It's been difficult for me to remain present. When I stop, even just to take a few breaths, I usually become immediately present, but that doesn't count. What I don't like is when the day kicks into gear and I'm working and interacting and planning and scheming and I realize that I just blew through three or four hours without a semblance of self awareness. I don't feel this is bad. I realize that when I'm doing what I love or really super busy that I loose track of time, but I have been longing to bring that higher part of myself along for the ride in a more direct, moment by moment way. Also, when I have a full busy day of non-presence, it takes more than a couple breathes to get my connection back and when I have to work to reconnect, it makes me realize how alone I was during my "un-presence".
So this is what I've put my intent on for the last few weeks. Attempting to hold that vibration through any setting or scenario, and for me that was staying present. But it wasn't! I have found that there is a difference between the vibrations of connection to source and becoming or remaining present. I think I've been coming in the back door. This is what I thought I would share. What happened from an energy/vibration stand point upon attempting to become present and connected while going constantly in an out of various stages of awareness.
Since I was a child in a charismatic church I was puzzled by people with magnificent abilities to prophecy, preach, heal, speak in tongues, etc, and be what I viewed at the time, a despicable individual. Now I just simply understand that anyone can connect with source and accomplish great or terrible deeds. It's their choice. It has recently come to my understanding that my preoccupation with connection to source has been putting my presence out somewhere in the future. Not quite obtainable at the moment. But when the two actually meet... it's really awesome.
I was watching TV and in a daze when my mind came back to my situation. It didn't come back to presence, but came back in kind of a swirl of thought. Thoughts about what I need to do today and what I should have done yesterday. When the thought gathered enough attachment for me to recognize it energetically, I was about to drop it, when a strange thing happened. I became present instead. The mind that was focused on the TV, then focused on the future, then focused on the past, then was about to get dropped, came to me and said, "What do you want to do right now?" In order to adequately relate what I think happened I must state that for approximately two or three weeks I have been following this procedure of dropping thoughts as soon as I could feel them energetically. In addition, I've been reading Sanaya Roman's Soul Love, which ask you to ask your subpersonalities to HELP you with your connection to source. Could it be... that my mind... is helping me? That it got tired of being dropped out of the loop so-to-speak?
This has become my new pattern of thought. And it's really wonderful. I hope someone might have some part of "my story" resonate some sort of good within them.
Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.
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