I feel free

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

Re: I feel free

Postby James » Mon Jan 05, 2009 3:16 am

Love the poem, especially the last line:
There's a breeze over the strings
and it plays itself.


Thanks
"Awareness is already present, already here, already now; before you try to be more.... In that recognition there's no effort, there's just acknowledgment"..."Awareness is not something you can understand, it's something you are."
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Re: I feel free

Postby Lee28 » Thu Jan 08, 2009 1:49 am

its funny recently some people that i've known for a long time are simply not in my life anymore, they seem angry, like i'm throwing away my life. I've changed so much that i do, not on purpose but it just feels right to do so. One i don't feel the need to drink alcohol anymore, just things like that really. In fact I'm enjoying life to the full now experienceing and saying yes to so much more but without the needs and wants that i was once constricted so tightly by(smiling is so good too,hehe). I find now I'm interacting with people on a whole new level without even trying, i'm actually actively listening and interested in what and who people are without my ego getting in the way anymore. I've trained in the martial arts since i was 9, i'm 27 now but i've realised it's not what i actually want to do anymore like so much in my life and for some reason that seems to anger certain people, even some members of my family are questioning my motives. They have trouble accepting who i really am, though it is what it is, as i have learnt from eckharts teaching, nothing is constant but ever changing.
Though i suppose those people only knew my ego, i wasn't my true self always playing an act, always trying to be something, someone, not knowing who instead of just being and being present in the now but when i think back i did always know who i was, there was always little glimpses but i just couldn't quite put my finger on it, i was just ignorant or really i was mostly unconscious of it.
The funniest thing is, a girl i have known for years sent me a text recently and at the end it said, "I'm really glad you're happy for the moment" and it made me smile, she is so close to the truth, i thought i am happy but not just for the moment, i am happy in the moment! But the people who are no longer in my life have been replaced by new people who now know the real me, I just enjoy the moment and things keep coming my way without even having to try or think about it anymore. i suppose i don't judge people now, i just simply accept everything as it is without struggle, pain or ego!
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Re: I feel free

Postby domokato » Thu Jan 08, 2009 3:26 am

That's interesting! When I first read PON I wanted to leave my longstanding friends as well. However, I decided it would be a good spiritual challenge to stick with them. I think I'm failing that challenge in some regards by slipping back into ego when I'm around them now that I think about it, but your post helped bring that to my attention :). Thanks.
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Re: I feel free

Postby Sighclone » Thu Jan 08, 2009 8:10 am

Lee28 -

i am happy but not just for the moment, i am happy in the moment!


So well said, Lee. It is a delight, for me at least, to hear about people who are abiding more and more in self-realized unity consciousness. Your experience now sounds a lot more like joy than happiness. Life will bring you the best path, now that you have antennae which have been retuned. Be well, and stay in touch.

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: I feel free

Postby Lee28 » Sun Jan 18, 2009 12:39 am

SILENT OBSERVATION

There are over a million things to look at
when facing a single wall,
How wonderful and mysterious
the world is!

END
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Re: I feel free

Postby Lee28 » Sun Feb 15, 2009 12:54 am

I have just recently finished reading the power of now. My understanding, not that I can really understand such a moment as the now has in words become even more profound. To surrender as it suggests in the PON is amazing and beautiful but is beyond these simple words. To be at a peace with all and everything around you, to be able to see each emotion as it is without a label or a name, to not judge or stake claim to any thought yet be a silent watcher of all this and more.

Also I am now currently reading The end of your world by adyashanti. I find his teachings are a great pointer though what he suggests is that his teachings are not the truth, nothing can be the absolute truth except that of you're own experiences, beyond the ego, beyond thoughts, beyond everything. I, I can not describe but I just know who my real self is. And to take joy in self inquiry. I never realised this is what awakening would be like. This book is a great help and I think anyone who has just found their true self should read this book as it is a good pointer.

I seem to be consciousness more and more but sometimes I find myself half way through a dream yet to awaken to that moment, to accept it, is helping to maintain consciousness in the now. Sometimes though I find I have been daydreaming for quite a long time and then suddenly I realise and bring myself back into the present moment. But I accept that is okay. Though I watch some thoughts come that are sometimes quite negative things, at first it can be quite a shock to see things that could be seen as being horrible to someone. But to know you're not associated with those thoughts, that that’s all they are, thoughts.

I thought once I had awakened I would not get such thoughts or feelings, how funny it is that the opposite of what you think is the truth. I'm a prison officer and today I actually reacted for a split second to feelings that are associated with anger. Someone asked me to turn their cell light off yet I couldn't here from the noise. They got angry, "can't you f***in here me". I reacted, I shouted "all right", and a great energy swept over me. A great pressure in my head. For a moment I had been unconscious, in the past I would have what you could call seen red but within the mist of all that anger I stopped. Became suddenly aware of all that was going on inside me, the negative thoughts, and the emotions. And I watched. I became present. The prisoner glared at me through the cell door with red anger rising in his face. I waited a moment, for a thought to come from nothing. I said, sorry, I’ll turn your light off for you. And smiled wholeheartedly, with love. He just looked at me, his features softened. "Cheers boss" was his reply and he lay down. I have never been in a reaction such as this that has become calm so quickly. Usually, well sometimes it would escalate into more shouting but the situation peted out as quickly as it began. And I thanked god so to speak for such a test. The emotions were still there for a few more moments but I simply just watched them without a label, and they slowly dissipated.

I'm learning that awakening does not mean running away from what still lies beneath and lurks around the corner. I watched a video of ET last night and he said something on the lines of you will never stop such negative thoughts as they are spontaneous just as all you're emotions and other thoughts are. But to see them, and watch them. To know that they are only thoughts and emotions and not you're true self. To know that you don't have to act upon them.

I suppose it’s the greatest self empowerment of all.

I was sat in my car the other day; it’s been snowing in England, Manchester recently. And I wrote this poem. I would like to share it.

WATCHING

The heat rises upon the windscreen,
The ice stands still,
When will this mist evaporate?
I do not know.

I listen to the noise of the engine
Rise and curl,
And somewhere in the distance
A bird sings a boundless song.

A crack appears upon the ice,
More evaporation,
Objects denounced.

I can’t tell what is ahead of me,
Or that which follows or to
My sides,

It is a wonderful energy, no-thing at all.
But as I am one with all these things,
The ice begins to evaporate like a
Mountain spring.

And all becomes apparent to what unfolds before,
Everything so simple, everything so clear,
Exactly as it should be,
With nothing as much to fear.

END

Blessings to everyone.
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Re: I feel free

Postby Sighclone » Sun Feb 15, 2009 1:44 am

Lee28 -

What a wonderful story of Presence with the prisoner!!!!!! Thank you for sharing - it is exactly those kind of moments, expressed so well by you, that lend credibility to the "everyday life" of awakening, and how much love is really contained in Being. And thanks for the poem, and for joining.

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: I feel free

Postby Javonni » Sun Feb 15, 2009 2:26 am

Lee, have you ever read From Onions to Pearls? It is about a man in prison who awakened. If you haven't read it, I bet you would really enjoy it.

I am impressed that you were able to stay in the present in the precarious situation in which you work.

Javonni
When someone asks me who they are or what God is, I smile inside and whisper to the Light: "There you go again pretending."
~Adyashanti
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Re: I feel free

Postby DWBH1953 » Sun Feb 15, 2009 2:53 am

Lee28 wrote: But the people who are no longer in my life have been replaced by new people who now know the real me, I just enjoy the moment and things keep coming my way without even having to try or think about it anymore. i suppose i don't judge people now, i just simply accept everything as it is without struggle, pain or ego!


Wonderful story Lee and just think of what you can do given being a prison guard.
Some wonderful people have woke up in prison one who is a great teacher of non duality and also a dear friend is John Sherman you should check him out sometime. He a very special man. His site is
www.johnsherman.org
Welcome
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Do not meditate-be!
Do not think that you are-be!
Do not think about being-you are!
Sri Ramana
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Re: I feel free

Postby Javonni » Sun Feb 15, 2009 3:34 am

www.johnsherman.org

I read his story on this site. Fascinating! Thanks Randji.

Javonni
When someone asks me who they are or what God is, I smile inside and whisper to the Light: "There you go again pretending."
~Adyashanti
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Re: I feel free

Postby Lee28 » Sun Feb 15, 2009 9:34 pm

thanks, i have never read that book so i will look it up as well as viewing the website.
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suffering

Postby Lee28 » Fri Apr 24, 2009 10:22 pm

I'm recently feeling strange things what i would descibe as a constant numbness. There is the emotion of pain and I see it but even though my body is experiencing this I see my thoughts coming up with all type of stories though I look on and realise thats all they are. I let it simply be, there is nothing else to do. I'm just left with these feelings.

I've just had my first relationship with a woman since all this came ahead and I became awake so to speak. she said at the moment she's not ready to actually carry on the relationship because she's just got out of a long term one. But I had the emotion rise in me but on a deeper level I just was not affected. Its not that I'm ignoring what I'm feeling, trying to put a safety blanket over my head.

I still, well my body is reacting in a way where in the past from other relationships that have ended my ego would have just fallen apart with these emotions but instead its like I'm just watching all this going on, neither bad or good. And then I'm wondering have I actually just slipped into unconsciousness. Or maybe I've never actually been awake. This is, not confusing but I just feel so detatched from the world. I don't feel an unhappiness, well my body does but I as the awareness do not feel anything. Thats not even what I'm trying to say but its the best I can explain it.

I still feel a deep sense of peace behind all this bodily turmoil which I've never felt before. A tear even fell down my face but it was the strangest thing to see all this. Before I've been walking around in a bliss type state that was also not really true either but I'm wondering now if this is also just another of those states.

just recently though things have seemed to just not matter anymore, its like one big play, I know I'm in this, that I'm apart of it but also its like I'm detatched from it. On one hand I still feel these great pangs of hurt while simultaneously I feel peaceful still. Its all very confusing but not, like i know but I don't. I can't say anymore, I can't even explain things. Thats the best I can do. Everything seems to me wordless now even though all the words still come into your'e mind, all the thoughts, all the emotions. Behind all that is what I can't explain, what I've been jouneying to try and reach but now I'm there everything is the same but different. a quiet knowing but I feel like none of it really matters. I just find myself wanting to be alone at the moment in quietness and i get urges to just walk outside at night when no ones around and just listen. Its strange but I feel like I'm home but there is still clutter that needs tidying up or throwing out.Or maybe i just need to accept the mess as what it is. which i am accepting my emotions being there, I was going to say when will it end but then i suppose deep down now I've just said that maybe I'm still resisting somewhat.but then if im letting it be how can i be resisting but if i had learnt to truly surrender should these feelings still be persisting.
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Re: I feel free

Postby paridiso » Sat Apr 25, 2009 4:45 am

Sounds like you've been going through many spiritual changes lately. Sometimes them body/mind can take a little while to catch up. After all its been conditioned into responding in specific way to things. When you no longer rely on its conditioning it doesn't really know what to do. Things will soon calm down and you'll feel more stable in presence.
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Re: I feel free

Postby pieutr » Wed May 20, 2009 3:02 am

Dear Lee,

It has been so wonderful to read you. Thank you very much for sharing your experiences.

pierre
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Re: I feel free

Postby Lee28 » Fri May 22, 2009 11:41 pm

PERVADING CONSTANCY

be my accomplace,
let us be lost in our desires,
and let our dreams simply transpire,

to be grateful for a love lost and found,
i cherish each moment as if a diamond
was in my very hand,

each moment with you makes me feel so bold,
full of life,
yet our souls do not dwell on this rights of passage,
eveloped by something far more simplistic,

a tedency to douce flames into the reality of life,
for this could never last,
but eternally we will outlive our past,

together in companionship,
in wholeness continuously,
speaking from this present moment,
where abundance shines and any grasp of
suffering so reliquishes,

for true love is indestructable,
it does not falter amidst times
of pain,
but rides the storm till again all
pervades in the light of joy,

i do not need to wander,
i have finally found what i have
always been searching for,

now, and forever more.
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