What do you think I experienced?

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kodanope
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What do you think I experienced?

Post by kodanope » Tue Nov 28, 2017 6:44 am

Hi Everyone,

I haven't been on this discussion community in quite a few years, but lately ive been thinking about getting back into posting on here again (and hope to keep it up! :D )

I've been practicing mindfulness (or at least what i understand to be mindfulness) for the past 10 or 11 years.. im now 31. I started with reading about beliefs and following a site called "pathway to happiness" which really got me going in this direction.

Since then, ive read Eckharts "The Power of Now" and "A New Earth", as well as numerous other books that are along the same lines

Overall, comparing how i feel on a daily basis to how i was feeling over a decade ago, theres a huge difference.. Im a much more confident person, and i know that most of this is as a result of paying attention to beliefs i formed as a child.. Many of the victim/fear orientated beliefs.

So my question relates mostly to what is happening with my consciousness.. approximately 2 weeks ago, i was riding on a train, on my way home after a short holiday, looking out the window; listening to a podcast about enlightenment (ive listened to them numerous times before)

In the podcast, it talked about how "i am all of reality and nothing exists outside of what i am perceiving", and something just came over me - probably only for about 4 or 5 seconds. I have a bit of trouble describing what it was like, and it wasnt like any sort of emotional state that could be created simply by thinking about something.. it was like a whole new perspective and i was looking at what was happening as if it were on a screen and i was sort of witnessing life happen, but it didnt really have any impact on me. To be honest it was also a little frightening because it was so radically different to anything i had previously experienced. This is the first time i have ever had this happen.

My question is - what happened to me on that night on the train? Was this a dis identification with ego? Was this some degree of what is known as enlightenment? is it the "I Am/observer"? Its quite hard to pin down given that definitions of terms in this area seem to be quite grey and ambiguous.

I always thought that "being mindful" was just me entering into a "witness/observer" where i thought about my thoughts.. catching (mostly negative self talk etc) a split second after they happened -- Now im not so sure because I am thinking that this new level of consciousness that i experienced is actually the witness and everything i was doing prior to that was just -- a heap of mind stuff. Having said that - i know that i have become quite adept as seeing through the subjectivity of my projections over the years of doing this and it has resulted in me reducing my suffering dramatically, whereas before it felt like my life was one difficulty after another.

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts; in fact any kind of feedback would be greatly appreciated :)

Regards
Koda :)

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turiya
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Re: What do you think I experienced?

Post by turiya » Tue Nov 28, 2017 8:45 am

kodanope wrote:
...and something just came over me - probably only for about 4 or 5 seconds. I have a bit of trouble describing what it was like, and it wasnt like any sort of emotional state that could be created simply by thinking about something.. it was like a whole new perspective and i was looking at what was happening as if it were on a screen and i was sort of witnessing life happen, but it didnt really have any impact on me. To be honest it was also a little frightening because it was so radically different to anything i had previously experienced. This is the first time i have ever had this happen.
Sounds like your Mind stopped briefly, allowing you to be aware of Awareness (... aware of your True Self). :D

Then the Mind became frightened and took charge again... distracting you from your True Self... seemingly covering It back up.

But that's okay because you are always this Awareness. You can never not be this Awareness. You only seem to "gain" It, "lose" It, and "regain" It again... because your attention is moving from Mind to No-Mind... and back again.

Can you place your attention on Awareness/Self/No-Mind right now?

What happens when you do?
“We ourselves are not an illusory part of Reality; rather are we Reality itself illusorily conceived.” - Wei Wu Wei

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Webwanderer
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Re: What do you think I experienced?

Post by Webwanderer » Tue Nov 28, 2017 3:27 pm

I've had experiences such as you describe and here's how I see it. We generally live in a context of human thought. That is we identify with the things we humanly think about and believe to a large extent. There is however, our true nature that exists in a much larger reality than this human experience. Once we begin to become more aware that this larger reality exists, and begin exploring it through our study and meditations, we begin to connect more to it consciously.

In that process we sometimes get so relaxed and let our human identification guard down, we may become open to some of that larger reality experience. It feels like enlightenment as we have a glimpse of life from more of the context of our larger self. Remember, this is not some separate thing or consciousness. It is the human context that actually feels separate. That larger reality context is our true nature. It is the truth of you. It is your underlying being. This human condition is the experiential exploratory aspect of our larger consciousness and being.

WW

kodanope
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Re: What do you think I experienced?

Post by kodanope » Wed Nov 29, 2017 1:25 pm

Thanks for your insight guys :)

Is this essentially a glimpse at Pure Consciousness? And Is enlightenment essentially the ability to remain there?

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Webwanderer
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Re: What do you think I experienced?

Post by Webwanderer » Wed Nov 29, 2017 3:06 pm

kodanope wrote:Is this essentially a glimpse at Pure Consciousness?
I'm not sure I could define 'pure consciousness', but it seems likely that it's at least some sense of awareness from our larger consciousness and being.
And Is enlightenment essentially the ability to remain there?
One might make that case. I am a bit reluctant to do so however, only because it invites a stagnation of belief in 'being there'. Who can say how expansive and inclusive consciousness may be from a simple glimpse of our true nature?

WW

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rachMiel
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Re: What do you think I experienced?

Post by rachMiel » Wed Nov 29, 2017 4:06 pm

Beautifully said, WW!

And kodanope: I agree with WW, sounds like you got yerself a glimpse of the bigger picture. Congratulations! And yes, it can be scary ... terrifying even! But it's the terror of freedom, not of bondage or delusion. I'll give you the advice my teacher has given me (many times): Drop it! Yes, spend some time grappling with your brief window into __________ , trying to understand it in the context of where you're at mentally/spiritually. But then let 'er go! Its power comes from dropping it, not holding onto it.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ...

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turiya
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Re: What do you think I experienced?

Post by turiya » Thu Nov 30, 2017 12:15 am

And Is enlightenment essentially the ability to remain there?
Ultimately, there is no "you" that remains "there." There is only "You" (Awareness/Self/No-Mind)... and You are just being You, effortlessly. :D

In the beginning, though, (when you are first discovering who you really are), it appears that there is a separate "you" that has to keep going "there" and staying "there".... because you are so used to identifying with your power of attention. Whenever your attention goes somewhere, you think, "I am going there." But the real You never goes anywhere. The real You is the Awareness in which all the apparent comings and goings are taking place.
“We ourselves are not an illusory part of Reality; rather are we Reality itself illusorily conceived.” - Wei Wu Wei

kodanope
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Re: What do you think I experienced?

Post by kodanope » Mon Jan 29, 2018 10:44 am

Hi Guys,

Thanks so much for all your input.

I actually had another "experience", about 3 weeks ago (a couple of months after the first one). This time it actually lasted for.. maybe 10-15 minutes? Although i suppose it gradually faded out over the duration of the 15 mins.

This time i was actually driving (cruise control on, and was on a big long stretch of highway so i was quite relaxed.) I looked out my window briefly.. maybe for a few seconds and i suddenly asked myself (as if out of nowhere - it wasnt really anything to do with my train of thought) - WHAT AM I?

In that moment, i actually said it out loud and i could hear a distinct amount of fear in my voice; this was absolutely a reflection of how i was feeling.. it was strangely terrifying, but the fear died down and i continued on for the next 10-15 minutes with approximately the same level of consciousness.

I suppose this is sort of the follow up to my previous experience that i mentioned earlier. (In that one, i had essentially been working around with dissolving my belief in naive realism, and bam that happened, after about a year of working on just that belief system)
This time it was like a follow up question, i suppose.. once i realised that i am all of reality, and all that i experience is just a play with illusions that occur within nothing, i had this "what am i question" pop up and, it kinda shocked me.

Obviously i have previously done exercises where you ask what you are, repeatedly, and i never seemed to get any real sort of traction.. its like this time i asked the question as a much deeper level. Ive actually tried since, and to no avail.

Anyhoo, my question is, have any of you experienced the same thing? Do you see this as a typical progression? What were your initial realisation/questions?

Im trying to refrain from concerning myself with constantly keeping tabs on my progress and chasing these moments, and im quite satisfied with where im at, but just thought it would be nice to hear of some other peoples first experiences that are similar.

Thanks again in advance.

(PS, as im not a regular user of these boards, just wanted to check if im posting this in the right section etc.. let me know if im not following the normal etiquette of this community :)

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Webwanderer
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Re: What do you think I experienced?

Post by Webwanderer » Mon Jan 29, 2018 3:40 pm

I've always thought the question 'what' am I to be more revealing than 'who' am I. And even if I don't get an immediately clear answer it creates a mindset of inviting information that better addresses my interest in my True Nature. I still believe that to be a wise choice.

WW

kodanope
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Re: What do you think I experienced?

Post by kodanope » Wed Jan 31, 2018 10:37 am

Yeah you're right, maybe thats why i previously didnt have the same results - because i had always been asking "who" rather than "what".. i suppose "what" is a little more open ended, whereas "who" implies some personality that must be hidden somewhere

NuanceOfSuchness
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Re: What do you think I experienced?

Post by NuanceOfSuchness » Wed Jan 31, 2018 2:51 pm

kodanope wrote:Yeah you're right, maybe thats why i previously didnt have the same results - because i had always been asking "who" rather than "what".. i suppose "what" is a little more open ended, whereas "who" implies some personality that must be hidden somewhere
I've been stuck in that 'who am I' since I entered secondary school. I'm now 41. This past year I've seen that I am a multiplicity of 'who's' and embracing those can seem quite disingenuous and inauthentic. The alternative was to continue in a static version of my identity which created untold misery. This in itself was the absolute pinnacle of an inauthentic approach to living. From the acceptance of my constantly fluctuating mind and bodily energies came the question: what am I?

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