One day of Consciousness

Here you may share how the words Eckhart Tolle have affected your life.
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faith
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One day of Consciousness

Post by faith » Fri Apr 01, 2011 4:03 pm

Hello Everyone (LONG)

I had an experience of detaching from Ego, and it was very beautiful. It happened about 2 weeks ago so I don't remember too much except the things that really stood out to me and came as an elated surprise.

The night before the experience, I had been completely lost in ego thinking and it was very painful. I got an urge to do a Google search on ego and found a great article that shifted my perception enough to release me from the complete grip of fear.

The article was referenced, so I looked for the source and found a whole book on Wikisource. It was A Course In Miracles if anyone is interested. Chapter four, The Illusions of The Ego to be exact. After reading some parts of the chapter I felt a great calm. I went to bed.

When I awoke the next morning I was still feeling peaceful. I remembered what I had been reading the night before. I do not have an exact quote, but the words that mostly stood out were about recognizing the voice of god (consciousness), and how that I mostly listen to the voice of the ego. So as I dressed and watched my thinking, I wondered which thoughts were the voice of god.

Later that morning as soon as I recognized which thoughts were consciousness, the ego's thoughts became very faint. For long periods of time throughout the day I would not hear any fearful thoughts. When I did become aware of a fearful thought, I was able to see it for what it was.

At the end of the day I noticed that I had no desire to do my usual nightly activities, which consist of surfing the net or watching a movie, or television. So I stood in the kitchen wondering what to do next, and I noticed how good it felt to just stand there. My husband was like "What's up, are you ok?" LOL It was so nice to tell him I was fine. I didn't feel like thinking either, which made me smile with delight, because I enjoy thinking so very much but there was no need for it that night.

I did things that night that I am not normally able to do because my ego identity is painfully self-conscious. I did things I hadn't done in months. Everything I did was filled with joy and peace. I didn't recognize myself but I knew this is how I wanted to be.

I realized that my ego and the mind are not my enemies in any way. I had no ill feelings towards my ego or any of the thoughts or emotions that arose. Simply, the thoughts and emotions would come up and I knew they were not me. Nothing would come of the thoughts or emotions that happened. I did feel an interest in the thoughts when they happened though. I do not remember having many emotions, and when they did happen they would hardly last. Having no judgment against the thoughts was a wonderful relief filled with freedom. I could just exist and worry about nothing that happened.

I also became aware that I had created this ego exactly as it was, but that I could change it to be anything I wanted it to be. That is something that was very surprising to me. This identity and personality, that I have become, can be changed completely. Also there is no need to get rid of ego or personality. During that time, the ego and personality were quite fun to witness and be aware of. I'm not sure what the role of the ego and personality are but when you are consciousness they don't get in the way.

I understood that if anyone judged me, it was only their ego judging my ego. I laughed at how much the ego worried about appearances. In fact I laughed at all the things the ego was concerned with. There was such a relief in knowing that if I ever felt offended it was not real, it was just my ego. And if I had ever offended anyone, I was only offending other egos.

You cannot hurt anyone ever. If anywhere anytime you feel deeply hurt or see others in emotional pain it is just ego. Forgiveness became unnecessary for me because there was nothing to forgive. What a relief! Only the ego needs to forgive. Consciousness has no need for forgiveness because it completely accepts everything just as it is.

The next day when I awoke I was still feeling peace but the voice of the ego gradually increased as the day progressed.


After typing the above I took a break to think about the experience and I wondered how consciousness is aware that it is not the thoughts and feelings that happen. Then I was distracted by other thoughts and I noticed that one of the thoughts made me feel ashamed of myself. Then I found that the shame was caused because the ego identified with a thought. The ego believes it is doing the thinking, so if there are thoughts or feelings that it believes it shouldn't be having it's identity is threatened.

For example if an ego's identity is to be sweet and understanding, having an unkind thought or doing an unkind thing will threaten that identity because the ego somehow believes that it is the one doing the thinking. But thoughts are independent things. They roam around and pass through. I assume that the kinds of thoughts that might pass through any awareness has to do with vibrational frequency, but that is another subject.

Anyway, after having had that experience I no longer fear the thought of ego. I do not know what ego is because it didn't become clear in my experience.

Also I am very excited about this journey of self-discovery. I am not saddened by the fact that I identify with ego anymore because I am curious to see what happens with it.

I hope you have enjoyed reading this if you got this far :D I will add more to this if I remember anything else.

Thank you and I hope to share more experiences in the near future.

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Re: One day of Consciousness

Post by Sighclone » Fri Apr 01, 2011 5:33 pm

Faith -

Welcome to the forum! And what a fine summary of your discovery. Many here have read ACIM and have similar comments. "Nothing real can be threatened, nothing unreal exists, herein lies the peace of God."

I was a bit surprised to hear you say that you felt the ego could be changed so easily. I think most people, having discovered that big bundle of habits and memories, and essentially discarded it or at least become so sensitive to its noise that their lives are no longer managed by it, either do not spend much time trying to 'change' it, or find it to be a familiar and consistent distraction.

I'm open to more observation on this, however, and would appreciate your comments.

Many people who have had a powerful discovery like yours experience a period of dislocation which is not comfortable for them, and I was especially pleased to note that not only was this "new place" very very new and real, but that you were quite comfortable there, and able to immediately listen to alternative intuitive nudges for things to do, rather than be in the old egoic rut. Many people get worried and scared when the old motivators aren't driving the boat.

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

mohanrao786
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Re: One day of Consciousness

Post by mohanrao786 » Fri Apr 01, 2011 5:41 pm

I have enjoyed reading your forum & would definately appreciate if u can add more

faith
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Re: One day of Consciousness

Post by faith » Fri Apr 01, 2011 7:11 pm

Hello Sighclone and Mohanrao,

Sighclone, I read your reply a few times. I'm not sure I understood it too well.

The "new" place I experienced, well it's not exactly new. I've had smaller scale experiences here and there for a few years. But this last one just lasted longer than the others, and this time I knew what was happening so I payed close attention. I have read Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now and A New Earth so my mind was "prepared".

The part where I said I stood in the kitchen wondering what to do next, there was a moment where I felt a sudden fear of "what am I going to do now if I stay like this?" because I couldn't think of anything to analyze and that is something I constantly do. Also like I mentioned I didn't feel like reading stuff on the internet or watching television. The fear came from knowing that I would probably want to do things that I have been fearful of doing, and I momentarily very much wanted to go back to being my old self. But it was just momentary because I remembered (from reading) that it was normal to have a quiet mind where the simplest things are some of the most pleasurable to do. So I only stood still because it was the most pleasant thing I could think of. And then I had a desire to do something else, and later something else and that's how it went on until I fell asleep.



About changing the ego or personality, it seemed easy at the time, but I was very surprised by it. I was under the impression that we wouldn't want to have anything to do with ego, but that was not the case with me at least. I found the ego intriguing at the time, mostly because I was not feeling the pain of being the ego.

It seemed simple to change your personality. Right now, I am thinking that it just meant that I do not have to "see" myself as being a certain way as opposed to another way. Like if I have always thought of myself as a shy and awkward person I could begin to see myself as a confident and uninhibited person.

I am back to identifying with ego, though not as strongly as before. I am doing things that one month ago I would have resisted and been really afraid of being asked to do.

I've also been practicing allowing, I started with that one month ago, and 2 weeks ago had the temporary detachment. So I'm working on awareness pretty much, but being very easy on myself. :)

Hope that cleared some stuff for you, and sorry for another long post.

Mohanrao, I hope you also benefited by this reply.

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Re: One day of Consciousness

Post by Sighclone » Sat Apr 02, 2011 8:54 pm

faith -

Thanks for your expanded reply. I continue to be impressed with your breakthrough. If the "ego" has become a relatively benign 'plastic' entity (or, really, an active verb) and there is another entity (for this post, may I say "witness" or "Sourcebeam") who can manipulate it quite freely, then you are generally free of its clutches. You can observe the old habits and prejudices arise and, from some deeper place, act or not act on them.

In general, since we have lived a life nurturing the structures and content of ego, automatically, unconsciously, for many years, we should expect that it has many ways of sneaking in the back door...

Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

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