A Moment of Recognition

[Moonlight]

I just wanted to share an experience I had a while ago as it's something that often comes to mind & never fails to leave me feeling more confused when I try to understand it

It happened one night as I was just settling into bed . I was really tired but not sleepy. I suppose you could say I was so over tired but still very much awake. "I "suddenly became aware that "I" had stopped thinking. ( The "I" i'm using is not the thinking I but an inner knowing.) I also have to add that this was quite a miracle in itself as my mind never seems to stop chattering ever

Anyway "I" was instantly aware of my very being. It was the most familiar thing "I" had ever known. "I" knew that I was it & in this state "I" knew it every moment of every day. There had never been a moment ever when "I "didn't know this. It was just all so obvious & I use the word familiar again because that is what it was. "I" also knew that although "I" knew it every moment, the mind NEVER knows it.

There was also a kind of knowing that I had spent vast periods of time in childhood in this knowing state although it was never something conscious.

In real time this probably all occured for only a few moments as the oh so familiar voice in the head came back in analysing what had occured. I know that in those moments the mind that never knows seemed like such a small part of my life. Now of course the mind is like all of my life & being feels like just a distant memory. I no longer remember the childhood spent in a state of being .

When I contemplate this experience it leaves me both frustrated
metally but also in awe & gratitude for at least having the chance to experience a moments grace.

[kiki]

Hi Moonlight, and welcome.

I used to have very similar experiences when I was growing up. Afterwards I would analyze them, wondering how they happened, and of course I tried to recapture them to no avail.

There was also a kind of knowing that I had spent vast periods of time in childhood in this knowing state although it was never something conscious.

Same with me. Great post.

[mccpcorn]

Ditto

What you say is coincidental for me as I only recently realised that I myself that, as a youngster, I often 'tuned out' of my mind. Seems the experience tends to get washed away when you hit your teens.

I too have caught fleeting glimpses of this new awareness and hope I'm on the path to regaining it fully. I enjoy my mind but it really needs to learn to 'mind' it's own business.

[Moonlight]

Glad you were able to understand what i was talking about seeing as it doesn't make sense on a mental level.

I suppose in some way I have wanted to recapture the moment although I know that it's hopeless. No amount of analysis can bring it back as it is now just a memory. Frustrating to my mind though, to know that it is here right now , that I am it & yet as long as I'm attached to this thinking mind I'll remain unaware of it.

[heidi]

Your posts remind me that, it's always there; it's always been there. It's funny how we "grow up" and away from that joy of being, get all identified with the mind, and then we reclaim "it" again when we become conscious of the mind-stuff thawrting us from just being.

Thanks for the wonderful sharing!

[mccpcorn]

Unsure of how relevant this is, but an interesting experience nonetheless:

When I was younger, late mid teens to early twenties, I did experience soul bonding, but I now believe that experience to be mind related. I think energy had 'budded' off to form mini-minds that I could share thoughts with.

I now think that energy has bee gradually reabsorbed into the whole. What is important to note is the recognition of that; it just what an extordinary and versatile substance your own life essence is and what can be done with it. If a person can become present and aware of that energy surely much can be accomplished.

[Larryfroot]

Hallo Moonlight.

This is my first post in this section, I arrived via introductions.

Please forgive the prescriptive nature of this reply. I can only speak from my own experience of practicing ET's teachings, so cannot claim any real wisdom of my own.

However I wish to say something that may be helpful for you, but please feel free to take as little or as much of it on board as you wish....or perhaps treat it as a springboard for frootful discussions.

I can readily understand the frustration at having and then not having your Self beyond ego. But in my experience I have found that the minds responses to loss - although in one sense understandable, provides a way for the egoically influenced mind to reassert itself through dissapointment, resentment, frustration. All these experiences and qualities are not your response to this beautiful and profound experience of felt oneness and being. You have nothing to do with such smelly qualities.

They are rather just the ego reasserting itself through identifying strongly with dissapointment and frustration and resentment. Whenever I experience any of those emotions I notice afterwards how strong my sense of "self" feels. Or rather how strong my ego became through identifying with such strong emotional states.

I suppose the upshot to this is simply to observe and do not judge this sense of frustration when it arises. It too shall pass, and in the light of your presence, becomes presence itself.

And as always it seems important to observe without judgement, as the judges voice is the first sign that the ego has returned via the back door.

Hoping this helps....Larryfroot

[Moonlight]

Thanks I enjoyed reading all your replies

Larryfroot you have used one of my favourite & most useful Eckhart quotes,the one about the same voice coming in through the back door. This comes to me so often & always makes me smile & tends to shut my ego up for a few seconds at least .

My problem I think is that I just have such a desire to understand these kind of experiences. I want to be able to somehow capture this beauty & wonder.I fill books up with my experiences & realizations. I just never ever want to forget again & fall back into the mind trap (of course I always do ). I tend to be always lost in thought & I think daydreaming could be my middle name !

Yes what you say about the frustration & of course not judging that frustration is so true. In fact that is exactly what I'm feeling at this very moment. This is because I want to say so many things & my mind is racing everywhere. I love this board but I didn't realize how difficult it would be to put all this Eckhart stuff down in a comprehensive & easy to read way .

So I'm babbling now but i'll take your advice & not judge myself for it . ( My thoughts are saying Moonlight please don't submit this ridiculous post , you're embarrassing yourself ) . Like you say these feelings will pass & i'm going to try my best to stay present to them...

[Larryfroot]

Hallo Moonlight,

I am very glad you expressed your thoughts and placed them on the message board. That was some real speaking from the heart , and you are right, trying to put it into words that are clear and coherent can be a real challenge.

Yet it is such a worthwhile thing, to communicate and to share. And from there to deepen and stabilise ones realisations. That kind of payoff is worth risking a from time to time.

But even so I think that on the whole ekhartees or nowbies or whatever it is we are called are a pretty accepting and kind hearted bunch, so those oops moments aren't really so important after all!

Having a strong desire to understand such wonderful experiences is a pretty natural desire. But it seems like we can logic ourself out of the magic in no time at all.

Part of it I feel is that we tend to think that understanding is a mental process. I have found that my mind is far better at appreciating the space and openess than understanding it. Any understanding that the mind tries out seems to turn into thought and opinion and counter opinion....so perhaps it's not the minds job to understand the experiences that occur beyond itself. Perhaps understanding is more a province of the heart.

After all peace of mind has very little to do with the mind and everything to do with the heart. Understanding all this may simply be a question of accepting it with gratitude and wonder.

Well done on being the witnessing presence, btw!

Larryfroot

[Moonlight]

Thank you Larryfroot for your very comforting reply

I guess the odd embarrassing moment is only a small dent in the old ego, which of course is never a bad thing

I like the idea of accepting with gratitude & appreciating rather than trying to understand. I'll be sure to remember that one . Thanks again .

[Larryfroot]

I'm that you feel a bit better about risking the odd but really we are all going to grammatically and even logically stumble over this stuff from time to time.

In my recent experience I have found that so much good can come from just pushing that defensiveness aside even a little bit. None of us want to be hurt or ridiculed....but I think this is a pretty accepting place.

When I first realised that I wasn't my ego, personality or mind, when I first tasted freedom....oh my god....

I wrote a load of stuff and sent it to my friends. Lets just say it was a triumph of enthusiasm over content which I only saw in retrospect. Doh! Fortunately for me my friends are too polite to say anything....but reading what I had sent I'm sure I came across as gibbering.

But guess what? The world didn't end as it wasn't long before I had settled back into being aware of awareness happiness again. For periods at least.

And they still have tea and buns with me from time to time.

It's a funny thing....I have lately come to the conclusion that the ego doesn't care if it's host mind is happy or sad. It really isn't interested in the content of our minds at all, only in the intensity of what is occuring in there. Because intensity means more energy for it to feed off of. So if it can get more intensity from an excited stimulated mind, it will allow that to happen, and if it can get more intensity out of a despairing desperate mind, it will allow that to happen. Perhaps it likes those moments because of the emotional intensity in them.

Which kind of points to the practice of now as an antidote to itus!
I must admit to being amazed at how many things that I tried to cultivate in isolation - patience, acceptance, contentment - have all come about automatically from the practices that ET has given - from accessing the moment, or being the watcher or from feeling the energy body...

It's been a pleasure talking with you Moonlight and I hope to catch you around on the boards. But please feel free to PM me if you wish.

Larryfroot

[heidi]

it was a triumph of enthusiasm over content

Larry, you have just demonstrated the unmanifested in the most artful way!
Thanks!

[Larryfroot]

I had no idea I had until you pointed it out Heidi! As always I'm (occasionally) stumbling across truth in a blind flailing manner....totally oblivious. Winston Churchill once said that....

Occasionally man will stumble on the truth. But he will soon pick himself up and carry on

That's me!

[kiki]

That was a really great post Larry! Thank you for sharing your insights.

kiki

[Larryfroot]

No problemo! I'm still tickled pink by Heidi's observation....