I feel free

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

I feel free

Postby Lee28 » Mon Dec 29, 2008 7:28 pm

I am new to Eckhart Tolle teachings. In fact I am reading "the new earth" for the first time. I have been reading it for one month now and nearly finished, I have not read any of his other works yet. But plan to do so. I have just ordered an audio cd.

I have always been searching for who I am, who I should be. Always in deep thought, pondering and thinking about anything and everything.

I remember when I was eleven years old, I always new there was something more to the world, more to me but I did not know what. I had just finished rugby training waiting for my dad to pick me up. I was caught up in the usual chattering and distorted emotions of my pain body to notice anything going on around me when suddenly I caught a glimpse of the stars in the sky but more profound and overwhelming to me was the deepness of space. I had never realized this before and did not understand back then either, my sense of being. I had an urge to close my eyes, I felt the cold breeze against me and felt nothing but complete satisfaction and a sense of great happiness, for a second there was no thought, looking back I now realise the ego and my pain body had dissipated but for a second. Then the beep of a horn pulled me back into the madness and I jumped into my dads car to let what had happened become just another memory.

it wasn't till years later that I started to crave to know who I am, a need, a longing to search for happiness so I could relieve myself from the pain I would every so often feel. when I was eighteen I racked up a load of dept with compulsive spending only to find that I always wanted more and often drank too much and played the different roles in front of my piers and to the rest of society when needed, often wishing I was someone else.

I started to learn about different religions, philosophies, go on meditation seminars, learn tai chi but none of it was ever truly fulfilling. I would meditate and believe I was emptying my mind of thoughts but soon would get frustrated and angry because I had not succeeded, if only I new then what I know now that my ego was just simply creating another object, another form for me to believe in. I was no more enlightened than I was when I was drinking and spending money; I was just now deluding myself in a different context.

So, after spouts of happiness and unhappiness I finally found happiness. I met my ex girlfriend, this was three years ago. Well I thought it was happiness. We were great together, it was love at first site, we never once argued. I had stopped my soul searching as I thought what I perceived to be true happiness would never end!

But something strange started happening to us both, we would get irritated easily over the simplest of things snapping at each other, we went from being the happy couple to being agitated and miserable, she would talk to me and I would feel this surge of anger rise through me and a chattering of thoughts that made me even more angry just because I had been interrupted from my TV programme. Or she would snap at me in the kitchen claiming I was getting in the way even though we had always cooked together. Her face would change, her eyes become unrecognisable, a blank expression of the person I used to know and no doubt she would have seen the same in me. Of course I now know it was our pain bodies that were destroying the relationship. I would feel great regret afterwards and appologise for some of the things I said and wonder to myself why I would get so angry so easily but in the end we slowly withdrew from each other and the relationship ended. That all happened within 6 weeks.

Now for the next six months my ego played the victim, I was depressed and thought about killing myself, my emotions were so negative and deep to the core, the pain body was thriving like it had never done before and my ego was feeding the madness even further. I would even pass out through drinking too much alcohol, cry madly and break down for no apparent reason, I withdrew from everything, I thought I was about to break then something happened.

I was at my mums helping her move house. I was being quiet, thinking about how unfair life was, how I wish things in my past had turned out different, basically feeling sorry for myself when I noticed the book “A new earth” on my mums book shelf.

I was immediately drawn to it out of all the books she had, I didn’t know why at the time and I sat on the bed and started to read, and a month later here I am. Well, not on the bed still, hehe!

My life has changed! All that I thought I was, trying to be, to find who I am has now gone, simply evaporated. I am! I simply be! If I could describe in words the way I feel or sense it would be a deep space, an empty void yet filled with happiness like bliss yet aware of everything around me. A great sense of being!

Eckhart Tolle’s teachings have awakened me to what I once found incomprehensible, all the religions, doctrines and spiritual practices I have learned and experienced now actually make sense. For ET has shown me in laymen terms and helped me to understand the true reality of self.

I no longer press upon, long for or need; I now allow my presence to simply be and come through as a true consciousness, not one of the egos. Though I am not totally rid of the ego I simply let it be and realize that it is not apart of me and so I am no longer gripped by the dark emotions which are provoked by my once ceaseless pain body.

For weeks I have meditated, practiced chi gong and read the teachings of “the new earth”. With each page turned all and everything becomes more profound to me as the answers I once sought I now realize they were actually already within me. I just needed someone to point me in the right direction!

I woke up this morning different. I meditated and as I meditated something far deeper from where I know not arisen inside me, a blissfulness that is not translatable by words but only by a sense of being. I actually felt a tear fall, but it was one of finality, of happiness, a sense that I was finally at one with the whole. I feel free now. My life is anew or I should say that my presence is true.

I see the world differently now, I know this may sound corny but I do. Everything seems so refreshed, I feel full of energy. Life seems simpler to me now yet far deeper in essence. I laugh out loud constantly, my ego says, “AM I MAD”. But I recognize my ego as just that and laugh some more, you could say straight from my heart, my being. I have never felt like this before, a calmness, empty but more fulfilled than ever. To notice the world around you, to sense it, to make eye contact with people and smile instead of being withdrawn from the world in your own ego. To no longer become angered by the simplest of actions or feel threatened and paranoid by the ego’s delusions and to not feel pain and suffering yet to accept it and know that it is only emotion, it is not apart of the true I.

I find it strange interacting at the moment with people, though not so strange, just different. To see so many people lost in thought, to know I was the same, though I suppose still i am still no different, just not as lost in thought!
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Re: I feel free

Postby domokato » Mon Dec 29, 2008 7:45 pm

Welcome to the forum, Lee28!

My story of awakening is actually very similar to yours, although I've never told it here. I wasn't a fan of alcohol, so my vice of choice after breaking up with my ex was marijuana, hehe.
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Re: I feel free

Postby Sighclone » Mon Dec 29, 2008 10:02 pm

Thank you for joining our community, Lee28. Your story is inspiring and wonderful. And you get the delights of reading more Eckhart, as you choose, and also Adyashanti, who is a favorite here. But of course, none of the writing can compare with the present moment. We look forward to your participation.

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: I feel free

Postby kiki » Mon Dec 29, 2008 10:24 pm

Welcome Lee28 - I enjoyed reading your story. I am sure others will be able to relate to much of what you wrote. Please, as mentioned by Sighclone, do check out Adyashanti as well - lots of material on his website: http://www.adyashanti.org/

kiki
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Re: I feel free

Postby nodoubt » Tue Dec 30, 2008 12:28 pm

Lee28 wrote:
Eckhart Tolle’s teachings have awakened me to what I once found incomprehensible, all the religions, doctrines and spiritual practices I have learned and experienced now actually make sense. For ET has shown me in laymen terms and helped me to understand the true reality of self.




Hello Lee28

Yeah, this is what kept me reading ET- he presents a layman's manual for sanity.

Welcome to the site.
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Re: I feel free

Postby Webwanderer » Tue Dec 30, 2008 4:01 pm

Thanks for sharing that great story of awakening. Welcome to the forum.

WW
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Re: I feel free

Postby HermitLoon » Wed Dec 31, 2008 6:38 pm

Welcome Lee28 :)
Here is what Maharaj says about "Awakening"
There are no steps to self-realization. There is nothing gradual about it. It happens suddenly and irrevocably. You rotate into a new demension, seen from which the previous ones are mere abstractions. Just like on sunrise you see things as they are, so on self-realization you see everything as it is. The world of illusion is left behind. (331)

With some, realization comes imperceptibly, but somehow they need convincing. They have changed, but they do not notice it. Such non-spectacular cases are often the most reliable. (291)

The experience [of self-realization] is unique and unmistakable. It will dawn on you suddenly, when the obstacles are removed to some extent. It is like a frayed rope snapping. Yours is the work at the strands. The break is bound to happen. It can be delayed, but not prevented. (502)

All will come through, not a single soul shall be lost. (377)

For some time, the mental habits may linger in spite of the new vision, the habit of longing for the unknown past and fearing the unknown future. When you know these are of the mind only, you can go beyond them. (509)

When the mind goes emptiness remains, awareness remains, pure light of the conscious being remains. It is like asking what remains of a room when all the furniture is removed. A most serviceable room remains. And when even the walls are pulled down, space remains. Beyond space and time is the here and now of reality. (423)

You will recognize that you have returned to your natural state by a complete absence of all desire and fear. After all, at the root of all desire and fear is the feeling of not being what you are.
On realization That which cannot change, remains. The great peace, the deep silence, the hidden beauty of reality remain. While it cannot be conveyed through words, it is waiting for you to experience for yourself. (476)

Then, even in the body, you are not born. To be embodied or bodyless is the same to you. You reach a point when nothing can happen to you. Without body, you cannot be killed; without possessions, you cannot be robbed; without mind, you cannot be deceived. There is no point where a desire of fear can hook on. As long as no change can happen to you, what else matters? (469)

On realization, you feel complete, fulfilled, free from the pleasure-pain complex, and yet not always able to explain what happened, why and how. You can put it only in negative terms: "Nothing is wrong with me any longer". It is only by comparison with the past that you know that you are out of it. Otherwise, you are just yourself. (332)
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Re: I feel free

Postby Glycine » Wed Dec 31, 2008 7:26 pm

Wow, what a selection!
Thank you, HL!
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Re: I feel free

Postby HermitLoon » Wed Dec 31, 2008 7:45 pm

You're Welcome :)
Peace
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Re: I feel free

Postby Sighclone » Wed Dec 31, 2008 9:27 pm

HL -

Wow! That was a wonderful synthesis from the old cigarman! It is hard to pick through "I Am That" to get such nuggets. I was having a choppy morning, with lots of little "life duties" trying to hook me. They succeeded for maybe one second and then fell away. Thank you for a great start into the new year!

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: I feel free

Postby HermitLoon » Wed Dec 31, 2008 10:14 pm

Happy New Year Andy. :)
You're Welcome.
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Re: I feel free

Postby Lee28 » Wed Dec 31, 2008 11:26 pm

Thanks Hermitloon! :D Love the quote. happy new year and to everyone else.
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Re: I feel free

Postby Lee28 » Sat Jan 03, 2009 9:39 pm

Change

The most beauty, no
The greatest feeling, no
Something far more wonderful than that
is found in everything,
and nothing
Enough to make a tear fall,
Enough to make you smile :D,
Oh how wonderful this moment is,
A constant change of form and movement,
But that change is in stillness,
Where beauty is even more so!
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Re: I feel free

Postby Sighclone » Sun Jan 04, 2009 7:21 pm

lovely, Lee...thank you.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: I feel free

Postby Lee28 » Mon Jan 05, 2009 12:35 am

I was loooking through a book today and found this beautiful poem, it is by Zen master Po Chu-i, words can be so transcending when they derive from nothingness.

LUTE

My lute set aside
on the little table,
Lazily I meditate
on cherished feelings,
The reason I don't bother
to strum and pluck?
There's a breeze over the strings
and it plays itself.
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