Best way to change deep seated beliefs/attachments.

Talk about anything Tolle-related here.

Re: Best way to change deep seated beliefs/attachments.

Postby kiki » Sat Jun 16, 2012 12:03 am

I give full endorsement to karmarider's website, and I suspect the other mods do as well. He is a real asset to this board and his website is a treasure trove of useful information.
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
---
Your donation will help keep us online.
User avatar
kiki
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 4370
Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2004 8:55 pm
Location: Wherever "here" happens to be

Re: Best way to change deep seated beliefs/attachments.

Postby Ralph » Sat Jun 16, 2012 2:17 am

I would like to add that karmarider's honest approach in his seeking and sharing it with others on his website is what keeps me going back and checking out what he is up to next.
Ralph
 
Posts: 596
Joined: Fri Dec 25, 2009 12:08 am

Re: Best way to change deep seated beliefs/attachments.

Postby Jayakanth » Mon Jun 18, 2012 8:26 am

DavidB wrote:Jayakanth, I'm not certain what your question is. I think you might need to reframe your question in way that might make more sense.

So i feel 'needy' for a relationship. Rather than wanting a relationship, I am needing a relationship to fulfill myself.


Eckhart does discuss this human need for a companion. He describes this human condition of being either one sex or the other sex as being more or less only one half of human, a feeling of being incomplete without the other half. The male completes the female and visa versa. These are not Eckhart's exact words. I heard Eckhart speak of this in one of his talks but can't remember which one. Sorry.

You will never feel complete, as there will always be a feeling of incompleteness, it's just the nature of the human condition. The illusion of separation creates this feeling of incompleteness, feelings of loneliness, which can manifest as a needing or longing.

All's we can do in this situation is to simply recognize this aspect of our human nature for what it is, accept it totally, and then not take it personally.

Not sure if this answers any of your questions.


Let me reframe this. Tolle talks about a woman completing you on the level of form. But I was referiring to my inner self. Like when tolle says, when u seek a relationship to cover up your egoic problems. That was what my question was about. I wanted to identify my current egoic problems and be present to them.
Jayakanth
 
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 8:44 pm

Re: Best way to change deep seated beliefs/attachments.

Postby DavidB » Mon Jun 18, 2012 11:32 am

I wanted to identify my current egoic problems and be present to them.


So your current egoic problem was revealed in your need to have a relationship. Or your current egoic problem was needing to have a relationship in order to reveal your egoic problems?

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just go with it until you feel you no longer need to have a relationship to reveal any more egoic problems, and in the mean time, enjoy the relationship and all you can learn from it.

Your relationships can become your spiritual practice, so don't worry if you feel that having a relationship to reveal presence is somehow not appropriate. Allow the relationship to do that, that is perfectly fine.
“Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
User avatar
DavidB
 
Posts: 640
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2012 7:55 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: Best way to change deep seated beliefs/attachments.

Postby Jayakanth » Sun Aug 19, 2012 11:47 am

Hey guys,

I have a deep seated fear and anxiety when it comes to social gatherings with people i dont know and public speaking. I have too many negative anchors to it and when i tried to dissolve the pain last week during a societal gathering, i was unable to do it. There was too much pain that came up. a lot of fear. i felt victimised and what not. I was just required to introduce myself and my interests. On my way to the meeting, i was experiencing the pain body. I was thrown off centre. How can i dissolve this pain then? Can i be completely free of this?

Thanks
Jayakanth
 
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 8:44 pm

Re: Best way to change deep seated beliefs/attachments.

Postby Webwanderer » Sun Aug 19, 2012 2:30 pm

Jayakanth wrote:Hey guys,

I have a deep seated fear and anxiety when it comes to social gatherings with people i dont know and public speaking. I have too many negative anchors to it and when i tried to dissolve the pain last week during a societal gathering, i was unable to do it. There was too much pain that came up. a lot of fear. i felt victimised and what not. I was just required to introduce myself and my interests. On my way to the meeting, i was experiencing the pain body. I was thrown off centre. How can i dissolve this pain then? Can i be completely free of this?

Thanks

Have you identified the problem? Deep seated fear? Of what? It's likely that the fear is based in a belief. What is that belief? This type of social fear is not uncommon. Imagine yourself at a social function and having to give a public talk. Look for the fear. Does it have something to do with what those there might think of you? Does it have to do with you looking bad or foolish for what you say or how you appear? Feel it out. Find the belief that supports the fear. It will be helpful to know your enemy. Let us know what you discover and some useful pointers will magically appear in this thread.

WW
User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 6308
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: Best way to change deep seated beliefs/attachments.

Postby Jayakanth » Tue Aug 21, 2012 12:04 pm

Yes i have. Its a combination of a few things.

It involves looking insecure and awkward in front of everyone.
Not having interesting things to talk about.
Talking about the wrong things/ things that are not good enough.
Not being able to talk fluently. Struggling to piece out proper sentences. I tend to do that.

I have shaken many times in front of people. I have choked on my words. The worst one was when i felt my face becoming warmer,

Can anything like this be overcome psychologially or do i need to take action and rewire myself by getting positive reference experiences.

Thanks.
Jayakanth
 
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 8:44 pm

Re: Best way to change deep seated beliefs/attachments.

Postby Webwanderer » Tue Aug 21, 2012 9:40 pm

Jayakanth wrote:It involves looking insecure and awkward in front of everyone.
Not having interesting things to talk about.
Talking about the wrong things/ things that are not good enough.
Not being able to talk fluently. Struggling to piece out proper sentences. I tend to do that.

I suggest that you have not yet identified the problem. What you list here matters little.

What does it matter what you look like in front of people? Everyone looks unique in their own way. Is it really your appearance or is it what you imagine people think about your appearance? And could it be your imagined concerns that make you feel fearful and therefore act in a resistant and halting way? What your group thinks is not the problem, your fear of what they think is what gives you anxiety. Free them to think what they will, it will free you to be who you are.

Not having interesting things to talk about? This will likely be the case for some no matter what your topic is. Others may find it quite interesting. Everyone is different in the things that appeal to them. Speak to the ones in the group who look interested and ignore the rest. Even more important is your own attitude towards your topic. If you have an interest, and present what you know with passion, people will be attracted by your enthusiasm. You don't have to be right, only passionate. You'll be surprised at the number of people who will seek you out to tell you how much they agree, or disagree, with what you offered. Either one is good. You're not there to convert, only to share.

Talking about the wrong things/ things that are not good enough. Value is in the eye of the beholder. Speak to the things that interest you first, your audience second. Know your topic as well as you can and, as just stated, your passion toward your subject will make it interesting.

Not being able to talk fluently. Struggling to piece out proper sentences. I tend to do that.
You don't have to talk fluently, only what feels comfortable. There are far less concerns in your audience one way or the other, compared to your own self judgment. Cut yourself some slack. We all deserve it. The less you judge yourself, the less what others think will matter. Make peace with the possibility of a few stumbles. Don't freak out when it happens. Have some fun with your foibles. Everyone screws up from time to time, and everyone knows it. If you have fun, your audience will have fun. If you freak, your audience will become uncomfortable. So be prepared to laugh at yourself. Your audience will enjoy you for it.

By the way, have you ever gone to a Toastmasters? Most towns have them and are created to help with such issues.

WW
User avatar
Webwanderer
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 6308
Joined: Fri May 12, 2006 12:03 am

Re: Best way to change deep seated beliefs/attachments.

Postby smiileyjen101 » Tue Aug 21, 2012 10:38 pm

Have many here read Feel the fear and do it anyway, by Susan Jeffers? It's very illuminating on the subject.

About Fear
#1 The fear will never go away as long as you continue to grow!
Every time you take a step into the unknown, you experience fear. There is no point in saying, "When I am no longer afraid, then I will do it." You'll be waiting for a long time. The fear is part of the package.

#2 The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and…do it!
When you do it often enough, you will no longer be afraid in that particular situation. You will have faced the unknown and you will have handled it. Then new challenges await you, which certainly add to the excitement in living.

#3 The only way to feel better about yourself is to go out and…do it!
With each little step you take into unknown territory, a pattern of strength develops. You begin feeling stronger and stronger and stronger.

#4 Not only are you afraid when facing the unknown, so is everyone else!
This should be a relief. You are not the only one out there feeling fear. Everyone feels fear when taking a step into the unknown. Yes, all those people who have succeeded in doing what they have wanted to do in life have felt the fear - and did it anyway. So can you!

#5 Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the bigger underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness!
This is the one truth that some people have difficulty understanding. When you push through the fear, you will feel such a sense of relief as your feeling of helplessness subsides. You will wonder why you did not take action sooner. You will become more and more aware that you can truly handle anything that life hands you.

These five 'truths' about fear have been adapted from Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway® and its sequel, Fe el the Fear and Beyond.


Reading it tends to have some pretty 'scary' impacts I thoroughly recommend it for young and old who are limiting their experiences through fear. Having raised my girls on the notions of it phew... it's a wonder my hair isn't grey!! At about age 5 it became the younger one's 'slogan'. While on a weekend with grandparents she 'went missing' at a bike park where they'd taken their bikes to ride over little jumps etc ... To hear it from her grandmother here they were 'desperate' to find her, looking everywhere (at ground level) and then they heard this yell from the top of a huge BMX tower/jump/ride thing "Feel the FEAAAAARRRRRRRR :lol: as she launched herself down the huge slide. To hear her grandfather ------ I'll give HER fear!!!!! On the 'upside' she made it down safely, but the most endearing thing she had weighed it all up - if she'd asked for permission they would have stopped her (in fear for her safety) and she was sooooooo proud of herself, she said she stood shaking at the top (I would have been shaking at the top!) and then she calmed her breathing - thought that she could do it (evaluating risk) and Just DID It! What she was most proud of though was not 'doing it', it was being okay with the fear, taking from it what it could make her be aware of, and not letting it overcome her. This at five!!!

I guess I was 'the Mum' that would drop them off at the school gate and say 'Have a great day, try something new' rather than 'Be good, be careful'.

If you are raised to 'be good and be careful' you will employ fear to guide you. No matter how 'good' or how 'careful' you are life will still happen.
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
http://www.balancinginfluences.com
User avatar
smiileyjen101
 
Posts: 3688
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 3:44 am

Re: Best way to change deep seated beliefs/attachments.

Postby jimmyrich » Sat Aug 10, 2013 9:37 am

Jayakanth wrote:In order to change that belief, how do u go about that?

I'd find a competent therapist and begin examining my self and my childhood.
good luck :)
jimmyrich
 
Posts: 99
Joined: Mon Jul 29, 2013 9:25 am

Re: Best way to change deep seated beliefs/attachments.

Postby Jayakanth » Mon Aug 12, 2013 7:23 am

rideforever wrote:"I feel needy and get hurt when rejected". This is not a 'spiritual' problem but a problem that most people go through when they are exploring relationships in their teenage years.

Rejection is pain btw, so don't know why you are saying there is no pain.

If you turn it into a spiritual quest you ignore the actual problem, and make a mess of the spiritual journey.

People often try to escape basic emotional/relational issues in this way, but it is just an escape.

I am sure every teenager with a broken heart feels this way. Adults too.

When you talk about 'changing your belief' ... you are basically trying to ignore the pain by holding up some concept about belief. This is just another way to ignore the reality of your pain.

So I would be very wary of starting to think about it. Just feel it.

You have pain inside. It is an energy in you. Just sit down and focus on it. You can begin a meditation watching your breath etc... But then more your awareness onto the pain in the body - or wherever you feel it. You say 'rejection' ... focus on that word, what does it mean, where do you feel it. Don't think about it. Just open yourself fully to the roaring flow of energy. Anything can happen. You might scream, you might cry. It doesn't matter. Just be open. Allow yourself to be changed by the energy.

If you do this you will 'process' the energy. And you will be changed by it. That's all. Same as for anything.

After my mother died I spent months doing this. I sat down, relaxed, then picked some region of the body to become aware of. Soon the pain filled me entirely. It takes some skill to not be lost in the pain - but also to be in direct contact with it. It hurts a lot.

After some time I bought some CDs by a woman called Belleruth Naperstek, that reliably triggers all the pain. This just made it easier to work.

After some months, it is gone and I am changed.


Could u tell me more of ur experience with this product by Belleruth Naperstek? Right now im triggering the pain by asking myself questions and by my imagination.
Jayakanth
 
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 8:44 pm

Previous

Return to General Eckhart Tolle Discussion

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest