At last, I 'know'

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

At last, I 'know'

Postby Clare » Thu Jan 20, 2005 4:31 pm

Just wanted to give you a little personal newsbulletin.

Since applying my self in this way - I think it's a mixture of applying myself in this way and also the personal circumstances that I find myself in at this time, but, it's all One - I am going through the gamut of experiences, from being totally sereneand at peace, to whirling in the most excrutiating pain bodies. I began to think that this was not really spiritual development, this was getting like a schizophrenia that I myself was suffering from!

Anyway, last night I was descended upon with insecurity, some of which has been triggered by recent dreams that keep haunting my sub-conscious, whispering of my worst fears. Anywy, I let it take me over - for a time. However this time it was different.

I lay in bedthis morning and instead of fretting over last night, I watched it. Just watched all of my thoughts and feelings impassively.
And the thing was, I was half asleep, not fully awake in my mind. And something happened very like the thing Eckhart describes.

Suddenly I felt vast. It was as if this watcher was indeed as big as the universe. I was very aware of being in my bed and just being in the world, but I was also somehow syphoning energy from this unfathomable place. And my life was endless, and my life was eternal. And this moment in this bed in this time, feeling and thinking these things was just a little blip on a vast map of the universe. I realised I had absolutely nothing to fear ever, because I was incorruptable, indestructable. Y'see in theory I have understood this, but I have never KNOWN it.

And then I was able to really look at his other Clare - who was not really me! And I could tangibly feel her pain and her fear and it was just so limiting, and so sad that she felt that way, because it was as if she had shut herself in abox too small for her. I had incredible compassion for her, but I also wanted to leave her behind. There was a sense that came into my body of incredible peace that literally seemed to be making a space for itself , and it was in my heart/breast area. There is this place
that I can feel physically in my body now where I can know total peace. And I truly have never had that before.

I came out of it like a dream, and I didnt 'feel' the same anymore. The insecurities and the fears had subsided. Although, unlike Eckhart, I don't feel I am still in that vast space and in total peace all the time. I came back to myself. But I have KNOWN it now!

What changed was this: MY 'spiritual way'of dealing with pain bodies up to now was to try to correct the hurt, i.e, I thought it was (and it is) exactly what you should do to send light to a situation and pray and send healing to the hurt places, and it is fine to do that. But waht I feel now, is that this is saying something is wrong that needs to be put right, when in fact, nothing is wrong, and nothing needs to be put right except the illusion that something is wrong. I got of glimpse of the incredible vast possibilities that we all have access to, and all we have to do is get out of the way enough for it to work its magic.

What I am saying is, nothing was wrong except that I had a hard set beleif that something was wrong - with me, with the world, with my relationships, and the anxiety and the fears that this creates was causing imblances. If I simply allow The Divine to take it's place in my life and be prepared for whatever that brings, I have nothing to put right.

It's quite extraordinary to be in this place.
Thanks to Heidi and everyone here for helping light the fuse
:D
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Postby summer » Fri Jan 21, 2005 3:51 am

Dear Clare,
I really enjoyed reading about your wonderful experience.

Reading and learning is one thing.
And an intuitive understanding makes all the lights go on.

Aha, now I really get it.

:D
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Re: At last, I 'know'

Postby barbarasher » Fri Jan 21, 2005 9:14 am

Clare wrote:What changed was this: MY 'spiritual way'of dealing with pain bodies up to now was to try to correct the hurt, i.e, I thought it was (and it is) exactly what you should do to send light to a situation and pray and send healing to the hurt places, and it is fine to do that. But waht I feel now, is that this is saying something is wrong that needs to be put right, when in fact, nothing is wrong, and nothing needs to be put right except the illusion that something is wrong. I got of glimpse of the incredible vast possibilities that we all have access to, and all we have to do is get out of the way enough for it to work its magic.

What I am saying is, nothing was wrong except that I had a hard set beleif that something was wrong - with me, with the world, with my relationships, and the anxiety and the fears that this creates was causing imblances. If I simply allow The Divine to take it's place in my life and be prepared for whatever that brings, I have nothing to put right.

:D



Yes


Accepting, feeling the presence of now, freeing myself from analysis of the past, and thus projected fear and worry for the future, or living imagined scenarios of various bad things that did happen and what bad things can happen.

Relaxing into the now and life.

I wish you well.
[/quote]
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Postby Clare » Sat Jan 22, 2005 12:19 pm

Thank you both.

Ahh, those imagined scenarios. It's great to have a vivid imagination, but not to let it drive us crazy! LOL!

I like Eckhart's theory that the mind is a wonderful tool - but that is just what it is, a tool, not what IS.

:)
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Postby erict » Sat Jan 22, 2005 1:36 pm

Thank you Clare! ...for your post, for sharing with us your experience.

The everyday life of problems and conflicts and drama and all that... it keeps sucking me in, and I get so caught up in it all that I forget how ultimately insignificant it all is.

Most of the influences around are all so materialistic... all these people who are so deeply caught up in the illusion, and keep pulling me in, and so few things around me are there to remind me of the spiritual. And reading some of the posts on this board has a really good effect on me, of reminding me that there is so much more to life.

So thank you :)
"Be sincere; don't ask questions out of mere interest. Ask dangerous questions—the ones whose answers could change your life."
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Postby Clare » Sat Jan 22, 2005 11:03 pm

Y'know Eric, something else pulled me back from the dramas the other day, and it was this 'thought' :)

I deliberately let my mind cast back to a time when something was really stressing me out, say, ten years ago, and then looked at what significance it had on my life now.

Always, zero.

I am not talking about tragedies, that's another matter, I'm talking things like, say, being really stressed out about my financial position and worrying what would become of me, and, even though I'm hardly well off, I never died, the house didnt get repossesed (well, actually it did, but we got it back) my lover didnt leave me. I remember being really upset about someone firing me from a job for being late; I was not a good time keeper. At the time it was the end of the world, I put so much energy into being upset about it. But now? It has no bearing on the quality of my life whatsoever.

And...this one just for heidi, I recalled all thehurt and upset of the Myss.com drama. Does it matter now? Of course not.

So, ya see? No need to worry get caught up in the dramas. Just as I saw the whole of my life for that moment as just a blip, they are a blip of a blip
:)

Thanks to you Eric, too
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Postby barbarasher » Sun Jan 23, 2005 6:33 am

Most of the influences around are all so materialistic... all these people who are so deeply caught up in the illusion, and keep pulling me in, and so few things around me are there to remind me of the spiritual. And reading some of the posts on this board has a really good effect on me, of reminding me that there is so much more to life.


Erict,

Yes me too. And while some of the people I have around are interested in good deeds, I need to seek out the spiritual/presence/consciousness avenues on my own.

I find that both reading and posting and especially interacting on this site and in Robin Sharma's monthly coaching program (http://www.robinsharma.com) help me solidify and live the concepts.

Interacting with people who are dealing with the same issues brings it to life and enhances the implementation within me.

I could probably do more on the good deeds side, but I am still doing a lot of the internal work which I believe will better prepare me to find some kind of mission in the "helping the world arena". Now I just give donations, some advice and kind words here and there.

Well done for creating this site!
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Postby kiki » Mon Jan 24, 2005 1:09 am

barbarasher wrote:I could probably do more on the good deeds side, but I am still doing a lot of the internal work which I believe will better prepare me to find some kind of mission in the "helping the world arena". Now I just give donations, some advice and kind words here and there.


I would ask, who is it that would perform good deeds to help the world arena? Who is it that says 'I could probably do more on the good deeds side...' Isn't this just another judgment made by the ficticious ego? Can you find the ego when you look for it, or are You beyond ego?

See the world from beyond the ego and action flows spontaneously - if deeds are performed there is nobody in particular who is performing them. If deeds are not performed there is nobody who can feel guilty or proud of it, as would the ego.

Forget about 'finding your mission' - that's just another trick of the ego to keep itself in control. Let life flow spontaneously for You are life itself - deeds will take care of themselves. Having a 'mission' implies a separate entity who would seek to fulfill that mission - that separate entity does not exist. There are no shoulds and shouldn'ts except within the realm of the ego-bound.

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Postby barbarasher » Mon Jan 24, 2005 5:49 am

Yes, you are probably right. I have a big ego.

To a point I see the suffering that is caused by the ego. While listening to the PON CDs, I sometimes scream out (in the car) YES!

When you said
"Forget about 'finding your mission' - that's just another trick of the ego to keep itself in control."
I agree, I would definitely have more peace of mind and less of that heavy breathing the Tolle does on the CDs to imitate people under stress.

When you said" Having a 'mission' implies a separate entity who would seek to fulfill that mission - that separate entity does not exist. There are no shoulds and shouldn'ts except within the realm of the ego-bound. "

I don't get this part. Please help me understand.
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Answering Clare's Post

Postby Guest » Mon Jan 24, 2005 9:17 pm

Claire said

And...this one just for heidi, I recalled all thehurt and upset of the Myss.com drama. Does it matter now? Of course not.

Hi Clare ,

I pop into here sometime and was reading your post. Seems like you're really evolving wow, great to see. Just ten minutes ago I was in a really heated phone argument with my sister - my intention has been to try to tell her how well I thought I organized a potential sad crisis we have with a relative in Europe. I experience my sis as a very controlling person, it has to go her way on no way so she started to negate that which I felt I organized well. I started to disagree (since in the past she took over one such incident completely). She got so put off with me she said that's it, fini, nothing to discuss. She got off the phone. I started to get really upset, then just stepped back to let it be. I'm so aware of where I used to flood my emotional energy, and leak energy. I'm watching myself and just stepping back. Letting it be. I do feel relieved.. for now anyway and a peace.

Thanks for sharing. All the best to you. I also hope I'm shifting. This is my first post here so I hope it ends in the thread you started.

AYAM hehe you know who :wink:
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Postby kiki » Tue Jan 25, 2005 12:06 am

barbarasher wrote:When you said" Having a 'mission' implies a separate entity who would seek to fulfill that mission - that separate entity does not exist. There are no shoulds and shouldn'ts except within the realm of the ego-bound.

I don't get this part. Please help me understand.


Ego is the one who would set before itself a 'mission' that needs to be discovered and accomplished, and so it sets forth in search of that mission. A large part of this sort of thinking comes from family upbringing, educational institutions, religious dogma, and what society says.

It will do all sorts of things in the name of finding and completing its perceived mission: fulfillment through relationships, good works, occupation, seeking power of over others, acquisition of wealth, and other sorts of things 'of the world'. When these things fail to bring happiness then it is common for the ego to seek out something within the spiritual realm, and it will chase after various esoteric practices: meditation, chanting, raising the kundalini, astral projection, pranayama, hatha yoga - you name it and ego will think the answer lies there.

All of these practices (and all other practices) are believed by the ego to hold the answer, to be the key in finding happiness, reaching enlightenment, or at least in fulfilling some sort of mission. Years and years (and in some cases decades and lifetimes) are spent in their pursuit in the hopes that some day enlightenment will be gained, happiness will be found, or a life mission completed. The fallacy in all of this is something ego does not want to hear: ego is a phantam, it does not exist in reality.

Ego is simply a conglomeration of thought one has which gives that person a sense of identity, and which separates it from all others; all other people as well as things in the phenomenal world. Ego is maintained by the repitition of its story - the Story of Me.

It is nothing more than thought, and You (the real You) cannot be thought. Thought comes and goes, yet there is still a sense of beingness/existence when thought is not arising, is there not? Simply notice this for yourself. You must be that which is always here, and what is always here is awareness. Even when ego abates awareness remains, and awareness is what you actually are.

Ego can be thought of as a dream character. When you dream at night all of the characters seem very real and separate from 'you'. Yet, when you wake up you realize that it was all simply a dream, an illusion that arose out of yourself. There were no separate characters because all of those characters, things, and events within the nighttime dream came out of your own consciousness - it was all one, and that oneness arose out of consciousness; no separation whatsoever.

Similarly, our daytime idea of who we are arises out of awareness; it isn't actually real, it is only thought and thought constantly changes. But it is this thought that seems to separate you from everything else. As soon as thought creates an identity called 'me' it automatically creates 'other'. This separation is not real, only apparent. Were it not for thought there would be no separation.

It is only in this ficticious separation that ideas arise which ego clings to or resists. Among these ideas are created 'missions' for the ego to seek out and fulfill. If ego did not arise no such 'mission' could be created. Without the ego there is no separation, only oneness. You are that in which all else arises - pure awareness. Everything you perceive is a manifestation of awareness/You - no separation at all.

Perceived separation is the foundation of all fears, which only arise from egoic thinking. Ego's driving force is fear: fear of failure/success, fear of how others think of you, fear of physical death/harm, fear of 'other', and the black diamond of all fears - the fear that it does not exist. But when searched for the ego can't be found, only awareness. How can you be something which when searched for cannot be found?

Ask yourself, 'Who am I', or better yet 'What am I?' and actually investigate and see if you can find an answer to this outside of awareness itself. This question redirects awareness onto itself and reveals that what you really are is eternal and unchanging awareness, and out of that awareness all else arises. Because of that awareness ideas of self may arise, but those ideas are always changing. Can you 'be' something that changes? Only an ego will adjust its ideas of self based on new or discarded information. Yet, even when it does so there will be an underlying sense of nonchange beneath those ideas which it holds. That nonchanging something is what you are, but because it doesn't change it get overlooked by the ego/mind. Ego/mind is usually directed on 'outside' events, but when awareness is turned inward awareness itself is revealed.

At some point all thought will cease, yet there will still be a sense of 'knowingness' without an object to be known. This knowingness is awareness itself, and that's what you really are. Then you will realize that ideas of separation are just that - ideas. Ideas which ego uses to keep itself separate from everything else, and which keep you bound in delusion.

So, in reality, separation does not exist; and if there is no separation then there can be no fear.

I hope this clarifies things a bit for you.

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Postby barbarasher » Tue Jan 25, 2005 6:35 am

Thank you very much for your reply. I am so honored by it. It does clarify and I read it carefully and will read it a few times more.

Since your email yesterday, I had a long drive to a customer and was again listening to Tolle's CDs, but especially listening to the ego part with what you said in mind.

After what you said in this post, a big question arises in my gut.

So then how do I/we/people be happy?

I was going the way that fulfilling some good missions in the world would do it, in addition to knowing myself enough to adjust my world to what I want, and loving the people in my life enough to make them happy, and thus make me happy.

PS. Sorry to reciprocate a short post vs your long beautiful one, but all I have is questions now.
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Postby kiki » Tue Jan 25, 2005 2:57 pm

hi barbarasher,

All you have are questions now - this is good, because now you can question all of your assumptions, which most people never do. The most basic assumption you or anybody has is that you, as a separate entity, exist apart from everything and everyone else. Since this is 'your' life then the first and only question that needs to be asked is, 'Who am I?' Who is this 'me' that everything seems to be happening to? You have assumed for most of your life that you have existed, but do you really? Investigate directly and see for yourself. Is there a separate entity or only an idea of a separate entity which arises out of awareness?

How to be happy? By living life from the natural state of awareness rather than identifying with the ego. The natural state is one of fulfillment and happiness - there is nothing that needs to be added or taken away for happiness and fulfillment. The ego thinks that by accumulating more knowledge, power, possessions, special abilities, performing good works, and so forth that happiness will be the result.

The irony is that literally nothing 'needs' to be done because happiness/peace/contentment/fulfillment are yours by nature; it's just that they are obscured by ego identification. Tolle calls it the noisy mind, but it's not so much the noise as the identification with that noise. When ego identification is severed the natural state is automatically revealed, and then it is seen (by no one) that nothing needs to be done. The noisy mind will quiet on its own when there is no more identification with it. This is what happened to Tolle during that pivotal night - there was a sudden disidentification with ego. For most people the disidentification is gradual.

Tolle's portals are ways of directing attention away from ego and onto awareness itself. It's not that ego is the enemy and needs to be destroyed, it's just that ego gets in the way of consciously seeing one's true nature. Ego will fight for its life when it feels threatened and it will employ every trick it can think of to remain in control. This is where it can become very subtle in its attempts to stay in charge. For example: it will hear about enlightenment and so it will pursue it eagerly - enlightenment becomes a goal, a mission to be fulfilled, and all sorts of practices will ensue - meditation seems to be chief among them. But this is a trap because the very performance of any sort of practice or technique will keep ego engaged. In other words, ego is trying to get rid of itself (for that is what enlightenment is, egoless awareness), which is impossible! A 'spiritualized ego' is the greatest barrier to enlightenment.

It is ego which gets caught up in thinking (which it doesn't 'do' - thoughts simply arise out of awareness on their own and then are identified with by the ego) and the storyline it has created for itself. It is this seemingly endless identification which is the cause of unhappiness and suffering.

In truth you are already enlightened but you don't realize it yet. With the discovery that you aren't ego/mind by directly seeing this truth enlightenment is automatically revealed, and thus, there is a resting in the natural state, whose nature is that of stillness, happiness, peace, and fulfillment. Once ego identification is broken the egoic structure begins to crumble and the natural state becomes consciously experienced for greater and greater lengths of 'time'. Then, when thoughts and ego arise again (as they will) they are no longer believed in as being true and so they lose their ability to sway you one way or the other.

Tolle's words are helpful pointers to this natural state. I would especially recommend listening to Stillness Speaks because he draws you into this natural state of awareness (I would recommend doing this while at home at first, so there are no distractions to draw your attention away). There is nothing you HAVE to do to get there, however, but listening to him can spontaneously lead you back to Your Self as pure awareness. Once you recognize (re-cognize) what it is you will see how simple it all is and it will become easier to return there/here. Then you will laugh at yourself and all of the 'gymnastics' that you previously used to get something that you already had!

This is all a great joke, a great play that consciousness is putting on for itself. There is nobody here! There is nobody doing anything! Pure consciousness is doing everything! You are now waking up and getting the punchline of this joke. By the way, this doesn't make you better than anyone else (that would be egoic thinking), it just wakes you up to what it is you really are.

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Postby kiki » Tue Jan 25, 2005 3:07 pm

Hi again,

barbarasher wrote:I was going the way that fulfilling some good missions in the world would do it, in addition to knowing myself enough to adjust my world to what I want, and loving the people in my life enough to make them happy, and thus make me happy.

Can you see the ego at work here? When you truly know what you are you will know that the world, just as it is, couldn't be any other way. Only an ego would attempt to make adjustments to get what it wants. In the natural state, whatever presents itself is enough. Nothing is sought and nothing is clung to - there is an ever present flow of life which is simply witnessed. This is true and unconditional happiness. Those around you will sense the happiness that you are - they may not understand why you are happy but they will sense it because they are it too. You will become a mirror for them to see their own happiness.

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Postby summer » Wed Jan 26, 2005 4:33 am

Hi kiki,
I really enjoy your posts, and agree with Barbara that you say so much that it takes many readings to begin to understand.

One thing you said a while back that really stood our for me was:

"That nonchanging something is what you are, but because it doesn't change it get overlooked by the ego/mind."

And this ties in so closely with Clare's deep understanding when she realised that nothing is wrong!

This is tuly incomprehensible to our minds :)
"What do you mean that nothing is wrong? Just look at all of the people suffering in Indonesia, or Iraq, or Africa. People are starving every day"

And our minds feel so loving and compassionate in their insistance that "of course, something is wrong"

And yet, we truly are this non-changing something that gives rise to the illusion that we are something else

:lol:
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