My Awakening

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.
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domokato
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Re: My Awakening

Post by domokato » Mon Dec 29, 2008 8:33 pm

Hahahaha! Yay!
~housecat

E1lycat
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Re: My Awakening

Post by E1lycat » Sat Jan 10, 2009 4:11 am

The shifts, changes and transformations keep on coming. I've been practicing inner body feeling.. and it's so easy to put awareness on awareness itself. I know when I've succeeded because it suddenly feels like all the cells in my body are vibrating at a higher frequency and there is endless, unlimited joy. Like Mooji says, and which I feel is very true.. when awareness is aware of itself, the joy that rises out of that is like a perfume.

Inner body feeling, coupled with feelings of this vast emptiness and spaciousness inside then led to inner body awareness. I've started becoming aware of the pollution in my inner space. When I'm going about doing things, I've got an eye watching any turmoil inside. I try to be aware of every emotion, heartbeat jump, energy change. When it becomes really chaotic and I feel myself becoming unconscious, I sit down and watch the feelings until they go away. In doing so, I haven't been watching the mind.. but watching the space and clearing up all the inner stuff has slowed down my mind considerably. The pain body isn't generating too many thoughts anymore. Speaking of pain body, I now understand why people describe the feeling of 'weights or burdens being lifted off their shoulders'. When the poin body activates, the flood of energy centres around my shoulders and heart, and when the emotion dissolves, my shoulders feel lighter, and my heart doesn't struggle so much anymore.

Heh.. other strange things happening.. it's like things are rearranging themselves inside me. I hear chimes, and feel blockages being moved around. I experienced a mini black hole where an emotion in my chest suddenly got sucked into nothingness. I think I'm also losing weight.

A few days ago, I took an unprecedented afternoon nap. I was watching these particularly turbulent emotions inside me, and fell asleep still watching. When I woke up, I felt tremendous relief because I had stopped seeing the world through a fear filter. The world wasn't so hostile and alien anymore. Something else also changed during that nap. Before I felt a sense of separation from the watcher.. like I was watching the watcher, but I wasn't the watcher itself. And when I got up, I suddenly felt like I was the watcher. I felt really at peace, and really calm. There was inner acceptance, and no fear.

It feels very good to be here. :D
I am in need of nothing but the truth

-ACIM-

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Webwanderer
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Re: My Awakening

Post by Webwanderer » Sat Jan 10, 2009 5:36 pm

Nice post Eilycat, thanks for sharing. Awakening is about increased clarity in being. In clarity, here and now feels like home. LIfe continues to have its challenges, but silent presence is a true sanctuary in an often stormy world.

WW

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Sighclone
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Re: My Awakening

Post by Sighclone » Sun Jan 11, 2009 6:31 am

E1lycat, I am so happy for your shift....a big hug coming your way! Eckhart gave us the 'tools' for the demolition project, but learning how to use them (all being directions/observations of our fundamental awareness at whatever level it resides) is our job.

I am a very intuitive reader...a new person is present in your prose...of course, in saying that, I mean the authentic, free E1lycat has a clearer voice...

...the starfish floundering on the shore has found her way back to the ocean...

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

dubhasa
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Re: My Awakening

Post by dubhasa » Wed Jan 21, 2009 5:51 pm

Nice post E1lycat. I dare to say, I know what you are talking about. I think I went through or going through similar set of experiences. It really helps to write it down and share these experiences. It needs to be in public domain....
May your deepening continue..
Regards.
dubhasa

E1lycat
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Surrender

Post by E1lycat » Sat Jan 24, 2009 2:22 pm

Thanks dubhasa and Andy and Webwanderer.

There is usually so much resistance and tension in my body, I've never learned to truly relax. It's like my body is constantly on the defence, or on guard against 'bad things' that could happen. Lately I've been feeling as if the key to this is to surrender, to relinquish all control, but it's something I haven't done in a very very long time. However, a few days ago, I was pondering this thing 'surrender', wondering what it involved. And I decided, right there and then, to let go, to just let whatever happens, happen. And all of a sudden, there was deep peace, and a lightness.. I had an awesome gym session after that, even though it didn't last. The tension came back, but since then I've just been practicing surrender, surrender and more surrender, and have been more relaxed than I've been in a really long time, even in high tension situations.

There have been rocky moments with ego and pain body, but I've also experienced moments of joy, and once, an outpouring of love towards nothing in particular. These experiences and states come and go, they don't last because I'm still so thought-identified. But things are slowly improving, and changing, and inner body feeling has healed my slightly hard of hearing left ear. Heh.. now for my eyesight..
Last edited by E1lycat on Sun Jan 25, 2009 5:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
I am in need of nothing but the truth

-ACIM-

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Re: Surrender

Post by randomguy » Sat Jan 24, 2009 7:55 pm

E1lycat wrote:There is usually so much resistance and tension in my body, I've never learned to truly relax.
E1lycat, It has been really enjoyable to read your experiences with awakening. You seem very perceptive of your awakening process. I feel very good for you.

This quote above reminds me of the interview of Adyashanti at the end of the "Spontaneous Awakening" audio book. He describes a very kinesthetic shift after his awakening that took place in the 3 to 4 years that followed. He said it was like his brain rewired and body shifted to adapt to the presence, to establish a new equilibrium. He said our fears and beliefs are very much in our body.

I have a lot of tension in my body too. I have been working to reduce it since I was a teenager. I made some progress with the sort of conventional methods(yoga, meditation, bodywork, stretching) but in my experience, nothing shifts the conditioned body-mind patterns more than doing exactly what you described in your post above, surrender.

By the way, Adya said he "got off light" with only 3-4 years. For me it may very well be a life long practice that may or may not end in total equilibrium, but what happy work anyway.
Do the yellow-rose petals
tremble and fall
at the rapid's roar?
- Basho

E1lycat
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Re: My Awakening

Post by E1lycat » Sun Jan 25, 2009 6:38 am

He said it was like his brain rewired and body shifted to adapt to the presence, to establish a new equilibrium. He said our fears and beliefs are very much in our body.
Thanks randomguy. :D I've also been doing online daily lessons from A Course in Miracles, which I feel may help with the rewiring process. Even from the first lesson 'Nothing I see *in this room* means anything', I experienced a shift in my perception. When I first started, I looked at something in the room and said "This cushion doesn't mean anything', and just looked at it. And then it felt like a mental screen melted away, and something very pure and innocent was looking out of my eyes at this startling 'cushion' thing. And I experienced the same thing with everything I looked at, even the guy I call my boyfriend sleeping a little way off. :lol: It was fun and fresh, like looking at things from a newborn's perspective :D

Also, I find that when fear, tension or pain arises, and I watch and let it be, I can sometimes catch a mental image that has arisen, or an inner commentary that's perpetuating the feeling. The mental images can be quite startling, I've found that a lot of my beliefs and fears have a root in my childhood. And I realize they're just thoughts, just images, and they have significantly less power over me.

I'm real glad that I'm awakening now, in my early twenties, because I feel there isn't so much rewiring to be done. My ego never really established a very solid identity for itself, it was always swinging here and there and trying out new things, changing likes and dislikes and playing different roles every hour or so. Heh, so I've never really been attracted to the question 'Who am I?'; the E1lycat I knew was always changing anyway..so it's good to know what's underneath all that, and to let the spontaneous me be. :D
I am in need of nothing but the truth

-ACIM-

E1lycat
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Re: My Awakening

Post by E1lycat » Sat Feb 14, 2009 5:53 am

I feel there isn't so much rewiring to be done
Ok I totally withdraw that statement! There is soooo much rewiring to be done :lol: :lol:
Anyway, I just realized I haven't written much about rocky ego and pain body moments. But they feel like an important part about this whole awakening experience.

I can't say I'm free of suffering. I still suffer away occasionally, usually when I'm completely trapped by something that isn't there.. that is, my mind sitting in the future and refusing to budge. And I've sometimes found the situation ridiculously funny. I'm in the here and now, probably staring at a tree or table of some sort.. but I don't see them. I see a bunch of images, thoughts, and I feel the intense energy changes in my body which tells me I've got fear or emotional pain. And then I give a mental shake shake, and I'm seeing the tree.. and then my thoughts start up again and I'm totally identified. And I have to shake shake again and again until I've had enough and come into stillness.

But day by day, stillness deepens, and I feel a depth that I haven't felt before, and at the same time, an openness. Things keep changing, interests falling away, fears slowly fading, there isn't a drive anymore to do what I used to do. I've actually realized, all the things I've done, 'accomplished'.. I've done them out of fear, or I've done them because someone else wanted me to. I don't actually remember a time when I've done something without fear as the motivation behind it.

I've surprised myself by not reacting and not getting upset when people have ego moments and yell at me. Life is flowing, and sometimes, I'm floating peacefully along with it. And of course, at first, when I put up resistance and tried to control things, I suffered away. So I'm just letting things happen, allowing these changes and not being too worried about them. Surrender is a beautiful thing... when it actually happens, hehe. :D
I am in need of nothing but the truth

-ACIM-

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Javonni
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Re: My Awakening

Post by Javonni » Sat Feb 14, 2009 2:49 pm

I've also been doing online daily lessons from A Course in Miracles, which I feel may help with the rewiring process. Even from the first lesson 'Nothing I see *in this room* means anything', I experienced a shift in my perception.

EC: I have been working the Course about 2 1/2 years. It is something I will do for the rest of my life. Working the Course lessons allows for the shifts to occur more readily.

I enjoyed reading your thread.

Javonni
When someone asks me who they are or what God is, I smile inside and whisper to the Light: "There you go again pretending."
~Adyashanti

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Sighclone
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Re: My Awakening

Post by Sighclone » Sat Feb 14, 2009 8:49 pm

E1lycat -

And you sound different, also...your words and the spaces between them.

Can you get a copy of Adyashanti's six-CD set "The end of your world?" It will not be cheap. But it is wonderful. He talks about the flow of the river, and many other things. There are about seven hours - wonderful and peaceful.

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

E1lycat
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Re: My Awakening

Post by E1lycat » Sun Feb 15, 2009 7:01 pm

Thanks Javonni, it's a great course. :D
Can you get a copy of Adyashanti's six-CD set "The end of your world?"
Hi Andy! Hope you're allright. :D
Yes, I got it a couple of days ago, right after I wrote that post! :lol: Thank you for intuitively recommending it, because it addresses every question I've had so far about awakening, it's really really good. Not finished yet though.. but enjoying it immensely, even the bouts of crying and realizations in between chapters. :lol:
I am in need of nothing but the truth

-ACIM-

E1lycat
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Re: My Awakening

Post by E1lycat » Mon Feb 16, 2009 2:41 pm

Another realization.

Ego is illusion.. it's not real!
There is nobody here!
This is the most weird feeling. I'm dropping in and out of 'me' and no 'me'. Whoooaa! Disorienting..
I am in need of nothing but the truth

-ACIM-

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Re: My Awakening

Post by Sighclone » Mon Feb 16, 2009 7:25 pm

Identity shift - yup, pretty normal...might take a while to orient, "in and out" as heidi says. During that period, it is OK to recapture the phantom and wear the clothes, if you will, just to have some stability. Before your shift began, that was not an option...they were the only clothes you had. Now You don't need them, but society has certain expectations. You might read the Parker interview with ET again - it was done some years ago and has been republished at the bottom of the homepage to the parent website for this forum, here:
http://www.inner-growth.info/power_of_n ... e_home.htm

ET talks about the usefulness of a little piece of ego...or the "I-thought."

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

E1lycat
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Ego hurts

Post by E1lycat » Thu Feb 19, 2009 6:36 pm

Hi Andy, thanks for the interview link. ET speaks from such depths that some parts are quite unfathomable to me :mrgreen:

I just noticed.. everytime I'm identified with ego now, it hurts! I actually feel pain in the body when I say things like 'I want' or 'I need to' or 'I should' or if I'm identified with any self seeking thought pattern. The division and separation that ego thrives on is actually really painful. And it's also a great reminder to step out of it.

Wow.. there's so much conflict in here.

And now I don't know what to do.. and I don't know anything.. and that's great! What a relief to not have to know everything anymore. Before, being a science student and budding academic, I felt like I had to know everything, because knowledge is power and can get you places.. but now, it's so free-ing to say 'I don't know!' :D :D :D
I am in need of nothing but the truth

-ACIM-

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