thank you.Midnight wrote:So you are aware of this feeling - feeling like a different person?Lowrey wrote:Long story short.
I have a traumatic, unstable childhood. FF 20 years. I read "Power of Now", I've found it amazing, started to use some of his teachings to achieve my goals in life (it was never "enlightenment"). For a year, I've felt very good, focused, and started to actually realize my dreams. FF 1 year. I had a panic attack, and my life changed in that moment.
I was coming back from the hospital (they told me I'm 100% healthy, it was probably a panic attack), and I've felt a different person. In a wrong way. Actually, I was feeling like a "nobody". It felt like amnesia. I felt like not remembering who I am. Not literally, but "emotionally". I couldn't find myself. I started to "automatically" look at my life from a negative perspective. I wasn't feeling passion about anything I used to, I started to think about death constantly, and how life is short and meaningless.
Every little thing freaked me out into a panic attack.
The feeling is something like Tolle described, but the peace and bliss he talks about wasn't there, only extreme fear, anxiety, panic and fear of death.
It was a year ago, I'm a lot better now, I can sleep, function, do a lot of things. But if I think about I may did it to myself under the influence of Tolle, I really want to knock his face.
What's the experts take on this?
Your also aware of how your not feeling the same passions etc.
My first question to you is - who is the one who all of these percieved 'issues' are actually impacting?
Stay with this question, don't think about it, just sit with it and ponder, look inwardly and see if you can find if this 'person' exists. Don't let the mind swap out this question for an easier one, because the mind gets nervous when it can sense a potent question that could potentially reveal it as illusion. This is real inquiry, I don't know whether you are familiar with it or not.
The second question (once you've seen the answer to the first) is - who is making this discovery? If you have really looked, you'l find that there isn't actually a 'person' as such who these issues are touching; there's actually noone home. There may be THOUGHTS about a certain person, but these come and go, always shifting and changing.
So - who has discovered that this person isn't real? What is it that has seen that there's noone tangible who is having these problems. Is it the person? Can that be possible? What is the nature of the one who's 'seeing' that the person is only a thought?
Inquire. Stick with it though, nothing else will do.
like I've said, I have no intetion to become "enlightened". I believe in my own soul, and not believing in being a "universal consciousness". I have a past. YOU did not lived my past, I did. Denying that we all have a unique own soul is just crazy to me. I don't see myself as a "mind-made self". Sorry but I think this idea is an inner suicide (which Tolle admits when he says he's already died). Tolle says that life goals like being a movie star, or a great football player, or having a lot of money are mind-made illusions and concepts. I think trying to reach "enlightenment" is even a bigger illusion, and an even more worthless concept. I don't care about it.
I care about finding freedom and living my life.