Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Talk about anything Tolle-related here.
HowToKnowGod
Posts: 148
Joined: Wed Jul 23, 2008 1:46 am

Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by HowToKnowGod » Wed Oct 22, 2008 1:38 am

I know this isn't completely true that I'm rude by being spiritual, but I'm curious if any of you have felt this too.

Becoming less reactive, I often just don't say things. Someone might be talking with me and I simply have nothing to say, I don't react in a way that they're used to, etc.

I think it's uncomfortable for some people, yet I just don't have the responses they're looking for. This has happened with all sorts of people in different situations, including family, work, studies, friends, anyone.

I also sometimes have virtually no inclination to stay in contact with my parents. We live hours by plane from each other, and even with Christmas coming up, I just have no urge to either go visit them nor even contact them about whether I'll be going or not. The usual thing is for my bipolar mother to call me at some point and frantically ask if I'm coming out for Xmas, and I almost always just give her the answer she doesn't want to hear, that I just don't know. Then she might worry about preparations. Should she send me a gift or keep one waiting? Should she inform other family members, or not, etc. I don't care very much, and although I think she doesn't really take this as being rude, maybe she does.

Sometimes when I'm with someone I am just quiet for long periods. Almost everyone I know is quite the opposite and if they're with someone for long periods they need to talk. I don't need to. However, I sense that they feel stressed out sometimes by the lack of "normal" human behaviour.

I've had teachers who expect a certain response, like excitement for doing something well, or disappointment for doing something poorly. Of course sometimes I do feel those ways and show it, but sometimes it's just so superficial that I find no reason to get reactive over it. Maybe I don't give the cues they're looking for and it could bother them, maybe think I'm a little slow and not quite with it.

Sometimes I'm reactive, sometimes I'm not. Maybe this seeming inconsistency also bothers some people and I may come across as rude or just weird.

Similar experiences? Thank you.

User avatar
dagobert
Posts: 96
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2008 6:12 pm

Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by dagobert » Wed Oct 22, 2008 10:53 am

Similar experiences ? totally man.
that happened to me a lot while I begun the whole presence stuff, and it still happens now.

Now I observe myself when I do this and I discovered that in fact, this was not a true "non-reaction" state but it was my mind playing the role of the "spiritual dude so present that theses things don't bother him".

Truth is, your mind believes that an awakened person won't react to this or that, and so it makes you play this role, thinking it is bringing you closer to awakening.
As you said, if you are being spiritual, you are rude, because you are not authentic.
An awaken man is not spiritual, he just is, and as he is totally accepting what is and doesn't play any role, he is genuine.

What is pure cannot be rude.

If you appear rude, you are playing a role.

HowToKnowGod
Posts: 148
Joined: Wed Jul 23, 2008 1:46 am

Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by HowToKnowGod » Wed Oct 22, 2008 1:01 pm

Sometimes I honestly don't know what to say. I feel an akward silence sometimes, but it feels forced to say something to break the silence that the other person feels uncomfortable with. I think ultimately it's their problem if they can't handle the silence, yet at the same time I feel almost blamed for not being normal enough for them. I think that weird feeling that I get is just a feeling I need to let pass through and it's probably better not to even act on it. Luckily for me I don't think many people around me think I'm "Mr. Spiritual" or anything. I don't talk spirituality except for in environments such as this one.

User avatar
Onceler
Posts: 2257
Joined: Sun Nov 11, 2007 1:35 am
Location: My house

Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by Onceler » Thu Oct 23, 2008 2:50 am

I don't think presence is ever rude. It may be interpreted as rude, but that is not the concern of being. Truth is truth, awareness is awareness.

Rudeness is not an absolute.
Be present, be pleasant.

User avatar
Sighclone
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6387
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 6:22 pm

Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by Sighclone » Thu Oct 23, 2008 5:10 am

Interesting question. If by being spiritual you mean being present, I would ask the following: Is it rude to listen intently? Is it rude to not give the expected response...remember the buddhist monk..."Is that so?" I think it is the perfect opposite of rudeness - an expression of deep respect and love.

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

innerhike
Posts: 258
Joined: Wed May 03, 2006 4:23 am

Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by innerhike » Fri Oct 24, 2008 7:27 am

If we don't give people what they want, it can be considered rude.

There is a difference between being authentic and stiff, and being authentic and compassionate.

Compassion dictates that we join people at the level they are at, meet them at their home, instead of forcing them to join us in ours.

How surrendered am I? How much have I destroyed my story of me?

To the extent that I am surrendered, perhaps to that extent I can trust in my own self.

Conflict of any kind helps us uncover more of the storyline, more of the illusion. We should be grateful for such friction.

nodoubt
Posts: 115
Joined: Tue Oct 21, 2008 10:04 am

Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by nodoubt » Sat Oct 25, 2008 3:43 pm

Good question.
Ekhart was asked this question during the webcast by Oprah. The question was how do you converse at gatherings? His response was that his conversations are quite normal.
Sometimes a little small talk goes a long way,along with being a good listener.

letitgo
Posts: 126
Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2008 9:22 pm
Location: St Louis
Contact:

Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by letitgo » Sat Oct 25, 2008 4:29 pm

As nodoubt pointed out, Eckhart is a good example of how to converse with others. Watching him interact with Oprah was what prompted me to pursue his teachings much further. You really couldn't watch those Monday night shows without seeing and understanding his authenticity. I had enjoyed the books, but seeing the compassion and total lack of ego first hand made me go back and reread some things and find this forum!

I don't know if the videos are still available in Oprah's archives, but I bet they would really help you to see this interaction if you haven't already. Maybe someone has the link.

Sincerely, Norm
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

happns
Posts: 83
Joined: Mon Sep 29, 2008 5:52 am
Location: Sunny Nelson - New Zealand

Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by happns » Sat Oct 25, 2008 11:23 pm

letitgo wrote:I don't know if the videos are still available in Oprah's archives, but I bet they would really help you to see this interaction if you haven't already. Maybe someone has the link.
Hi Norm and No Doubt... here it is...

http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahsbook ... t_watchnow

:D
Here is a new spiritual practice for you... don't take your thoughts too seriously - Eckhart from Stillness Speaks

User avatar
Hand
Posts: 103
Joined: Thu Nov 06, 2008 3:22 pm

Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by Hand » Thu Nov 06, 2008 3:29 pm

Hi all this is my first post to this forum!

Interesting discussion......

I would have thought you need to let other people know what is happening, for example if you are listening to someone and don't feel like saying anything, you have to let them know something even if it is "I see, I understand" and empathise with them - or repeat back what they are saying (even if you don't agree yourself).

I suppose the trick is to remain detached and not caught up in whatever heated discussion/argument that is going on.

If you are sitting there for ages and being silent it is polite to let the other person know "I am just being quiet and enjoying the silence/your company etc" or whatever - I think it is rude not to.

User avatar
Sighclone
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 6387
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 6:22 pm

Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by Sighclone » Thu Nov 06, 2008 8:40 pm

Welcome, Hand! Please enjoy browsing other topics and contributing more. We are kind of sticklers for correct English usage due to the large number of members for whom English is not native. We also have some rules, here:
http://eckhart-tolle-forum.inner-growth ... f=9&t=2051

Namaste, Andy
A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

User avatar
domokato
Posts: 365
Joined: Mon Nov 03, 2008 9:45 pm
Location: Bay Area, California
Contact:

Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by domokato » Thu Nov 06, 2008 9:31 pm

Yes! I have the same problem sometimes. I think the solution lies in your question (doesn't it always?). Your post seems to indicate that you have been thinking a lot about this whole dilemma, even while the conversations are happening, perhaps even during the silences. You think "is this person becoming uncomfortable?" and immediately when you think this, that person becomes uncomfortable! I've noticed it many times during my conversations. Usually my ego steps in for a single moment, even in silence, and the other person reacts with his ego immediately! Dagobert is right - you and I both have taken on the role of a "spiritual dude" whether or not others know it, and this is not how to be present.

To be present, stop worrying about what others are thinking. Be 100% confident in your stillness, and the people around you will feel this and follow. If you feel you were rude, then note this mentally and don't make the same mistake next time if you don't want to, but don't worry about not being rude (future) and don't punish yourself for being rude (past). Just stay present :)
~housecat

kayla
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Nov 06, 2008 12:48 pm

Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by kayla » Fri Nov 07, 2008 12:35 pm

great discussion here

It seems like, even asking ourselves a question about how we are perceived or whether or not we should have done or should do this or that... is the ego popping back in. Presence does not self-refer. It was there then, that way. It is here now, this way. Whatever. (Ha, just felt it again -- my ego has a lot of reactivity around "Whatever". Perfecting, perfecting, relentlessly perfecting :roll: . )

And if others respond in ways that give the impression that they think we are rude... is that their truth or ours? It is a judgment, either way, and that, too, must surely be ego.

When truly present, I find that I am non-judgmental. So many people just want someone to listen and ask simple questions and not react the way the ego does. I mostly have to remind myself to keep my own ego in the back seat. My ego loves talk so much, loves the mind and believes it can help people by engaging with them in analysis... But that's not help, it's just the dance again!

All the best,
Kayla

HermitLoon
Posts: 686
Joined: Fri May 09, 2008 7:57 pm
Location: Good Question

Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by HermitLoon » Fri Nov 07, 2008 1:17 pm

:D
Peace

User avatar
domokato
Posts: 365
Joined: Mon Nov 03, 2008 9:45 pm
Location: Bay Area, California
Contact:

Re: Do you ever feel like you're rude by being spiritual?

Post by domokato » Fri Nov 07, 2008 8:08 pm

Good points, Kayla.

Eckhart says the best way to spread the light of consciousness is to not react to the ego of others. If another person thinks you're being rude, the best thing is to not react to it with your ego, such as by feeling bad because you think they think you're rude :)

I think Eckhart converses so "normally" at gatherings because he takes on the function of a "social person" at those times, and does what he needs to to be social. It's pretty tough functioning as a "social person" because other peoples' egos tend to draw out your ego, but I think with practice you can be present and social at the same time :)

Like Eckhart says, we are playing in the world of form. You can do whatever you want as long as you're the one doing it, not your ego/mind :)
~housecat

Post Reply