Reading ET as a 17 year old .. feeling isolated

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Reading ET as a 17 year old .. feeling isolated

Postby davidm » Tue Feb 04, 2014 7:25 am

"me" . "me" feels ashamed and lost. "me" yearns deeply, excruciatingly deeply, for true human contact and true connection with another being

"me"
was normal and 'social'
was an addict and isolationist for two years..
remembers a time of perfect peace, clarity, and connection .. on the basketball court and playing with friends.
is living in a new state (missouri, not state of mind.. well that too) with extreme temperatures and culture shock
feels like his psyche is is permanently damaged by repeated (100s of times) trauma and is getting even more jumbled up with eckhart tolle
feels like his psyche is completely unrefined and hopelessly immature
tried to regain his passion for reading but feels like he's staring at meaningless molecules of ink
family members think im nuts

i know you're thinking im crazy and this is ego.. all i need is awareness.. but if anyone has dealt specifically with clearing out the psyche, refining the psyche, regaining passion and connection, i would be eternally grateful if you have anything to share

i can't wrap my head around why i am like this or how this came to be. i feel like i don't know how i got to this point.. anyone, anything, please come through. what is happening




i am on my school's computer and im almost certain the tech guy has read all of my crazy searches and depression posts, and shared it with everyone. oh well..
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Re: Reading ET as a 17 year old .. feeling isolated

Postby far_eastofwest » Tue Feb 04, 2014 2:37 pm

Very hard to read when you are going through emotional struggles.... those blobs of ink, kinda look like ants.
Moving to another state is a big stressor even if it was you that chose and instigated the when and where of the move. If it was others, then more difficult.
There is much left behind so be pretty natural to feel unsettled.
ET has some decent stuff in his book, but don't know if it will be so helpful at 17 as it would at 70.... so maybe check out some other stuff to read as well and see a counsellor if you feel really shitty.
In the meantime, look back at when you were what you described as 'normal and social' and what things you did and see if you can bring some of that into your life now. If you liked basket ball, then play a bit (even if its on your own).
Do family members actually tell you they think you are nuts?
Perhaps you are just disorientated and not settled into the new place. It takes some time and 17 is an age of transition anyway so a difficult age to be moving away from groups of friends etc as it is a nest leaving time and your nest mates are maybe a long way away.

Take care and I don't know about regaining passion and connection, but you can maybe build it up new rather than regaining? Just little things to start with, just out of the comfort zone but no so big as be too much to attempt or likely to fail.

And watch out for those all or nothing, good or bad statements like "i know you are ALL thinking".... when in fact some people MAY think that, but some people will most likely not think that at all.
There is nothing harder to find than a black cat in a dark room
Especially when there is no cat....
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Re: Reading ET as a 17 year old .. feeling isolated

Postby rideforever » Tue Feb 04, 2014 5:52 pm

It's good to keep some social contact going ... in a club or in some way. Don't give up everything otherwise you will feel isolated.

And it takes time to make new friends and feel that you have a place and routine.

Are there some good things going on at that school ?
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Re: Reading ET as a 17 year old .. feeling isolated

Postby davidm » Tue Feb 04, 2014 8:15 pm

rideforever wrote:It's good to keep some social contact going ... in a club or in some way. Don't give up everything otherwise you will feel isolated.

And it takes time to make new friends and feel that you have a place and routine.

Are there some good things going on at that school ?


Hi rideforever,
the school here in missouri is indoors and small, whereas the one in california was ten times the size and outdoors. I feel squashed. there hasn't been sunlight in a while. the social scene is the opposite of what im used to. people seem too mellow and very cliquey. i just cant get anything going with these people. theres social contact everyday but its like im speaking to aliens.

you know guys i think ill get through this, but it'll take some time. and out of curiosity how come ET isn't suitable for 17 year olds?

does anyone have any tv shows they recommend? lol
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Re: Reading ET as a 17 year old .. feeling isolated

Postby far_eastofwest » Wed Feb 05, 2014 1:31 pm

Its not that ET isn't suitable for 17 yo's but may be better suited to older people.

Like.... some of the things you may be feeling may just be 'normal' part of growing up and the issues with moving from dependent to independent adult and not actually 'issues' as such.
Kinda like giving a 'healthy behaviour guide' aimed at 17 year olds to help out with the behaviours of a 6 year old. There may be certain stuff you are feeling adjusting to which are just part of becoming an adult and are transitional, changing body, hormones, becoming an adult and looking at relationships with others of the opposite (in some cases same) sex etc.... rather than if you felt this way at 37.... like a teenage girl having temper tantrums and breaking down crying is quite different from a 30 year old woman having that reaction because her dress doesn't zip up or she has run out of false eyelash glue .... if you get my meaning.

And yeah, a club is a good idea, if you are sporty then there is a common interest and it can be outside of the school peer group. My son does Akido and loves that, its not so sporty though, not based on just the physical side of things.

good luck.... oh, and just talking about it, even on a forum, can be helpful anyway.
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Re: Reading ET as a 17 year old .. feeling isolated

Postby Onceler » Wed Feb 05, 2014 2:34 pm

Hardship is part of life. It just is. We all want to avoid hardship and want things to be smooth all the time. Many spiritual practices play into this desire to narcoticize life and make it palatable and safe.....we also project this desire onto teachers and spiritual practices. But sometimes these practices can be harmful as they can promote fear and encourage a distorted view of life that is not true (that it needs to be safe and blissful, or whatever).

However, you can't be harmed. None of this can hurt you. In fact, once you are anchored deeply in this notion, it allows you to take risks, (and I don't mean foolish risks that do damage, but healthy risks like social, academic, and creative ones) solve problems, and become more self reliant. The hardships you are experiencing now can either cause you to retract and withdrawal into distortion, or to become more engaged in life, solving problems, and using your natural intelligence.

Yes, join clubs, groups, etc. follow your natural curiosity and strengths and see where it goes. Become engaged.
Be present, be pleasant.
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Re: Reading ET as a 17 year old .. feeling isolated

Postby rideforever » Wed Feb 05, 2014 2:38 pm

er ... yeah that's great guys, but ... does anyone have any tv shows they recommend ?
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Re: Reading ET as a 17 year old .. feeling isolated

Postby Onceler » Wed Feb 05, 2014 2:48 pm

Orange is the New Black. Sherlock, but you probably already know that one....
Be present, be pleasant.
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Re: Reading ET as a 17 year old .. feeling isolated

Postby rachMiel » Wed Feb 05, 2014 4:41 pm

For sheer unabashed silliness, check out Neighbors. There's some good teenage angst in there too, wrapped in humor.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ...
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Re: Reading ET as a 17 year old .. feeling isolated

Postby Onceler » Wed Feb 05, 2014 5:41 pm

Modern Family. American sitcom.
Be present, be pleasant.
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Re: Reading ET as a 17 year old .. feeling isolated

Postby davidm » Fri Feb 07, 2014 12:44 am

Onceler wrote:Modern Family. American sitcom.


I'll do it.. only for Sofia Vergara though..
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Re: Reading ET as a 17 year old .. feeling isolated

Postby Clouded » Fri Feb 07, 2014 2:55 am

Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, the Walking Dead, Grey's Anatomy and Pretty Little Liars (well maybe not for you) and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo :lol:
"If you want to know what your were like in the past, look at your body today. If you want to know what your body will be like in the future, look at your thoughts today." -Deepak
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Re: Reading ET as a 17 year old .. feeling isolated

Postby Pako Chubi » Tue May 06, 2014 10:21 pm

What's up? I say hi from Argentina :mrgreen:
I read your post, deeply understand you, I am in some of this struggle at my own (recently broke with my girlfriend, I was too cold, now wanting human contact, true friendship, love, etc)
Look, what I have comprehended is that true human contact only comes from your own being, you cannot depend on others to bring about some happiness in your life. And it's just about appreciating the presence of others, contemplating their gestures, their movements, clothes, hair, eyes, accents, words, being present with other human being you can in some way trust in (or even if not) is something miraculous. From this state comes love, friendship, etc...but always remember IT COMES FROM YOU, you cannot expect to receive the same you are sharing. If it happens great (Joy!!), and if you are really present without complexes or mental stuff going around IT WILL HAPPEN, because we are human BEINGS, and every BEING expresses somehow more or less through the human form... If you show openness then life will show you openness too.
Another thing. I read in some of the answers that they recommend to you to read other things than Tolle for helping you get around this situation. Tolle is a VERY POWERFUL reading, every word contains great power, but if you over-read it or over-think it, then it loses absolutely all of it power almost instantaneously. That's the trick of spiritual texts.
So I recommend to you one beautiful reading, it will surely serve you in many ways. It's the book "The tantra vision" from Osho. There are two volumes, you can start with the second with no problem; the first talks more about spirituality, transcendence, senses, chakras; the second talks about religions, sexuality, the mind...I haven't finished that yet, but it's -along with the power of now- the most beautiful and powerful spiritual book I have ever read.
Hope you can "cross to the other shore" and start REALLY LIVING
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Re: Reading ET as a 17 year old .. feeling isolated

Postby sumbrero23 » Wed May 07, 2014 12:12 pm

First of all , you have to understand, this is not something you have to ''fix''. There's nothing wrong with you.

You are in a normal spiritual process, you ego is starting to get dissolved. That's why you feel like this.

I have been through the same, sometimes I felt like life had no meaning at all. I had no motivation to live.

Because when your ego stars to crumble, when you lose something you've been attached to (identity, posessions, so on) you suffer.

Next time you feel down, you have to allow your feelings to be, don't supress 'em. These are residues from your mental identity you are identified with.

So when you understand this... something new takes place, they call it presence, or awareness. It's just words.

You have to feel it and experience it. That's who you are. Your true self. It has no name or form. It just is.

It's like a doggy. He doesn't need to think about this crazy stuff, he just lives. :lol:

And if you stick to it, instead of your thoughts or emotions, eventually you'll become free. Free from your belief in your mind and fears.

Because we deeply believe in this things... When you were a child, you started to create your illusion. The illusion of ''me''.
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Re: Reading ET as a 17 year old .. feeling isolated

Postby viking55803 » Fri May 09, 2014 8:48 pm

davidm wrote:"me" . "me" feels ashamed and lost. "me" yearns deeply, excruciatingly deeply, for true human contact and true connection with another being
remembers a time of perfect peace, clarity, and connection .. on the basketball court and playing with friends.


Young friend: some folks have posted about ET perhaps being more accessible to an older person and I think there is some wisdom in that. At 17, whether you realize it or not, your physical brain is still developing. You mentioned addiction too, and this is a condition I have worked with in my 40+ years of professional experience. One of the consequences of substance use in young people is its effects on the developing brain. Individuals who abstain during their youth and develop addictions later have far less serious consequences. The good news is that the effects of substance abuse, even on developing brains, is basically entirely reversible - it just takes time. Based on my experience, I would say it takes about 2 years of sobriety for every year of use to fully recover.

So what does that feel like? From what I've observed, it is primarily an emotional maturity issue, not a cognitive (thinking) issue. This makes sense when you realize that emotional turbulence is a normal part of adolescent development. When you "manage" that turbulence with alcohol or drugs you simply cover it up and delay it. That's overly simplistic, but you get the idea. It seems as though we humans have to go through this process in order to allow our brains to mature enough to manage our emotions. If you are really interested, you might look up the amygdala - the part of the brain that mediates emotions (which come from a very deep and ancient part of the brain) and keep emotion from overwhelming the thinking or executive functions of the brain.

Now, practicing conscious awareness as ET suggests could be a help but when we are overcome by powerful emotions it narrows our consciousness and makes it far more difficult. Still, you might be able pay attention to those feelings like you would a stomach ache. When you do that, you are THERE - in that place ET talks about!

Finally, I left your quote about playing basketball with your friends for a reason. Many of us find that engaging in physical activity like a sport is the easiest way to become fully present in the Now. In other words, you are not brooding or thinking about what you are going to say to so-and-so about this or that - you are focused on doing what you need to do in that moment. This can be a spiritual practice! I'm an old man, but I love cycling. When I ride, I don't think - I am fully in the moment with the wonderful sensations of cycling. A side benefit is that your body wants and needs physical activity and will love you for it.

I hope this makes sense to you. Just the fact that you are here and have read and thought about this stuff tells me that you have a strong spirit and are already conscious - you just may not recognize it that way. ET says over and over that what he is saying are just words - pointers to something but not that thing. Don't get too hung up on the words themselves. The experience of conscious awareness is almost too simple for words!
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