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Will practicing presence releieve my suffering?

Posted: Sun Jun 09, 2019 1:57 pm
by waverider
Hi, I am new to the board. I am 39 male. I was introduced to the Power of Now last fall and ever since I have been trying to practice presence in everyday life. Since the last 6 years since I have been working only part time (3-4 hours a day) from my home office and it is during this time that thoughts (mostly negative) have completely clouded my mind. I was bullied when i was in school. I have repetitive thoughts of being attacked, insulted, abused by some of those bullies. None of this actually happened though. The bullying i suffered was mild. But my mind exaggerates it a hundred times. My regret is that i could not stand upto my bullies. there are other unpleasant situations in my pat where i stood up and came-on-top of the situation these instances don't trouble me any more. The ones i lost trouble me. It's almost like a loop. For example
1. today I was on the treadmill. My mind was telling me that some of bullies from the past is tripping me over the treadmill.
2. On the T.V i saw someone having trouble parking. My mind imagined that I am trying to take my pregnant wife to the doctor. She is in labor. But some guy has parked his car blocking mine. When i tell him to move the car he laughs at me and makes fun of me. IN REALITY I DON'T HAVE A WIFE. NOR DO I HAVE A CAR.
When these thoughts come i get into a fit and get worked-up and start rubbing my fingers together. I get completely absorbed by the thought. Completely drawn. It is after it has done the damage that i realize and bring myself back to presence.
There are mainly two people (bullies) from my past that keep appearing me in my thoughts. There are sometimes others but mainly these two.
I am using headspace, calm and timer for meditation. My meditations loose the lucidity after 10 minutes.
Please guide me. Will ekharts teachings and practicing presence help me? Is there anything else that i could do?

Re: Will practicing presence releieve my suffering?

Posted: Tue Jun 11, 2019 3:30 pm
by Webwanderer
Welcome to the forum waverider. It sounds like you've got some Walter Mitty in reverse. It seems to me like you've got two primary issues. One, is the negative imaginings that you cite. The other, more problematic one, is your concern about them.

The first is just thoughts. We all have thoughts - some negative some positive. So what makes some problematic and others irrelevant? It's the context in which we hold them, the judgment we place on them, and the emotional energy we infuse them with. You have these thoughts that blossom into full blown imaginings. Then you beat yourself up (judge harshly) for having them. It is this very energy of harsh self-judgment that gives them the energy to return so easily.

We humans like to feel stuff. It's kind of like a drug. Consider, a child craves attention. If that attention does not come through love and appreciation from parents and other important adults, that child may well act out negatively - which brings attention in another way. The important thing is the desired attention and interaction. It is to a lessor degree of importance the quality of that attention.

That importance doesn't necessarily go away just because we become adults. That craving for emotional feeling simply lives on within our subconscious. There is nothing 'wrong' with that. It's just an element within our human experience - and an important one that needs to be managed by clear-minded understanding.

My suggestion is to get into your meditative state of clear presence and seek clarity on these thought storms of yours and how to deal with them from your own inner being. You have the answers within you - we all do. Your own inner guidance is best source of insight. Of course we are willing here to offer pointers such as I have here, but there is nothing so enlightening as inner light.

For presence-awareness to be most effective, there needs to be an emotional connection that makes us deeply enjoy the experience. One thing that I enjoy from clear presence is the insights that come to me in those moments. It's my 'drug' that keeps me coming back. Of course there is more than just insights, there is the clarity and the expansion of consciousness that comes as well. But it's the insights that help me deal with the issues such as you describe and the pathways that open up to overcome them that help change my experience of life. It can change yours as well.

Again welcome to the forum. Peruse some topics that interest you. There are many that touch on your concerns. I recommend that you look into my posts for more useful pointers, but there are many very good and insightful posters here that can be quite helpful. Remember however, that the best source of insight is your own inner being. Develop that relationship. Become familiar with the feel of it. What you deeply strive for matters. It is that familiarity with clear presence that will be an ever present guide throughout your life.


Re: Will practicing presence releieve my suffering?

Posted: Tue Jun 11, 2019 8:57 pm
by waverider
Thankyou for such a warm and beautiful reply. Such words can only come from presence. If you don’t mind can you tell me when did you learn about presence/living-in-presence.

Re: Will practicing presence releieve my suffering?

Posted: Tue Jun 11, 2019 11:53 pm
by Webwanderer
If you don’t mind can you tell me when did you learn about presence/living-in-presence.
It's a work in progress. Always a work in progress. For me it has come piece by piece, each adding clarity to the last. There have been more than a couple of ah-ha moments that brought consciousness expanding insights, but the fundamental desire to know the truth of life has been the fuel to take me through the challenges of life - challenges that we all have in one form or another.

For what it's worth I read Robert Monroe's Journeys out of the Body back in 1971. I was 22 at the time. I don't know that that was the beginning as I was suspicious about the standard thinking on life before that. It was however, an accelerator. After that it was lots of study, in time frames of growth, separated by time frames of plateaus, in a general over all expansion of perspective. It really still is. Reading Eckhart Tolle was another such accelerator. There have been many others.

Life has a way of distracting us with frequent challenges to deal with. Almost always there is an emotional component to those challenges that we tend to get trapped in. That said, it's those same emotional components that have the greatest value in our growth. They are our spiritual guidance system that reveals to us the nature of our alignment with our greater nature. That's not right or wrong. It's just the system we incarnated into as the path to our continued evolution. Get a clear sense of that and life will get a lot easier.