Enlightened drunken camping

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letitgo
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Enlightened drunken camping

Post by letitgo » Tue Oct 14, 2008 10:19 pm

I hope you all can laugh with me on this one. I might as well share this because I seem to be learning to share everything else. How humiliating.

Where to begin? I took my boys camping along a beautiful river here in the Ozarks. They wanted to bow hunt for deer and even though I no longer hunt, I enjoy being in the woods. While they were gone for the day I had the best, most peaceful, loving meditation ever, immediately followed by the worst drunken binge ever.

My body has become incredibly sensitive to "everything" and I haven't even had a glass of wine for the past few weeks, feeling like I need to be aware of my senses and understand what is happening. I can't eat what I used to eat or drink what I used to drink. My hands are extremely sensitive to hot and cold. I can feel many different vibrations and energies I've never felt before. I had no idea this sensitivity would hit me the way it was about to!

Anyway, back at the campground, I had this wonderful meditation, and was so peaceful and joyous and full of love. I loved everything. I had never had this depth of feeling before. I loved everything I laid my eyes on. The logs in the fire, the picnic table, the grass, the mosquito that was buzzing me, I was just overwhelmed. This experience was out of character for me and very intense. Coming off this high, somewhere in the back of my mind, the thought of a martini appeared. Since I loved everything so much... at the moment... I felt a great deal of love for a martini.

I have never drank enough to forget what I did or act out of character. Alcohol just makes me an annoyingly happy, "I really love you", kind of guy. So I was shocked when I found myself dizzy and falling into bed at 8:30pm, and even more confused by not remembering very much of what happened. The boys loved it. They said I was inviting other campers over for chili and telling them how much I was worried about them when they were gone hunting, etc., but I knew this was way way different.

I later understood that this was my underlying pattern or belief coming through that "if this is good, then something more will even be better". My mind puts things out there just beyond my reach in order to keep things from consuming the now, which leaves my mind left out of the loop and for it, that is death. Hence the vodka. My mind snuck in, even at that joyous moment, and said, "Do you know what would even be better?" Just to get me out of that presence!

The next morning I managed to get the strength to look in the freezer at the bottle of Absolute to see if it was 100 proof or if I had drank the whole bottle, or at least try to figure out what had happened. It was 80 proof and I had only had a couple martinis. I guess I'll stick with smoothies.

Hope you enjoyed my humiliation, Norm
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

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heidi
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Re: Enlightened drunken camping

Post by heidi » Wed Oct 15, 2008 3:34 pm

Hi Norm - Thanks for sharing. I, too have been humbled similarly (one time I became so inward after the humbling, I was inspecting every thought that came into my head for about 8 months...), and I still continue to humble myself on a regular basis. :)
Cheers!
Heidi
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letitgo
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Re: Enlightened drunken camping

Post by letitgo » Wed Oct 15, 2008 3:54 pm

Thanks Heidi,

It's always been almost impossible for me to be anything but proper. Proper being relative to my mind's concept of the image of what is "proper". And there was a time when this camping event would have haunted me for days or even weeks. And I certainly wouldn't have been sharing the event with others! But now, it's just something that happened. I learned something from it and thought I would share it. I was even quite surprised at myself while I was writing the post.

There's just so much stuff that your mind says, "That's not appropriate, or, you should feel that way, or, you're letting your guard down too far". The list never ends. It's nice to just be able to say, "Oh well, that was kind of stupid, but so what?" I guess this post was just a way for me to put me in my place... faulty but perfect.

Sincerely, Norm
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

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Re: Enlightened drunken camping

Post by Sighclone » Wed Oct 15, 2008 5:28 pm

I think integrating growing awareness with our old ego patterns is ok. The fact that you immediately stepped outside of that minor binge experience and see it as a blip in the past, like every other one, and not loading it up with lots of energy is great. My poor sister holds onto ancient grudges and they all remain in her body.

Now, moreover, you have the experience of impulse to booze during a special moment of unity consciousness, and will know the result of that, and will likely choose the smoothie!

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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