OTHER people and their egos are the real cause of suffering

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OTHER people and their egos are the real cause of suffering

Postby honeybee88 » Fri Jul 18, 2014 8:29 pm

Does anyone else agree that it's not only our own ego that can cause us problems but actually the majority of the time OTHER people and their horrible egos that are a major problem to why we suffer.

I've realised that although my egoic thoughts can cause me problems with negative thinking etc, other people and their presence towards me have cause me the most suffering in my life and have actually triggered my own ego whereas my ego may not have been such a problem for me if they hadn't arose it.

For example:

Child abuse - that was my mums faults and I am now paying the price of HER egoic horrible actions towards me my whole childhood for the rest of my life with post traumatic stress disorder, low self esteem, low confidence, difficulty with relationships, anger, feelings of rejection - after all if my mother treated me so badly why would anyone else treat me well - thats what her actions have made my ego tell me.

Rejection and humiliation from an ex boyfriend - that was his fault for humiliating me and making me feel shame, he could of just rejected me and said I wasn't right for him, but no he had to humiliate me and be cruel with his words and actions too, again this has caused me endless suffering and will affect every relationship I will ever have

It just all seems so unfair that other peoples bad behaviour and egos cause me suffering, I thought it was just meant to be our own egos that are the problem but its not. Unlike Eckhart says, I can clearly see from evidence in my life and on a global scale that the vast majority of suffering people experience is caused by OTHERS.

And then we're told not to harbour feelings of resentment, yet certain people in my life have scarred me and traumatised me for life, am I suppose to just accept this situation and let it go like Eckart would say? Yet my reality has been severely tainted by the actions and words of others.

It makes me want to be a misanthropist for the rest of my life, especially as I have devoted so much time to spirituality, yet whats the point when in this reality, (even if it is an illusion), all I experience is suffering because of OTHER people.

It makes me want to reject life and God but then I know if I do I will be left with nothing as the real reality is God. So I am angry at God for putting me in this human body and in this life I am experiencing. Its a horrible paradox . There is no free will here when I did not agree to be put on this earth.
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Re: OTHER people and their egos are the real cause of suffer

Postby dijmart » Fri Jul 18, 2014 10:16 pm

I think you should reread one of your own posts- It was awhile ago, but perhaps you will gain some insight from yourself.

honeybee88 wrote:Hi,

I would just like to say that over the past couple of days, I have really started to become conscious of the fact that I am now truly aware of the negative thoughts I am having and can easily differentiate between my false self and my True Self. I am conscious of being conscious.

I am now really getting into the habit of detaching my True Self from the thought. I observe the thought, accept that I am having that particular thought (whether its negative or positive thoughts) and then let the thought go. Or if I am not able to let them go straight away (because lets face it the ego can have a tremendously tough power and pull over you) I can at least step outside the thought and know that it is not me and instead just watch and observe the thought until it subsides.

Its great because i have been on the spiritual path of detaching myself from my thoughts for a long time now and it is only really now that I am able to observe my thoughts from the position of the true still Consciousness that I am.

My point of posting this is to encourage people who may be struggling with the process of detaching from your thoughts, or people that maybe only seem to have glimpses here and there. Know that it does in fact take time and effort to get to a place where you can completely detach from the ego.

So do not feel discouraged if you find it hard or it doesn't happen straight away. Keep going with it, even if it takes a year or two to fully detach from your false self.

Honeybee
Take what you like and leave the rest.
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Re: OTHER people and their egos are the real cause of suffer

Postby Phil2 » Sat Jul 19, 2014 10:02 pm

honeybee88 wrote:Does anyone else agree that it's not only our own ego that can cause us problems but actually the majority of the time OTHER people and their horrible egos that are a major problem to why we suffer.

I've realised that although my egoic thoughts can cause me problems with negative thinking etc, other people and their presence towards me have cause me the most suffering in my life and have actually triggered my own ego whereas my ego may not have been such a problem for me if they hadn't arose it.



Hello dear friend,

Whatever other people did to you, you are responsible for the repetition of those traumas in your head, though one might also say that those thoughts are compulsive and happen beyond your conscious control ... in your case your thoughts operate like a torture instrument for you ... and probably for others too in some cases ...

There are some very interesting videos about early childhood traumas by an experienced psychotherapist called Peter Gerlach ... maybe you could watch some of his videos about "Grown Wounded Children" (parental child abuse etc ...) he also deals with mental disorders like PTSD, OCD's, depression and addictions etc ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REEdIIk ... 5B&index=5

Gerlach has also published a very well documented 'self-learning' site called 'Break The Cycle', it's totally free ... and it's good stuff ...

http://sfhelp.org/site/intro.htm

Maybe you could also consider the method proposed by Byron Katie called "The Work", I just posted a new thread on this method here (this method is also strongly recommended by Eckhart Tolle):

viewtopic.php?f=45&t=12714#p114663
"What irritates us about others is an opportunity to learn on ourselves"
(Carl Jung)
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Re: OTHER people and their egos are the real cause of suffer

Postby ekidhardt » Sun Jan 11, 2015 11:55 pm

Interesting topic.


HoneyBee,

It's the interpretation of the interaction between egos that creates problems.

The easiest solution to virtually all problems--is just to point the finger at another person. It's not other people that are the problem, no. It's how you interpret other people which causes the problem. The rain can be interpreted as a problem or a blessing, just depends from where you're standing.

Basically though, problems in life are self-created, and self perpetuated.

I partially agree with Phil2,

Before you were at a point where you could be reasonably independent in your life, you were at the mercy of your influences. Not your fault.

How you let that effect you currently, and how it influences your future interactions: is completely within your power.

The situation with your ex boyfriend: you contributed to your own unhappiness in that situation as much as he did, but you weren't aware of it. I think everyone does that :) It's super difficult to accept that we actually cause our own problems. To go 'wait...*I* did this to me?'

How you carry that history and how it effects your current and future self, is 100% up to you. It's not his fault you carry it around with you presently, and I'd recommend making efforts to diminish the existence of that baggage so it doesn't negatively impact your relationships in the future. Your future boyfriend doesn't deserve to be subjected to your past relationships troubles.

The depth of the scars you possess is completely up to you. How deep do you want them? Scarring for life is a choice :)

"And then we're told not to harbour feelings of resentment,"

I don't think you're told to not have feelings, but rather ACCEPT those feelings, and move on from there. Suppressing the feelings will only make them grow, or come out in different ways. It's ok to have negative feelings--don't push them away, feel them, and they'll fall away by themselves.

"Yet my reality has been severely tainted by the actions and words of others."

I know it SEEMS that way, you FEEL that way. But it's not actually true. If you believe it to be true--it becomes true.

Imagine life is like a video game (sweet!)---and you're Mario jumping around. And what Mario doesn't know is that if he becomes worried about obstacles, then magically, obstacles will suddenly appear in the level. The more he worries, the larger they become. Then as he encounters more obstacles, he becomes MORE worried, and he's going to think that EVERY level is going to have these crazy obstacles, even before reaching that level.

Conversely, if Mario stops worrying about the levels and the obstacles--they grow smaller. Essentially: he creates and removes everything in front of him depending on what he thinks will happen.

And that video game is called life, and you're Mario. Or the princess, or whomever! Though I heard Luigi is quite the charmer!

So the first step is to realize, "my reality is only as tainted by the actions as others as I allow it to be"

The best way to ENSURE continual problems--is to look outwards (externalize), to blame other circumstances and other people. All of us cause own own suffering--as Eckhart says "suffering is only necessary until you realize it's not necessary."

Two major realizations are both as equally depressing as is inspiring: first to realize that you caused, and continue to cause the problems in your life. And second, realizing that you are actually free of anything from your past--that you can create any future you want, and there isn't anything you can't achieve.

Except being a dinosaur in space--believe me, I've tried. :D

-e
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