Hi Testigo, this might be a great opportunity for you to find your answers within (albeit with a bit of help from outside).
Already it sounds like you are using this opportunity as a 'means to an end' - and bordering on it potentially becoming fodder for enemy / obstacle experiencing > suffering.
ET says whenever we make an enemy, obstacle or means to an end of a thing, person or experience we are creating suffering for ourselves and for those around us.
It's a huge call out to me to stop! breathe! become aware of the expectations I am putting on a thing outside of my own capacity to influence.
The 'over-layers' of expectation you are putting on this experience is common, but often not helpful.
Disappoint is in the distance between our expectation and our reality when the reality doesn't live up to the expectation. On the other hand, if our reality is more positive than our expectations (or a 'surprise') the joy and surprise is in the distance between our reality and our expectations.
The thing is, we can't much control 'reality'. We can however become aware of, and manage, our expectations.
The flip side - the aware practices of being in states of acceptance - it is how it is in this moment, enjoyment - pouring our joy into whatever is, however it is, and enthusiasm - ET says it's when we are doing both of the above while being aware that we are an arrow flying towards a target.
Years ago before I was volunteering at a couple of events with the Dalai Lama I became acutely aware of 'expectations' and actively sought to manage them so that I could pour joy into whatever the experiences turned out to be in each moment, preparing to accept what needed no more than acceptance, and enthusiasm to be the best forms of love and compassion that I could be, in each moment.
I have to tell you, it was and it wasn't the DL that taught me wonderful things. Yes, he did by his example, his lovingness and compassion and humour and grace and gracelessness all flowed and received without expectation. And in that space, in that amazing space, his humanity and his wisdom flowed however it flowed, and touched whatever parts of people it touched, and was absorbed or ignored, however the moment was.
And, while I boiled down my expectations to wanting to hear/experience his giggle in person - (such an amazing pink bubble of joy energy) - tick! and I wanted him to be who he really is, without my overlays of expectation getting in the way judging it - tick, the totality of the experience was so much more than I ever could have 'expected', not entirely because of anything he did or did not do, but more because of the states that I was in to be able to accept them all in acceptance, enjoyment and enthusiasm.
You still have time to practice recognising expectations and calling them out for what they are.
Enjoy - open your heart to the reality of the experience, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy
When after a few days of my service in joy, the Dalai Lama bowed to me and I bowed back - wordless but so full of love, I cannot express how ''right' and honest and real and perfect and beautiful it was. I'm not a Buddhist, but I learned such wonderful things of this man, and from this man. But the primary learning was from my own awareness, capacity and willingness to catch my expectations before they could turn reality into disappointment.
I never spoke one on one with him, and I doubt if I ever needed to, while it would likely be a joy, it was never a condition of the experience. Behind your expectation there is bargaining going on, and if you're bargaining, you're not in a state of love - gratitude and generosity.
Through my quiet observance, and acceptance, I learned an unexpected gem of wisdom that he shared not in his words, but in his presence - he takes his 'role' very seriously, but his 'self' not seriously at all, and that I did learn and benefit from learning. It came out of the awareness of presence, not expectation.
Maybe ET will be able to 'personally speak' to you in this way, if you leave room for the reality.