Personality Vs The Now

Talk about anything Tolle-related here.
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Personality Vs The Now

Post by WillieStroker » Thu May 24, 2012 4:33 pm

I'm half way through reading the 'Power of Now' and virtually every page in this magnificent book as amazed me.

As a guy (27yrs) who has suffered from mild forms of anxiety, scared, worrying all the time for most of my life, the book and teachings are really helping me and I feel I am on the journey to go beyond the mind.

For the past two weeks I've noticed myself getting more and more into the 'moment', especially in the work place. I work as a software engineer, its a stressful desk job within a team. Previously, when there were technical issues to resolve I would look at the task negatively, thinking the worst. The book has helped me look at such events as accepting what is, and it has truly changed the way I solve such work related problems.

I have found it difficult at times to enjoy the stillness and presence due to noise in the office environment. I have a pair of headphones that I sometimes put on and sometimes listen to the Oprah/Tolle screen cast from a few years ago, its great as it correlates to the ideas express throughout the book - it almost feels like pure meditation.

A few colleagues asked me the other day if something was wrong, they said that they had noticed I had been very quiet and not talking much over the past two weeks. From their tone I couldn't help but feel as though they were deeply concerned and felt there was something really wrong with me. Some colleagues felt that they had done something wrong to upset me because I hadn't spoken to them. But nothing could be further from the truth, I am content, satisfied, enjoying the stillness of life when I can. It's true that for the last few weeks I don't feel like my old self at all, I am quieter, more relaxed but also feel as though I'm about the embark on a spiritual journey.

I guess a concern of mine is that I feel as though my old ego-personality has been stripped, I'm happy to let that 'worrying kid' go, but now I have no personality as such - and I am wondering if this is what my colleagues are picking up on? On the external I may look lifeless, but inside I feel full of life. Of course my 'real' personality will prevail as I continue on this journey in time.

A colleague greeted me today with "Morning Grumpy", and I guess this was the trigger for writing this post. Eckhart mentions that we have a responsibility to ensure that we do not pollute our environment mentally for others, part of me feels a little guilty that my journey to transformation might be causing some upset for others. I guess for them it must be strange to no longer see my old personality...

Has this happened to any of you? .....What did you do about it? :)

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Re: Personality Vs The Now

Post by Golf » Thu May 24, 2012 11:12 pm

Well it seems you have pretty nice and considerate colleagues :)

They seem to be adjusting to the "new you", just let them be.
Try to see if you have identified with the mental idea, that you should always be talkative and energetic. You should not, there'll be times when you feel more "withdrawn" as now, but I think that's perfectly normal, and should be accepted. If you can accept that state without guilt or worry, your colleagues probably will too. And you can always crack a joke or two every day, or give a smile, so they know you're "still alive"!

I'm an engineer by profession myself, and I think those technical issues will in any case get less and less "scary", especially as you gain more experience. And it's my experience that catastrophic errors and failues at work happen almost exclusively, when the team works hurriedly, not sharing information, beginning tasks without proper understanding of requirements, and without patience and double-checking of results. So that is something that can be improved upon, and it is within your ability to do so.
"If you're so smart, how come you're working at a gas station?"
-"It's a service station. We offer service, there is no higher purpose."

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Re: Personality Vs The Now

Post by WillieStroker » Fri May 25, 2012 11:05 am

Thanks for the reply Golf, its great to hear from a fellow engineer.

I never really thought about my colleagues comments as 'caring'.... but that made me feel a lot better looking at it from that context. :)

Yeah I think I'm going to make sure I talk for at least 30 minutes or so around the team, because right now I probably look as still as eckhart does all day lol.

I agree with you about just going through the motions of stressful work such as outages, or emergency code software fixes, worrying and stressing about has got me no where in the past. These days I literally take the problem as it is and just fix it, I don't judge how bad it is. For those who don't know much about software engineering we often have what we call 'SLAs' (Service Level Agreement), this is a formal agreement that has in it timescales set to solve problems and issues with software.

Ironically, it is this time-based constraint that can cause much stress because it keeps you continuously thinking about time. I don't think about the 'time' part of it any more, and it feels much better.

It's been an eye-opener to see how much a person can change once they try to go beyond the mind...

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Re: Personality Vs The Now

Post by Heisenberg » Tue Jun 19, 2012 8:19 pm

Hey, (new to the forum btw)

I saw this thread and it made me think of my own experiences with practicing the Power of Now. (during brief intervals during the last couple of months).

"Personality" plays a big part in our lifes. We all want to be liked, and people hate it when others turn quiet and they see it as withdrawn or introverted (which is what I am like if I am practicing "the now").
I think suffering, complaining, seeing problems, negativity, gossiping, etc., in general "egoic" patterns, occupy a large portion of our daily interactions with people and people define who we are by how we talk and how edgy and cool we are or behave (by forms such as our status, our posessions, our hobbies, etc. "forms")

So this has definately become a big obstacle for me. I want to become less stressy, worried, and be more present, but on the other hand that's a large part of what defines me. What else is there? And will people still like me, or will I be known as a withdrawn weirdo by these unconcious, unenlightened people ? And are they really unconcious and unenlightened or do they just not give a toss and can cope with life more easily?

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Re: Personality Vs The Now

Post by mohan » Sat Aug 08, 2015 10:24 pm

I am a software engineer and 39 years old. I do feel a lot stressed at work. All issues at work are considered so important and urgent. I am one of those guys who did acquire a good experience but later had to shift to different technology and again begin from scratch. Feels like there is so much uncertainty in this field and worried how I can handle.
I have read the Power of Now recently and I am applying the present moment awareness. I need more reminders though. But as Willie has expressed my colleagues have noticed that I am not talking much. I hope things get better OR I get better.
Thank you

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