pausesmile wrote:Thanks Mr Painbody, are you sure we don't have the same wife?
Oh God, no ! This person is not my wife. She is just an acquaintance. No one deserves enough punishment to be married to her. She's got a good heart, and I can see it on the rare occasions when she's relaxed. But, I honestly do feel that she is too far gone. Also, she is developed in years, so the conditioning really has a hold on her. It's much harder to undo 50 years of bad conditioning than 25 years. She's definitely borderline (yes, I'm familiar with BPD too), and I would even venture so far as to say borderline psychotic. If there is a "bright side" to my life, it is that I'm not stuck being married to someone like her, because one of us would end up dead. She is going through hell, and I feel sorry for her, but also clearly see that she is certainly beyond my help and probably beyond all help.
I feel a deep empathy for you, because I understand what you must go through. Your situation is much more challenging because you can't just walk out. I wish I could offer you any advice. Honestly, with a person like that, I don't know if anything
helps or even can help
. With my roommate, I've tried being patient and present, I've tried shouting back, I've tried having calm but serious talks (even long talks about ET), I've tried it all. In the best case, she calms down for a few minutes or hours, and then the following morning, it starts all over again, as if our talks never happened. The conditioning ... the pain body ... is just too strong, its momentum too great. It's like putting up a picket fence to hold back an avalanche coming down a mountain ... futile.
At the end of the day, I know I'm going to run far far away from this person someday ... and that that is the only thing that will resolve the situation. Every person's first loyalty is to him/herself, whether one wants to admit it or not. I need to preserve my sanity, which is, after all, all I have.
I can't decide what's best for you, but, at some point, you might consider saving yourself. And, I think you could do that without abandoning your son. I don't know how, but I just know. It is just not easy. I really feel for you.