UNCONDITIONAL LOVE - What does it look like in relationships

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wwooten
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UNCONDITIONAL LOVE - What does it look like in relationships

Post by wwooten » Thu Mar 01, 2007 7:48 pm

This is a subject that fascinates me greatly.

Unconditional love is not the nature of the conditioned mind as it functions in our present culture.

Presence is arising in the minority and dissolving the conditioned mind patterns which fight for survival and create identities which push and pull ...in an effort to solidify an imagined identity.

Unconditional love looks like a total acceptance of another in the now.....another's behavior is received without resistance, without label, without judgement....which frees the individual from a reactive response....allowing the individual to respond in conscious presence...performing whatever response is appropriate in the moment.

Too many times in relationship....I react to another's words and actions...I go into an "unconscious" mode of protecting my "imagined" identity from the "interpretation" of the words and actions of another....releasing emotions...which result in some behavior which only perpetuations the unconscious distress cycle that happens in relationship.

It becomes such a unconscious mentally created game of dysfunction.....

Please post other aspects.....

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yougarksooo
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Post by yougarksooo » Thu Mar 01, 2007 8:04 pm

I almost certainly have to have my attention in my inner body when my partner says or does something which has the potential to cause a painbody attack. If I'm in my mind, chances are I will attack. Nonresistance is the key. Feeling the emotional uprising fully without labeling it, as awful as it sometimes feels, is the only way to not react.

My focus is on remaining present and keeping my attention in that inner peace or energy field. And not beating myself up when I attack or react. The identity is not just brought to life through arguments and reactions. We continue to feed it when the conceptual me comes in and says, "I must get better at becoming present with my partner." No, just be present now. Watch that voice and allow it to dissolve.
"When people ask me who they are or who God is, I smile inside and whisper to the light: there you go again . . . pretending."

Adya

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Post by gina » Thu Mar 01, 2007 11:53 pm

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Last edited by gina on Fri Mar 02, 2007 9:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

AndyD
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Post by AndyD » Fri Mar 02, 2007 1:15 am

You should not stop yourself reacting to things (such as things your partner says that upsets you) rather you should react in the manner correct for the situation i.e. act according to the situation not your emotions. Honest is an extremely important factor.

Relationships can be an excellent spiritual practice.

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din
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Post by din » Fri Mar 02, 2007 8:15 am

Unconditional love looks like a total acceptance of another in the now.....another's behavior is received without resistance, without label, without judgement....which frees the individual from a reactive response....allowing the individual to respond in conscious presence...performing whatever response is appropriate in the moment.
This feels to be true and yet it may have it's limitations because it can be easily misinterpreted and lead to beliefs of "appropriate behaviour".

In fact there is no appropriate behaviour or response.

You can kick somebody's butt if they need it.

As long as you are fully "AWARE / AWAKE", while you do it.

Otherwise you would be lost in identification with form, lost in the dream.
:)

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din
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Post by din » Fri Mar 02, 2007 8:17 am

AndyD wrote:You should not stop yourself reacting to things (such as things your partner says that upsets you) rather you should react in the manner correct for the situation i.e. act according to the situation not your emotions. Honest is an extremely important factor.

Relationships can be an excellent spiritual practice.
Even more important than honesty is alert attention.

Stay AWAKE.
:)

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Post by eseward » Fri Mar 02, 2007 3:06 pm

AndyD wrote:...you should react in the manner correct for the situation i.e. act according to the situation not your emotions.
I'd say this is only really possible after you have disidentified from the egoic reactions, so alert attention to those reactions is assumed. Once the disidentification has occurred, your actions will be perfect for the situation anyway.

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yougarksooo
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Post by yougarksooo » Fri Mar 02, 2007 5:12 pm

Well said Eseward.

What is "correct" has been elusive to me my whole life. Being present and disidentification brings me automatically to "correct" or "appropriate" response (I don't like those words too much, they lend themselves to the kind of judgment that fosters duality). Presence and disidentification lead to peace. There, that is a little better.
"When people ask me who they are or who God is, I smile inside and whisper to the light: there you go again . . . pretending."

Adya

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Post by Tin Soul » Fri Mar 02, 2007 10:06 pm

Bear in mind, I consider myself to be a newbie to this new freedom from identity with my pain body--
In my unconscious past, when someone would do or say something I do remember thinking, assessing how I should react. SHOULD I be angry, how much anger SHOULD I show, or SHOULD I show that I'm hurt so as to manipulate them in the proper way. I was filled with 'should-a / would-a / could-a' inner talk. Afterwards, a bystander would sometimes ask me why I was so angry, and I thought that was funny because internally I knew deep down that my reactions were calculated to accomplish what I wanted, and I was also frustrated that others didn't see the need to ellicit the proper responses from others that I saw so clearly. Couldn't they see that deficiencies had to be addressed?
Now, coming from conscious presence, I can see that all I need to do is let my real feeling from awareness come out, which is really compassion. There is no more talk inside me of what I think or what other people should think I should think of how I should react appropriately.

I am such a newbie to this new life though. Most of the time now my wife or kids will say, "Didn't you hear what I just said? Hello? Hello?" because I'm sitting quietly, listening to their complaint and they think I'm not paying attention. So, I'm really trying to engage them with all of my being. If I can, I make solid eye contact. I try to turn my body towards them, so that they know and I practice listening just to them, that they get my 100% attention. I find that I'm asking them more and more about how they feel emotionally about whatever it is that they've just told me about. This is having a huge effect on our relationships, although I'm not really trying to live a results-based existence anymore.

Unconditional love---
As I am forgiving myself and my pain-body, and I recognize that component in others I have to forgive their life with their pain body as well. To be unconscious is to not realize that one is led around by their pain body's fickle needs and wants. Seeing our common threads between us results naturally in compassion and no other response. Of course you still love them, because the love comes from inside you, not from the other person at all.

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Post by kiki » Fri Mar 02, 2007 10:46 pm

When anger, for example, arises that's what's happening in the moment. Hanging on to the anger afterward, instead of allowing it to dissolve, is what keeps you stuck. Anger is one of those emotions that drags up lots of associated thoughts that keep the anger in place. Being fully present with the anger while it arises will also allow the anger to dissolve quickly. Being fully present also alerts you to any arising thoughts - those too will dissolve in present moment awareness.

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Post by yougarksooo » Fri Mar 02, 2007 11:00 pm

Thanks Kiki. Your posts are always clear and concise.

The "proper" response is always presence for me. Someone mentioned compassion above. Compassion arises from seeing the unconsciousness in myself and others and knowing that it is the insanity of the human mind but that we can rise above it by simply being fully in the here and now, and aware of all thoughts and emotions the moment they arise. Nothing is personal. Peace to all.
"When people ask me who they are or who God is, I smile inside and whisper to the light: there you go again . . . pretending."

Adya

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Post by eseward » Fri Mar 02, 2007 11:01 pm

Wonderful post IMO, Tin Soul.

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yougarksooo
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Post by yougarksooo » Fri Mar 02, 2007 11:03 pm

Tin Soul said:
Now, coming from conscious presence, I can see that all I need to do is let my real feeling from awareness come out, which is really compassion. There is no more talk inside me of what I think or what other people should think I should think of how I should react appropriately.
Wonderful. That is clear seeing. Duality right out the window.
"When people ask me who they are or who God is, I smile inside and whisper to the light: there you go again . . . pretending."

Adya

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Post by AndyD » Mon Mar 05, 2007 1:53 am

eseward wrote:
AndyD wrote:...you should react in the manner correct for the situation i.e. act according to the situation not your emotions.
I'd say this is only really possible after you have disidentified from the egoic reactions, so alert attention to those reactions is assumed. Once the disidentification has occurred, your actions will be perfect for the situation anyway.
Excellent point :) but when stated as such reads to me like an ideal in the future - "When I am disidentified from egoic reactions then I can act to the situation in appropriate manner". One acts at the time according to the situation at that moment - eventual total disidentification is something of no concern (although, as you say, will allow the former to a greater extent)

In my experience the difference is subtle but of vital importance.

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Post by eseward » Mon Mar 05, 2007 6:16 am

Sorry I haven't been able to make this clear.

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