Im not sure whether i should heal this past I had.

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Im not sure whether i should heal this past I had.

Postby Jayakanth » Mon Jun 18, 2012 8:42 am

Hi.

A few years back, I had a situation where I was forced to suicidal despair. Worst ever moment of my entire life. I was contemplating suicide because because I was afraid that something would happen to me. I will not tell what that event was. But I will describe what happened.

First thing was a slight panic attack. I just wanted to sleep and never wake up again. When I reached home, I went to the toilet to pass motion. My faeces was bad. LIke really bad motion. I had stomach ache in the morning for the next month or so. Two days later, during Xmas day, I was alone at home. My parents had gone overseas, In the night, I had this hallucination. My parents were floating around me. Ghostly figures. When they came back, they told me they had witnessed an accident on the road while my father was driving. My father averted it.

For the past few days and weeks I was always sleeping. I was always tired. I never wanted to wake up. I tried to consol myself. Tried to tihnk positive. Looking for a solution to the problem. There was a solution, but I didnt have the balls to do it. I could not take it. Over the course of the next two years, the thing i feared never happened. I had been carrying a pain body for 2 years and it is still residing in my body.

Im not sure whether i should confront it now. I need advise. I want to bring out the memories of it and accept the pain. But i need help.
Jayakanth
 
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Re: Im not sure whether i should heal this past I had.

Postby karmarider » Mon Jun 18, 2012 2:03 pm

Clearly, you are already confronting it.

When I was in my twenties, I had contemplated suicide a few times. I realized that I thought about suicide because it might give me the relief from the desperate sense of being trapped. But then I also realized that I wouldn't be around to feel the relief.

If you have access to professional help, I strongly recommend it. Counselors, therapists, support groups--it can very helpful to simply talk this out with people who have experience in this area.

In spiritual terms, Eckhart Tolle gives us a basic insight into the problem with the human mind. John Sherman distills and simplifies it completely and says that the only problem is fear. In my opinion, this is really all the spiritual knowledge we need.

An inward looking technique (such as the one John Sherman suggests of looking at the sense of you) can break through the delusions in the mind. It's basic and easy and simple. The sense of you is immediately accessible to you; you don't have to dig down inside you and figure out what it means.

A release technique has been very helpful for me in handling harsh emotions.

An awareness meditation, such as the one Adyashanti suggests in True meditation, is also helpful.
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Re: Im not sure whether i should heal this past I had.

Postby Donna » Mon Jun 18, 2012 4:10 pm

Jayakanth wrote:Looking for a solution to the problem. There was a solution, but I didnt have the balls to do it. I could not take it. Over the course of the next two years, the thing i feared never happened. I had been carrying a pain body for 2 years and it is still residing in my body.


Hi Jayakanth,
What specifically is the 'thing i fear' ? I am wanting to understand...
~ Donna
~*~*~*~* I love to live and live to love. *~*~*~*~
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Re: Im not sure whether i should heal this past I had.

Postby Jayakanth » Tue Jun 19, 2012 2:27 am

Donna wrote:
Jayakanth wrote:Looking for a solution to the problem. There was a solution, but I didnt have the balls to do it. I could not take it. Over the course of the next two years, the thing i feared never happened. I had been carrying a pain body for 2 years and it is still residing in my body.


Hi Jayakanth,
What specifically is the 'thing i fear' ? I am wanting to understand...
~ Donna


Sorry, cant talk about that. But I felt so so trapped. Couldnt escape fromt he fear. Actually i could, but I had to do something drastic to myself. I remember it was an onslaught of fear that came in. Thinking about it now, its still there. There were many instances of me going back in between relief and absolute dread but I could never accept it fully. Honestly, I never talked about it to anyone. Im not sure if i should trigger the memories now. Im willing to do it the Tolle way.

I would also like to add that they are a lot of victimisation in my life, a lot of pain bodies tied to that. Im also willing to work on those and I have been working on those. Just today morning, my parents were fighting. I never had the courage to tell them to stop but i felt scared when that happened.

What is important now is CONSTANT DISIDENTIFICATION WITH EVERY VICTIM PAIN BODY I HAVE.

Thanks.
Jayakanth
 
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Re: Im not sure whether i should heal this past I had.

Postby smiileyjen101 » Tue Jun 19, 2012 4:16 am

the thing i feared never happened.

Phew huh!!

We could live our lives jumping in fear, which are FALSE EMOTIONS APPEARING REAL.

the thing i feared never happened.


Or, we could recognise that sometimes fear 'appears', we can say - is this real? Is this happening now?

the thing i feared never happened.


Realise that it's not - real or now

the thing i feared never happened.


Realise if something came up in the past it is now gone - let it go.

Realise if something (actually) comes up in the future we can only deal with it then, and by then we will be a different person, we will have grown, we will have different understandings of things, we will be able to respond to what is real, rather than flay around trying to fight something that is not real, and may never be.

the thing i feared never happened.

I was contemplating suicide because because I was afraid that something would happen to me.

the thing i feared never happened.


Phew huh!!
Our rights start deep within our humanity; they end where another's begin~~ SmileyJen
http://www.balancinginfluences.com
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Re: Im not sure whether i should heal this past I had.

Postby Ralph » Tue Jun 19, 2012 6:40 am

the thing i feared never happened.

This reminds me of a quote I once read :

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.”

- Winston Churchill
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