I feel free

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

No Longer Do I Feel Free

Postby Lee28 » Fri Jul 24, 2009 9:54 pm

I feel free. Free from what, what is. And "what is" I realise I do not have to be free as I originally wanted to be free.

My ego tells me I am free which suggested that I have found freedom from what I was but I now know I am what I am and there is nothing to be free from. Everything that happens is what is.

Emotion arises, the thought, the word FEAR arises. I look, I see, I rest awhile and let everything be and the ego falters amongst the silence and I am left with this amazing energy that vibrates and circles my very essence.

Pictures may rise now and again, the past, the future. But the past that my ego clings onto creates a story of longing and of untruths, of events that are not now, of half lies that tell a different story to try and make you unconscious of the present moment. But the past falls away so gently that the pictures were not even real to me anymore just a concoction of images, yes some true of what may have occurred in my life but NOW is all that matters and my so called past is no longer. It is really of no consequence. Though sometimes I awaken from this dream and realise with a smile that I had been unconscious. No anguish, just joy that I was back in this moment.

The future, worries, I look, I see, I rest awhile. There is only this moment, there will ever be only this moment and with this realization that is wordless the words fall apart, the silence becomes evident in this space of in tune harmonies. My ego tells me that I should be fearful and I watch how it comes in at another angle. The picture of a happy future but then the drawing of some negation, the pictures dissipate, rise and fall and I am left in silence allowing it all, but knowing, watching.

Then nothing, nothing but space in this timeless place of form, of energies, of things I once knew but now know not of. This moment, all new things flow continuously.

I sit on the bus, I am compelled to look at everything, to be in awe. To know that my old truths are untruths of this moment. To acknowledge the oneness of all that is around me, but not an acknowledgement of my ego but of what I am. To see myself as if in the middle of a circle of mirrors, looking back on myself in the silence. Then the rise and fall of watching the ego once more but it falls away as quickly as the streets go by one by one and I smile. I am not free anymore but free from the freedom of needing to be free.
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Re: I feel free

Postby Sighclone » Sun Jul 26, 2009 10:48 pm

How absolutely lovely, Lee. Thank you...I like the circle of mirrors image particularly.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: I feel free

Postby tod » Sun Jul 26, 2009 11:27 pm

I like the way you use the word "pictures" Lee. Reminds me of when we used to go to the pictures and not to the movies. These memories, of course, being more pictures.

Thank you.
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I do not know

Postby Lee28 » Wed Feb 17, 2010 12:46 am

When I look at the place, the I am, I am speechless. When my ego gets in the way, I see the self image I have created and know that it is not truth in anyway but still an illusion that can at times seem so real and powerful. It pulls you in, you pull out only to realise this pendulum effect is the awekening process for truth.
To know that your truth is always there no matter what plan you're mind may concieve to hold your attention. But the choice to follow, do I follow. Must I be vigilant. I have found in the sense I want to be vigilant of truth but I know that that in itself is nonsense if I am already that which I sometimes feel I must seek and surrender to. How can I have lost something that I have always held within the very grasp of my being.
I suppose it is a forgetting so that you can remember. So much of my self images are being stripped away and sometimes I feel like kicking and screaming, holding onto that which I think I am but in reality I know I am not. A conflict of truth verses self image.
But I can see all these images I have of myself and for now thats fine. Sometimes I fall into them and then realise Oh, where have I been.lol. But not in words or thought, just in realisation. To let go and be. To move without knowing but to see all knowing fall upon you without judgement. Sometimes the ego wishes to speak first and I let it and then let it drift momentarily till I find the quiet space, space. Though I can't explain that space of that knowing, its so confusing if i try to bring thought and explanations into the equation. I find myself moving around, fitting into different roles and then seeing it all happen. But again without any real conviction in the sense or purpose that the mind would like to label, but whether my mind says this is terrible, or this is beautiful, thats okay because behind all that i find my self watching, Something but nothing is at peace but peace is not the right word but I'm not sure what that word can be.
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Re: I feel free

Postby randomguy » Thu Feb 18, 2010 12:29 am

Enjoy the journey, Lee28. Nice thread you have going here.
How real does that ego seem?
Peace.
Do the yellow-rose petals
tremble and fall
at the rapid's roar?
- Basho
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Re: I feel free

Postby Ralph » Thu Feb 18, 2010 2:38 am

Lee28 wrote in a previous post:

I am not free anymore but free from the freedom of needing to be free.


That speaks to me. Great description of what 'true freedom' really is.
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How real does that ego seem?

Postby Lee28 » Sat May 29, 2010 7:07 pm

Thanks "randomguy" for this question, it no longer seems real at all. Just something I am begginng to lay witness to even more so and the times I wake up from this ego having fell into what often feels more like a dream I just smile to myself and continue in this moment with the knowing that only this moment is truth.
To let go of all past and future illusions by just noticing and letting them move on so gently in this moment, learning to forget and then put faith in the memory of this present moment. The Holy instant as it states in "A course in miracles". The power of now is opening up, but not exactly an opening, just a remembering of something ancient that I have long forgotten but have simply awoken once more and remembered my true sense of I am though what that is as I have said many times is unknown once I begin to try to rationalise it with thought.
Joy, Love, and what comes with this is a naturalness, giving and empathy. But without attatchment. Though it is none of these things but that is how they are percieved from the actions that come from this place of in-action. My voices often tell me I must do this, do that. You don't have a purpose, you're worthless, you're wrong. I let go of these intrusions that enter, just random thoughts, no bother. And slowly they become less and less.
My purpose could be many things if I chose a certian voice, a certian illusion. But I don't fall as much or grasp to the voice but know, just know, that my purpose is only ever this moment. Sitting, standing, talking, doing nothing, whatever action I perform that is my purpose in this very moment. Where it leads to I do not know, where it arises from, I can not say, but in this creating process that comes from my very beingness I witness it all and even the falls that lead into illusions. To not be troubled, to be in awe, to let go of my old habitual thinking patterns, and move from a place that my mind often percieves as new but once it has spoken only truth shines through of what has always and will always be.
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Re: I feel free

Postby runstrails » Sat May 29, 2010 9:09 pm

Thanks, Lee28 for keeping us posted. I often wonder what happens to members who don't show up here anymore. Whether their awakening was abiding? Clearly, yours is abiding and then some :D

It's wonderful to hear you describe your journey.
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The limitations of self

Postby Lee28 » Sat Dec 11, 2010 11:19 am

I stand as the world turns, the motion of life, the play of all this, I am space and move to a rhythm of a beat that speaks so clearly from a silence that is within and that transcends all limitations that my mind may set forth. Look around, be patient, look within and be quiet. The objects of form begin to move and shimmer, the body tingles in recognition and a folding of all that is surrounds and goes onwards abound to places that are beyond the working mind. A subtlety, a love that is indescribable. But at times the mind is so limiting and when one falls into the self and evaporates those very limitations you realise it was always yourself falling out of awareness, that the only limitations I face are the limitations I project against the world and react against these errors of thought.
But then the realisation moves more quickly than it used to. For example, the recognition of an error of thought, Ahh! But what error can there be in this moment, again a limitation is squashed and within this very moment, in silence, waiting, a truth enfolds and I see all that was ever deemed a limitation was never even in existence, as I am and only in this moment and the wandering mind is once again silent and I behold in my heart all that I need, the subtlety of joy and movement of what arises and falls in the midst of the permanency of what is and will always be, I, the eternal for which no words can ever reach.
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Re: I feel free

Postby khoa nguyen » Thu Mar 03, 2011 2:19 pm

reading this last year, i would not have understood any of it. But now i do. LOL *slaps forehead*

ahhhhh =] what a wonderful read. Thankyou for sharing, i experienced very similar things. and interacting with people now is...how cna i put it..very interesting! sometimes challengeing but wonderufl at the same time.
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Re: I feel free

Postby Sighclone » Fri Mar 04, 2011 3:40 am

Welcome khoa...

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: I feel free

Postby Lee28 » Sun Dec 04, 2011 11:54 am

It's been a year since I was on this site, though it seems only yesterday. This that sits here, abiding, watching, never changes. These words pronounce nothing but in a spectrum of reality it is as close to the reality of freedom that I can muster, but the words only get muddled up in pointless expressions. With clarity, maturity, I wait in silence knowing only this, basking in the awareness that neither reaches out or remains contained. Life flows by gently, worldly dramas rise and fall yet still i remain silent to the dancing crowds. But what do I know, I know nothing of their worlds, I know only this, the light that surrounds me, fulfills me until it can no longer be contained and then it flows out unanimously. Someone said to me recently the world is a mess and all I could do was smile, for he dreams of something other than this but I know beyond his wildest dreams there is something so simple. The world is as it is, beautiful in all it's dimensions, forever changing and all I have to do is stand aside for the bigger picture of reality goes far beyond my mind. It encapsulates my very being so much so that my body dances to this song also, whilst I, beingness, remains untouched but forever conscious.
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Re: I feel free

Postby Sighclone » Sun Dec 04, 2011 8:37 pm

Lovely, Lee -- thank you!!

Namaste,

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce
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Re: I feel free

Postby Lee28 » Sun Dec 04, 2011 11:07 pm

Namaste Andy :D
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Beyond mind and body,living a conscious life

Postby Lee28 » Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:29 am

I profess nothing these days though what professess nothing is consciousness.In the morning the body and mind perform daily rituals. Food, cleaning oneself. Desires come face to face with emotion, thoughts, action.The mind speaks, body responds and the personality plays it role in one form or another.Though it doesn't matter, yet allowing all this activity is also a pleasure.Though the ever changing of reality that I create and percieve is a world that I call a dream.

I bask in the essence of what is and in silence the world then becomes truly alive, the busy mind is dispelled.The dream of dreams defied. The roles dispatched to those who wish to remain part of the granduer and drama of life. Yet somehow a new granduer arises, one void of such descrepancies.I wake up in the morning many times from a dreamless state, still emotion appears with thoughts that race together and sing in perfect harmonies but the conciousness waits and from this balancing of ego and grace a fire burns that lights up my face.Beaming with gratitude from this new significant place that is born and born again.I walk from place to place in memories but in the awakening of the present moment it is fresh and wholesome, so inviting. Someone falls into place and the memory of their face,our past haunts and pleasures,disdains come to mind and then evaporates as I see the truth they behold, that I acknowledge and listen to what they have to say, letting go of the past, just listening with haste. The excitement of not knowing, the joy of communication, the love that is given, my heart ever evolving. Though I know evolution is a part of grace, for in truth I am just falling back to a certain place.A place that is and has always been. Each moment, each movement comes and goes and the mind may be used when a question is posed. But the answer is not given from a place of thought but from a place of quietude, from the blooming of my soul.
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