Meditation Experience

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colinw
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Meditation Experience

Post by colinw » Tue Jul 14, 2009 8:08 pm

Hi everyone

I just wanted to share a meditation experience I had this morning:

I was drawing to the end of a 45-minute meditation, following an excellent CD by Jon Kabat-Zinn, that I use most days: awareness of breath, followed by awareness of body (which I practise as inner body awareness), awareness of thoughts, and finally awareness of awareness. I suddenly had this sensation of huge, supra-personal space opening in the darkness behind my eyes: it was almost as if my head wasn't there; and my body felt like this small, pulsing object far beneath me, suspended or disconnected. The darkness was no longer the darkness of simply having my eyes closed, but felt more akin to the darkness of infinite space, without boundaries. I began to feel uncomfortable, and sensations of panic started to arise; but I stayed with the meditation. My interepretation of this discomfort is that it was egoic: my self, feeling threatened, was struggling to reassert itself. I've not experienced anything like this before, and was wondering if anyone else has had a comparable experience in meditation?

Thanks, and I hope you guys are all well.

Colin

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kiki
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Re: Meditation Experience

Post by kiki » Wed Jul 15, 2009 1:37 am

My interepretation of this discomfort is that it was egoic: my self, feeling threatened, was struggling to reassert itself. I've not experienced anything like this before, and was wondering if anyone else has had a comparable experience in meditation?
Yes. Years ago I sensed the same sort of thing, almost as though I was on the edge of a precipice and was about to drop into oblivion. I recoiled in fear because I didn't know what was in store for me, and my meditation ended; I was unwilling to stay with the meditation and what was occurring. It wasn't until years later that I recognized that ego was being threatened, and so it threw up a huge fear in order to protect itself. It worked, and I remained trapped in ego for several more years. Back then I didn't understand what ego was and how it was not even real to begin with.
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colinw
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Re: Meditation Experience

Post by colinw » Wed Jul 15, 2009 1:04 pm

Thanks, Kiki; it helps to know that others have had similar experiences. :D Bill Harris describes something similar on one of his sites.

Colin

johny
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Re: Meditation Experience

Post by johny » Fri Jul 24, 2009 11:53 pm

Well I was once meditating and suddenly I noticed that I wasn't breathing. I don't know for how long, but I was not breathing. And I was not even feeling any need to breathe. After some time I became fearful and got up.
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moonmissy
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Re: Meditation Experience

Post by moonmissy » Mon Aug 03, 2009 9:25 am

Dear Colin,

Many people, when progressing in their meditative practice experience fear.
Fear is the gateway in which me must past to enter deeper state of being. Few books write about this. But in my meditative experience, fear arises often for many years until it is just a fleeting sensation without labels. What we label as fear, it is the mind's mechanism to perpetuate it's illusion. When you identify with that fear, you will response, have a resistance to diving into the unknown. Surrender to that fear and you will find that it's not all that bad. Ego death is not pleasant if your acceptance and surrender is not unyielding. Submit to it, allow the fear to be. See what happened.

My partner has fear of ghosts. So I took him often at night to a Cemetary to meditate. The mind can create powerful illusions and fear to distract. It took him almost a year to be able to go there alone and meditate without me being present. One day, he came back from one of his midnight meditation in the cemetary and told me:

"I suddenly felt enormous peace after just ignoring it and allowing it to be. Then I realized that there are no death in the Cemetary, it is full of life. There are bodies of dead people long past that fertilize the ground, but there are no death. There are lots of small animals in the Cemetary at night, rabbits, field mice, gophers etc... there are lots of trees and green grass. Everything was vibrantly alive. There is nothing scary there. I was the scariest thing there, since the animals are scared of me and giving off warning calls as I walk by. Suddenly I felt profoundly compassionate to all the living beings there. It was my mind that labeled that place as being one of death, but there is no death there, that label has no real reality."


So my friend, fear is nothing more than the mind label on an experience of your body becoming totally aware of your present surrounding. I call this "Spatial awareness". Sky divers experience the same feeling. They don't label it as fear but an exhilarating experience. Just watch the body sensations, don't label it as anything, allow it to be. See what happened.

Fear stopped us from doing so many things in life. Enlightenment is nothing more than freedom from all that hinders us from being truly alive. They are fear, emotions, perceptions, and mind.

Continue your practice. Be glad fear arises, that means your making good progress.
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