87 days clean, Tried weed again

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.
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forgotaboutbre
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87 days clean, Tried weed again

Post by forgotaboutbre » Sat Feb 05, 2011 3:31 am

I recently committed to sober living to cap off my recovery process after 90 days at 2 rehabs. This decision and many decisions along the way have required an ample amount of surrender and acceptance. Upon committing to sober living I decided that I HAD to talk to Mary Jane one more time. I had to remember what it was like. I had to remember everything that I saw in my head. I had to get in touch with that pristine vision one more time. I just frankly had to try it if I was going to commit to any more time clean and sober, bottom line.

One day, out on pass, I went to a medical marijuana clinic and threw down my 100 dollars for my "evaluation". Shortly thereafter I found myself in a cannabis clinic getting a gram of weed. I went back, rolled up a little bit of weed with some cigarette tobacco and was off to the races when an opportunity of brief seclusion offered itself to me. At first I felt nothing. Then, slowly, it crept in and I was high, not insanely high, just high, in a calm, functional, perceptive space. Soon my unconscious character flaws crept to the surface. I could see them all as plain as day and I knew intuitively EXACTLY what I had to do to make peace with them and continue on upward toward a truer, freer realization of self. I could see in an exact way my shortcomings in my interpersonal relationships and I knew what I had to do to improve how I interact with people. I focused harder and could see exactly why it was most important to let my ex-girlfriend be, that there was nothing I could say to her that could induce the outcome that I wish for. I could see that there was nothing I could do to control here and I could feel that I did not want to control her. I could see how my mental clinging to her and other obsessions clouded and reduced my ability to perceive wholly. I could see that there was nothing to do but let go and let God. My obsessions stood before me, naked in the sun with nowhere to hide. I laughed to myself. Life wasn't nearly as serious as the space I existed in, constantly blocking others around me out in my little swirling world of thoughts, so disconnected.

Soon my fellow clients rolled in from a meeting and I began to interact with them. As I spoke with them one by one I could see their moods as plain as day. I listened. I could hear them. I could hear the words that they spoke in a way well beyond words, I could feel them coming from a much deeper place before they are translated into words. I knew. I could see each of them wholly as people. I saw their emotions, their obstacles and defects, their intentions and thoughts. I knew exactly what to say, I knew exactly how to interject my energies into their lives to offer them a boost.

It's been two days since I smoked up, and I am extremely satisfied with my decision to briefly break my sobriety. It all sticks, everything I saw is so fresh, my eyes have been washed anew and I am filled with the spirit and excitement to play with every little thing I noticed about myself while I was high, to continue to peel back layers and become all that I know that I can be. There is something so fresh and exciting about the sober mindset, so energetic, so capable, so raw. I feel like I want to DO things and that I have the energy to. I recall, a few days ago, burnt out and drowsy, feeling down because I was so excited to implement everything that I had just learned and I just didn't have the energy to do it. Pot is a beautiful tool but I see so clearly that nothing can be accomplished while high all of the time, there's just no zest to make it happen!

There's nowhere to go but up up up. I am growing faster and faster and faster. I am so excited about 2011. The transformation accelerates...yet again!

-Bre

alphamind
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Re: 87 days clean, Tried weed again

Post by alphamind » Thu Feb 10, 2011 7:26 pm

Good to hear. I'm in the same boat as you are. Although I did not smoke as frequently I did smoke pretty often. Now being at the stage where I as well have been about 90 days sober, and since then I never had a need for cannabis. Reading Eckhart's teachings and opening myself up spiritually I have come to a new stage, and today I am seriously considering having a smoke. I was skeptical at first though, as I can imagine the high now will be much different. Now whether in a good or bad sense is what I'm not sure of. Your post is filled with positive energy though, so I will be smoking up as well. If my guy hooks me up eventually that is. Lol

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forgotaboutbre
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Re: 87 days clean, Tried weed again

Post by forgotaboutbre » Fri Feb 11, 2011 10:18 am

Having smoked up again I can definitely say that it is not EVERYTHING I remembered it to be, not on the pedestal that I had it on, but I must say some strange strange things happen to me when I smoke marijuana and combine it with my presence practice. It's like everything that I've been training myself to do, to consciously observe my thoughts and emotions, it all comes to bear fruit as all of the goodness and lightness in my heart comes leaping forward with incredible ease. Social situations become exciting and I feel like I can see the potential waiting in the room for me to call out with my next intention.

That said, I SHOULD be able to do this in my sober state, which I am getting better and better at every day. Sober takes a LOT of discipline I am finding. I can will my intent into action but it takes a hell of a lot of focus and determination to form those good social habits so everything becomes easy.

--Mike

strali
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Re: 87 days clean, Tried weed again

Post by strali » Mon Feb 14, 2011 9:16 pm

I actually had a similar experience with weed. I don't smoke it often enough for it to be a problem in my life but I had always assumed that smoking it would definitely not help me reach an enlightened state of mind, I figured it was what eckhart was talking about when he said some drugs bring you BELOW thought and not above it, which isn't what we want.

But the other day I had smoked just a little bit and was listening to music and not thinking about anything when I realized I felt really, really good. I was just happy and I felt at peace. When I realized that I started to try to come up with reasons why I actually wasn't happy and the problems in my life I still needed to solve, but this time I noticed my mind doing this - looking for a problem when there really was none when I was already completely happy. This time I was able to see it and stop. I felt this great sense of peace because I could finally really see that there WERE no problems in my life, it's only my ego that makes the problems and I don't need to listen to it if I don't want to. I had known this on an intellectual level but I think marijuana opened my mind enough for me to really feel it on a deeper level. This shift lasted long after I wasn't high anymore.

I'm glad you got such a positive result as well! I guess sometimes we just need something to kick our mind into thinking a little differently, that can be all it takes

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forgotaboutbre
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Re: 87 days clean, Tried weed again

Post by forgotaboutbre » Tue Feb 15, 2011 1:38 am

"I had known this on an intellectual level but I think marijuana opened my mind enough for me to really feel it on a deeper level"

That sentence describes my reality perfectly. Many moons ago I had a revelation that weed could teach me all sorts of nifty things about myself that had always remained subconscious, but I didn't have the discipline to put any of those lessons into action. I just smoked up every day and, after I wasn't high anymore I felt blah all day without any energy, because weed DEFINITELY will suck the life out of me. It's not reasonable to have such intense experiences without being drained.

I no longer see weed as my "perfect drug", nor do I put it on the pedestal I used to put it on. I have great respect for the Cannabis plant but in my renewed experiences with marijuana my experience was not nearly as romantic as I made it out to be. Mind blowing, yes, but to be realistic some drawbacks were apparent. For now I feel like weed is a good crack to the skull. I take a hit and sit back and watch as unconscious character defects show themselves to me. It's a good reality check and can, if used properly, really be a powerful tool in my conscious growth as a person.

Cheers

-Mike

strali
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Re: 87 days clean, Tried weed again

Post by strali » Tue Feb 15, 2011 3:55 am

Yes! Like so many other things the key is moderation. But as you said it is such a beautiful tool, I will definitely keep using it to gain these kinds of insights. Good luck with it :)

trancexluvr
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Re: 87 days clean, Tried weed again

Post by trancexluvr » Tue Feb 15, 2011 6:57 am

I am so glad I found this post.

In brief my story:

Before I started reading "The Power Of Now", I was smoking marijuana every day for about 2 months since this past December/January, thanks to good ol' California! I soon realized that stress and anxiety were creeping up on me after smoking every day. Current issues seemed more present while the stress kept growing and growing. Soon, past fear and stress was coming to my senses. I began to get sick, my eczema flared up worse than I had ever seen before, I was unhappy, and felt totally unmotivated. A dear friend of mine one day told me that Marijuana is a wonderful gift from God, but it is sacred! When we "use" something that is readily available, we begin to take it for granted. In fact, I'm sure every one takes things in life for granted.

A few weeks ago, I limited myself to smoking marijuana only on weekends, and to "give thanks" to this wonderful herb each and every time. Around that same time I began to read "The Power Of Now". One of my faults I've noticed is that I am impatient, and I was desperate to find why I was feeling so depressed more than I ever have before. I remember scurrying through the first 20 pages or so. Gradually, each day I would read a little bit of the book and look into it more deeply, opening up my heart. I began to feel more hopeful towards life.

I could go on and on, but basically, the book has changed my life completely. Now regarding marijuana, the other day I smoked a bit, headed outside on a beautiful sunny day with the book in hand, and went to the park! Just the journey getting there was so incredible, so beautiful, so alive. I felt as if I was in tune with other peoples thoughts or emotions as I passed by them on the street. I got to the park, sat in a tree, and started reading. As soon as I started reading, every single word within the book was so crisp, so clear, so exactly in tune to what I was feeling at that moment. Soon a young guy came up to me out of no where and said, "Excuse me, what is the Power of Now?" I smiled, literally amazed by the intense presence I felt within that moment and said, "There is no need to worry about what happened 5 minutes ago, yesterday, or years ago throughout your life. There is no need to fear anything. Here I am, sitting in a tree in the park, reading a good book, and just enjoying this present moment of now."

A large smile came over his face. He began to thank me over and over again. We parted with "Namaste". That day really touched my heart. Even after the initial effects of Marijuana wore off, the rest of the day I was still feeling complete presence.

There are even more powerful experiences I've dealt with within the recent weeks. Marijuana is indeed sacred. But even stronger is the Power of Now. :wink:

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tikey
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Re: 87 days clean, Tried weed again

Post by tikey » Sat Mar 05, 2011 9:03 pm

Yeah marijuana is definitely something that changes your state of consciousness. I also mixed Power of Now with marijuana with some great effects.
I used to smoke a lot, but since my parents are against it and I am still under their control, I had to quit it. I really miss those "high" moments.

Marijuana just allowed me to see the truth and it gave ma hundreds of insights about life, peopl and myself. If not marijuana I wouldnt be propably looking fo "enlightenment". Marijuana opened my mind to the fact, that there is different state of mind. It opened my eyes to the fact that there is different way of looking at things. Then I started to read Tolle and I really changed. I think the marijuana was just the trigger to my spiritual evolution.

Now I still miss the good old days when I smoked, but I cannot smoke. Additionally I take now some neuroleptic medicins so Im afraid what the mix could be.

Anyway smoking is cool. But I cant. Cheers.
Im just a cloudless sky :)

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Riken
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Re: 87 days clean, Tried weed again

Post by Riken » Sun Mar 06, 2011 5:15 pm

See, this is what I really don't get.

Me and my friends get baked every few weeks, when I'm at uni I'l have a spliff or two with other friends, I don't see what the big deal is and how people get into problems with it?

Weed isn't a big deal, you can't be physically addicted to it, its impossible, there are no recorded fatalities with weed either, the only big downside is that it makes you really unproductive and lazy if you smoke it daily in large amounts. Trust me, I've been smoking it since I was 15 or so, I've never had any problems because of it except spending too much cash on it! :D

This is why, when I read the title of the thread, I have to laugh, no offense. Your acting like weed is a class A drug or something, its not, its harmless, don't blame the drug, look at why you seem to want to depend on it.
"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players"

Blenderhead
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Re: 87 days clean, Tried weed again

Post by Blenderhead » Sun Mar 06, 2011 9:39 pm

My brother got ill from smoking weed, he had many pains in his body and was afraid all the time. Now he has stopped smoking and the symptons have disappeared. Maybe it was caused by something else, but he is never going to smoke again, he says. Its a little like alcohol, some people can enjoy it, others get addicted because their bodies react differently to the same substance. They say certain people have genes that make them more easily addicted to alcohol, so maybe it's the same with weed. but everything is poison if you get too much of it, even water is poison if you drink too much. So weed is perhaps harmless if you seldom smoke, but harmful if you smoke too much.

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forgotaboutbre
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Re: 87 days clean, Tried weed again

Post by forgotaboutbre » Mon Mar 07, 2011 7:41 pm

For the record, after the initial experience of AWESOME and intense connectivity I'm completely drained and at the mercy of my negative thoughts and emotions. In fact I almost feel crazy for the rest of the day as I "come down". The days I spend sober are so fresh and energetic and I get by so well interacting with my peers that I feel like I do not need the experience of Pot all too much, especially with said drawbacks.

-Mike

strali
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Re: 87 days clean, Tried weed again

Post by strali » Thu Mar 10, 2011 3:31 am

Riken wrote:See, this is what I really don't get.

Me and my friends get baked every few weeks, when I'm at uni I'l have a spliff or two with other friends, I don't see what the big deal is and how people get into problems with it?

Weed isn't a big deal, you can't be physically addicted to it, its impossible, there are no recorded fatalities with weed either, the only big downside is that it makes you really unproductive and lazy if you smoke it daily in large amounts. Trust me, I've been smoking it since I was 15 or so, I've never had any problems because of it except spending too much cash on it! :D

This is why, when I read the title of the thread, I have to laugh, no offense. Your acting like weed is a class A drug or something, its not, its harmless, don't blame the drug, look at why you seem to want to depend on it.
Hmm I think that might be a dangerous thing to say.. yes cannabis can be completely harmless under the right circumstances, but it effects everyone in very different ways. For some people it can trigger panic attacks that they continue to experience their entire lives, and some people with predispositions to certain mental illnesses like schizophrenia have increased risks of getting them after smoking pot. It may not be physically addictive but it can definitely be psychologically addictive which can be just as bad and screw people's lives up just as much. It's good that you can use it without any problems but to speak like everybody else should have the same tolerance for it could cause misunderstandings about it, and it's probably best not to downplay the harm that it does cause some people.

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ashley72
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Re: 87 days clean, Tried weed again

Post by ashley72 » Thu Mar 10, 2011 6:09 am

Riken wrote:
See, this is what I really don't get.

Me and my friends get baked every few weeks, when I'm at uni I'l have a spliff or two with other friends, I don't see what the big deal is and how people get into problems with it?

Weed isn't a big deal, you can't be physically addicted to it, its impossible, there are no recorded fatalities with weed either, the only big downside is that it makes you really unproductive and lazy if you smoke it daily in large amounts. Trust me, I've been smoking it since I was 15 or so, I've never had any problems because of it except spending too much cash on it!

This is why, when I read the title of the thread, I have to laugh, no offense. Your acting like weed is a class A drug or something, its not, its harmless, don't blame the drug, look at why you seem to want to depend on it.
Interesting, someone I knew as a kid, started out smoking pot heavily from about 18 years of age onwards. He died a few weeks ago at the age of 35 from drug related causes. Whilst Weed may not have technically killed him... it caused serious mental illness in him over years from long term substance abuse.

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Re: 87 days clean, Tried weed again

Post by fifi » Wed Mar 16, 2011 9:57 pm

It's such a shame that such a beautiful little weed is smoked and not eaten!
If I found any growing by the roadside they'd end up in my pot for supper :D
thats the best way to try them :)

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