I would like to overcome anxiety and depression

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jbm
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I would like to overcome anxiety and depression

Post by jbm » Fri Dec 14, 2007 3:35 pm

Hello everybody,

I would appreciate your time to read this and maybe offer some suggestions if you can. I am finding my present situation quite difficult to put into words.

Basically, I have been reliving an awful lot of bad memories recently. Throughout the last few years, I have dropped out of a lot of jobs and courses due to high levels of anxiety. Recently, I approached my boss and told him that I have been extremely anxious. This was effecting my physical health and I was getting next to no sleep. I told him I would like to resign (in a nutshell). He has kindly offered me a temporary kind of demotion, which is less stressful. However, I am on sick leave now for the next month and a half as the job will not come into existence until then. I don’t know if I will have the courage and strength to return to work. I obviously need the money for practical purposes.

I have been reading a lot about spirituality for the last few years. I considered myself spiritually sound until the last few months when my life seemed to fall apart. This latest setback has been a big blow, as I thought I would be able to detach myself from such horrible thoughts and feelings. The most frustrating thing is that it was me who was responsible for controlling my anxiety levels and I feel like I have failed once again. I really believed that after reading and practising what was said in the Power of Now and other spiritual books that such anxiety levels would not reoccur.

I don’t seem to have the same relationships as I once did with friends. It feels like I can’t even consider them friends as I find it very difficult to have fun. I now see myself as a very boring person who is extremely low in confidence. Not a nice way to be!! I would just like to be able to return to work without being a nervous wreck and worrying that people will be asking me questions about why I was sick for so long and why I have been demoted.

Thank you for taking the time.

Peace and love,
JBM

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Webwanderer
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Re: I would like to overcome anxiety and depression

Post by Webwanderer » Fri Dec 14, 2007 7:25 pm

Welcome to the forum JBM,

Depression and anxiety is a feedback loop or self-fulfilling energy. Your post is filled with references to “bad memories”, “horrible thoughts and feelings”, “a boring person”, “low in self confidence” etc. How could you not be depressed while living through those identifiers? How much self judgment goes into those concepts of self?

On the one hand there is nothing wrong with “having bad memories”, “horrible thoughts” and all the other debilitating concepts you mention. They are just a particular type of content within the True Being that you are. To the degree that you assume/believe they define who you are, they will continue to hold you and you will continue to experience life from the perspective of self-judging failure. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Write another post and describe what you appreciate in life, and about what you value in who you are. Be honest and at least as detailed as you were about your anxiety. What are your pleasant memories? Bring them into presence. What qualities do you appreciate in your self? Recognize them, make them the lens you see through. What do you feel grateful for? Honor it directly in your present awareness.

When considering and writing your “list of light”, notice how you feel when focused on love and gratitude. Does it not lift the heaviness, the contraction, of anxiety? You can make these your primary lenses throught which you interact with life. By doing so your experience will be transformed.

Understand, all of this is content within the Essential Being that you are. One way of being is not superior to another; one is not wrong and another right. It is just a matter of how one experiences life, that is by virture of the content held closest.

MasterDee
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Re: I would like to overcome anxiety and depression

Post by MasterDee » Sat Dec 15, 2007 1:03 am

Webwanderer wrote:Welcome to the forum JBM,

Depression and anxiety is a feedback loop or self-fulfilling energy. Your post is filled with references to “bad memories”, “horrible thoughts and feelings”, “a boring person”, “low in self confidence” etc. How could you not be depressed while living through those identifiers? How much self judgment goes into those concepts of self?

On the one hand there is nothing wrong with “having bad memories”, “horrible thoughts” and all the other debilitating concepts you mention. They are just a particular type of content within the True Being that you are. To the degree that you assume/believe they define who you are, they will continue to hold you and you will continue to experience life from the perspective of self-judging failure. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Write another post and describe what you appreciate in life, and about what you value in who you are. Be honest and at least as detailed as you were about your anxiety. What are your pleasant memories? Bring them into presence. What qualities do you appreciate in your self? Recognize them, make them the lens you see through. What do you feel grateful for? Honor it directly in your present awareness.

When considering and writing your “list of light”, notice how you feel when focused on love and gratitude. Does it not lift the heaviness, the contraction, of anxiety? You can make these your primary lenses throught which you interact with life. By doing so your experience will be transformed.

Understand, all of this is content within the Essential Being that you are. One way of being is not superior to another; one is not wrong and another right. It is just a matter of how one experiences life, that is by virture of the content held closest.

very good Webwanderer :)

for you jbm I suggest the book "Get Out of Your Mind into Your Life" by Dr. Hayes - ACT therapy. It's mind blowing book ;)

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Re: I would like to overcome anxiety and depression

Post by goatboy » Sat Dec 15, 2007 3:13 am

My suggestion is to re-read ´The power of Now´ and ´Stillness Speaks´ look at the parts where Eckhart talks about our mental stories, or life situations as opposed to ´life´
Then perhaps spend some time on your own.
You seem to have read it, understood some of it, but not all of it. It´s all there.

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Suzanne
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Re: I would like to overcome anxiety and depression

Post by Suzanne » Sat Dec 15, 2007 4:17 am

jbm wrote: I would just like to be able to return to work without being a nervous wreck and worrying that people will be asking me questions about why I was sick for so long and why I have been demoted.
JBM
If what you want is to control the reactions of others, you are guaranteed to fail. If you believe that others can make you happy or unhappy, then you're totally missing the point of Eckhart's teachings.

The choice to be a victim is easy. You are surrounded with people who make that choice every day. When you tire of this and accept that your inner world is dependent on nothing outside of you, all of this will lift.

There is no reward for "doing" what the teachers instruct. These are not magic cards that change the world around you.

You cannot overcome anxiety and depression. But you can sit in stillness and experience true peace, and realize that you are the creator of your anxiety and depression, and thus you can stop creating it. The peace is right there underneath all your self-created depression. Peace is not the future or past, it is now.

Oswald2001
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Re: I would like to overcome anxiety and depression

Post by Oswald2001 » Sun Dec 16, 2007 4:28 pm

JBM,

I don't know if this applies to you, but, this has given me some comfort.


http://www.themystic.org/dark-night/index.htm


I 'think' that this is where I am at. Nothing I have tried works, I have never felt worse, no suggestions of others works...here I am...clueless and remaining as still as possible.

I haven't worked in almost 1 year, lost a ton of money (most of my life savings) about 2 years ago, can't even do the simplest tasks (most of the time) that I used to do with ease, can't sleep without using Melatonin, etc. I have truly been 'shut down'.

At the same time, there is an underlying feeling that everything is as it should be and I am 'on track'. (Wierd, huh? :) )


It's like The Universe came in and shut the doors in my life very suddenly 2 years ago. At the time, things had never looked brighter.

I feel like I am at a similar place that Tolle, Leonard Jacobson, Byron Katie, Neale Donald Walsh, etc. described prior to their awakenings.

I can really relate to Byron Katie not being able to leave her bedroom for 2 years and sleeping on the floor and all the rest.

Today, all the above mentioned people are doing quite well and contributing mightily. So...maybe something good will come of it.

Anyway, you are not alone in what you are going through.

Some of the 'greats' have had to deal with the same type of conditions.



Hope this helps.

Good luck.

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Intel
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Re: I would like to overcome anxiety and depression

Post by Intel » Sun Dec 16, 2007 9:15 pm

Neale Donald Walsch is enlightened? I don't believe that for a second.
I would lick your feet, but is that the sickest move?

Oswald2001
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Re: I would like to overcome anxiety and depression

Post by Oswald2001 » Sun Dec 16, 2007 10:30 pm

Intel wrote:Neale Donald Walsch is enlightened? I don't believe that for a second.
Well, maybe...maybe not.

Possibly a better way to put it might be that there was a 'Dark Night of the Soul' type period involved in and/or preceeding a major 'transformative experience'. ('Awakening' or...otherwise. :) )

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Onceler
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Re: I would like to overcome anxiety and depression

Post by Onceler » Mon Dec 17, 2007 3:13 am

What caused the "shut down", Oswald2001? If you don't mind my asking...spiritual crisis?

I find the "dark night of the soul" idea interesting. In my case much of my life was miserable and I really searched for relief and found very little in anything. I was deeply depressed and anxious. Then I plataued in my 40's and am quite satisfied with life, BUT wonder if I have enough "blues" to push me into a different state of awareness or if all this is just a gradual moving into something else...

As I am increasingly satisfied, I am experiencing more presence and peace. My pain body is diminished and manageable, although the tricks are more subtle and complex. I feel/think this is true anyway. I guess each person's path is unique.

thanks for telling your story and I hope you see through the paradox you've got going on.
Be present, be pleasant.

Oswald2001
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Re: I would like to overcome anxiety and depression

Post by Oswald2001 » Mon Dec 17, 2007 5:34 am

Onceler wrote:What caused the "shut down", Oswald2001? If you don't mind my asking...spiritual crisis?
Onceler,

I honestly don't know. Things just 'shut down'.

My best guess is that I just 'ran out of time' for trying to fix my life.

Everything started going wrong. And I mean everything.

It is a spiritual crisis alright. One I may...or may not...survive.

If The Universe has something for me to do and will intervene...then I will survive. If not...ok.

One of the things that is fairly common in "The Dark Night of the Soul" experiences (from what I have read) is that, often, things will be going really great and then...and then...the whip comes down! I think of it as 'God's little Sucker Punch. 8)

That's how it happened for me. Things were really looking exceptionally fabulous. Then...WHAM!!!

I don't think that everyone goes through this necessarily.

I am 53 and have searched all my life. All my life. All of it. Pretty much 24/7.

Nothing I have done worked. I have enough 'head knowledge' for 1,000 people. Didn't do me any good. I have no answers. I have no direction except being in the now as best I can.

Some of the things I have tried:

Academics, drugs, alcohol, women, gambling, stained glass, macrame, martial arts, witches, shrinks, priests, churches, self-help books, seminars, churches, praying, cursing God, fasting, over-eating, caffeine, workaholism, doing nothing, surfing the net, alcoholics anonymous, adult children of alcoholics, past life regression, self-hypnosis, hypnotists, goals, no goals, gurus, no gurus, positive thinking, negative thinking, manifesting, not manifesting, transcendental meditation, other meditations, toast masters, dressing for success, embracing my 'inner slob', projects, community involvement, grand visionary pursuits, smoking, quit smoking, being gregarious, isolating, being resentful, forgiving, spending, saving, teaching, helping others, being self-centered, mystical experiences, music, museums, self-will, surrender, sleep learning, exercise, writing, many different jobs, trying new locations...and the list goes on...


I guess my 'crisis' is that I am at the 'end of my rope' after an entire lifetime of trying everything I could thing of. For instance, I was the only 12 year old I knew that was reading self-help books at the school bus stop. :D

At this point, I'm just looking to 'play ball' with The Universe...if there is a 'ball game' to be had.


It is interesting. I find that I am not clinging that tightly to staying on earth or that tightly to going.

I do recognize that I am in a 'kill or cure'/'sink or swim' position. I cannot go backwards and do not know how to go forward or even where 'forward' is.

My ego is getting a pretty good pasting right about now and I do see how I have needed that.


I didn't want to hijack someone else's thread. I just wanted to share where I am at unashamedly. Warts and all. Sometimes it helps others when they see that they are not the only one's that don't have perfect lives.

Bottom line for me is...that there is a well documented phenomenon known (among other things) as The Dark Night of the Soul. And it is along the path of some people.

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Onceler
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Re: I would like to overcome anxiety and depression

Post by Onceler » Mon Dec 17, 2007 1:09 pm

That's quite a list. It is interesting to note that you still have a sense of humor, despite all the troubles!

I generally don't give advice, as others on this board do better with that. The only thing that I might add is that you may need to find someone to hear you out and listen deeply until you get "behind" the story of you life.

Thanks for posting and joining this group. It can be a valuable experience.
Be present, be pleasant.

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Suzanne
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Re: I would like to overcome anxiety and depression

Post by Suzanne » Tue Dec 18, 2007 4:59 am

Oswald2001 wrote: I am 53 and have searched all my life. All my life. All of it. Pretty much 24/7.
Nothing I have done worked.
Have you tried just being?
The point of Eckhart is that it's not what you do, it's what you are, and if you are ready to become aware of the watcher of your thoughts.

You are proving all of his points. Doing something will never relieve your sense of isolation from others.


Just be. And you'll feel everything around you. Right here. Right now.

Oswald2001
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Re: I would like to overcome anxiety and depression

Post by Oswald2001 » Tue Dec 18, 2007 5:28 am

Suzanne wrote:
Oswald2001 wrote: I am 53 and have searched all my life. All my life. All of it. Pretty much 24/7.
Nothing I have done worked.
Have you tried just being?

It's come down to that.

All other options have been removed.

(Except overeating and obsessively surfing the net. :oops: )

I guess I'll just have to see what The Universe has in mind...if anything.

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Re: I would like to overcome anxiety and depression

Post by mikel » Tue Dec 18, 2007 11:44 am

oswald said

I guess I'll just have to see what The Universe has in mind...if anything.
the universe doesn't have anything in mind, it is it's eternal self right now, here in the moment, humming away sweetly. arising are the sounds in the room, the birds chirping. It is a sweet silent drone. wake up and tune in to yourself.

Oswald2001
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Re: I would like to overcome anxiety and depression

Post by Oswald2001 » Tue Dec 18, 2007 5:03 pm

mikel wrote:
oswald said

I guess I'll just have to see what The Universe has in mind...if anything.
the universe doesn't have anything in mind, it is it's eternal self right now, here in the moment, humming away sweetly. arising are the sounds in the room, the birds chirping. It is a sweet silent drone. wake up and tune in to yourself.

"The Universe loves to create."

-- Eckhart Tolle

"the universe doesn't have anything in mind,..."

-- mikel


Maybe The Universe is a mindless creator.

Whatever the case, I would love to be in alignment with The Universe.

As far as being in tune with myself goes, I have been trying to accomplish that for almost 45 years. Just about relentlessly.


Moses and the Children of Israel were only in The Wilderness 40 years. At this point, I have 'em beat. :wink:



I think the source of most Anxiety and Depression is the realization (at some level) that you are not living your own life. Your 'real' life. The life coming from being in tune to your true self and then flowing with The Universe.

Of course, what goes along with that is the knowledge that you will soon be dead and will have missed this shining golden opportunity called Life.

The loss of what could and 'should' have been.

That can get anyone depressed.

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