Conscious living

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.

Re: Conscious living

Postby Zuma456 » Mon Feb 18, 2013 5:59 am

Hi, I've been lurking for a little while but I really enjoyed reading this thread and decided to join this great forum and jump in with a question about sighclone's challenge re-integrating into relationships.

Sighclone wrote:MaP -
Took over a year to re-integrate and accept the residual unwinding process of 62 years of cultural, family and other accretions of egoic life...they still surface and in fact are evident in many relationships. Relationships are the biggest challenge, after a primary clear recognition with potential for permanent realization, from my experience.


Does anyone have any insight about why this is? It's confusing to me that often my heart opens more naturally for people that I know the least, but in intimate relationships, with my wife and kids for instance, sometimes simple acceptance can be a real challenge. I would have thought that with people I love dearly it would be easier to let my heart open, but most of the time for me it's the opposite.
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Re: Conscious living

Postby karmarider » Mon Feb 18, 2013 6:52 am

Zuma and Andy, thanks for pointing out this interesting phenomeon.

I can't contribute to this except to express my harried consternation. I have no idea about relationships. With what I like to think is increasing clarity and the relinquishing of fear, relationships are more enriching, and but less definable. And enriching often incudes my own fascination at my own behavior in relationships with other humans. I love it all the more--the pain and confusion and connectedness and drama are human wonderment. I don't want it to go.
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Re: Conscious living

Postby Webwanderer » Mon Feb 18, 2013 7:08 am

Hello Zuma, welcome to the forum.

Zuma456 wrote:Does anyone have any insight about why this is? It's confusing to me that often my heart opens more naturally for people that I know the least, but in intimate relationships, with my wife and kids for instance, sometimes simple acceptance can be a real challenge. I would have thought that with people I love dearly it would be easier to let my heart open, but most of the time for me it's the opposite.


I see it as a matter of conditioning. Our familiar relationships have a history that over time have created some automatic responses. With people we don't know so well there is less established interaction to get in the way. It's easier for consciousness and responses to travel well worn existing paths than to carve out new ones, even though in our better moments we would like to respond with more insight and understanding.

One good approach is to develop a new relationship with ourselves. There is no one we are more familiar with after all. And we know we are our own worst critic most of the time. Develop a new sense of love and appreciation for you own being. Cut yourself some slack on the mistakes you make and you may begin to find it easier to look on those you are closest to with more acceptance and appreciation.

Of course to reform a new, more loving relationship with yourself, you will need to get more in touch with you true nature. It is that true nature that is the source of the love that accepts unconditionally.

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Re: Conscious living

Postby Zuma456 » Tue Feb 19, 2013 5:33 am

Those are very good reminders on where my attention should really be. Thank you.
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Re: Conscious living

Postby magicbutterfly » Tue Feb 19, 2013 3:08 pm

Zuma456 wrote:Does anyone have any insight about why this is? It's confusing to me that often my heart opens more naturally for people that I know the least, but in intimate relationships, with my wife and kids for instance, sometimes simple acceptance can be a real challenge. I would have thought that with people I love dearly it would be easier to let my heart open, but most of the time for me it's the opposite.


The pain body doesn't get activated in new relationships, so we willingly open our hearts. But once we feel safe in a relationship to be truly ourselves, the pain body arises. The purpose of intimate relationships is not to make us happy but to resolve our pain bodies, to be our spiritual practice. And this is why life time commitment is really the best way to live - as long as we are willing to do the work of dealing with our pain bodies. The middle of the relationship, after the infatuation phase is the conflict phase or the power struggle phase and we tend to close our hearts because of the pain. Many of us leave at that time, just when the going gets tough and the pain body arises. And have to deal with the pain body in more and more difficult situations.
"As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease." Ekhart Tolle, The Power of Now
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Re: Conscious living

Postby Matt123 » Sat Jul 13, 2013 2:11 pm

All,

I have a very simple question which I am unable to find the answer for...anywhere. The question is this: How do i stay present at ALL times? To rephrase, can someone suggest some techniques by which I am constantly reminded to "look into myself" or "hey , here goes my mind again..off to the la la land..get it back".I tried writing "I am" at the back of my blackberry...but i soon forgot to see the reminder too. I now try doing a small 5 min meditation before every meal or snack in my office, that sort of works but thats not my goal. My goal remains::: ever present stillness! Please advise.
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Re: Conscious living

Postby kiki » Sat Jul 13, 2013 3:04 pm

Matt, what you are doing is fine. For the vast majority there is a gradual lengthening of presence as you grow into it in a very organic way, going into and out of presence. When it occurs to you to return to presence in a conscious way then do that with whatever reminder works for you. For some people a simple return of attention to the breath is enough to remind yourself, and then you can simply relax into it. Eventually you'll discover that you are remaining present for longer periods of time. Don't needlessly put pressure on yourself by having a goal to "always be present" because that will set yourself up for struggle and disappointment. It's more like you grow into it over time, and then the realization comes that your very nature IS presence.

That being said, there is value in having a regular practice where you set aside some time and watch the breath, or witness thoughts coming and going. Meditation is a vast area of exploration with innumerable approaches, but I highly recommend Adyashanti's "true meditation" because it is something that can be done throughout the day once you learn it.
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Re: Conscious living

Postby Webwanderer » Sat Jul 13, 2013 3:09 pm

Matt, there is an organization called 'Great Freedom' or 'The Balanced View'. This is their website that is quite useful in techniques to gain clarity in presence.

http://www.balancedview.org/en/about/introduction/

It comes down to taking short moments, repeated many times, to bring ever greater/longer clarity and presence.

It's quite similar to Kiki's suggestion of True Meditation except more structured.

Here's one of the practitioners explaining the experience.

http://www.balancedview.org/en/resource ... y-6-09-13/

Enjoy.

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Re: Conscious living

Postby rachMiel » Sat Jul 13, 2013 3:11 pm

Matt123 wrote:All,

I have a very simple question which I am unable to find the answer for...anywhere. The question is this: How do i stay present at ALL times? To rephrase, can someone suggest some techniques by which I am constantly reminded to "look into myself" or "hey , here goes my mind again..off to the la la land..get it back".I tried writing "I am" at the back of my blackberry...but i soon forgot to see the reminder too. I now try doing a small 5 min meditation before every meal or snack in my office, that sort of works but thats not my goal. My goal remains::: ever present stillness! Please advise.

Whenever people struggle with this question -- How do I remain present/here/now ALL the time? -- I share this short Krishnamurti (a master of presence/awareness) passage with them. :-)

--------------------

Questioner:

I find it impossible to be aware all the time.

Krishnamurti:

Don't be aware all the time! Just be aware in little bits. Please, there is no being aware all the time, that is a dreadful idea!

It is a nightmare, this terrible desire for continuity. Just be aware for one minute, for one second, and in that one second of awareness you can see the whole universe. That is not a poetic phrase. We see things in a flash, in a single moment, but having seen something, we want to capture, to hold it, give it continuity. That is not being aware at all. When you say, 'I must be aware all the time', you have made a problem of it, and then you should really find out why you want to be aware all the time. See the greed it implies, the desire to acquire. And to say, 'Well, I am aware all the time', means nothing.

----------------------------

The moral of the story (for me anyway): Relax. Don't make an earnest project out of presence; all that will do is ruin it. Ease into it, don't force it, let it find its own rhythm. Enjoy it!
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ...
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Re: Conscious living

Postby rideforever » Sat Jul 13, 2013 4:34 pm

It is most certainly possible to be aware all the time, but like RachMiel says pushing it creates harmful effects.

Surrender is much more powerful than will or force. The surrender must be precise and devoted. It must be based on Truth and Love. Then it is the Truth of existence happening.

Better to go for 10 mins of complete presence then 10 hours of wishy-washy.
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Re: Conscious living

Postby sardinelover » Tue Mar 04, 2014 11:33 am

Anyone who claims that continuous awareness is to be avoided, or is harmful, has clearly not experienced it for themselves.

Where there is a lack of awareness, there is suffering. And no one consciously chooses to suffer.

In the beginning, a person is largely unaware. With practice, awareness becomes their natural state.
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