Why do I fear loss?

Talk about anything Tolle-related here.

Why do I fear loss?

Postby Jayakanth » Fri Jun 07, 2013 8:25 am

Something triggers this fear in me. I ask mysefy, Why do I fear loss? Why do I fear loss? and I really dont know. Intellectually I know its becuase im attached. What does this attachment give me? What do i feel that I lose if i were to lose this attachemtn? I just feel this emotion, not knowing why it keeps rearing its head.
Jayakanth
 
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 8:44 pm

Re: Why do I fear loss?

Postby rideforever » Fri Jun 07, 2013 11:53 am

Why do you fear the fear ?

"Rearing its head" ... as long as you treat it like a monster you have to avoid you are going exactly the wrong way

It hurts to go the other way, at least at the beginning, but it is the way ...

What would you say if you saw someone in the street trying to run away from his own legs ???
I was proud, and I demanded the finest teacher
.. .. and when he appeared
.. .. .. .. I was so small
User avatar
rideforever
 
Posts: 1513
Joined: Thu Aug 04, 2011 2:32 pm
Location: Hove

Re: Why do I fear loss?

Postby Onceler » Fri Jun 07, 2013 9:09 pm

Why do you fear? Keep going.
Be present, be pleasant.
User avatar
Onceler
 
Posts: 2200
Joined: Sun Nov 11, 2007 1:35 am
Location: My house

Re: Why do I fear loss?

Postby Jayakanth » Sat Jun 08, 2013 9:14 am

I fear the fear. Fear of it arising again. Fear of not knowing when these thoughts will vanish.
Jayakanth
 
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 8:44 pm

Re: Why do I fear loss?

Postby Onceler » Sat Jun 08, 2013 12:39 pm

Jayakanth wrote:I fear the fear. Fear of it arising again. Fear of not knowing when these thoughts will vanish.



Exactly! I know this fear well. Mine went away by using John Sherman's looking technique. It's very simple and need not interfere with other practices and pursuits. But, ah!, the relief!
Be present, be pleasant.
User avatar
Onceler
 
Posts: 2200
Joined: Sun Nov 11, 2007 1:35 am
Location: My house

Re: Why do I fear loss?

Postby kiki » Sat Jun 08, 2013 1:03 pm

Fear is the egoic bully boy that helps to keep the illusion of the "me" alive, so it's a kind of control mechanism that gives shape to the illusory ego. In reality, fear only has the power that is given to it by the ego.

When you were a kid the playground bully gained his power when you cowered away from him, but when faced head-on he would lose that power and often he'd slink away to bully someone else, revealing his own impotence and cowardly nature. To fear the arising of it within you is to give fear a power it doesn't warrant. Live your life and observe whatever arises knowing you have no control over what arises, and if fear is something that comes up face it and simply watch it without agenda or self criticism for having it. Essentially, this will give it permission to be present, and then deprive it of power by no longer believing what it seems to be telling you. Without that energy of belief it will dissolve and slink away, just like that playground bully. Once you do this a few times and observe how it dissolves you will no longer fear the possibility of it arising again.
"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
---
Your donation will help keep us online.
User avatar
kiki
Moderator
Moderator
 
Posts: 4363
Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2004 8:55 pm
Location: Wherever "here" happens to be

Re: Why do I fear loss?

Postby Onceler » Sat Jun 08, 2013 2:51 pm

Sounds wonderful, Kiki, and something I put into practice for many years, but quite simply, it never worked for me. Standing up to the bully fear, observing, etc. only made things worse. Then came the self recrimination. What am I doing wrong? I'm not spiritual enough, etc......can only speak for myself, but it seems that fear thrived on this kind of attention and subverted the best intentions. Fear is so intertwined in our being that to objectify it as a bully, doesn't quite get at the seductive, pervasive nature of it.

What worked was looking at me. Catching a brief glimpse no matter how fleeting of me (essential nature, if you will). Over time, 3 or 4 months, the fear left. Now, almost two years later, I'm watching "my life" (a fraught phrase, i know) reorganize around the absence of fear. No bliss, no fear! Actually my experience is closer to friends I know on antidepressants, like Paxil and Zoloft. The absence of fear skews life in interesting ways. Motivations change, perception of time changes, goals change, attention all focus shifts in subtle ways. There is a plainness I find somewhat dull at times. Most of the time my experience is just immersive. Just living my life.

Sometimes I am stunned that the fear is gone, given that it literally incapacitated me at times and altered my behavior and internal experience for so many years.....just one guys experience.
Be present, be pleasant.
User avatar
Onceler
 
Posts: 2200
Joined: Sun Nov 11, 2007 1:35 am
Location: My house

Re: Why do I fear loss?

Postby Jayakanth » Sat Jun 08, 2013 6:09 pm

Im always searching for some kind of ansewer. How do i get rid of this fear, that fear. Too afraid to go on my own. Doubting whether what im doing is right. Looking for a result. Characteristics of a petty mind.
Jayakanth
 
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 8:44 pm

Re: Why do I fear loss?

Postby Donna » Sun Jun 09, 2013 12:05 am

Jayakanth wrote:Im always searching for some kind of ansewer. How do i get rid of this fear, that fear. Too afraid to go on my own. Doubting whether what im doing is right. Looking for a result. Characteristics of a petty mind.


The word "doubt" triggered a memory I have of an excellent book mentioned already here on this forum..."Emmanuel's Book II: Choice for Love". The first book is very good as well. I highly recommend reading the Book II regarding choosing Love over Fear.

Here is the beginning where Emmanuel explains the nature of Fear:

Choice for Love

What does the voice of fear
whisper to you?

Fear speaks to you
in logic and reason.
It assumes the language
of love itself.

Fear tells you,
"I want to make you safe."
Love says,
"You are safe."

Fear says,
"Give me symbols.
Give me frozen images.
Give me something
I can rely on."

Loving truth says,
"Only give me
this moment."

Fear would walk you
on a narrow path
promising to take you
where you want to go.

Love says,
"Open your arms
and fly with me."

Every moment of your life
you are offered the opportunity
to choose-
love or fear,
to tread the earth
or to soar the heavens.

Why would fear want to oppose truth?
Because truth has the power to transform fear,
fear believes it is fighting for its life.

I want to say something about the subtle
inroads fear can make in your lives. If you no
longer allow fear to step blatantly before you
and shout of cataclysm, it will creep behind you
and whisper something reasonable in your ear.
Be wary of rational thinking,
reasonable supposition.

Ask your higher wisdom
if it is not true that without worry,
you would have arrived
exactly where you are now,
and more pleasantly.

Doubt is the rabbit's foot of fear.

Worry and fear
are not tickets on the express train.
They are extra baggage.
You were going that way anyway.
~ Emmanuel


You can purchase this book used for 1 cent on amazon here. Or you may find it in your library.

If you decide to read it, I hope you find it as helpful as I did.

Peace,
Donna
~*~*~*~* I love to live and live to love. *~*~*~*~
User avatar
Donna
 
Posts: 174
Joined: Mon Apr 04, 2011 12:04 am

Re: Why do I fear loss?

Postby Jayakanth » Sun Jun 09, 2013 9:07 am

Onceler wrote:
Jayakanth wrote:I fear the fear. Fear of it arising again. Fear of not knowing when these thoughts will vanish.



Exactly! I know this fear well. Mine went away by using John Sherman's looking technique. It's very simple and need not interfere with other practices and pursuits. But, ah!, the relief!


What is the name of the book? I think someone recommended it to me.But I havent checked it out yet.
Jayakanth
 
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 8:44 pm

Re: Why do I fear loss?

Postby Jayakanth » Sun Jun 09, 2013 9:36 am

Donna wrote:
Jayakanth wrote:Im always searching for some kind of ansewer. How do i get rid of this fear, that fear. Too afraid to go on my own. Doubting whether what im doing is right. Looking for a result. Characteristics of a petty mind.


The word "doubt" triggered a memory I have of an excellent book mentioned already here on this forum..."Emmanuel's Book II: Choice for Love". The first book is very good as well. I highly recommend reading the Book II regarding choosing Love over Fear.

Here is the beginning where Emmanuel explains the nature of Fear:

Choice for Love

What does the voice of fear
whisper to you?

Fear speaks to you
in logic and reason.
It assumes the language
of love itself.

Fear tells you,
"I want to make you safe."
Love says,
"You are safe."

Fear says,
"Give me symbols.
Give me frozen images.
Give me something
I can rely on."

Loving truth says,
"Only give me
this moment."

Fear would walk you
on a narrow path
promising to take you
where you want to go.

Love says,
"Open your arms
and fly with me."

Every moment of your life
you are offered the opportunity
to choose-
love or fear,
to tread the earth
or to soar the heavens.

Why would fear want to oppose truth?
Because truth has the power to transform fear,
fear believes it is fighting for its life.

I want to say something about the subtle
inroads fear can make in your lives. If you no
longer allow fear to step blatantly before you
and shout of cataclysm, it will creep behind you
and whisper something reasonable in your ear.
Be wary of rational thinking,
reasonable supposition.

Ask your higher wisdom
if it is not true that without worry,
you would have arrived
exactly where you are now,
and more pleasantly.

Doubt is the rabbit's foot of fear.

Worry and fear
are not tickets on the express train.
They are extra baggage.
You were going that way anyway.
~ Emmanuel


You can purchase this book used for 1 cent on amazon here. Or you may find it in your library.

If you decide to read it, I hope you find it as helpful as I did.

Peace,
Donna


It is not in my libray! Im reading letters by a young poet by Rainer Maria Rilke now. My 2nd reading. Great book.
Jayakanth
 
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 8:44 pm

Re: Why do I fear loss?

Postby Onceler » Sun Jun 09, 2013 1:48 pm

Jayakanth,

His technique is simple. It takes a few seconds and no belief or suspension of belief necessary.

This is his website: http://www.justonelook.org/. Instructions are right there. If you want to go deeper I would recommend some of the retreat vids as well. The forums are also inspiring. Real people real changes. All the best.
Be present, be pleasant.
User avatar
Onceler
 
Posts: 2200
Joined: Sun Nov 11, 2007 1:35 am
Location: My house

Re: Why do I fear loss?

Postby rideforever » Sun Jun 09, 2013 4:08 pm

Jayakanth wrote:Im always searching for some kind of ansewer. How do i get rid of this fear, that fear. Too afraid to go on my own. Doubting whether what im doing is right. Looking for a result. Characteristics of a petty mind.

Underneath the reason is simple : you do not know who you are.

This loss you fear is death. And this you fear. And you are right to fear. If you are going to die, then you are right to fear that.

But ... you must also see that there is no escape. If this is the fact, then there is no escape.

And, if you will trust me, I tell you that this is not you. The one who dies is not your inner essence. But have courage enough to look inside and see what is afraid. And see that the one who is afraid is a shadow.

And behind this shadow is a great being. Who always will be.

And inside there is a vast reality that you have not tasted yet. But when you taste it you will see that all these fears are just ... stupid really. The inner reality is so incredibly vast any fears are just little irritations with no substance.

Be not afraid to look. The only salvation is to look inside with courage.

And courage is rewarded. It is the price of the ticket.

Your fear is actually the beginning of the tunnel to a new world. Go inside the tunnel. It begins at your fear, follow it, draw close to it. When you feel the fear get bigger you know you are getting warmer. When you feel like death is upon you, take interest in it and get closer and closer. Challenge it. Say : "if you will take me now, then do so I am ready". Have faith my friend many fine travellers have taken this journey, once they see that there is no other road to take. And the story ends well.

If you are suffering follow your breath. If you are suffering feel your heart in your chest. These 2 are companions that will take us into the inner reality and steady the ship. Return to them when you need to.
I was proud, and I demanded the finest teacher
.. .. and when he appeared
.. .. .. .. I was so small
User avatar
rideforever
 
Posts: 1513
Joined: Thu Aug 04, 2011 2:32 pm
Location: Hove

Re: Why do I fear loss?

Postby Onceler » Mon Jun 10, 2013 3:11 am

From the Tao Te Ching (Stephen Mitchell translation)

"There is no greater illusion than fear,
No greater wrong than preparing to defend yourself,
No greater misfortune than having an enemy.

Whoever can see through all fear
will always be safe."
Be present, be pleasant.
User avatar
Onceler
 
Posts: 2200
Joined: Sun Nov 11, 2007 1:35 am
Location: My house

Re: Why do I fear loss?

Postby Jayakanth » Mon Jun 10, 2013 5:46 am

rideforever wrote:
Jayakanth wrote:Im always searching for some kind of ansewer. How do i get rid of this fear, that fear. Too afraid to go on my own. Doubting whether what im doing is right. Looking for a result. Characteristics of a petty mind.

Underneath the reason is simple : you do not know who you are.

This loss you fear is death. And this you fear. And you are right to fear. If you are going to die, then you are right to fear that.

But ... you must also see that there is no escape. If this is the fact, then there is no escape.

And, if you will trust me, I tell you that this is not you. The one who dies is not your inner essence. But have courage enough to look inside and see what is afraid. And see that the one who is afraid is a shadow.

And behind this shadow is a great being. Who always will be.

And inside there is a vast reality that you have not tasted yet. But when you taste it you will see that all these fears are just ... stupid really. The inner reality is so incredibly vast any fears are just little irritations with no substance.

Be not afraid to look. The only salvation is to look inside with courage.

And courage is rewarded. It is the price of the ticket.

Your fear is actually the beginning of the tunnel to a new world. Go inside the tunnel. It begins at your fear, follow it, draw close to it. When you feel the fear get bigger you know you are getting warmer. When you feel like death is upon you, take interest in it and get closer and closer. Challenge it. Say : "if you will take me now, then do so I am ready". Have faith my friend many fine travellers have taken this journey, once they see that there is no other road to take. And the story ends well.

If you are suffering follow your breath. If you are suffering feel your heart in your chest. These 2 are companions that will take us into the inner reality and steady the ship. Return to them when you need to.


That was the best reply from you yet. Thanks Rideforever!
Jayakanth
 
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 8:44 pm

Next

Return to General Eckhart Tolle Discussion

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest