. You really need a guide. The seven steps are not secret, and no mystery, but I strongly recommend that you get someone who knows what they are doing to work through them with you. Wish you lived near London or Limousin, I'd be right there for you :)

They are:

Welcome the Pain - don't push it away, treat as a friendly visitor.
Acknowledge the pain - vocalise what the pain is and where it is in the body - emotional or physical
Intensify the pain - Allow it totality. Don't run or divert. Turn it up so you can really feel it. Allow it to become a cellular experience.
Make it OK - Giving yourself permission to experience it without judgement. It's okay to have this.
Love the pain - not in a masochisitic sense, but allowing love to envelope the experience of the pain. Being loving about the experience of it.
Unconditional forgiveness - who have you blamed for the pain? Another? Yourself? Bring in forgiveness for having this pain, for it being there, for whatever caused it.
Unconditional love - A natural step. Practice forgiveness of the pain until you feel this. At this point the vibration is raised and the crystal of pain is dissolved.

Hope it helps :)
Love,
Clare
"The day is full of birds.
Sounds like they're saying words."

Kate Bush - "Aerial"
:)
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Postby barbarasher » Mon Mar 13, 2006 6:02 am

Thank you so much.
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